Signs Your Childhood Is Affecting Your Relationships

You have a fear of abandonment

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Even if they don't realize it, children who were neglected or abandoned by a parent or carer battle with abandonment issues well into adulthood. While there's the paralyzing worry that your partner will eventually leave, the moods surface in daily life, such as when a partner leaves the house alone and you are worried or find it difficult to calm yourself.

You've become self-reliant

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You might have been forced to fend for yourself as a child, cooking for yourself or your siblings, making sure that you were the one who got yourself ready for school. If this is the case for you, you may notice that when you get into a relationship, you rely on yourself to make yourself feel good, when it should be a joint effort.

You stay with someone longer than you should

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Sometimes it feels safer to stay with someone who is not a good fit for us than to be alone ourselves. While it's similar to having a fear of abandonment, you might outstay your welcome in an abusive or bad relationship that's effecting your mental health.

You are often a victim in relationships

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It's believed that kids who were raised in chaotic and intense environments can become a victims or controllers in the future. If you were compliant, scared, and subservient as a child, you could potentially become a victim in the future. Victims learn to put up with the intolerable as they become older.

You're an avid people-pleaser

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If you've become a people-please as an adult, it might be that as a child you attempted to behave well so as to calm your irate parents. Some children in this setting develop extraordinary self-control to make up for a rebellious, or unwell siblings too.

You get irritated easily by others

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If you were constantly scolded as a child or observed others being criticized, you begin to think that this is a normal way of communicating your resentment in interpersonal interactions. Our relationships become the targets of our intolerance when we realize that our flaws and peculiarities are intolerable.

You need a lot of time to yourself

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Children who grow up in chaotic or unexpected environments generally experience higher levels of stress. As an adult, you might feel the need for a lot of alone time to relieve your worry and anxieties. Being at home, where you have control over your environment, makes you feel safer and gives you time to unwind.

You're hypersensitive to rejection

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It can happen that parents can overlook us as children, meaning that we get rejected and struggle to deal with those emotions. This can translate to us in adulthood, where everything is question because of our hypersensitivity to feeling like we just aren't good enough.

You don't share equal household responsibilities with your partner

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You refuse to rely on a partner because of your fears of having to depend on someone other than yourself. You might not want them to have some domestic responsibilities because your childhood taught you that you can only do everything yourself, so you shouldn't trust anybody else.

You're worried about sharing finances with your significant other

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Similarly to the above, you might also have a fear of sharing financial responsibilities with your partner too. It can come in fear of the other person exploiting your finances, and this can come from your childhood. If you parents often abused each other's money, or yours, then there's your answer.

You settle for less than you deserve

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If you grew up in a household exposed to drug addiction, mental illness or death, then it may have transpired into your adulthood. Adults who have experienced these often find themselves settling for less than they deserve, and use these issues as excuses for poor treatment. Know your self-worth.

You can feel yourself becoming a controlling person

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Kids who struggle with their temper learn to defend themselves by exerting control over others. As adults, they make a commitment to themselves to never again experience the suffering they did as children. Because it is scary, anger is the only emotion that controllers can safely display, thus becoming a controlling person.

You and your partner are constantly arguing

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All partnerships have conflict, but children who grew up in homes where carers frequently quarreled or who actively avoided conflict fail to develop the communication skills required for effective and healthy communication. This includes how to navigate and handle conflict in healthy and beneficial ways.

You don't know how to approach your significant other after a fight

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When we don't understand how to manage conflict constructively and healthily, we also don't know how to mend a relationship following disagreements that arise. This may manifest as denying what occurred, failing to recognize when or how to reach a compromise, or being mute.

You jump from relationship to relationship quickly

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Jumping into a relationship when you've freshly broken up brings about anxieties over being left alone, or even a desire to earn the care and love you didn't have as a youngster. Each new partner brings fresh hopes that you are deserving of the love and companionship you are lacking,

You're scared of committing to a person

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You might have an innate fear of commitment which relates back to the kind of childhood you experienced. If you witnessed your caregivers move through relationships quickly, it might have had an adverse impact on your adulthood, making it harder to form committed connections.

You avoid conflict at any cost

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While in some cases there can be a lot of arguments occurring in relationships in your life, other people may feel that they must avoid conflicts at any costs. This can mean that you are sacrificing elements of your happiness just to avoid any conflict at all. If this is you, take a look inward and think about whether you experienced a turbulent childhood.

You avoid relationships altogether

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If you feel like you are avoiding relationships at any cost, whether platonic or romantic, you might have come from a performance-based environment that valued independence and discouraged the voicing of wants or feelings. As a result, you avoid neediness and emotions when working with a loved one.

You constantly try to change your partner

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This is a trauma response that results from the conviction that we must make the most of what we have. Children learn to make use with what they have because they have no control over who their caretakers are. This habit frequently persists as we get older and spills over into our romantic relationships, leading us to want our partners to change in order to allay our own relationship anxieties.

Relationships give you major anxiety

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Anxiety is a normal feeling to have, and actually is important for us to have. However, there can be instances where anxiety takes over our lives, commonly rooted in intense, unpredictable childhood trauma. If your childhood was sporadic and inconsistent, it could be a reason as to why you feel so anxious.

You don't want to get married

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If your parents fought frequently but yet managed to carry on, you might assume that this is how couples communicate even when they are unhappy. Perhaps your parents were afraid of getting divorced or, for other reasons, didn't want to lose one another despite their unhappiness.

You give up easily

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Giving up can sometimes just feel like the easiest thing to do, and there's a number of reasons for us to do it. We don't have the energy, what's the point anyway? Look toward your inner self to see if the reason you give up so easily is because you were never taken seriously as a child, and your efforts were always dampened.

You are ashamed of your feelings

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Experiencing childhood trauma might teach you that emotions should be disregarded or that it's acceptable to show your emotions in a way that makes other people uncomfortable. Perhaps you were taught to be ashamed of your feelings because it was incorrect to feel a certain way. Some parents shout and scream which is quite upsetting for the child to hear.

You withdraw from people easily

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When you get hurt in a relationship, you find that you retreat or shut down. You believe that you are unable to control your emotions, so you act in a way that appears natural or secure to you, provides you comfort. You engage in unhealthy habits like drinking or using drugs as a natural method to block off your emotions.

You lash out uncontrollably

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Because of how you learned to survive and defend yourself when you felt threatened as a kid, you also strike out at your partner. You might scream, say, or do the same unpleasant things you heard as a child. How often have you told yourself that you don't want to be like your parents?

You're always feeling on edge

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You have an anxiousness in and fear of having faith in and letting go of control in your life, making it difficult for you to feel at ease. You feel at peace when you are in control. The terrible experiences you haven't been able to cope with from childhood, you hate the idea of being vulnerable.

You can't help but feel lonely

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If you were abandoned as a child, you might always feel deeply alone, even when you're surrounded by those that love you. You can feel a strong anxiety that, like your parents, your lover will eventually leave you or that they will suffer the same changes in their feelings for you as your parents did.

You feel like you aren't lovable

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Due to things like divorce or trauma you endured as a child, you might also consider yourself unlovable. You can feel afraid of being rejected if your parents struggled with drugs and alcohol or wasn't there for you. When your partner rejects you, the need for approval is activated, which can result in harmful behaviors like being vengeful and looking for ways to harm them.

You struggle to express your emotions

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It's normal to feel uncomfortable about expressing yourself, but if it's something you seriously can't do, it's possible that you underwent physical, environmental or emotional trauma as a child. When you go through a traumatic situation, you could find it difficult to express, recognize, and control your emotions.

You can't articulate your thoughts well

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Sometimes, we want to express our thoughts and emotions but just can't seem to figure out how to express them properly, or articulate ourselves. You might've come from a household where you parents expressed their love in different ways, rather than actually saying it.