A Very Wet Gentleman

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So this happened to my mother when she was working in a cocktail bar. It was one of those really fancy places where all the guests were suited and booted businessmen. A lot of the time they’d come in as packs. On this one night, a show-off guest was sooo wasted and went too far… He tried being clever and was showing off, so he swiftly untied the back of my mother’s wrap skirt, falling at her ankles. Big mistake considering she’s not the sort of woman you want to mess with. In a rage she dropped an order of martinis on his head. She was fired soon after, but doesn’t regret it.

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Bursting At The Seams

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During my sister’s time as a manager of a clothing store, she struggled with depression and anxiety. On one of her bad days, a customer made the mistake of being difficult. The customer (a larger lady) tried to return pants that were bust along the seams.  She claimed that all she’d done was try them on and wanted a refund. She ranted and demanded to deal with the manager (my sister). This woman chose the wrong day. My sister slayed. Right away she tells the customer the reason her pants split was because she’s a fat sack of trash. Then she phoned her manager and quit.

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In The Doghouse

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While working at a vet clinic I met a witch of a woman. Her pet, a young dog, was unwell and had been experiencing diarrhoea. She was sick and tired of the dog making mess in her house. She thought that instead of treating her dog the illness, she would just choose to have the dog put down. I was not going to stand for it. After calling her a dumb witch, I gave her a strong-worded lecture. I could not believe the audacity and heartlessness! It’s safe to say I was shortly fired, but at least I’m the one that can live with a guilt-free conscience.

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With A Side Of Beats

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So one of my friends used to work at this pizza place. Sometimes I liked to hang out there and play on the Pacman machine. One day, while my friend is taking orders, this guy storms in, screaming and shouting. He took the pizza from the box and launches it like a frisbee at my friend. My friend was a two-time golden-gloves champion and was definitely not someone to be messed with. We were all shocked at the worst beating we’ve ever witnessed. Not only did my friend get fired after the incident, he also did some time behind bars too.

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A Lot At Steak

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I was working for a popular UK pub chain as a Team Leader. One day, an American man, freshly hopped off the plane, came for some food. He must not have realised the essence of a Wetherspoons. He orders a steak, blue. When it comes out medium, he barges up to the bar. The steak is burnt, he said, and demands his money back, along with a lot of expletives. I apologise for the mishap, but he keeps ranting about the steak not being real. I ask him, if it’s not a steak than what? Cos it’s definitely not a chicken. Long story short, he calls out my manager and I’m fired soon after. However, I happily took them to a tribunal first, and won myself some cash.

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Thrift Shopping

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I was working at a charity shop when a woman came in and started complaining. She calls it garbage, but clearly doesn’t understand the rarity of tagged clothes in charity shops. Before you know, she has scared off all the customers and gets all up in my face! Well, after that, I just lost it. Since there was nobody left in the store, I gave her a (really) good piece of my mind. She screams her way out of the shop, stopping people in the street to tell them. I was shortly fired after this and I don’t blame them.

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Two Halves Make A … Third?

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When I was a teen I worked at a pizza restaurant in a small town. One night, I was taking a phone call from an absolute idiot. She wanted a large pizza, half pepperoni, half sausage and half black olives. I asked if she wanted them combined or separate. She said no and repeated her toppings. So you want a third pepperoni, a third sausage and a third black olives? NO! She shouted and repeated that she wanted halves. Eventually I just screamed back that there are only two halves to a pizza. She swiftly demanded to speak to my manager, who, of course, fired me after the call.

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Click, Collect and Go

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I was working as a stockroom assistant when I had to deal with the rudest customer. I was behind the tills when she erupted over a trainee cashier. Our service was unacceptable, she paid extra and she demanded to know where her order was. But customers don’t collect their orders until they receive an email.…  I ask to see her email, to which she decides that she’s too good to show it. When I tell her firmly that her order is not ready, she storms out saying she’ll have words with the guy who owns the company. Little did I know, she actually did because she knew him and worked for the Daily Mail. After that, I was fired.

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Caffeine Free Me

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I worked at Starbucks a while back and I have a speech impediment. This one kid came in regularly after school and ordered a caramel frap. Each time he ordered, I would stutter out $3.50 and he would find it outrageously hilarious. He kept asking me to repeat the order amount and would laugh… Well a few weeks later he brings a gang of buddies in. Each one ordered the exact same, caramel frap, and all asked me how much it was. After this continued over a few months, I broke down and shouted “You guys should know how much the drinks are by now!” My manager was right by and heard anything. He disciplined me for being inappropriate.

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Tills, Tills, Tills

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I worked at Burger King many moons ago. While I used to work drive-thru, I was able to hear the conversations on front counter. One customer had come in and kept ordering food, hearing the total, cancelling and changing her order to keep it under a certain amount. At my store, managers’ approval had to be given to cancel an order. Anyway, after a few times, my colleague starts writing it on a pad and using a calculator. She asked him what he was doing, he said “When you make up your mind, I’ll put it in the register.” She snatched the notebook from his hands and tried to hit him with it. Sadly, he had to be fired as he already had two write ups on his file and the manager was forced to follow company policy.

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Spinning Me Round And Round

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I got a warning once when I worked at a living history park. It was an outdoor museum, with cool rideable artefacts like the carousel. A school visit was going on one day while I was working the carousel. We always warned kids to be careful with the animals, they are over 100 years old and we didn’t want them broken. Well, these feral kids decided to behave like jerks.. I announced over the mic that the school were moments away from being banned. Well, apparently some parents didn’t like that I called them out over the mic. But I don’t care anyway, I don’t regret it one bit.

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Computer Says No

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So I got a written warning when I worked as chat tech support for a web host. One of our customers hopped onto the chat and complained about server slowness and that he was having issued. I performed all of our standard procedures and steps, determining that his ISP is the problem. He was not happy about that! I simply tell him “You’re wrong!” After I ended the chat, he appeared in a new one around 10 minutes later. I recognise the account name and question. Me, being the funny guy I am, don’t let him say anything and write “You’re wrong!” and instantly close the chat. It’s lucky I was one of the best tech people that worked there, otherwise I would’ve been fired deffo.

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Cut Too Deep

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I was a hairdresser a while ago. One day, while I am cutting a lady’s hair, the child of another customer comes running around the shop. I repeatedly told the girl to sit with her mother. Well, before you know it, halfway through cutting my client’s hair, the child ran into my work area and I almost cut the client! I was furious. I abruptly told the child to “go and sit with your mother now.” Ha! The mother was not happy whatsoever. She came over yelling “Don’t tell my child what to do, I’m her parent.” So I tell her “Act like it.” My manager came to me a few days later trying to fire me for the incident, but the other stylists had my back.

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Mystery Customer

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I was working for a men’s clothing store to earn some money while in college. When I was working the end of my notice period, I was rehanging a huge pile of clothes. It was Father’s Day, so we’d been so busy. Well, this woman comes to the register and I go to ring her up. It’s five mins before we close, why would I? Turns out, I recognise her. She was actually the regional manager for the store.  She lectured me about my mishap and told me she was ready to pay, handing over her employee discount card. Well, it had no picture on it, so to be sure I asked to see her driver’s license. She was not a happy bunny.

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Your Wish Is Granted

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As a worker in the service industry, I’ve dealt with a fair few idiots. When I was working at a bar in Florida, we were having a tap takeover and the place was at capacity. There were three of us behind the entire bar, four of us behind a tiny bar and this included the owner. A guy who had made eye contact with me several times exclaimed “What’s a guy got to do to get a drink round here?” Our owner, a true New Yorker, shouted through the crowd for everyone to shut the heck up. The whole bar falls silent, and the owner stares the guy down. “What can I get for you, sir?” He asked. The guy is so startled he can’t speak and only mumbled. “Screw you, next!” The owner spits. That was the best thing the owner ever did.

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Shelving A Kid

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When I was 17 and in high school, I needed an extra bit of cash so took up a job at the middle school library. I hate middle schoolers. Being so pubescent, they would follow me around and make vile comments about me. I told my boss, but his comment was just “boys will be boys”. Well, I would not stand for this. One day, they completely crossed the line. While I was bending down to pick up a book, one of the rabid specimens smacked me on the behind. That was it. I slapped the little twerp silly, and warned him that if he ever did something like that again, he’d get the same reaction. My boss found out and dismissed me. But it’s okay, I emailed the kid’s mother afterward.

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On Borrowed Time

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I was working at a Pizza Restaurant when I lived in Michigan. A customer phones to place an order at 3 in the afternoon. The wait times are usually between 30 and 45 mins at this time. 10 minutes go by and the delivery driver is just about to head out on his journey, earlier than we quoted. Well, she phones up at that moment: “Where’s my order?”We tell her that it’s only been ten minutes. “Cancel my order. How am I supposed to feed my child now?” My manager was furious. “Well, you don’t want to wait seven more minutes for the driver, so not my problem,” and slams down the phone. I couldn’t believe it. It was so epic and I’m so glad that he did it.

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Old Dog New Tricks

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I was working at a huge retail store, stocking shelves as I do. An 80-year-old guy came up to me, I was assuming to ask me about the placement of a product. Boy, I was wrong. He just started ripping me. Telling me I’m disgusting all because I have tattoos. I could’ve blown up, but instead I played nice, telling him I love the colour of his pants. “Is that seafoam green polyester? So 1970s!” Let me tell you, those pants were ancient. Someone must’ve heard what I’d said to this guy because they told my manager. He came to get me later in the day looking furious. I was dreading it. He burst with anger and told me I should have told him straight away. I was so thankful for him!

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Two Weeks Notice

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When I was 17 I worked in a movie theatre. The weekend Two Weeks Notice was released we were so busy and I was the only one on the concession stand. I was just finishing up on the night’s rush when a pack of 14-year-old brats came from the screening and started demanding free stuff. I told them no, but one of them would just not leave. She was hurling abuse at us, threatened to smash stuff up. I called security and they got them back in the screen. It was not even ten minutes later when she came out to talk smack. Well, I’d had enough now, I squared up to her and threatened to end her. My boss didn’t like that comment very much and I got fired for the incident. She was banned though… silver linings?

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Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is

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I was working in customer service for a bank for a while, but I was being paid very little. One day, a rich customer phoned me to complain about her interest rate. She was furious that it had dropped from 2.75% to 2.5%. With over 200 grand in the account, I was fuming, all the while she was screaming through the phone. I threw my headset at the screen and put the phone down. My manager unfortunately saw the whole event and pulled me to the side later on. It was one of the contributing factors to my dismissal a few weeks later. I don’t regret it though, I could not let someone rub that kind of privilege in my face like that.

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Bad Gene Pool

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Luckily, I didn’t get fired for this, but I really should’ve been. I worked as a lifeguard for a pool a while ago, perfect in the summer. In the interest of safety, we had a policy that didn’t let kids use water wings in our pool, because they weren’t coast guard approved. But we did give out free lifejackets. One mother of two really didn’t like our safety policy… I told her that the were free alternatives but she didn’t want to hear it! I’m thinking her daughter must’ve really wanted her water wings. I told her to talk to my manager as I had to focus on the pool. I gave her a final warning “If I have to talk to you again, you have to sit in time out for 10 mins.” She didn’t like it one bit, but never bothered with the manager.

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Beaten At Their Own Game

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I worked in a GameStop a few years ago as a Game Advisor. One time, a guy came in and wanted to trade in a shed-load of games that he had, easily over 100. The games and cases were all mismatched and it took me absolutely ages to sort them all out and get him a ticket. He wasn’t happy with the total, which was low but only because the games were old and scratched. He then had the audacity to try and negotiate the price with me, which I didn’t even have the authority to change! This made him furious, and he demanded $300 for all of his games. My co-worker took his games to the parking lot and tossed them around. The store manager was quick to fire him on the spot.

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Aint Got A Lick Of Sense

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I was working at a Dairy Queen a while a go while I was in high school. It was summer (thankfully) so everyone was coming for their ice cream fix to cool down. On this particular day, a customer rolled up to our speaker and spoke very slowly. “I’d like a biiiiiiiiiig talllllllll ice cream cone!” This was no problem. But my colleague had no idea that his fingers was still on his mic button. He (very embarrassingly) said “What, are you going to like that like you would my body?” Safe to say this didn’t go down too well. Before my colleague could even get fired, he quit. To be honest, I think I would’ve had to quit as well!

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Cheesehead

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I once worked for Whataburger we got away with absolutely everything. On this one occasion, at lunchtime rush hour, a guy comes in ordered a double-meat, double cheeseburger. I explained to him that the cheese is extra and he was fine about it. After all, he was already buying at least $30 worth of food. Well, I couldn’t bear it, especially when it was so busy. So I delved into my pockets, collect whatever change I could and threw it at him. I shout at him to leave. He was shook, staring at me with big wide yes. Eventually he drives off. Luckily for me, we had no cameras so I got away with that one!

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Karen Fruit

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I used to work in the produce section of a Safeway grocery store a while ago. One day, I was closer to my colleague when he snapped at a customer. He’d not long got into work and you could tell that he was not in a mood to be meddled with. A customer approaches him and starts complaining about her fruit. He tries to talk her through the normal procedure and, well, she was being a complete brat about it! Eventually he had enough and screamed at the woman “Screw off you stupid loser!” She was aghast. Then he actually untied his apron and threw it at the woman. He then fled the store and I never saw him again for another shift.

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Screen Pass

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The movie theatre I used to work at was usually quite slow. I was 17 years old and was very glad to be working my first job. While on the concession stand by myself, we had an impromptu influx of customers. It took me ages to get through everyone’s orders and I noticed my manager telling people not to help me… Well, once I’d cleared the customer queue I couldn’t hold my tongue anymore. I shouted “I love working my butt off when my managers are preventing employees from helping me!” I was written up straight after and I got fired a week later too. I felt bad, but I was forced to react like that.

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Hell For Leather

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I used to clean cars for a rental car company, which is as bad as it sounds! On this particular day, a customer arrives and he’s clearly not in a good mood (I don’t know why). He saw me at the counter and apparently this offended him. He pointed at me and started to scream and shout. Well, like anyone, I shouted back. I heard nothing about it for two months… Well, to my surprise, I was fired without any kind of warning! It turns out that the guy had a lucrative contract with the employer and threatened he would take his business elsewhere if I wasn’t fired.

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Hasta La Vista

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When I was 21, and while working as nurse, I took on a part time job in a produce department to earn some extra cash. I don’t know why, but I did anyway. I was really fed up with it at this point. One morning, a guy enters and comes over to me. He’s very irate about us selling items that came from Mexico… I thought it was absurd! I told him he probably needed to take a nap and he laughed at me. I couldn’t believe what he did next… He rolled up his shirt sleeves and threatened me: “I need to teach you a lesson.” Well I said “Go ahead, but I’m gonna hit you back it is gonna freaking hurt.” I was fired on the spot.

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Sour Mash

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This wasn’t me but my mother’s colleague. She was working at a burger joint. One night a table tried to order themselves some mashed potatoes. Well, the server informs them that they don’t do mashed potatoes, but recommends baked potatoes instead. The customer tries to argue at first but eventually gives in… When the order comes out, and it is in fact a baked potato, the customer is furious. “We wanted mashed potatoes!” The server, having already had enough at this point, was at breaking point. He angrily raised his fist and smashed it into the baked potato shouting “Mashed?! You want them mashed?!” Be careful what you ask for, I guess.

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Best Served Cold

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Throwback to 2006 when I worked as a cocktail waitress. I can’t say that the job was delightful to be honest. It’s a wrap party for a movie that was pivotal for an actor’s career. Well, this said actor clearly didn’t know what social etiquette was or personal boundaries and decided he was going to put his hand up my skirt! I was definitely not going to stand for this. So what did I do? I stomped on his foot in my stilettos. It was a pure impulse, but I still wasn’t done. I proceeded to pour a pitcher of frozen margarita all over his head afterward. He was complaining about it hurting his eyes and to be honest, I have no regrets.

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