Subconscious Behaviors That Your Partner Isn’t The One For You

By Juliet Smith 1 year ago

You're the one that keeps conversations going

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I get it, not everyone is a natural-born chatterbox or a master of the written word. I have no problem with that at all! You may be on shaky ground if you notice a change in their responsiveness or if they don't propose meeting in person instead, while it might not be a major red flag, you want to keep them alarm bells ringing.

You're the only one that makes plans

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The problem here arises if you find that you are the one who initiates physical contact early on in a dating or committed relationship. They may not be excellent at making plans in general, or they may not be as keen on seeing you as you are on seeing them. The choice is yours, but you must choose.

They always defend that one 

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We've all been with someone that has that one toxic friend. They might've been overbearing, controlling or just a complete a-hole. Anyway, no matter how hard you try to get through to your partner and explain that they're no good, they just won't listen!

They've stopped trying to impress you

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At the beginning of the relationship, your partner would go above and beyond to make you feel special and appreciated. But now? Not a chance. Instead, they forget to do even the most obvious things to make you feel good. Make sure you know when it's gone on for too long.

You get the brunt of their work stress

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It's fine for people to get stressed after work, it's a normal part of our lives... but if you find that everyday they're coming home to take that stress out on you, that's not on. You should both be supporting and confiding in each other, not at each other's throats.

They're always asleep before you

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You haven't seen them in like five days and when you finally do, they come round to chill and end up falling asleep before you! The audacity! Someone that cared and wanted to be around you wouldn't just fall asleep to leave you on your own, no matter how tired they are.

They ignore you when they're on their phone

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I think most of us can agree that this is a massive bug bear. When you're trying to talk to your partner and all they can do is scroll through Twitter or Instagram, you find yourself getting frustrated... like they're just not listening to you. Odds are, they're not!

They don't show much interest in your life

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Despite its obviousness, many people seem to overlook it. This could initially manifest as a lack of enthusiasm on your partner's part to meet your relatives. You might also notice that the longer your together, the more you realize they don't know that much about you.

They're never in a happy mood

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You might've noticed over time that your partner's mood has started to shift. Every time you're doing something fun or exciting together they're just not happy. While there might be some deeper issues going on, it could also just be the fact that they don't love you like they should.

You have different priorities

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For example, in a one-sided relationship, you would help them choose an outfit for a work dinner, but they wouldn't help you pick out yours, or you might spend time carefully selecting a birthday present for them while they spend your special day celebrating with their friends. That's a clear example of someone who isn't the one!

You don't think their Mom likes you

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Listen, evil mothers-in-law are a thing everyone talks about. So, let your lesson be... don't get married if their mother hates you! You can often tell by how your partner's mood shifts if the Mom has been talking smack about you behind your back. Don't be fooled.

They don't touch you as often as they should

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Your partner should want to touch you a lot, that's a normal part of a healthy relationship. But you might now be noticing that they're reluctant to touch you, even at the best of times. It might be a sign that they've fallen out of love with you, and they're not the one.

They keep cancelling plans on you

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Let's assume you and them had planned to go to a movie together on a Sunday afternoon, but they texted you first thing in the morning to cancel because they didn't get enough sleep and are feeling exhausted. What's that you say? It's a massive sign that they're not the one for you.

You are never their priority

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While it's healthy to make sure that you both have multiple priorities in your life, it's also healthy to make sure that at times you are each other's priority. So if all your partner can do is go on the phone when you need their attention and love... not a good sign.

They'd rather play games than talk to or see you

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Sometimes, partners can love their video games, even so much so that that's all they'd rather do than actually spend some time alone with you. Don't let video games get in between of you and your partner. Either try and sort it out, or dump them immediately!

You find yourself making excuses for them

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It is one thing to be understanding and forgiving of your spouse if they are having a difficult day or if they have disappointed you in a little manner. Still, what if it becomes routine? You might find yourself excusing things like not doing chores around the house, and just end up doing it all yourself.

They never compromise for you

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Compromise is everything in a relationship. If he wants to play his games, while you wanna have some dinner... compromise. Order a takeout while playing VR, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! However, if your partner is reluctant to do this they might not be the one for you.

They use work to avoid you

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It's a red flag if they use their job as an excuse to put off making arrangements or an excuse to bail at the last minute. It's not easy to tell, but do they make an effort to spend their free time with you? Unless that happens, you're dealing with, you guessed it, an unbalanced exchange.

They've stopped comforting you when you're upset

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Your partner needs to be a support for you when you're upset, otherwise, it will add turmoil to your relationship. You might feel like they aren't making the appropriate amount of effort when it comes to dealing with your emotions, so make sure to be aware with how they are reacting to you.

All they do is sleep when they're with you

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Sleeping is absolutely fine. Hey, we all need it. But if you haven't seen each other in a while, and all they wanna do is sleep, then that's not so fine. Make sure to have this conversation with them if you're ever gonna work your way through this. Otherwise, get rid!

They don't react well when you use words like boyfriend or girlfriend

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It's important to pay attention to your intuition if you're scared that introducing this person to your family or using the words relationship, boyfriend or girlfriend in front of them would scare them away, even though you really want to. That feeling comes from knowing deep down that you care about them more than they do about you.

They don't want to work on your relationship

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In an unhealthy relationship, one partner may feel they have to constantly apologize, even when they have done nothing wrong, or they may be the only one willing to speak things out. Whenever you try to get through to your partner, they just bail. Not a good sign to be honest!

You're never on the same page

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A healthy part about being in a relationship is making sure that you are both on the same page. You might find that when you're trying to take selfies, they're really hesitant, or they don't wanna go out when you do. Don't settle for anything less than you want or need.

You don't have date nights anymore

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Date nights are now a thing of the past. You used to love hanging with them, but now they just can't be bothered to make those plans with you anymore. With my hand on my heart, I can tell you that this means they're probably not the one for you, so get out while you can.

They leave you at the dinner table

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If you and you partner are enjoying dinner together, they shouldn't just leave you because they've finished their food. Part of being in a relationship is making your presence known to the other person. The likelihood is that they have distanced themselves from you.

You're overly tired

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Burnout can come from a one-sided relationship, even if you don't think it can. “Sometimes when you are fatigued, it's because you are giving and not getting a lot back,” says Paulette Sherman, PhD, psychologist and Love Psychologist podcast presenter. Relationships need work, but you should feel energized rather than exhausted.

They never mention the future

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Most couples say they want to settle down together since that's what the future holds... therefore, if you are thinking this way you will likely have that conversation at some point, either via long-term planning (a wedding) or even if it's to ask where you're going together.

You second guess your worth

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When you do everything you can to make the relationship work and to make your spouse feel seen, it can feel like a blow to your self-esteem. It's not because they don't love you or think you're worthy, but rather because they want to spend their time elsewhere.

You're always having to adjust your plans for them

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It may come down to how often you are adjusting your plans to accommodate theirs. It's unbalanced if they always get to decide when, where, and what you'll do together and they don't budge when you try to do the same. You find yourself cancelling plans with your friends because of it.

Your values don't align

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We learn this lesson the hard way: that living with others who share our values is the key to happiness. There are some things that are necessities in your life, that they don't care about in theirs. Similarly, you might find that there's things they want and need that you don't.

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