Signs You’re Still Mourning A Loss

You're Irritable

Image Source / Pet Radio MagazineWhen you're stifling very painful feelings or emotions that make you less than happy (like grief), this can make everything around you bother you more easily than it should. You may find you get more annoyed by everything and feel on edge.

You're Angry

Image Source / Stay at Home MumAlong with irritability comes anger. You could either be very quick to anger, or you just feel angry all of the time. You struggle to push your anger away and may even snap at everyone around you. You may think grief comes with sadness, but it also comes with anger.

You're Obsessed With What You Have Lost

Image Source / Yorkshire LiveIt's essential to try and move on after a loss, but sometimes you may find yourself stuck in a rut in a continued grief-loop. This could be constantly going round and round the events of the loss in your head, crying on end or even a physical action like going to the place you always went with them, or phoning their telephone number.

You're Now On Edge

Image Source / NuWoman 30 PLUSYou're feeling a very vulnerable state, which means suddenly everything around you is more of a threat. You may go about your day being constantly on edge, expecting everything to impact you negatively or even feeling unsafe in your surroundings.

You're Prepared For The Worst

Image Source / Counselling DirectoryYou've suffered a loss and you know it hurts. So now you're preparing yourself for that. Your negative outlook means you've now become programmed to expect other losses, or the worst to happen, so you feel like you have a sense of dread or even numb acceptance of more loss.

You May Become Unbearably Close To Loved Ones

Image Source / UNICEFYou've lost someone you care about, which means you're now looking at the people around you in a different way. You're worried about losing more people, so you might have become extremely clingy, not wanting to let them out of your sight, or pushing to spend more time together.

Or, Pull Away Altogether

Image Source / The GuardianOn the flip side, you may have completely isolated yourself from those you care about because you're trying to protect yourself from getting hurt again. You may feel like if you pull away, any future loss won't hurt as much because you avoided being too close to them.

You Panic More Easily About The Actions Of Loved Ones

Image Source / fotocommunityYour overly-protective nature may have kicked in, and this may relate directly to how a loved one passed, or it may just be random behaviour. For example, you might panic when you don't immediately hear back from a loved one, or they don't answer their phone. You might be wary if they're in risky situations, like going for a long drive or going out at night.

Apathy Has Set In

Image Source / GoodTherapyApathy is when you don't feel much of anything at all - you might be indifferent to absolutely everything. Continued apathy is a problem, because it can also be signs of unhealthy disinterest or even depression. This could be your way of trying to shut down so you can't feel the pain of grief.

You're Focused On Painful Memories

Image Source / Daily MailInstead of trying to move on, you may be unhealthily focusing on painful memories, such as actively thinking about them, day after day. You may lie or sit there just thinking about all these sad memories and unable to stop obsessing over them.

You Refuse To Talk About It

Image Source / bradfordcounsellingservices.co.ukOne good way of getting over a loss is to talk about it - whether that's with a grief counselor or a loved one - so refusing to talk about it can hinder your ability to move on. If you're actively refusing to talk about it, too, this means that you're forcing yourself to get stuck in that state of holding on to grief.

You've Turned To (Or Increased) Bad Habits

Image Source / BreakBrunchYou might be drinking more alcohol than you usually would, or even started bad habits from scratch like picked up smoking. You also may have ventured into serious bad habits like drugs - anything to take away from, or distract from, the pain of grief.

Your Relationship With Food Is Unhealthy

Image Source / Bright SideThis could be one of many things: you may have increased your eating habits, eating a whole lot more junk food and binge eating, or you may not be eating a lot at all and constantly going hungry. This could be because you don't have the energy for eating or a healthy lifestyle, or you might be eating to distract yourself.

You're Distracted (Especially Around Other People)

Image Source / Everyday HealthThis may not necessarily be because you're actively thinking about your grief or what you've lost, though it could be that, too. You might just be completely distracted, finding it difficult to focus on conversations or other people.

You're Putting In The Overtime At Work

Image Source / FMCG CEOOne common way of dealing with grief can be to try and fill every second of your time so that you don't have to think about it. And one easy way of doing that is working as much as possible. You may take on extra tasks, stay behind late, come in early or offer to do every overtime shift available.

You Just Don't Have The Energy

Image Source / PinterestYou may be feeling very lethargic, and no matter what you do, can't seem to find those bags of energy that make you jump out of bed in the morning. It's not so much that you're feeling lazy either, it might just be that you're actually trying but your body and mind is saying nope.

You Find It Difficult To Concentrate

Image Source / UCLAnd things around you may be suffering for it, like your work performance or home tasks. You just can't seem to concentrate on anything as you keep sinking into memories of your loss - or, it could be that you're not actively thinking about your grief, but still find it hard to concentrate on anything anyway.

You Avoid Going To Any Place That You Visited With Your Loved One

Image Source / The GuardianA good part of the 'moving on' process can exposing yourself to painful things to work through them, and one of these could be to go to places you visited together, like forcing yourself to sit on a bench in the park that you sat on with them. If you're avoiding this altogether, it means you're not ready to let go or move on, and not facing up to it.

Or Doing Any Activity They Did/You Did With Them

Image Source / CV GeniusThe same applies to activities or hobbies that they did, or that you did with them. You might stop doing the activities you enjoy because you did it with them and now can't bring yourself to carry it on. Or you may struggle seeing pastimes that they did, like getting upset if you see someone reading a book that was their favourite.

Keeping Everything The Way They Left It

Image Source / moving.tipsThere's something very significant about 'changing things' during the grieving process. The act of packing up their clothes, packing away photos or donating their belongings is a very painful but very important step in moving on. So if you're avoiding doing this, you aren't moving on. You may refuse to change anything from how they left it.

You're Scared Of Starting A New Relationship

Image Source / The Positivity BlogThis can be a significant one if you've lost a partner. You may be scared to ever fall in love again because you don't want to suffer the same loss. And not being able to get into anything new is a sure-fire sign you're holding on to that grief.

You're Disconnected From Everything Around You

Image Source / Adobe StockYou might be struggling to connect or fit in with the world around you, whether the people or just the general hustle and bustle of life. You might feel out of place and unable to make those positive connections like you used to be able to do.

You Actually Can't Function

Image Source / Chris BaileyBeing unable to concentrate or getting a little sloppy with your work is one thing, but not being able to function at all is a whole different story. Heavy grief may be fully impacting your ability to do anything at all - you might not be able to do your job, you may find it impossible to be in a social situation or even cook for yourself.

You're Taking More And More Sick Days

Image Source / Stomp the PavementIf you're honest with your boss (and provided they're actually an understanding one) you should be able to get days off from work to process your grief or attend a funeral. But if it's been a while since the loss first happened and you're still phoning in sick to work - maybe even pretending to be ill so you can stay at home - you're obviously struggling to return to your normal routine.

You Have Headaches

Image Source / HealthlineWhen you're not feeling your best, headaches can often be a result, whether that's because you're not getting enough sleep, you're struggling to focus or maybe you're dealing in bad habits more likely to give you a headache (like alcohol), all because you're still trying to cope with mourning.

You're Having Digestive Problems

Image Source / iCare ERYour emotional and mental state can play turmoil on your body's digestive system, such as stress making IBS more likely due to extreme stress knocking your gut out of balance. You may also have digestive problems due to a bad diet you're eating because you're dealing with grief.

You've Lost Your Confidence

Image Source / Inc. MagazineWe get a lot of confidence from others, and if you've lost someone who made you feel like your best self, your confidence may have taken a hit. You may also have lost confidence in your own ability to function throughout the day, or your ability to stay strong through this difficult time.

You're Depressed

Image Source / ADDitudeWhile a lot of the symptoms on this list may suggest depression, it doesn't always mean that that's the case. But you can also experience mild, moderate or severe depression when you're grieving a loss. And if you're still mourning and struggling to move on, it makes more sense why you would still feel so depressed.

You're In Physical Pain

Image Source / NPRAnyone who has experienced grief knows that it hurts as much as physical pain, and even feels as though the pain in your heart and chest is physical pain. If you're still feeling that overwhelming pain, it's a sure-fire sign you're just not moving on.

You Don't Get Out Of Bed

Image Source / RedditYou don't want to do anything, you don't want to see anybody, or maybe you just can't bring yourself to get out of bed and try and function. In the worst case of the mourning process, you may be so depressed that you're in your bed even 24/7.

You over focus on memories

Image Source / lovethispicFocusing on memories can be nice - unless you over focus on them. This can become unhealthy because it means you are struggling to move on. Rather than solely, overly focusing on memories from the past you should start looking towards creating new memories.

You feel guilty

Image Source / verywellmindFeeling guilty can be one of the most negative processes of grief. It is a reaction many people experience when mourning grief. It is very easy to focus on things you wish you said. But these need to be overcome so that you mourn and then also move on.

You feel like you'll never be happy/ as happy

Image Source / lifehackDoes it feel like you'll never been happy again? Or feel that you'll never be as happy as you were before? This is a big sign that you are still mourning and have not actually dealt with the loss yet and have not managed to move on but instead are dwelling in the past.

You are overly emotional

Image Source / northboundtreatmentOf course, it's normal to be emotional, particularly when you've experienced a loss. But do you find that almost anything can make you cry? At any time? You are still mourning your loss. It is good at this point to find a positive way to help you stabilise your emotions.

Everything reminds you of them

Image Source / quotespicturesWhen everything reminds you of them, be it a song on the radio, or a bird in the sky, or a TV character... it probably means you are still mourning. This is why your thoughts and subconscious are consumed by them which means everything is reminding you of them...

It negatively affects relationships now

Image Source / letuspublishOne thing that it is important is to make sure that if anything, loss brings you closer to your loved ones, rather than pushing you away from them or affecting them negatively. If it is, then it means you are still mourning that loss and you are struggling to deal with it.

Over analysing the past

Image Source / everydayhealthOver analysing the past is not healthy, because nothing can ever come from it. Accepting the past is the only way to ever be able to move on and accept things. If you are over analysing the past, then you are still mourning the loss of your loved one.

Struggling to form new connections

Image Source / haffulanflowerIf you are struggling to form new connections is probably because you are still mourning their loss and have not been able to come to terms with it yet or process it in your own way. It is good to focus on these new connections and not push them away.

Images circulating in your head

Image Source / medicalnewstodayWhile you are still mourning, this person you have lost is of course in the forefront of your mind. And so, images of them may be floating around your brain. If this is the case, you are still mourning and processing the death of your deceased loved one.

Not finding happiness in things you used to

Image Source / godfatherstylePerhaps you used to love doing something or you used to go somewhere or do a hobby which you couldn't help but just feel happy when you did it. But if you are still dealing with your loss this might have gone. You may not even find happiness in the things you once loved.

Feeling that things are pointless

Image Source / unsplashIt is important to have positive things to focus on when you are mourning a loss, whether this is a project or loved ones. Because feeling like things are pointless can sometimes occur during mourning. When everyday tasks take on this negative feeling it is important to work past it.

You take it out on loved ones

Image Source / EverydayhealthGrief and dealing with loss takes place in so many different forms and ways because everybody deals with mourning a loss differently. However, sometimes when people are mourning, they can take it out on loved ones because they are not sure how to deal with loss.

You find it hard to look at photos

Image Source / EtsyLooking at photos of the person you have lost can be hard. Because it brings back memories which will feel very raw. Which can make it feel very hard because they are no longer here. This will heal over some time, however during the mourning period photographs are difficult to see.

Or talk about past experiences

Image Source / RomperAnother thing you may find yourself doing if you are still mourning a loss, is reflecting and talking about past experiences. This can be a good technique to heal. Unless you become hyper-obsessed with these experiences rather than focusing on the present.

You think a lot about death

Image Source / eriereaderAfter experiencing the loss of a loved one and dealing with heartbreak, death becomes something in the forefront of your mind when you are still in mourning, because it may make you think about death in general, as a concept and a life question. For example, what happens after?

...And their death

Image Source / talkingoflifeWhen you are mourning your loved one still, you may be thinking about their death and finding yourself focusing and dwelling on the very sad and negative aspects. Rather, than what is positive to focus on such as the happy memories you share together.

You often think about the future if they were here

Image Source / smallbusinessDo you find yourself wondering about how the future would look with them in it? When you are still mourning someone, you are probably looking into the future and visualising how your future would look with them, rather than facing the prospect of looking at a future without them.

And wonder about if you did past things differently

It's only natural to glance back into the past and wonder if you could have done things differently with someone you've lost, said something more, or spent more time with someone. But if this continues it can be damaging for your mental health and it means you are still in the mourning period.

You feel like a different person

Image Source / woveministriesWhen you are mourning a loss, you may feel like a completely different person. This is because you have thoughts and feelings which are revolving around the loss of your loved one, rather than focusing on the things you would normally in your life that make you, you.

You get triggered around topics that remind you

Image Source / The Hard TimesOf course, when you have experienced losing somebody it is understanding that certain topics will be very sensitive and even tiggering for you. Usually, these will lessen with time once emotions and grief has been processed. Yet, if you are still mourning a loss, you may still be triggered by certain things.