Relationship Facts Vs Fiction – Unrealistic Expectations?
Relationship Facts vs relationship fallacies. We grow up watching extravagant, heart-wrenching love stories and gestures play out on screen.
So, it’s no surprise that our expectations are set very high!
We want someone to write a letter to us every day for a year and kiss us in the rain. We learn to believe that the easy and safe relationships are ‘boring’ and we strive for that never-ending passion and drama we yearned for every time we cried into our popcorn.
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However, in reality, a lot of the romantic stories we watch and read about are actually very unhealthy. Look at Ross and Rachel! We tend to think of them as one of greatest love stories in TV history but if we take a closer look, those two were pretty toxic.
Ross was constantly jealous and bedded another woman the night he and Rachel supposedly ‘broke up’ – the fact that it wasn’t even clear that they had broken up makes it even worse! Ross’ relationships with anyone else never worked out because Rachel always had to stick her oar in. It wasn’t good, people!
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It’s time to make a distinction between fact and fiction when it comes to our intimate relationships. After all, how many times are we told that life isn’t like a fairytale? Maybe it’s time for us to re-evaluate our expectations and figure out if what we think we want is based in a dreamworld or real world.
Grab a cuppa (or maybe something stronger) as we’re about to run through some unrealistic expectations and the unflattering facts about love.
Relationship Fallacy: You’re Searching For That Epic Love Story
Emma and Dexter, Chuck and Blair, Harry and Sally… the one thing they all have in common is it took them one hell of a long, winding road to finally end up together and for some, it ended in tragedy.
We are hooked by the ‘epic love story’ that plays out on the screen. Of course we are! The writers aren’t going to spend an hour and a half writing about married couples watching telly and going to Morrisons, are they? Who would tune into that?
We want to see drama and passionate fights. We want to see the attractive a-lister running through the crowded airport to convey his undying love to his soulmate before she gets on that flight and leaves forever.
When we feel that excitement and find ourselves envying the romantic love between these fictional characters, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment.
We’re watching/reading a story designed increase our heart rates and make us yearn/cry/yell because that’s what a good book and movie does! We find ourselves falling in love with a story, and that’s all it is – a story.
We’re all suckers for a hopeless tragedy.
Relationship Facts: A Good Story Doesn’t Make It A Good Relationship
Sometimes, there is a reason why on-screen relationships are drawn out for so long and full of juicy dramatic moments. Yes, because it’s entertaining to watch BUT ALSO because those couples SHOULD NOT actually be together!
A good story doesn’t necessarily mean a good relationship. A healthy relationship is based on stability, patience, understanding and a willingness to put in the work from both parties.
You should aspire to have a relationship that focuses on stability, not endless drama. If you’re planning on settling down, a consistent and healthy relationship is less likely to lead to a broken heart. Drama doesn’t always equal passion, and stable and solid doesn’t have to be ‘boring’.
Don’t spend your life searching for a fairytale. What is going to make you happy and content in the long-term? Passion and lust can go only go so far.
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Relationship Fallacy: A Relationship Will Make You Happy
We feel like there’s something missing in our lives, like we’re not whole or complete. Then, this perfect person comes along and suddenly everything is sunshine and butterflies. We have true happiness now that our soul mate has found us and we are so very much in love.
We’re like an unfinished jigsaw puzzle, craving for that final piece to fall into place. We need that perfect person to come along and then, we’ll be happy!
Relationship Facts: A Relationship Will Not Make You Happy If You Are Not Happy On Your Own
Obviously, relationships do make us happy but only when we have happiness within ourselves first. If we cannot be happy on our own, then expecting our partner to make us happy will only lead to an unhealthy attachment down the line.
The honeymoon period only lasts so long and then we’re faced with the harsh reality that life isn’t like the movies and a partner wasn’t born to serve us.
We need to develop a happy relationship with ourselves before we can have a happy relationship with someone else.
It is also important to kill the mentality of ‘I am not complete until I have found my person’. This is a toxic way of thinking and puts a tremendous amount of pressure on yourself and anyone you are dating.
Remember, you are the only person who you can depend on to make you happy. Another person, even if they do seem like ‘the one’, does not exist to complete you. They are their own person with their own needs, wants and goals from life.
They are their own jigsaw puzzle. You cannot expect them to give up a piece to complete yours. You need to complete yourself first and foremost. Then, whatever this person wants to offer is a nice extra – not something you need to make you feel ‘whole’!
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Relationships are about more than love and grand gestures. They need consistency, commitment and resilience. Find someone who makes you feel like you’re in a romantic movie even when you’re sat at home in your PJs, binging on pizza and doing absolutely nothing romantic of the sort…
…That’s where the magic truly lies!