Gross Things All Parents Do

By Milli 1 year ago

1. Cleaned up poop with the first thing you find, no matter what

Image Source/ Just Simply MomThere really can be some serious poop explosions. And there are no rules on when or where. So if you're not properly prepared then you have no choice but to use whatever you have to hand, especially if there are no wipes left. Your scarf? No piece of clothing is safe...

2. Caught vomit in their hands

Image Source/ Reddit
I'm positive this is a natural reaction you develop when you become a parent. As soon as your kid starts retching you are poised and ready to catch it with whatever you can get your hands on. But sometimes that is quite literally just your hands. Better than the floor, right?

3. Sucked snot out of a kid's nose

Image Source/ Life with Gremlins
Not unlike a constipated baby, a stuffy baby is not much better. They cannot blow their own noses and if you don't want to deal with a cranky, congested baby then you're going to have to get that snot out one way or another. That means suck it out. Trust me, the peace and quiet is worth it.

4. Cleaning up that floating log

Image Source/ Baby Gaga
Babies don't know when to poop and when not to. Hence the nappies. Do you know when they don't wear a nappy? The bath. If you gotta go, you gotta go. And you will be the lucky person who gets to fish that log out of the bath! What a privilege it is to be a parent!

5. You take advantage of dirty clothes and get EVEN dirtier before changing

Image Source/ iStock
If your kid has already thrown up on your T Shirt today, you might as well make the most of it before changing it! Why not use your dirty T Shirt to wipe your baby's nose. There's no point wasting a tissue after all! This T Shirt will only go in the wash when it crawls there on its own!

6. Picked your babies cradle cap

Image Source/ Water Wipes
Cradle cap is basically baby dandruff. It's just loads of flaky skin right there on the top of their heads waiting to be picked. It's honestly like meditation and all new parents have done it, even if they won't admit it! It does go eventually, so better to make the most of it!

7. Not fussed about being peed on

Image Source/ Dry and Cool
It gets to a point in parenthood where you don't even blink when a kid pees on you. It doesn't even make you feel gross anymore. You really do just get used to it. I would even go as far to say that you wouldn't bother changing clothes. What's a bit of pee after all?

8. Eaten kids food

Image Source/ Baby Centre
There is no shame on eating leftovers, kiddy food or not. You might find it's covered in saliva and snot but when you're sleep-deprived on hungry that is not enough to stop you. Let's not talk about everything they will have touched before they touched all that food...

9. Inspected poop very carefully

Image Source/ What To Expect
You learn a lot by looking at your kid's poop. Is it runny? Does that mean they're sick? Have they finally pooped out that piece of lego they swallowed? Only one way to find out! Doctors and nurses will shamelessly ask a lot of questions about your kid's excrement too.

10. Taste tested a lot of nasty things

Image Source/ Amino Apps
There's only one way to test if your milk is off or not! There is also only one way to tell what that sticky stuff is on your coffee table. Is it food or crayon or bogies? How will you ever know unless you test it! And the quickest way to find out is the taste test.

11. Drinking backwash

Image Source/ Eric
Just like their left over food, kids water bottles will be full of all sorts. It has got to be at least 20% backwash. Does that stop you drinking it? No. And you won't be the first parent to drink their children's backwash out of their water bottle. Desperate times.

12. Had a good sniff of anything and everything

Image Source/ Mama Knows It All
If you think tasting random stuff is bad, imagine how much stuff parents have sniffed to try and determine what it is. You also get SO used to the smell of baby poo that I don't even think it shocks you until you really get up close and personal with it.

13. Scraped snot out of noses with their fingers

Image Source/FreePic
If you can't suck it out then you can dig it out! This might sound gross but is actually hugely satisfying! Especially when you get those big, bad meaty ones out. It's not like the kids can do it themselves. And like we said before, peace and quiet is more important than self respect.

14. Cleaning your babies face with spit

Image Source/ Daily Mail
No wipes? No problem! As you'll know, babies faces are always getting dirty, even if you wipes it 30 seconds ago. A bit of spit will fix that problem! Lick you fingers or your sleeve and a bit of spit, get to working scrubbing and you baby will be as good as new!

15. Stuck a finger up a baby's bum when they're constipated

Image Source/ YouTube
It works. That's the main thing, right? And yes, it is definitely as gross as it sounds. But as all parents will know, you will do anything for your child, especially if they're uncomfortable and you can do something to help. Unconditional love and all of that...

16. Sniffed a lot of bottoms

Image Source/ Made For Mums
The smell test is a skill you develop in parenthood. When you need to evaluate how bad the diaper situation is, you have to take a sniff. It's not like you can open up their diaper in public, so sniff test it is. The best bit it, all other parents won't even notice that what you're doing is strange.

17. Don't forget your ears!

Image Source/ Healthline
Ears is just another body part that you might need to clear out at some point in your child's life. I'm sure the advice is not to clean out ears as you can cause damage, but that doesn't stop anyone doing it. It also won't stop the satisfaction of cleaning your kid's ears out.

18. Knowing your kids individual farts

Image Source/ NBC News
It's a strange but important skill to be able to identify a child from the stench of their fart. It will go a long way when you have a house full of kids though. You will be able to locate them easily or follow their movements through the house by following the trail.

19. Fished a bloody band aid out of the water

Image Source/ Inverclyde Leisure
Pool rules are you're not allowed in the water with an open wound. So you plaster you kid's scraped knee up. Problem solved. Until you see the bloody plaster floating about in the water. You better fish that out before anyone sees it. No time for any gloves...

20. Sucked on a dummy to clean it

Image Source/ Fatherly
Babies can't be trusted to keep hold of their dummies. And we all know they can get VERY upset if they don't have it. It doesn't matter what the dummy lands in, your kid will start to cry immediately and you do everything you can to get it back in their mouth as quick as possible. Even sucking the dirt off it...

21. Sat down in pee

Image Source/ We Have Kids
Toilet training kids takes a lot of time and effort. And it's not just about teaching them to use the toilet instead of their nappy. It's also about aim... And sometimes when you're in a rush you don't look down at the toilet seat until it's too late. Until you're sitting in warm, kids pee.

22. Burying the evidence...

Image Source/ Wikimedia
There will be at least one mortifying point in your journey as a parent where you kid will need to poop and you won't be able to reach a safe space. A beach is actually a saving grace! You can bury that monster and walk away. Everyone's done it... just don't look back!

23. "Just turn the cushions over..."

Image Source/ The New York Times
A classic comment exchanged between parents. You can hide the worst of any stain by just simply turning the cushion over. No one else will ever know. You're lucky if you even get a chance to spot clean it. This will never get rid of the smell but you can try.

24. Drank some breast milk

Image Source/ The Mirror
There's no harm in being curious. It is a crazy thing that our bodies produce food for another human. Is it so weird we want to sample the goods? Don't knock it until you try it! Maybe it starts to become a bit gross and weird when other people start drinking it though...

25. Eating anything your child has sneezed on

Image Source/ Shutterstock
Children have no manners. They don't know that you're supposed to cover you hand and nose when you sneeze. So they just sneeze on everything instead. Those cookies you're baking? Contaminated. But lets be honest, it won't stop you eating them. Heat kills germs, right?

26. Washing dirty nappies by accident

Image Source/ Reddit
Forgetting to empty your pockets before putting your jeans in the wash is a classic. Accidentally putting a dirty nappy in the washer is another kind of mistake. With very unfortunate consequences - you would never believe how much it disintegrates! You will spend some time rewashing everything else involved.

27. "Do you need to poo?" is on repeat

Image Source/ Ontspannen
You're constantly on alert with your kids and their toilet habits. Will they poop their pants in the shopping centre today or will we make it home? It won't stop you asking them if they need to go to the toilet every five minutes. You're just hoping for some advance warning.

28. Retrieving items from the toilet

Image Source/ Today's Parent
Kids will put anything, anywhere. The toilet is no exemption. And if it's something you care about then you have no choice but to fish it out. It sounds extreme but actually, any parent will know that you will end up doing this hundreds of time while your kids are small.

29. Poo on your pants doesn't even bother you anymore

Image Source/ Forbes
You know it's there but you're hoping no one else will notice it. Or smell it. There's a bit of you that doesn't really care though. You have a million errands to run and you don't have time to get changed. Let the judgement roll. You'll probably find fellow parents won't judge at all.

30. Expiration dates mean nothing anymore

Image Source/ Flikr
If it smells fine and tastes fine then you can eat it. That's the rule. Expiration dates are just a recommendation right? You don't even have time to think about this with a house full of kids, so a quick sniff test and lets be getting on with it.

31. Had your kid spit their food into your hand

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All parents know that if their kid doesn't like something, they're not going to eat it - and at home, this is bad enough, but when you're out in public there's really no other option other than them spitting it out! The trouble is you won't always have something for them to spit it into when you're out and about, so the only alternative is having them spit it into your hand!

32. Eaten your kid's leftovers

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We're not talking the sort-of-acceptable leftovers after a night out's takeout, either... we're talking that horrible, unappetizing kiddie food that you definitely didn't want even when it was warm, but now it's completely cold and has been mushed around your kid's plate for a while until it's now just a pile of big grey mush that you have to eat just to finish it off.

33. Used your hand as a tissue for your kid's nose

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Let's be honest, must of us as adults have done this in a pinch when we're desperate and have a runny nose with no tissue in sight! But with a child, it's going to happen a lot more often when you least expect it - and a lot more wet and snottily at that! You really don't have any other option but to wipe their running nose on your own hand when you don't have anything else!

34. Used your teeth to cut up your kid's food

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In a perfect world, you'd always have a knife and fork on hand - but we're not judging if busy parents haven't done the washing up, or if your kid just suddenly wants their food chopped up on-the-go when it's something you wouldn't even usually cut up! So the only solution is biting their food into tiny pieces with your own teeth then taking it back out of your mouth for them.

35. Smelled a diaper *after* you know there's poop

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Usually parents smell diapers to check whether their baby has pooped, but another gross habit can be to stick your nose there and take a big whiff after you know for definite they've already made a mess in there. This is usually just to check how bad the situation is, how smelly it is or even if you can get away with keeping the diaper on until you get home!

36. Used any part of your body to catch vomit

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When your baby or toddler is going to projectile vomit, there's really no stopping it, and the only thing you can do is to act fast to minimize the damage. And usually this means using the best thing available to you - your own body. Using anything you can - your lap, your behind, your arms, your own head even - you're going to catch as much of that vomit as you can!

37. Used your top as a cleaning cloth

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And what happens if the vomit manages to go elsewhere instead? Or if they make a mess in a different way, spill a drink, drop food or - worse - have a potty problem? Well if you don't have any proper cleaning supplies on you, the only real option is to use anything you're wearing - so if you have a top you can easily take off, like a shirt, you're most definitely going to utilize that.

38. Taken a photo of your child's poop

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Most adults will admit they look into the toilet bowl after a poop - for health issues, just to check everything is okay, you know - but for some reason many parents not only do this with their children, but actually go so far as to taking pictures of it. Maybe it's to keep for memory's sake? Or maybe to share in the parent forum to check why your baby's poop looks weird. Only you can know why you do it.

39. Cleaned a bottle top or pacifier with your spit

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Bottle nipples and pacifiers are things that definitely need cleaning more than you'd hope, and especially if your child is going about dropping their pacifier on the floor every two seconds, and that makes keeping on top of a proper cleaning routine a little bit harder. The only thing you can do is give it a quick spruce up with your own spit - one of the handiest tools available to a parent.

40. The five second rule is definitely valid

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Any other time we wouldn't even contemplate still eating or using anything we've dropped on the floor, but when you're a parent running on 1 hour of sleep a day, when you've been working for hours cleaning and making a meal, if you drop something on the floor your bet your bottom dollar you're going to use or eat it anyway - because you're not spending another few hours redoing it!

41. Eaten baby food when there's nothing else

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We all hate that empty cupboard feeling when we realize we should have gone grocery shopping yesterday instead of leaving it until now, and when you're an overworked parent it's even more likely. So what's the only thing available to you? Those shelves upon shelves of baby food that taste like nothing good but it really is all you have in that particular moment...

42. Knowing you have bodily fluid *somewhere* on you

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So it's one of those situations where you just know that you have pee, poop or vomit somewhere on you - only a little bit - because you can smell it, you can sense it... you just can't pinpoint where, maybe it's soaked in and dried a little, but you just can't find it - and the only correct thing to do, in your eyes, is ignore it and go about your day because there's nothing you can do about it!

43. Not bothering to shower

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When you're a busy parent, self care can sometimes fall on the wayside, especially when it comes to personal hygiene - but there's missing a shower or two, and there's purposefully not bothering to have a shower for a long time because what's the point? You're only going to get covered in pee, poop or vomit - or maybe all three at once - anywhere so best save on that water bill!

44. Had pee or poop go into your mouth

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The unfortunate fact of changing a diaper means your baby is on its back in a very dangerous position in terms of where things are going to go. If they choose to pee or poop in that moment, the only way is up. And if you happen to be caught in that moment with your mouth open - maybe taking in a yawn - then there's always the risk something hits you in the face... and your open mouth...

45. Having to pull certain foods out of your baby's... you know

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A lot of research is needed for what to feed your baby, but sometimes there might be something you feed them as they get older that you thought might be easy for them to digest but actually isn't. Or maybe they got hold of something by accident. And that can cause a bit of a clogging problem down below. So you might have to... manually get in there and pull it out.

46. Having to pull off stuck gum from questionable places

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One thing we've all struggled with in our younger years is that pesky chewed gum that gets stuck anywhere it's not supposed to - our poor hair, our shoes, our clothes... And when you have a baby or toddler, there's more of a risk of it getting stuck somewhere. And as a parent you might have had to pull it from difficult places they've tried to stick it, like on their face, down their pants, up their nose...

47. Making a bowl with your hands for whatever needs to come out

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You're out at a restaurant, bar or café for what feels like the first time in months, and you've taken your baby or kid for a nice day out. Well... they suddenly need to do something you're not going to get to the bathroom in time for. So you just cup your hands into a bowl right there and then and just let whatever is going to happen, happen...

48. Cleaning poop off walls, ceilings... anything

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We would have to hope that babies would do all their pooping in their diaper, but as we know, it's not always the case. And as they get a little older and a little more free to move around, they might decide instead to take a poop in their room - or any room of your home - that they'll then spread on the walls, on the floor, on their toys... and you've had to clean it all up.

49. Having to suck *anything* out of their nose

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Just like the toilet, kids also have a habit of shoving anything and everything up their nose, like toys or even items of food from their plates. As if it wasn't enough having to suck their blocked noses clear, you might also have had to get in there and suck out anything they've had trapped up there, like their baby puree or a green bean from your own plate. Sigh.

50. Having to clean up after the dog got hold of the diaper

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Living in a home with both a dog and a baby has its challenges if your dog is one who likes to make a mess or is still in the learning stage of what's not okay to tear up and chew. And if your dog somehow gets hold of the dirty diaper you left on the side to throw out? They might then proceed to use it as a rag toy and get the mess absolutely everywhere... ready for you to clean!

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