The Best Ways To Break Up With Your Partner

Know Exactly What You Want First

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This is one of the most important things, and I cannot stress this enough! You have to have taken time to consider if this is exactly what you want from the relationship as it wouldn't be fair to leave your now former partner unsure of anything.

Do What's Best For You

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Without being horrible about it, you have to get across to your partner that the end of your relationship is what's best for you. After all, even though you may have been together for years your main role in life is to look after yourself before you look after anyone else (unless you have kids maybe)

Don't Be Mean

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Unless the reason for your break up is terrible, like they've cheated on you or they've been abusive in some form or another, then they've likely not done enough to mean you're allowed to be angry or aggressive towards them. Be kind with your words, you don't want to make a name for yourself.

Be Very Honest

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This is extremely important in a break-up, for the mental health of you both. Things have to be made clear throughout the process so that neither of you are left in the dark; you don't want to allow your now ex-partner to have an inkling of doubt, you don't want them thinking it isn't really over.

Make Sure You're Sensitive

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Put yourself in the shoes of your partner, if you can offer them the kind of empathy and respect you'd want if the situation was switched then you're on the right track. It might not be easy but it can save you some trouble down the road. You don't want to hurt them anymore than they already will be.

Don't End It Out Of The Blue

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A lot of people hate when relationships end out of the blue, although, if they were paying attention its likely that something like a break up would have been on the cards for a long time. Some people can be oblivious to stuff like this, so maybe you could give them some indications and tell them you need to have a chat.

Break Up With Them In Person

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Unless the reason for your breakup is absolutely horrendous, and I mean TERRIBLE, then you at least owe it to your former partner to respect them enough to break up with them in person. It might suck (it definitely will) but its the right thing to do and you cannot deny that.

Practice What You're Gonna Say With A Friend

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Your friends will always be some of the most important people in your life, and if you trust them enough, then it might be worth talking to them before you end the relationship. They might be able to help you find the clarity you're looking for in the breakup or what you need to make sure its the correct decision.

Explain The Main Problem In The Relationship

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Although your partners bad habits might trigger you endlessly, its unlikely that this is the reason you want to break up with them. Don't use little things like this as an excuse, instead use them as a way to fully understand and then explain to your partner what it is that's caused the relationship to end.

Enforce Any Boundaries You Might Have

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Following the conversation you have with your ex-partner, and they now know where they stand, make sure to enforce any boundaries you might want to put in place. This could mean leaving things open for a reconciliation or maybe even letting them know you need some space from them for a while.

Consider Who Else You're Hurting Too

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Sometimes ourselves and our partners relationship can be more than just the two of us. On occasion, the way our relationship proceeds or ends can also affect our families and our friends, especially if your friend groups are already combined. You are still the priority though, don't forget that!

Never Make A Scene

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Sometimes, you might break up with someone and it could really badly affect you as much as it does them. However, it is important that no matter how angry and upset (or crazy) you are that you don't create a scene, especially if you're in public. You don't want to look like an out of control child.

Don't Try And Make Your Partner Feel Better

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This might sound pretty mean, but once you and your partner are officially split up, their emotions aren't your problem anymore. However much it also makes you feel bad, you have to let them find their own path to happiness in the same way you have to do the same. Comforting them can be condescending.

Cut Off Contact For A While

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It isn't wrong to eventually become friends with an ex, but rushing into a friendship like that is a recipe for disaster and one that I cannot condone whatsoever. This will likely only cause you and your partner more emotional distress as the lines will become overly blurred and you're unsure where you stand.

Don't Blame Your Partner

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It takes two to tango (or so they say) and sometimes relationship just run their path and they can't go on anymore. You're allowed to be sad or angry at your partner, but you have to remain clear minded and understand that the relationship has probably fallen apart with your help as well as theirs.

Understand You'll Be Better Off Afterwards

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This isn't always clear straight away, in fact, breakups and the weeks (or months) after can be some of the worst periods of a persons life. But understand that if you've come to the conclusion the relationship needs to understand that there was a reason you broke up and you'll likely both be better off for that.

Make Plans For Yourself

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Before, or just after you've decided to break up with your partner, make sure you have planned some things you feel will make you feel better, or maybe these are things you were unable to do during the relationship. Its called investing in the rebuild of your own personal identity.

End It Without Plans For Another Relationship

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Do not enter the dreaded rebound period, we all know that rebounds are never for the best, and they never last. It's just a way for us to try and make ourselves feel better. You have to make sure that you are in a state of comfortability and you're excited to move on and hopefully find 'the one'.

Don't Break Up With Them In Public

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Public places are not the place for a breakup to happen, you need to be able to talk to each other and not get distracted. You also don't want to be able to make a scene, even if you don't go in to the conversation with intentions to do so; it could boil over and a restaurant or coffee shop wouldn't work.

DO IT SOBER!

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Never, and I repeat never, break up with someone under the influence of alcohol; this is 100% a recipe for disaster and there's almost no chance you'd be able to get your point across. We aren't totally present when we've had a few drinks, but we need to be to be honest and empathetic.

Take Some Of The Blame

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Be sure to not place all of the blame on your partner, after all, you are the one breaking up with them. Make sure to use statements beginning with 'I' and not 'You', you can't be seen as accusing them for things during a breakup. There's a lot of things that could be at fault for the downfall.

Don't Beat Around The Bush

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You have to make sure you don't beat around the bush when it comes to your breakup, or maybe you aren't clear enough with your words. Sometimes we can get awkward and not be get our words out but this can only be a negative for the future. Basically, just say it how it is or you could be in trouble.

Be Prepared To Listen

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You will be the one leading the conversation during a breakup, but you have to be ready to accept that they are going to have things to say as well. In fact, you might start the conversation but its likely that they are going to have the final word. And don't expect it to be a particularly nice one either.

Don't Give In To Promises Of Change

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If you've gone in to the breakup with no intention of reconciling as a couple then don't allow your ex-partner to try and change your mind. This is a very stereotypical thing for the person in the other side of the break up to say, promising to change the way they've been acting, but don't let it fool you.

Allow Time For Reflection With Them

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Although the sole focus of the conversation you're having is breaking up with your partner, you shouldn't be sour to the idea of allowing both of you to reflect on what went well whilst you were together. I would suggest probably at the end of the conversation so you don't part on such a negative.

Prepare A Self Debrief

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Going back to looking after yourself and making sure its the right thing to do. You'll have doubts and assurances following the conversation you have so take some time for self-care and really think about what the future has in hold for you now that you're single again.

Make A Plan For Social Media

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This is one the more awkward things to be wary of, you don't want to look like the mean one of the duo but you also want to remove your relationship status off social media sites and you also want to remove any photos from your Instagram. You decide how soon this needs to be done.

The Worst Ways To Break Up: Don't Ghost Them

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This is probably the most disrespectful way for a breakup to occur, you have to imagine how it would feel if the person you loved just disappeared out of nowhere, didn't see you, didn't speak to you and didn't message you. You'll only be emotionally torturing them and its not fair at all.

Never Break Up Via Text

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This is pretty much the way people break up with someone when they don't have the balls to say it to their face. In this scenario, you don't get the opportunity to speak properly, and you aren't able to convey the emotion that you would be able to in person. You might come across cold!

Don't Get Inventive

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Never do anything like this, you want to be straight to the point and not try and find humorous or inventive ways to end your relationship. You might think its a little funny and you might get some laughs from your friends, but, it will only come across as a little degrading to your partner .

Don't Cheat On Them!

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If you've already decided that you're going to end the relationship, you've already tapped out physically and emotionally - which can sometimes cause you to rebel by going and sleeping with someone else because you feel like it's not 'technically' cheating. If you want to sleep with someone else, break up first then go and do it! Cheating right before breaking up with someone is just going to cause them more needless pain! It may not be cheating to you, but it still will be to them.

Don't Send An Email

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An email might seem like a more 'professional' step up from sending a breakup text, but it's just as bad - and why are you trying to send an email like you're talking to your boss instead of your partner anyway? Emails give you room to type more, but it doesn't mean you should be typing anything!

Even A Phone Call Can Be Pretty Bad

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A phone call is a lot more personal - and takes a lot more guts - than a simple breakup text, but at the end of the day, it's still not as compassionate as doing it face to face! Especially if you're miles away and calling them on the phone when they know they can't come see you to talk about it properly. And then you're just going to have to listen to them crying.

Post-It Note? Forget It!

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Post-It notes for silly little love messages left on the fridge? Great. Post-It notes for breakup messages? Not so great. If you're, for some reason, thinking this is a quirky and creative way to break up with someone by leaving them a quick note, please think again!

Never, Ever Break Up Via Social Media Post

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Breaking up via social media can be horrifying for the other person, because not only are you making the breakup public so all your friends, family and followers can see, they may not even be the first person to see it, which means they might be the last person to know you've even broke up! Don't do it!

Don't Ask A Friend To Do It

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We know in the early days of school it was normal to ask your bestie to go ask out your crush on your behalf. In adulthood, you shouldn't be asking your friend to do anything for you in terms of your relationship! Definitely don't ask your friend to do it for you. You're putting awkward stress on them, and then your partner is still going to want to hear it from you anyway.

Don't Make A Rash Decision During A Fight

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If you're already struggling with a relationship, a bad fight might feel like the final push you need to make a decision - but don't say those words when you're angry or arguing. Not only might it be something impulsive you'll regret later, but they might not even believe you and later say, "Oh you didn't mean it, you were just angry!".

Don't Break Up Right Before A Holiday Or Event

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Needless to say, it can be pretty heartless to break up with someone right before you're supposed to go to an event together, or enjoy the holiday season. Your partner is going to be a crying mess over Christmas with the family, or feeling depressed over Thanksgiving. And that's all they'll remember for every Christmas and Thanksgiving after that.

But DO Break Up ASAP Before The Next One!

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It's important to not let it go on for too long though, because at the end of the day precious time and money is going to be spent - especially on gifts - as a couple. So say you have a birthday coming up in February, don't let your partner spend money on your expensive gift and a trip away only to find out you're breaking up. Tell them before they waste their time!

Try Not To Lie About Why You're Breaking Up

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It can be really difficult not to try and bend the truth a little bit, to either make it easier on them, or make yourself look better. Making up a fake reason for why you're breaking up just means the other person won't fully understand what they did wrong (or vice versa), won't be able to learn from it or even just leave them never having closure.

Don't End On Insults

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If you're breaking up for a valid reason that makes you angry or disgusted by them, try not to leave the situation by being hurtful and insulting (even if you might have point!). No matter what bad things have happened, just tell them the reason why you're breaking up in a respectful and calm way and leave it at that. Don't flip them the bird on the way out the door.

You Don't Have To Explain Yourself

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There might be some situations where you don't owe them an explanation. Especially if they're the type of person who never admits they've done anything wrong, you're only wasting your breath if you try to tell them why you're breaking up only for them to tell you you're wrong. Just tell them you don't want to be with them anymore, and you might not owe them anymore than that!

Ghosting IRL

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While ghosting over messages and any form of communication is a popular choice - and one we didn't recommend - ghosting in real life can be just as bad. This can be if you just get up and walk out the door one day and physically disappear from their lives after that without an explanation. They're just going to wonder what happened to you or where you went!

Don't Blame Them 100% For The Breakup

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In the same way that you don't want to be insulting them during your breakup, don't play the blame game and tell them it's all their fault it's happening. Even if their actions have led to the break up, you should just tell them you're breaking up rather than "this is your fault, I hope you feel guilty for the rest of your life, how can you live with yourself". Don't do it!

Don't Ignore Them Or Avoid Them

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You might not go full on ghosting them, but ignoring them or avoiding them is just as bad! If you ignore their messages or questions only to give one word answers, keep telling them you'll speak to them soon but put if off, or avoid talking to them around the house, you're just making them feel awful without them fully understanding why.

Resist The Urge Of "It's Not You, It's Me"

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Sometimes, it genuinely is you - in terms of you need to break up because of personal circumstances or things you've decided, without them doing anything specifically wrong. But just saying this is such a cliché that it won't help and they're just going to be left confused and thinking that yes, it is very much them and not you.

Don't Say You'll Be Friends If You Won't!

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Some couples can definitely still be friends if they both want that, but if you're only saying this to soften the blow so you say 'don't worry, we'll still speak and meet up!' to make them less upset, it's just a false promise you're not going to keep and leaves them hanging!

Don't Break Up And Then Date Someone Else Immediately

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Or if you're really going to do this, don't let your ex know about it - it's insensitive! Don't break up with them and then a day later post a million photos and an updated status on social media about how you're dating someone new. Rubbing it in their face will just make it worse.

Don't Get Rid Of Things Impulsively

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This all depends on the reasons for a breakup, but you might be feeling the immediate impulse to purge every scrap of evidence over the relationship's existence by deleting all photos and throwing out all their stuff. When things calm down, you might wish you'd kept at least one photo, or they may kindly ask for their stuff back and it's already long gone...

Don't Tell Them There's Hope If There Isn't

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Be really aware of the words you say! Don't make it sound like you need space 'for now' or that the breakup is 'temporary' or you need to work on yourself 'until you're ready'... all of this might confuse them or leaving them thinking you could get back together down the line!