Signs Someone Was The Second Choice

By Lauren Mccluskey 10 months ago

1. A late invitation

Image Source / Reddit.com
A sure sign that someone was the second choice for anything is a late invitation.  This could be a late call back for a job you went for or a last-minute call from someone who wants to have dinner.  Perhaps their first choice let them down so they've had no choice but to call you as a backup.

2. A lack of enthusiasm

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When you arrive at your new job or your invitation, you might not feel that warm welcome you hoped for and you probably sense that they are less than pleased to see you.  In fact, you can smell their apathy a mile off, and their lack of enthusiasm to greet you absolutely stinks!

3. Hesitation

Image Source / Reddit.com
You might even feel that there has been some hesitation in contacting you to offer you a position or to invite you somewhere.  If you went for a job interview, for example, you might find that it has been an unusually long time before they got back to offer you the position...

4. Zero personal connection

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If you were the second choice for a role or for a date, for example, you might feel some coldness from them, like they're feeling disappointed that it's you there and not someone else.  And it's like they actually want to distance themselves from you because they don't want you to last long there anyway.

5. Fewer responsibilities

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If you were the second choice for a promotion at work or a friend's second choice as their maid of honor, they might just give you fewer responsibilities than you might expect.  So you might not be organizing the bachelorette party or chairing any meetings anytime soon!

6. Incomplete information

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If you're the second choice for anything, whether it's in a professional setting or a more personal or social setting, you might find that you don't get the full picture of what you're supposed to be doing.  Perhaps they thought they'd filled you in already because they'd already told their first choice all of the information.

7. Being asked to fill in at the last minute

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If you get the call to be the lead in a play, or to be a bridesmaid, or even to be someone's date, but the event is taking place, like say, in an hour, you might feel like you've been something of an afterthought.  We mean, no one is THAT last minute with these things, are they?

8. A generic invitation

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There's a wedding or a birthday party coming up and your invitation feels a little, well... shall we say: uninviting!  In fact, it's so generic and impersonal that they've not even written your name on it.  It's like they're pretending not to know you at all and you've just been an afterthought, just in case you might be offended.

9. Being assigned a less desirable location

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So at work, you might get the stinky office in the basement with the leak, the squeaky chair, and the broken computer.  Or if you've been reluctantly invited to a wedding, you've been seated outside the chapel in the rain.  These are probably sure signs that you weren't the first choice!

10. Fewer perks

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So if you've been the second choice for a job or a promotion, perhaps the perks in the job description like flexible working, a free gym membership, subsidized lunch every day, and a monthly bonus, have been revoked.  It's clear that they were only for the first choice anyway and not for you.

11. Being introduced as the 'backup'

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They might even be as brazen to actually introduce you to co-workers, or friends, as the 
backup.
  This isn't just a sign, it's definitely a big fat certainty that you were absolutely the second choice.  And that has got to sting a little - are we right?

12. Less attention

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If you were the second choice, you might also find that you are a little starved for attention too.  Especially if you're doing a splendid job on whatever you've been asked to do, you're going to want to get a little attention or credit for it.  But you'll probably find that you're ignored instead.

13. Less support

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Being the second choice doesn't always feel great, even if you've landed the job of your dreams.  And another sign that there was someone else who was first in line is that you are completely left to your own devices with much less support from anyone than you would've expected or wanted.

14. Exclusion

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There might also be an element of exclusion if you have been chosen second.  For example, if you were the second choice for a job, your co-workers 
might
choose to exclude you from important meetings or even social out-of-work gatherings, and you might not get to know them very well.

15. Suprise

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Another sign that you were someone's second choice definitely lies in people's initial reactions when you tell them about your promotion or your new position.  No one can hide their first reactions to anything so you might be met with a surprised wide-eyed, raised-eyebrowed expression from others or even a gasp!

16. Or disappointment

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They might be surprised when you tell them about your new position or role or even if you tell them about the fact you'll be attending a dinner or event, or you might be faced with their disappointment.  And it'll be obvious too, perhaps in their eyes, or expression or how they respond.

17. You feel like a temporary option

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If you feel like people are ignoring you, or not making the effort to get to know you, or even blatantly calling you the 
backup, 
it's absolutely no wonder you feel like the stand-in until someone
 
apparently better comes along.  But you can prove them wrong!  They won't regret choosing you!

18. You feel like an afterthought

Image Source / Reddit.com
If you've been invited out at the very last minute, or given a task to do with very little time to complete it, this might be a sure sign that you might have been someone's second choice.  This probably all makes you feel like you were just their afterthought, but if it's a good opportunity, don't let it pass you by to save face!

19. People don't seem to trust you

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You might feel like people look at you with suspicion or give you fewer responsibilities than anyone else.  Or they might even exclude you from important decision-making!  Perhaps they had more trust in their first choice and this made them seem to not trust you.

20. They express a preference for the 'first choice'

Image Source / Wikipedia
Another sign, in fact, a certainty that you were someone's second choice is if they blatantly express that they preferred their first choice.  They might say this to your face if they're feeling particularly cruel or consciously say it when you're in earshot and can clearly hear them.

21. They can't hide their true feelings

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In all honesty, it's difficult for people to hide their true feelings for any extended length of time, and if you weren't their preference for the task at hand, they might make this known to you, whether they mean to or not.  This could be verbally or through facial expressions but either way, you definitely feel like you're playing second fiddle.

22. Receiving a shorter timeframe than others

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If you were someone's second choice to complete a task, perhaps they asked you to do it at the last minute as an afterthought and therefore, you are given less time than others seem to have to complete the task.  This, again, is very last minute and can be a sign that you weren't thought of first.

23. People ignore you

Image Source / Wikipedia
If people truly believe that you're a temporary solution because they need someone in the position immediately and you'll fill the space until someone better shows up, they might just ignore you.  They might not see the need to get to know you if they don't believe you'll be around for long.

24. You never seem to get the credit you deserve

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You might also feel like you're not given enough credit for the jobs or tasks that you complete.  Perhaps you're ignored so often or not given enough attention that people just don't notice the effort you put in.  Or maybe they play down your credit and steal your ideas and hard work.

25. You're given fewer resources than others

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If you're an afterthought, you might even be given fewer resources than others to complete the task at hand.  This could be a smaller budget, less support from your team, or even time.  Perhaps they just didn't think that far ahead when they thought about you completing work.

26. Others seem to mention the first choice a lot

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Whether you're in a professional setting or a more personal setting, you might find that the people around you, whether it's co-workers, friends, or acquaintances, seem to mention the first choice A LOT.  And they mention them so much it's as if they long for them to be in your position.

27. You seem to have a less favorable contract

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And as well as a few perks, support, credit, attention, and resources, your work contract is looking much less favorable than others too.  Perhaps you're on longer hours for less pay, or required to work more unsociable shifts, or you might not even be given the opportunity to earn a bonus.

28. They don't involve you in important decision making

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A sure sign that you were a second choice, perhaps at work, or when planning for an important family gathering, is that you don't get listened to when it comes to important decision-making.  You might be excluded from important meetings or ignored when you make a suggestion.

29. You get a lot less creative control

Image Source / Buzzfeed.com
If you've been the second choice to work on a particular project, you might find that you've been given a lot less creative control.  It's like they don't trust you to take the project in the correct direction as much as they would've trusted their first choice.

30. You don't get the same level of visibility

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As well as not getting the credit you deserve, you don't even get the same level of visibility either if you're the second choice.  You might always be given all of the jobs behind the scenes and away from public view.  And this means that you're not going to get the praise and attention you deserve.

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