Gross Things All Parents Do

By Milli 5 months ago

1. Cleaned up poop with the first thing you find, no matter what

Image Source/ Just Simply Mom

There really can be some serious poop explosions. And there are no rules on when or where. So if you're not properly prepared then you have no choice but to use whatever you have to hand, especially if there are no wipes left. Your scarf? No piece of clothing is safe...

2. Caught vomit in their hands

Image Source/ Reddit

I'm positive this is a natural reaction you develop when you become a parent. As soon as your kid starts retching you are poised and ready to catch it with whatever you can get your hands on. But sometimes that is quite literally just your hands. Better than the floor, right?

3. Sucked snot out of a kid's nose

Image Source/ Life with Gremlins

Not unlike a constipated baby, a stuffy baby is not much better. They cannot blow their own noses and if you don't want to deal with a cranky, congested baby then you're going to have to get that snot out one way or another. That means suck it out. Trust me, the peace and quiet is worth it.

4. Cleaning up that floating log

Image Source/ Baby Gaga

Babies don't know when to poop and when not to. Hence the nappies. Do you know when they don't wear a nappy? The bath. If you gotta go, you gotta go. And you will be the lucky person who gets to fish that log out of the bath! What a privilege it is to be a parent!

5. You take advantage of dirty clothes and get EVEN dirtier before changing

Image Source/ iStock

If your kid has already thrown up on your T Shirt today, you might as well make the most of it before changing it! Why not use your dirty T Shirt to wipe your baby's nose. There's no point wasting a tissue after all! This T Shirt will only go in the wash when it crawls there on its own!

6. Picked your babies cradle cap

Image Source/ Water Wipes

Cradle cap is basically baby dandruff. It's just loads of flaky skin right there on the top of their heads waiting to be picked. It's honestly like meditation and all new parents have done it, even if they won't admit it! It does go eventually, so better to make the most of it!

7. Not fussed about being peed on

Image Source/ Dry and Cool

It gets to a point in parenthood where you don't even blink when a kid pees on you. It doesn't even make you feel gross anymore. You really do just get used to it. I would even go as far to say that you wouldn't bother changing clothes. What's a bit of pee after all?

8. Eaten kids food

Image Source/ Baby Centre

There is no shame on eating leftovers, kiddy food or not. You might find it's covered in saliva and snot but when you're sleep-deprived on hungry that is not enough to stop you. Let's not talk about everything they will have touched before they touched all that food...

9. Inspected poop very carefully

Image Source/ What To Expect

You learn a lot by looking at your kid's poop. Is it runny? Does that mean they're sick? Have they finally pooped out that piece of lego they swallowed? Only one way to find out! Doctors and nurses will shamelessly ask a lot of questions about your kid's excrement too.

10. Taste tested a lot of nasty things

Image Source/ Amino Apps

There's only one way to test if your milk is off or not! There is also only one way to tell what that sticky stuff is on your coffee table. Is it food or crayon or bogies? How will you ever know unless you test it! And the quickest way to find out is the taste test.

11. Drinking backwash

Image Source/ Eric

Just like their left over food, kids water bottles will be full of all sorts. It has got to be at least 20% backwash. Does that stop you drinking it? No. And you won't be the first parent to drink their children's backwash out of their water bottle. Desperate times.

12. Had a good sniff of anything and everything

Image Source/ Mama Knows It All

If you think tasting random stuff is bad, imagine how much stuff parents have sniffed to try and determine what it is. You also get SO used to the smell of baby poo that I don't even think it shocks you until you really get up close and personal with it.

13. Scraped snot out of noses with their fingers

Image Source/FreePic

If you can't suck it out then you can dig it out! This might sound gross but is actually hugely satisfying! Especially when you get those big, bad meaty ones out. It's not like the kids can do it themselves. And like we said before, peace and quiet is more important than self respect.

14. Cleaning your babies face with spit

Image Source/ Daily Mail

No wipes? No problem! As you'll know, babies faces are always getting dirty, even if you wipes it 30 seconds ago. A bit of spit will fix that problem! Lick you fingers or your sleeve and a bit of spit, get to working scrubbing and you baby will be as good as new!

15. Stuck a finger up a baby's bum when they're constipated

Image Source/ YouTube

It works. That's the main thing, right? And yes, it is definitely as gross as it sounds. But as all parents will know, you will do anything for your child, especially if they're uncomfortable and you can do something to help. Unconditional love and all of that...

16. Sniffed a lot of bottoms

Image Source/ Made For Mums

The smell test is a skill you develop in parenthood. When you need to evaluate how bad the diaper situation is, you have to take a sniff. It's not like you can open up their diaper in public, so sniff test it is. The best bit it, all other parents won't even notice that what you're doing is strange.

17. Don't forget your ears!

Image Source/ Healthline

Ears is just another body part that you might need to clear out at some point in your child's life. I'm sure the advice is not to clean out ears as you can cause damage, but that doesn't stop anyone doing it. It also won't stop the satisfaction of cleaning your kid's ears out.

18. Knowing your kids individual farts

Image Source/ NBC News

It's a strange but important skill to be able to identify a child from the stench of their fart. It will go a long way when you have a house full of kids though. You will be able to locate them easily or follow their movements through the house by following the trail.

19. Fished a bloody band aid out of the water

Image Source/ Inverclyde Leisure

Pool rules are you're not allowed in the water with an open wound. So you plaster you kid's scraped knee up. Problem solved. Until you see the bloody plaster floating about in the water. You better fish that out before anyone sees it. No time for any gloves...

20. Sucked on a dummy to clean it

Image Source/ Fatherly

Babies can't be trusted to keep hold of their dummies. And we all know they can get VERY upset if they don't have it. It doesn't matter what the dummy lands in, your kid will start to cry immediately and you do everything you can to get it back in their mouth as quick as possible. Even sucking the dirt off it...

21. Sat down in pee

Image Source/ We Have Kids

Toilet training kids takes a lot of time and effort. And it's not just about teaching them to use the toilet instead of their nappy. It's also about aim... And sometimes when you're in a rush you don't look down at the toilet seat until it's too late. Until you're sitting in warm, kids pee.

22. Burying the evidence...

Image Source/ Wikimedia

There will be at least one mortifying point in your journey as a parent where you kid will need to poop and you won't be able to reach a safe space. A beach is actually a saving grace! You can bury that monster and walk away. Everyone's done it... just don't look back!

23. "Just turn the cushions over..."

Image Source/ The New York Times

A classic comment exchanged between parents. You can hide the worst of any stain by just simply turning the cushion over. No one else will ever know. You're lucky if you even get a chance to spot clean it. This will never get rid of the smell but you can try.

24. Drank some breast milk

Image Source/ The Mirror

There's no harm in being curious. It is a crazy thing that our bodies produce food for another human. Is it so weird we want to sample the goods? Don't knock it until you try it! Maybe it starts to become a bit gross and weird when other people start drinking it though...

25. Eating anything your child has sneezed on

Image Source/ Shutterstock

Children have no manners. They don't know that you're supposed to cover you hand and nose when you sneeze. So they just sneeze on everything instead. Those cookies you're baking? Contaminated. But lets be honest, it won't stop you eating them. Heat kills germs, right?

26. Washing dirty nappies by accident

Image Source/ Reddit

Forgetting to empty your pockets before putting your jeans in the wash is a classic. Accidentally putting a dirty nappy in the washer is another kind of mistake. With very unfortunate consequences - you would never believe how much it disintegrates! You will spend some time rewashing everything else involved.

27. "Do you need to poo?" is on repeat

Image Source/ Ontspannen

You're constantly on alert with your kids and their toilet habits. Will they poop their pants in the shopping centre today or will we make it home? It won't stop you asking them if they need to go to the toilet every five minutes. You're just hoping for some advance warning.

28. Retrieving items from the toilet

Image Source/ Today's Parent

Kids will put anything, anywhere. The toilet is no exemption. And if it's something you care about then you have no choice but to fish it out. It sounds extreme but actually, any parent will know that you will end up doing this hundreds of time while your kids are small.

29. Poo on your pants doesn't even bother you anymore

Image Source/ Forbes

You know it's there but you're hoping no one else will notice it. Or smell it. There's a bit of you that doesn't really care though. You have a million errands to run and you don't have time to get changed. Let the judgement roll. You'll probably find fellow parents won't judge at all.

30. Expiration dates mean nothing anymore

Image Source/ Flikr

If it smells fine and tastes fine then you can eat it. That's the rule. Expiration dates are just a recommendation right? You don't even have time to think about this with a house full of kids, so a quick sniff test and lets be getting on with it.

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