Signs That You Are In A One-Sided Friendship

By Carole 7 months ago

1. They Never Ask How You Are

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You may find some friends don't possess self awareness but still actually care about you.  However, if they never ask how you're doing or show any interest in your life then this is a lack of compassion for your well being and not how a friend should and would behave towards another.

2. It's All About Them

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In a one-sided friendship, many conversations end up revolving around their needs and interests and they don't ask about you.  If you happen to mention an issue you may be experiencing, they quickly switch the subject back to them and expect you to give your all.

3. You Still Feel Lonely

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Devoting time and energy to a friendship where you get nothing back can, understandably, leave you lacking in support for them.  It's an unbalanced relationship which can make you feel quite alone and untrusting of the other person.  It can also lead to you losing your self confidence because you may think you're not interesting enough.

4. They Don't Open Up

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It's true that some people have a hard time opening up to others.  They may deflect questions about their life and avoid sharing deep stuff about themselves.  They might not want to share this information with you so is that a true friend? Instead of dominating the conversation, they put it back on to you and this can create uneasiness.

5. They Accuse You Of Being Selfish

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As well as totally ignoring your problems, this friend might even get upset when you try to talk about yourself.  They may blame you for being selfish and protest that you're not listening to THEM!  An argument could come out of it and, again, the friend will play the victim.

6. It's Convenient For Them

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You may notice that it's always you who makes contact with your friend or the only time they reach out to you is because they need a favor, a lift in your car or a short term loan of money until they get paid at work.  You are, in actual fact, only there for their convenience.

7. They Leave You Questioning Yourself

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A balanced friendship definitely helps strengthen feelings of belonging and more importantly, your sense of self worth. Believing a friend does not care much about you could do just the opposite. Instead of feeling supported, you might worry you've offended them and you start questioning yourself.

8. You Feel Resentment Toward Them

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In a one-sided friendship, the 'giver' friend is eventually going to start feeling resentment towards the other friend.  Resentment is one of the strongest signs that your friendship is uneven and it could end up whereby the 'giver' bends over backwards to please the other - very unhealthy.

9. You Can’t Count On Them

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If you always help your friend in their hour of need or are the first to volunteer to assist them with minimal warning, you are a good friend.  However, if you want them for anything, they can get annoyed that you're relying on them or they cancel at the last minute.  This is a one-sided friendship and is going nowhere

10. Their Behavior Follows A Pattern

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With a healthy friendship when you need help, you shouldn’t doubt your friend's willingness to help when it is possible. A friend who accepts your support but consistently fails to reciprocate, often at late notice, does not have your best interests at heart.  The sooner you realise this, the quicker you can detach yourself from this one-sided friendship.

11. You Don't Know What To Expect

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A one-sided friend might text you to say they're thinking about you and it's time you get together real soon. Before you've even had chance to read the text, they waste no time in asking you for your help with something.  This leaves you wondering what you should expect from a friendship.

12. Your Friend Is An Emotional Dumper

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If your friend spends time unloading their own problems on to you, you may be in a one-sided friendship.  They may launch into full detailed complaints before you have even had a chance to greet them properly.  They really are only concerned about themselves and expect you to be as well.

13. You Can't Get A Word In Around Them

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Simple things like cutting you off and talking over you are both examples of a one-sided friendship.  Even when they let you speak, they are not really listening because they are completely uninterested in hearing what you have to say.  Friendship is all about give and take and this isn't happening in your's.

14. Their Presence Makes You Physically Ill

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Particularly if you're an empathetic person, your friend's presence may be more than mentally draining but become physically draining as well.  You could feel ill in their company as you pick up their negative energy.  You hope this is a one-off but it never is.

15. You Make Excuses For Them

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If you find yourself making excuses for your friend’s behavior or the words they come out with, it could be a sign that the friendship is by no means healthy.  You should not have to make excuses for someone else's behavior.  This is a sign they are behaving inappropriately and you are covering up for them.

16. You Are Walking On Eggshells Around Them

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If you feel like you have to watch every word that comes out of your mouth when you are around your friend, this could be a sign of an unbalanced or one-sided friendship. Healthy, balanced friendships should feel natural and comfortable and you should be able to express your feelings as you wish.

17. You Get Single Word Text Replies

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In one-sided friendships, you may find that text replies are sometimes short or even one word answers.  If they are super brief, this could indicate that your friendship isn't all rosy.  If a reply to a text makes you feel dissatisfied or upset, don't ignore your feelings as they won't go away unless you do something about it.

18. Empathy Is Not In Their Dictionary

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Toxic friends do not want what is best for you as they are not understanding or empathetic at a time when you might be struggling.  They may say they are sorry you're not feeling great but, unfortunately, they could be relishing the fact that you aren't feeling good.

19. When You Voice Your Concerns, They’re Not Having It

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It can be hard to feel vulnerable and and tell a friend that you are not happy with the way your friendship has a tendency to be one-sided.  As if to confirm you are correct, the response you receive is likely to be defensive and showing a lack of respect towards you.  They refuse to believe what you are saying is true.

20. You're In A Bad Mood After You Chat

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If you catch yourself feeling low after spending time with your friend, don't push those feelings to one side.  Don't assume you're down in the dumps for no reason.  Their negative energy is the cause.  After all, you were in a good mood before chatting with them.

21. You Feel Weird About The Friendship

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There might not be a specific thing you can put your finger on, but you have a general, lingering intuition that things aren’t right.  If you find yourself wondering if the friend even enjoyed being around you when you grab a coffee and a catch up, then you know in your own mind that it's a one-sided friendship.

22. They're Only There In Good Times

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Your friend is more than happy to do entertaining and enjoyable things with you but when you are having a bad day and need that bit of emotional support, they are nowhere to be found.  This should be bringing up a red flag that it's a one-sided friendship and you deserve more.

23. You’re Expected To Do Everything They Want

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Everything is all about them!  Your plans are always on their terms and if you don’t do what they want, you could end up getting the silent treatment or it could be worse.  They might talk about you to another friend and the pair of them will gang up on you.  Be smart and get a new friend.

24. They Want You To Change

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You are likely to be in a one-sided friendship when you never quite feel good enough around your friend and they make you feel inadequate.  To gain their approval, you may try and act differently in ways that don't feel natural to you.  They want you to change to be more like them.

25. There Is Another Friend

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There could come a time when they grow out of this relationship, even if you don’t.  You realise that they have a new best friend and this has totally changed the equation.  This newbie will most likely get the attention you were craving and respect which you never got.

26. It's A Gut Feeling

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They say you should always go with your gut.  Trust your instincts if you feel your friendship doesn't ring true.  You might have unconsciously noticed the signs you’ve tried to ignore but now is the time to act upon them.  Remember that friendship works both ways.

27. They Act Offended When You Take A Step Back

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A good friend would always want to know what’s bothering you and how they can help.  If that person doesn't care and sees your situation as spoiling their social life, then they will stay out of the way.  If you mention how upset their lack of caring has made you, they will turn it round and make you the guilty party.

28. The Last Straw

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One of the biggest examples of a one-way friendship is that it always feels as if you are chasing your friend.  You are the only one who makes an effort to maintain the friendship.  The other thing is their lack of support and their reluctance to put you first.  Don't let a friendship turn into a burden.

29. They Put You Down In Front Of Others

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Real friendships are built respect, care and trust – you’ should always have each other's back.  Unfortunately, a one-sided friendships can be built on foundations of loneliness, anxiety and insecurity. If you think you are in one of these types of relationship, it could be that they want to keep you close to avoid you upstaging them and being competition.

30. They’re Your BFF But You’re Not Theirs

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Have you ever noticed that they never really call you their friend, even when you make a point of often reminding them know how much you value them? This is an obvious sign that your friendship is one-sided and it can be painful to admit to.  It's time to end the denial.

31. They Never Help You With Your Problems

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You're always, always expected to drop everything to help them with their problems, but you can't remember the last time - if ever - they did the same for your issues. If you were to raise an issue with them, they'd probably either ignore your messages or not give a straight answer.

32. You Feel Resentment - All The Time

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Do you feel like you're carrying around his heavy burden of resentment all the time in the pit of your stomach? You might not have realised yet what's making you feel this way, but dealing with a one-sided friendship can wear you down over time and just make you feel crappy all day.

33. If You're Talking About You, It'll Somehow Revolve Back To Them

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Provided you can actually get a word in edgewise, have you noticed that no matter what you say - even when it's an extremely personal experience - they'll somehow relate it back to them, and something they've been through? This isn't them being supportive, it's just them wanting to talk about themselves.

34. They Lurk In Group Convos

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If you have a shared group message, equal friendships should always have everyone contributing and catching up with messages over time. But if this one person only ever lurks in the convo - you can see the 'read' receipt but never get a reply - it's because they're only interested when they have something to say.

35. You're Constantly Wondering Where You Stand With Them

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It's never any fun to be constantly questioning yourself, but you might find your mind wandering on the daily to wondering how they really feel about you, where you stand in your friendship and what's actually going on. Spending more time questioning it than just enjoying being friends is a red flag.

36. You Feel Guilty A Lot

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You might constantly feel guilty, too. Guilty that you haven't replied their messages, guilty that you're fed up with it all, or just a knot of guilt in your stomach because you don't know why. This might be because they've worked to make you feel like a bad friend if you're not at their beck and call.

37. You Think They Might Be A Narcissist

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One-sided friendships can be very common when you're dealing with a narcissist, because they like to focus too much on themselves. Narcissists also take pleasure in emotional manipulation, or making other people feel like the bad guys, which they might be doing to you.

38. You're Running On Zero Battery

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Having a one-sided friendship is exhausting - not least because you're the one putting in all the work to keep the friendship going. You then might be tired of dealing with their stuff. This can take its toll and then make you feel like you're running on empty every time you have to deal with them.

39. You Feel Tired Even When You Haven't Said A Word

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Running on zero battery doesn't mean that it's because you've been talking loads or spending loads of time with them either. You can feel absolutely exhausted mentally and emotionally even when you haven't said or done anything, because just having to listen to them dump on you is draining.

40. Your Mental Health Might Have Declined

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It's no surprise that your mental health can take a serious hit as a result. You might have become tired and withdrawn because of them always emotionally dumping on you, or because of the energy it's taking to maintain the friendship. Your mind might feel sluggish about it all.

41. You Hesitate When Going To Them For Advice

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When you're dealing with a close friend or bestie, you shouldn't even need to think twice about asking them for advice - it's as easy as breathing. But if you're hesitating before you ask this person for advice, it could be because deep down you know they probably won't give it - or be interested.

42. They Forget Your Birthday

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Sometimes even the best of friends can forget a birthday depending on how organized they are, but chances are someone who cares about you is going to write down a reminder for your birthday present. If they always forget your birthday - even when you always remember yours - it's one-sided.

43. And Christmas

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This applies to any holiday or gift-giving period, and especially if you always - without fail - get them a holiday gift. It just shows that you're not at the front of their brain unless they want something, which also goes for gift buying, too. You think about the ones you love during the holiday period, after all.

44. But They'll Lie About Forgetting It

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The thing with one-sided friendships and friends who just use you when they need you, is that they'll never want you to think that it's one-sided - because that might mean you'll pull away. So they likely lie about forgetting your birthday or gift - "Oh no it's just delayed in the post sorry!" they might say, while hastily ordering something online for next day delivery.

45. In Fact, You've Caught Them In More Than One Lie

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It's likely they also lie about a whole load of other stuff, too, probably to paint themselves in a better light. They might lie about why it's taken them so long to reply your messages, about why they can't meet up with you, why they can't pay for dinner etc etc… and you're starting to notice the pattern.

46. They Ask You For Advice - Then Disagree With Everything You Say

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One-sided friends don't actually want your advice - they just want to dump their emotional stuff on you and have you listen, or give them attention. Which means when you give them advice to their problems or whatever they're offloading, they probably don't care about that advice.

47. They Don't Make An Effort With The People In Your Life

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Close friends will often mix with the other important people in their lives, like other friends, partners, brothers and sisters or parents. You can usually tell how much a friend cares about being in your life based on how they react to spending time with, or bumping into, this important people...

48. You've Actually Brought The Issue Up, And They Haven't Changed

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One-sided friends don't want to admit there's a problem - and neither are they going to change, because they don't care about the friendship. They only care about having someone to dump on. So if you've actually mentioned the issue to them, did they actually make an effort to change - or not at all? We thought so.

49. They Bail Last Minute

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One-sided friends are never going to prioritize your friendship, which means they also aren't going to prioritize plans with you. If they're always bailing on things last minute, it's likely because a better offer has come up, or they just can't be bothered because they've decided they don't want to emotionally dump after all.

50. Or Won't Give You A Straight Answer On Plans At All

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This can also show through the fact they never give you a straight yes or no when you ask to make plans with them. This can be because they're likely waiting to see if anything else more interesting comes along before they say yes to you, or deciding whether plans with you would be worth their time.

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