Signs You Are A Bad Parent

By Juliet Smith 9 months ago

You don't take adequate care of them

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This especially applies to younger kids and can constitute a lot of things. It might mean not bathing them as often as you should, neglecting dietary needs, not making sure they have access to clean clothes. Obviously, these things aren't always easy to provide, but we should be making an effort.

You put your own needs before your child's

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Okay, while we should always take care of ourselves, even if we are parents, it doesn't mean that we should neglect the needs of our children. So if you would rather go out and get your nails done than see your child's play... yeah... I've got news for you.

You constantly criticize your child's choices

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Listen, it's your child's right to have freedom to choose whatever they want to do (to an extent) so don't judge them for choosing a random topic in school, reading nerdy literature, or wearing bizarre clothes. Instead, we should be encouraging our kids to be their authentic selves.

You tell your child to do something, then get mad when they do it badly

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If you're going to ask your child to do something you should accept that there's no way they're going to do it right first time. If you get mad at them because of that, that's your problem. If you wanted it doing well the first time you should have done it yourself.

You never listen to them

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This applies when your child is speaking and not speaking too. Sometimes, our children are communicating through ways other than speech, such as changes in behavior, their attitude, their actions, if you've noticed something, listen to the signs and be there for them.

You live your life through the choices of your kid

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You shouldn't force your child to do something just because it's something that you would've loved to do as a child. For example, making them take piano lessons, or art classes. Instead, embrace their own talents and interests, you never know how far they might go.

You rely on them to do the cooking

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Okay, so fair enough, sometimes we need to make the older kids pull their weight a little bit. It's only fair, and you don't always get time to whip up a big family meal. So, yes, it's right to ask your child to help out. But that's it, help out, don't rely on them to provide for your other kids, it's not fair.

You never make time for them

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Making time for your kids is crucial if you want to make sure that you have a strong, long-lasting bond. I know it can be hard with work, chores, social life, but even setting aside half an hour an evening to sit with your kid and go through homework with them will make all the difference.

You expect your child to do all the housework

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Chores and housework should be split between the adults and the kids. The children should have some responsibility so they can learn and develop. However, if you rely on your children to do all the cleaning in the house, that's the sign of bad parenting.

They're not your number one priority

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Listen, if you've had kids, they should become your number one priority, and that's a fact. It's an undisputed truth. So if you find yourself prioritizing things like work or partners over your kids, you need to take a look at yourself in the mirror. Make some changes.

You never compliment or reward your children

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While your children shouldn't always need rewarding, praising them for their hard work will never do any harm. If you've noticed that they're putting in some effort at school, kept on top of their chores or hell actually woke up for school on time, then praise them.

You suppress your child's opinions

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It's healthy and good to let your child form their own opinions of things. It encourages responsibility, freedom and accountability. Just because their opinion might differ to yours, it doesn't mean you have to put them down for it. That's not how this works.

You make them do things they don't want to do

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Okay, so I know, sometimes we have to get our children to do things that they don't wanna do. Whether it be chores or bathing, sometimes our kids can be annoyingly rebellious... it's just how you deal with it. Instead of forcing punishment, give them the illusion of choice: "Will you be showering this morning or this afternoon?"

You embarrass them in front of their friends

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This might be down to a bit of a control thing. You might find yourself bursting in on your kid and their friend's playing video games, and shout at them to do something, humiliating them in front of their friends. It's never the right way to go about something and will always end badly.

You exaggerate stories about them to your family and friends

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Okay, so I know, sometimes we have to get our children to do things that they don't wanna do. Whether it be chores or bathing, sometimes our kids can be annoyingly rebellious... it's just how you deal with it. Instead of forcing punishment, give them the illusion of choice: "Will you be showering this morning or this afternoon?"

You shout at them regularly

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There's other ways of getting through to your kids without having to shout at them. If you can, you should take a calmer approach. Shouting will create a hostile environment and your kid might grow to resent you because of it. Be mindful of how you are speaking.

You're always right because you're the adult

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Just because you're the adult, it doesn't mean you're always right. While you might think that's true, every bit of your kid is convinced that they are right too, so you are both just polar opposites. You should learn to compromise with your kids, agree to disagree, or try to see things from their perspective.

You invalidate your child's feelings regularly

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You should never invalidate your child's feelings. Whatever your child is going through is valid, even if you do think it's sensitive or petty, to them it feels a lot worse than that. So instead of telling them to grow up, try sitting to speak to them on the same level.

You use that classic line: "I told you so."

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The number one way to start an argument with your kid: "I told you so." Yes, they know you said not to do that stupid thing, but they've gone and done it now. They know you were right and they've learned from their mistakes, so just don't rub salt in the wound.

You never apologize to your child (even when you're in the wrong)

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Owning up to your own mistakes and accepting responsibility is a great way to teach your children about accountability. If you know that you've done something wrong to hurt them, you should always apologize, they'll respect you a lot more for that, trust me.

You guilt trip your children

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If you're wanting something from your child, don't guilt trip them into it. For example, these are times that you might say "You don't think I've been a good parent do you," in an argument as it's making it seem like you're the victim and guilt-tripping your children into siding with you.

Insisting you know your children better than they know themselves

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If you're insisting that you know your child better than they know themselves, you're asking to be hated. You should never assume that you know your child inside out. Odds are they've probably hidden some secrets from you in their lifetime.

You gaslight your children

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If you've ever flipped out, smashed a glass then blamed it on the noise or stress your children are causing... yeah that's gas-lighting. You are responsible for your own behaviors which means that you shouldn't be gas-lighting your kids into thinking that they're to blame.

You don't acknowledge that your kid can have a bad day too

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Kids have bad days too you know. It might be different to yours, but they can come home from school after a bad day, hell I remember many of those. Just make sure you don't go too hard on them for having a down day, you need to accept that they're human too.

You're constantly threatening your child

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Threats don't always work. So don't just threaten to call the police and not do anything, or ground them and not do anything. Take some action, make them see the consequences of irresponsible actions, educate them and praise them for turning their lives around.

You openly have favorites among your kids

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While parents most often do have favorites among their kids, they shouldn't always let that be seen. Parents should treat all of their children equally and fairly if they want to avoid the resentment of the siblings who felt "forgotten" as children...

You'd buy cigarettes and alcohol before food

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I think this is pretty self-explanatory. Don't get me wrong, addiction is a disease, but putting your addiction before the needs of your child is a crazy move and will only have negative implications of you as a parent. It can be hard to fix this yourself, so seek help when you need it.

You call your child names and make them feel stupid

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You shouldn't be cursing at your children and calling them names. Firstly, that's child behavior, and how do you expect them to learn and develop into reasoned adults. Secondly, it's detrimental to their self-esteem. If their own parent thinks they're stupid, then everyone must.

You use your kid as an intermediary between you and your ex-partner

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Just because you and your ex-partner have split, doesn't mean that you should both pass messages to each other through your child. That's a major sign of bad parenting. Instead, you should put your differences aside and speak to them directly about any issues.

You demand respect, rather than earn it

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You've heard it time and time again... respect is earned, not demanded, and that goes for your kids too. If you don't give them a reason to respect you, likelihood is that they never will. So maybe you should start by looking at how you can earn their respect properly.

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