Lies That Parents Tell Their Kids

"I'll think about it."

Image Source/ Yorkshire LiveI think every parent can admit that they've used this classic lie when their kids are playing up in the toy aisle of Wal-Mart. Saying "I'll think about it," actually means "There's no way I'm buying that, and I hope to God you've forgotten about it by Christmas."

"She's gone to live on a farm."

Image Source/ PDSAHow do you approach the topic of death with your little ones? Simple: you don't. Just have them believe that their little dachshund Daisy has gone to work as a farm dog (yeah, right) and that she's living her best life up with the other farmyard animals. It'll make your life easier, but they'll definitely resent you as adults.

"You can get arrested for having the light on in the car."

Image Source/ Daily RecordI feel as though there was some communal realisation we all went through when we realised that this was simply not true. In actuality, it was a deceitful tactic of our parents to keep the light off so that we could fall to sleep in the back. Not nice.

"You won't like this, it's spicy."

Image Source/ Daily MailAs a parent you will understand that you can never enjoy anything alone. If you have it, your child wants it. A tactic to avoid this is to lie and say that your Hershey's bar of chocolate was actually made from jalapeno peppers, which they won't like.

"I'll tell Santa."

Image Source/ The West Australian"Misbehaving? That's fine, I have Santa on speed-dial anyway." Oh, a line our parents loved. Yet, it was a great one. As soon as this warning is pulled out the bag, just see children turn their behaviour right around, because nobody wants to be on Santa's naughty list.

"It won't hurt."

Image Source/ The ConversationGetting their routine shots can be a nightmare if the child is scared of needles. Sometimes, it's better to lie, especially if it's in the best interests of the child. So, don't feel guilty for telling your young ones that shots don't hurt, we all know that they do.

"The water will turn purple if you pee in a pool."

Image Source/ Medallion EnergyI'm sure this was some kind of universally-shared experience that we can all relate to, right? The absolute fear of being in a pool when you needed a wee and your parents telling you it will turn purple. Obviously not true, but a great lie to keep the kids in check.

"It takes your body seven years to digest chewing gum."

Image Source/ LivestrongThe worst thing to do is give a child gum. They'll have it stuck around the house, in their hair, down their clothes, or even choke on it. So, as we all believed, you spout the lie that it takes our bodies around seven years to digest a piece of gum. How did we fall for that shmuck?

"We can't afford that."

Image Source/ Mom.comWhile it might sometimes be true that you can't afford it, there could be rare occasions that you probably could afford the newest Elsa Frozen doll, but spending $10 on plastic that will be discarded as quickly as you get home? Nope, so I guess the lie is a must!

"Your sister was delivered by the stork."

Image Source/ Live ScienceA question every parent dreads: where did my brother/sister come from? Some parents tell their kids the whole truth, while others tend to give their children a PG version of how their sibling was brought unto the Earth. "The stork dropped her off." Fantastic, very believable.

"It's illegal to see R-rated movies before 18."

Image Source/ The MirrorWhile the films are often not meant to be viewed by the eyes of children, the main reason to not have them watch it is to keep them out your way and give you a bit of alone time. You just have to let them know that the police will coming knocking if they find out.

"Spinach will make you as strong as Popeye."

Image Source/ Hindustan TimesSpoiler alert: it doesn't. Parents will tell their children anything to get them to eat a few greens, and this was a staple. Popeye notoriously ate a lot of spinach and had big-boy muscles as a result, so of course this works in the real world, right?

"It's just taking a nap."

Image Source/ ShutterstockThe highways are smothered with the innards of hedgehogs, squirrels, rabbits, pheasants, any wild animal you can think of really. So it's inevitable you'll come across some roadkill once with your child and when they ask you what's wrong, you just need to say "it's just taking a nap, honey."

"The toy-store is closed today."

Image Source/ WTOKHow peculiar that the toy store decides to open their stores during school times, and they're always shut while the kids are off. Sounds like a blatant lie, but the children don't need to know that. They don't need anymore hot wheels lying round the house.

"If you lie, your nose will grow."

Image Source/ Triple P parenting programmeThe younger you can introduce your child to Pinocchio, the better. They'll start believing that any time they try to bend the truth or outright lie, their nose will start growing! Well, that is until they tell their first lie and realise it was all a con.

"It's past your bed-time."

Image Source/ Raising Children NetworkThis age-old tactic only works up until the age that they begin to tell the time. But before this, every parent tells their children that "it's past your bedtime," despite the sun still being up, they've only just had lunch, and they woke up four hours ago!

"It tastes just like chicken."

Image Source/ TODAYIt can be a nightmare to get your children to enjoy other meats; beef, pork, duck. So the natural thing to do is to lie to your child and say "it takes just like chicken." Either they believe you and munch on, or they realise your deceit from the get go.

"They don't make batteries for that store anymore."

Image Source/ The ChaserEvery parent buys their child a toy that they regret, and it's usually the loud ones. So once that thing drains its battery, there's no way it's getting new ones. As long as you keep them away from the battery aisle at Target, they'll be none the wiser.

"I can't get games on my phone."

Image Source/ PCMag UKKids are clumsy, they will break things. The last thing you want them to break is your brand new iPhone 14, so you will keep that thing out of your child's reach for as long as possible. As long as they don't spot you playing candy crush, what's the problem?

"First one to fall asleep, wins."

Image Source/ iStockA clever tactic: make your child believe that everything is a competition, because we all know that if there's one thing children hate, it's losing. So the next time your children aren't sleeping, be sure to tell them it's a competition. The prize: peace and quiet.

"Whoever can stay quiet the longest, wins."

Image Source/ Yummy Mummy ClubHand in hand with the last one comes this. If you've got multiple noisy children you'll know how irritating they can be. As a child, you might even remember your parents pulling this one out on you. Be sure not to specify the prize though, or else you'll be forking out a fortune.

"It's only a short ride."

Image Source/ ShutterstockTravelling ten minutes away? Just a short ride. Travelling ten hours away? Just a short ride. That's what you have to tell those kids, otherwise all hell break's loose, the car journey is nothing short of a nightmare, and you'll have a headache minutes into the journey.

"I was a straight-A student."

Image Source/ Verywell FamilyThe most important thing as a parent is to lead by example. Or, in any case, pretend to lead by example. By no means should your children know the antics you got up to in your high-school years, so make them think that you were a smart, rule-abiding geek at school.

"Don't cross your eyes or they'll get stuck."

Image Source/ ShutterstockWhy do parents feel the need to lie about this one? Who knows, but it's a common one that we can all guarantee we were told at some point in our youth. Children are always pulling some kind of weird face, so fibbing to them about the permanence might just put an end to it.

"Bread crusts are vitamin rich."

Image Source/ Agora 504What is it about children and not eating the crusts of their bread? Don't get me wrong, I was a culprit of this, but why? One of the tactics out parents used was to tell us that the crusts were where all of the bread's vitamins are. Did we believe them? Hell no.

"If you tell the truth I won't get mad."

Image Source/ Only FixMajor. Lie. We all remember breaking something of our parents' and we would deny deny deny until they pulled this line out. "We won't get mad, we promise." How did we fall for that trick? In fact, they did get mad, very mad, and we were grounded for a week.

"I'm not sure where your Halloween candy went."

Image Source/ POPSUGARIt's the night of Halloween, the kids have been sent to bed, buckets of hard-boiled candies and chocolate are sat in your living room and you give in to the temptation. They wouldn't notice a couple missing, right? Wrong. Those kids have counted once, twice, thrice!

"If you swallow an apple seed, an apple tree will grow inside you."

Image Source/ Cleveland Clinic Health EssentialsAs a child, we must all remember being told this lie, right? But why do parents say it? Is it to scare their children? Why would we need to deter children away from eating fruit, we should encourage it surely. Oh well, I'm over it now... I promise.

"I need to bite to see if it's poisonous."

Image Source/ Liete's CulinariaWhat do you mean we just want a bite of your bubble-gum flavoured ice cream without buying our own? Of course not. We just need to make sure that it's not poisonous honey, trust me. All I'm trying to do is protect you. How we were all so fooled as kids.

"If you don't bathe, moss will grow behind your ears."

Image Source/ Alpha MOMWhat is it about children and just never wanting to bathe? Yeah, sure enough, their ears won't start looking like the floor inside your shed, but you won't be telling them that anytime soon. It's a cheap and deceitful way to get your child to have a wash.