Signs You Are Both Ready To Be Parents

1. You know why you want to have children

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This can be a tricky question to answer - but do you actually know why you're having children? Of course, every couple's answer will be different, but if you can genuinely say why you want to take the big leap to having kids, this is a good sign that you're both ready to be parents.

2. You're both responsible

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Being a parent requires responsibility. That sounds obvious, but often, couples don't quite realise the levels of responsibility it takes to be good parents. You're entirely responsible for your newborn's life those first few years - there's no dropping the ball here. Can you give up part of your life to care for another? If the answer's unequivocally yes, then you're ready.

3. You have stable income

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It's just a fact: having a child is ridiculously expensive. In fact, analysts estimate that the cost of raising a child to the age of 21 is around $300,000

. So, if you want your child to have everything that it needs, and still leave room for emergencies and enjoying your own life, then you need to have a stable income.

4. You feel good emotionally

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Having children comes with a multitude of emotions. Just in the first few years of their life you'll likely experience pain, anger, frustration, joy, relief, and guilt. If you're someone who already struggles with emotions, or finds it distressing to communicate your own needs and feelings, then you might not be ready for the emotional commitment of a child.

5. You can deal with heartbreak

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As we've mentioned, children can cause so many emotions - and one of the biggest is heartbreak. As soon as they're born, you dedicate your life to raising them, and that commitment and joy can come with sadness. The moment you see them leave for school for the first time, the moment when you realise they're no longer a baby... that can be hard to take.

6. You're in good health

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It goes without saying, but pregnancy takes a huge toil on the body. You're growing new life for nine months, and to do that you also have to deal with the side effects, some of which, in rare cases, could be life-threatening. So, it really helps if you're in good health. If you're struggling with health issues at the moment, it might be worth waiting to improve your health before you try.

7. You can take care of yourself

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Children need caring for - that's obvious. But can you care for yourself? You and your partner can't be good parents without also caring for yourselves, and making sure you're in the best health - physically and emotionally. There's also the question of those times when your partner might not be around (because of work or other commitments). Are you physically and emotionally able to care for someone else as well as yourself? Then you're ready.

8. You have a good support system around you

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While many parents do raise their children without outside help, it can be a huge boost to your resilience and mental wellbeing if you have a support system around you. What happens if you get sick and can't care to the best of your ability? Or when you simply need a break from parenting? It can really help to have that support system of friends or family around you.

9. You have no doubts

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Okay - no parent is without doubts. To say otherwise is simply untrue. However, if your doubts are genuinely overpowering your excitement to have a child, then it might be time to put the brakes on. If you're doubting that much, you're probably not ready. On the other hand, if your joy and excitement make your doubts seem like nothing, you might be ready.

10. You can deal with lack of sleep

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Among all the pain of new parenthood, the lack of sleep is a big one to deal with. Trying to get your newborn to sleep is a huge mission, and one that won't always go well, no matter how hard you try. If you're used to surviving on just a few hours sleep, you're definitely ready.

11. You feel physically and emotionally strong

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Being ready for pregnancy and parenthood means knowing that every part of your body is ready for the strain of having a child. As we've mentioned, that means knowing that you're healthy and ready to grow a child inside your body, but also being emotionally strong and ready for those lows as well.

12. You're ready for the icky side of parenting

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As much as 'mummy influencers' like to pretend, parenting isn't all about cute outfits and long, slow walks in the park with your baby. There's most definitely a gross side, too. So, if you know you can't deal with endless sick, poop, wee, and other frankly disgusting bodily functions, then you're probably not ready for parenthood.

13. You know it'll be hard

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For many parents, it's easy to overlook the pain because of the joy of raising a child. However, you can't go into parenthood thinking only about how happy it'll make you - because that won't be true for a lot of the time. Raising a child is hard, and you should be prepared for that, too.

14. You can handle getting advice all the time

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Parenthood brings out something in other people. As you'll find out, almost everyone (from your parents to your parents-in-law, neighbours, and strangers) will want to tell you what you're doing wrong, or what you should change about how you're raising your child. If you're ready to ignore the outside voices and stay true to yourself, then you're ready to be a parent.

15. You want to dedicate your life to someone else

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Having a child is an almost sacrificial act. You have to be prepared to give up a little of yourself, and your old life, to raise your child. That means fewer romantic holidays with you and your partner, fewer date nights, less time spent on your own. While all of this is possible in some cases, you're really dedicating your life to raising another human. If you're not ready to do this, you might have to rethink having kids.

16. You've done the pet test

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The pet test is a popular marker for whether you and your partner are ready to be parents. Although a pet is really nothing like a child, it can give you a good benchmark for caring for something together and being a bit more selfless. So, if you've got a cat or dog and it's gone well, then maybe it is time to have a child.

17. You're ready to be a teacher

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Parents have to fulfil so many roles: caregiver, mentor, doctor, and teacher. In the early months and years of your child's life, you're the one who instills the habits that will allow them to grow into successful people. If you've never thought of yourself as a teacher, or fancied that as a career role, then maybe being a parent isn't for you.

18. You're both certain this is what you want

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It's no good if only one of you wants to be a parent. You can't pretend that you're going to be able to change your partner's mind (or that they will change yours.) The best sign that you're ready to be parents is if you're both genuinely certain that this is the step you want to take in your relationship.

19. You can handle the unexpected

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You just can't tell what life will throw at you when you become a parent. You have no idea who your child will grow up to be, what their personality will be like, what interests they will have. That means every step is into the unknown, so you and your partner need to be ready to take those steps together.

20. You feel good in your relationship

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If your relationship is on a bit of rocky ground, don't think a child will magically make everything better. Before you even think about having children, you need to be confident that you and your partner are in this together, and you feel good about where you are. Otherwise, you might be setting yourself up for disaster.

21. You don't get annoyed by tantrums

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There's nothing worse than being in a cafe, or on a flight, or in a cinema, and the only thing you can hear is someone's child having a tantrum - right? Of course, it's slightly different when it's your own child freaking out, but if you just can't bear the thought of a screaming child, you're probably not ready to have your own.

22. You and your partner are on the same page

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Having a child means you're going to have confront some pretty big questions with your partner. Are you going to raise them in a religion? With a certain diet? What's the most important principle you want them to know? It's not helpful if you and your partner aren't on the same page about these things in the first place.

23. You've talked about childcare arrangements

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This is another thing that many budding parents don't think about carefully before having children. How are you going to divide up childcare? Who is going to go back to work and who is going to care for the child at home? Or are you going to get a full-time nanny? If you haven't spoken about this beforehand, then you're probably not ready.

24. You (or your partner) have a job that's flexible enough

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It can really help take some of the stress out of parenting if at least one of you has a job that allows for some flexibility. This can mean that you spend less on childcare, and save precious dollars. Not to mention, it will make you less stressed about what's going to happen if one of you is flexible!

25. You both know which values are important

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This certainly relates to the point about you and your partner being on the same page. Do you believe in roughly the same things? Are some principles important to both of you? Do you have the same kind of moral compass? Clarify this first and you're definitely part-way to being ready to instil those values in a child.

26. You're not doing it because you're 'supposed to'

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There's no worse reason for having a child than because you think you're 'supposed to' or you 'have to.' As with any huge life decision, you should only do it for you, not anyone else. So, if part of your reasoning behind having kids is because your mom would love it, or because you think you're the 'right age', then you're probably not ready.

27. You're ready to support someone else

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Some people will just never be ready to actually care for someone else - and that's okay. Not everyone has an ability, or a love for, caring for someone else. That doesn't make you selfish, it just means you're not good at caring for people. However, if you want to have a kid, this is a quality that you'll need.

28. You're ready for your life to change

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Having a child changes your life in so many ways. Your relationship with your partner may never be the same, your day-to-day lifestyle will have to adapt, and your future looks completely different to before. Do you react badly to big changes? Are you maybe not prepared to give things up? Then give it a bit more time before having a child.

29. You know where to turn to for support

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Parenthood can be disorienting and frustrating - and it's important to note that you don't have to do it all on your own. So, knowing where to turn to before you get pregnant can help you feel more confident in your decision to have a child. Where can you get mental health support? Who can help in an emergency? If you do know where to get help if necessary, that's an important step to being ready to have a child.

30. You can both love unconditionally

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This might be the most important step of all. But are you and your partner ready to love something unconditionally? Can you keep loving despite hardship? If the answer is yes, then you're probably ready for the emotional undertaking of having a child. Remember, all your child really needs is love and support.