Psychological Signs He’s A Player
By Anna Collins
9 months ago
1. He has a lot of gorgeous female friends
Image source/ RedditOkay so the guy can't help it if he has gorgeous friends. But if he seems like he's friends with the entirety of Victoria Secret's Angels then it's pretty clear that it is no coincidence. Your guy is a player who is relishing the fact that he's surrounding himself in beautiful female company.
2. He's often 'showboating'
Image source/ Pinterest
Never believe what you see on the surface. You can see diamonds, rose petals, all of the showy things but there might actually be nothing good or loving about the relationship underneath it all. So don't be blinded by the flattery or the gifts because what really matters is how someone treats you as a person.
3. He goes out partying a lot
Image source/ RedditThere's nothing wrong with partying. But it's often a lifestyle we stereotypically associate with players. Because if your guy is out clubbing every night with a load of girls - it could be because he's a player and he's only interested in getting as much female attention as possible.
4. He's always surrounded by girls on social media
Image source/ RedditWe get it, everybody has a past. But nobody wants to see the guy dating surrounded by gorgeous girls, arm in arm with ladies you've never laid ayes on before. This is a clear sign your guy may indeed be a player. Naturally we prefer a one girls kinda guy.
5. He avoids seeing you on the weekends
Image source/ RedditIf we're together then we're together - none of this I'll be free in the week but I can't see you on the weekends. And why are players 'busy' on the weekends? Because this is their prime time to pick up girls. And having you, their unofficial girlfriend with them is really going to cramp their style. Big time.
6. He's always on his phone and is secretive about it
Image source/ RedditNowadays phones are often at the core of our relationship or situationship issues. What's so secretive on your phone that you have to answer whispered voice notes or only open your messages when I'm out of the room? The answer is probably all of those girls he's messaging on social media.
7. He'll try and get intimate almost as soon as you're together
Image source/ RedditThe thing is with players, they're not in it for the long haul so they're not willing to put in the graft. They won't hang around when it comes to trying it on and trying to get intimate as quick as possible. They aren't there to wine and dine you. It's far less romantic than that unfortunately.
8. He'll message late at night asking you to go round
Image source/ RedditWe've all heard of the bootycall. And make sure that's not what your guy is doing because nobody wants to be just that if there's feelings involved. If they keep messaging at 12AM saying 'you up?' or 'I'm still awake, wanna come round?' then I'm afraid to say they're a player who is using you at his convenience.
9. He avoids the 'what are we' talk
Image source/ RedditThe 'what are we talk' gets a lot of stick. But come on, we all need to know where we stand with someone, especially when they have not made it clear! So if the guy you are dating won't answer the question and won't tell you that you're their official girlfriend then girl...he's a player!
10. He's often vague about what he's doing and where he is
Image source/ RedditYou: 'Hey, where are you do you want to hang out?' Him: 'Nowhere, just out and about...I'm a bit busy at the moment catch you later.' There's a reason they don't want you to know where they are. They could be a player, at the house of another girl rather than with you.
11. He won't introduce you to his family
Image source/ RedditIf they're a player then the likelihood is that they are not going to want you to get to know their family. Because if they have no intention of you sticking around, why would they want you getting attached to their family? There's only so many girls you can introduce to Grandma after all.
12. He'll suddenly disappear and won't contact you for periods of time
Image source/ RedditThey'll be messaging you non stop one minute and then they'll disappear for days on end without so much as a message. This is a sure sign your guy is a player, because, they are probably preoccupied with someone else. Then, they will come crawling straight back.
13. And he knows all the right things to say to you
Image source/ RedditSimilarly, when they know exactly what to say in every moment then you know it's just words. Words they've practised on thousands of girls before you. When someone starts proclaiming that you are the most beautiful girl in the world to ever exist, it may be true, but it may not be sincere.
14. He's not interested in getting to know you as a person
Image source/ TODAYIf you are with a player rather than a guy who loves you for you, then they are not interested in actually getting to know you as a person. They don't care about your hobbies or your interests. They will be solely interested in your physical aspects, not getting to know you on a deeper level!
15. He leaves you on read, sometimes for days at a time
Image source/ RedditIs there anything more infuriating than being ghosted? Nope. Come one, it literally takes TWO minutes to reply. So if your guy does this regularly to you, then I'm sorry to say that they do not care about you. This is a massive red flag because everybody has a second to reply.
16. He cancels your plans last minute
Image source/ pinterestFlakiness is a huge red flag. Everybody has times where they genuinely cannot live up to their plans due to unforeseen circumstances. But you know full well that if this guy keeps blowing you off, they're doing it because they've got what they see as a 'better offer'.
17. He rarely takes you on dates
Image source/ RedditEvery girl wants to be wined and dined, dated and taken on romantic and thoughtful dates. We all have that vision of being whisked off our feet in some passionate whirlwind romance. But when they're a player they can never live up to this. The best you might get is a booty call never mind a candlelit sunset dinner!
18. His phone is constantly buzzing
Image source/ RedditWho is that popular? How can your phone be buzzing every single second? Are they a celebrity? No, they're most likely a player. Girls are probably sliding into their DMs left right and centre. So this guys not for you. Move on before you get seriously played.
19. He dodges important questions
Image source/ RedditBeing upfront and honest is the basis for any healthy relationship. So if you can't get a straight answer out of this guy then things aren't looking good - it's a definite red flag. When you ask an important question and they dodge it, it likely means that they are hiding something from you!
20. He gaslights you
Image source/ RedditGaslighting is never okay. It's a serious sign that someone is trying to control you and emotionally manipulate you. So as soon as there's even a hint of a guy gaslighting you...run for the hills! He's definitely not the dream boy or the one for you!
21. He doesn't let you sleep over
Image source/ RedditThere's a huge difference between when you are intimate with a guy and you sleep over for the night, than when you're intimate and they hurry you out the house straight afterwards. One is completely impersonal, the other shows they actually enjoy your company. We all know which is which.
22. He's SUPER charming and smooth
Image source/ RedditYeah, we all like to hear what we want to hear. But actually, the truth is better. When someone is super smooth it kind of suggests that they've done this a million times before to lots and lots of girls. So maybe you want someone who is less practised in the charm and it just an all round good guy.
23. He never remembers the things you've told him about yourself
Image source/ RedditWhen you've opened up about something meaningful to you, shared stories of your past or been very true with your feelings it's a complete lack of care or respect to you if he totally forgets. It's got nothing to do with his memory, and everything about his priorities. And with this player - you aren't one of them!
24. He will not show you on social media
Image source/ RedditMaybe he's just not on social media. Okay, that might be true in some cases. But if he posts stories and pictures with everyone else but you, then there's your answer. He doesn't want to be seen with you because he doesn't want his other girls to know he's with you.
25. He always has to be the centre of attention
Image source/ RedditPlayers often crave attention and they make sure that they are always the centre of attention. This suits their 'player' ways, because the attention of one woman is not enough for them to be satisfied. And it carries over in other aspects of their lives.
26. He's very different in public than in private
Image source/ RedditConsistency is key. Nobody wants to be guessing which version of the guy they are dating you'll get today. Is he super different in private to how he is in public. Maybe in private he's all over you, showering you in affection. In public he probably keeps his distance in case he's spotted by someone else he's also playing.
27. He plays mind games and enjoys them
Image source/ RedditMind games are not healthy for anyone, nor are they fun. So if your guy is playing mind games and not just being upfront and honest with you then it's a huge red flag! Mind games are a players best friend. So watch out for the warning signs when you see them and avoid getting your heart broken.
28. He love bombs you
Image source/ RedditLove bombing is when someone overly showers you with love and affection, compliments, flattery - the whole lot. But the thing is, it's fake. It's just a method to reel you in with fake words and promises and you'll find that actually the words were empty and meaningless.
29. He thinks everyone wants him
Image source/ RedditThe thing about players is they are full of self confidence. They are sure of their appeal and that is why they have the nerve to lead multiple women on at a time. They think they are irresistible and that they can get away with playing with women's real emotions and feelings.
30. He will never talk about the future with you or make commitments
Image source/ Reddit
The last thing a player will want to do is make future plans. There's no way they will book that holiday with you in 6 months time because they have no intention of being with you. They may also brush you off when you start talking about the future or start talking about your life together.
31. He guards his phone with his life
Image source / Reddit
You're entitled to privacy when it comes to your own phone, but if you've nothing to hide it doesn't matter so much if your screen is on display on the side of the couch or coffee table. If he instead guards his phone like it's Gollum protecting the ring, it's a sign that his phone is the only thing that matters to him when it comes to protecting his secret - i.e., that he's a player.
32. His phone vibrates very late at night
Image source / Reddit
You're never going to get messages from friends or family members at stupid o'clock unless it's an emergency. So if his phone seems to blow up only after the hours of 11pm, it can only mean the people messaging him are drunk/flirty/horny or people he's late-night texted before for hook ups.
33. He always makes sure to never go to the same venue as you - "by accident"
Image source / Reddit
He makes the effort to keep track of where you are and what you're doing - not because he wants to keep tabs on you, but because he wants to make sure he's never in the same place. And of course, it'll all be by complete accident that he does this, and not because he doesn't want to bump into you because he's with someone else.
34. You become background noise when other women are around
Image source / Reddit
Do you find yourself getting along and having a laugh when you're out shopping or enjoying a coffee when suddenly he stops listening to you, blanks you or gives you blunt answers? Could it be because an attractive woman has just walked by and he's now focusing on someone else, or doesn't want the other woman to think he's with you?
35. He's suspicious of you and gets jealous easily
Image source / Reddit
Players, liars and manipulators will always see the worst in people - because they know that they lie and cheat, so everyone else is likely to as well. This means that a player is more likely to be suspicious of what you're up - because they know what they're up to. You might find they get jealous very easily because they think you're lying to them or cheating on them.
36. He doesn't elaborate about what he does when you're not around
Image source / Here Are Things I Like
When you're in a developing relationship with someone, you're going to have chit chat about hobbies and what you've been up to during down time. But a player won't want you to know anything you don't need to know, and they won't go into detail about what they've been doing at the weekend or days off. When you ask about their day they might just say '"fine, thanks" with no elaboration.
37. He's got a TON of exes
Image source / Reddit
It's always a red flag when someone has a pile of exes, because it either means something is wrong with them in terms of commitment, they've been dumped because they're an awful partner, or they're incapable of having just one partner. If he has a high number count for exes, it's a sign he jumps from one person to another.
38. He focuses way too much on his appearance
Image source / Reddit
If he's a vain guy who likes to look good, you have to wonder who he's trying to look good for. Some people can just care about their appearance too much even if they're loyal, but a player is more likely to because they're looking for a new hook up or looking to stay attractive to new people. They do their best to look good.
39. And he only focuses on his appearance when he's going out
Image source / Reddit
A good indicator for whether he's just overly keen on his appearance or if he's on the lookout for women is whether he makes an effort when he's alone with you. If he always cares about his appearance no matter what, even when you're just lounging on the sofa, it's a sign he's a bit vain in general. But if he only ever makes an effort when he's going out and not when he's alone with you, he's obviously doing it to catch the attention of people in public.
40. He never, ever introduces you to his friends
Image source / Reddit
Introducing someone to family is one thing - introducing to friends is another. If he has a bunch of friends that you've never, ever met and maybe don't even know you exist, it's a sign he's keeping you at a distance from his nearest and dearest because he's not serious about the relationship. Or maybe one of his friends is even an ex or someone he's hooking up with.
41. He's cheated on you before
Image source / Reddit
Some people in committed relationships cheat just once. It means they're disloyal, sure, but not necessarily a player overall. But if he's cheated on you, it's more likely he'll do it again, has already done it, or done it to a ton of other people. As the saying goes, once a cheater always a cheater.
42. You actually started out through cheating
Image source / Reddit
You may have actually met this person and hooked up with them in the first place because they were cheating. Maybe you were the other woman and they left their other partner to be with you. This is never a good way to start out, because if they got with you because they cheated in the first place, chances are they're going to do the same to you.
43. He won't give you a straight answer when you ask if he's dating other people
Image source / Reddit
This one's particularly annoying because why doesn't he just say "yeah, I am, I don't want to be exclusive". But instead a player will always dodge the question and be as vague as possible if you ask whether he's seeing other people. He might even turn it around on you defensively, like, "why are you asking?".
44. Or he says he hasn't seen any other people "recently"
Image source / Reddit
Another fun response can be the way they say that they haven't seen any other women recently, or in the past few weeks. As though they're surprised at they're own commitment to only date you over the course of two weeks. If they're acting loyal or surprised by saying they haven't dated anyone else in a few short weeks, it obviously shows that usually they've seen many women over a fortnight!
45. He's weird about you leaving stuff at his house
Image source / Reddit
There's always the chance he's just not ready for that, or worried about commitment in terms of moving in together or having you take over a drawer. But if he's oddly weird, strict or even angry about you leaving stuff at his out on display, it can be a sign it's because you're not the only person he invites round, and he doesn't want other women to see your stuff.
46. He finds physical contact with other women very easy
Image source / Wittyduck
Someone in a committed relationship with one woman won't take naturally to being in physical contact with other women. So if he looks a little too comfortable hugging other women, whispering in their ear in clubs or being a bit too touchy feely, it means they're very comfortable being physical with women because they're so used to it - they do it all the time, after all.
47. He only speaks badly about his exes
Image source / Reddit
Another red flag is when a partner only ever speaks badly about an ex. Sure, you can have a horrible ex who treated you badly and it's valid if you want to mention that. But constantly going on and on about an ex, or saying that every single ex you've had was a terrible person, is a bit suss. It shows that not only has he had a lot of failed relationships, he has a lack of respect for these women and it's likely he'll talk about you in the same way.
48. He won't give you a key to his place (or doesn't want you there when he's not)
Image source / Reddit
If you've been dating a while, it's a natural step to maybe be at his place when he's not or to drop by unexpectedly. Maybe even be given a key to let yourself in if you're seeing each other and he's still at work. But if he doesn't want this at all, there has to be a reason for it. And it's likely because they'll either be another woman already there/maybe stopping by, or he might have something out, like another women's clothes.
49. He never gives a reason why he can't meet up
Image source / Reddit
"Sorry babe, can't meet up tonight because I have to work late" or "I might be late because of bad traffic" are not excuses ever given. He never, ever gives a reason why he's delayed or why he can't make it. All you ever get is "I'm busy" or "I can't do that" without an explanation why. And that's probably because he's busy being a player but doesn't want to lie to you, so it's easier not to give a reason.
50. He can talk his way out of absolutely anything
Image source / Reddit
Really, it's a true skill. You have to respect him for that. No matter the situation, he can talk his way out of it. He always has an answer for everything: a smart mouth. You can't catch him out, because he always has an answer ready. If his answers are a little too perfect and a little too practised, it's probably because they're lies.
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