How To Stay Safe When Meeting Someone New
By Molly
1 year ago
1. Choose a public location for the meeting.
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If it’s the first time you’re meeting someone new, I would always suggest meeting them in a public location! Of course, you’re hoping things will go well. But, you’ve got to be mindful of your safety and let’s face it - you don’t know this person! Having other people around is like a safety blanket in case you get any weird vibes from them. It means there’s help at hand and they’re less likely to try anything off when there’s an audience. If they’re insisting they want you to come round to their house right away, it’s probably a red flag.2. Tell someone you trust about your plans.
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Look, I get it! When it's the first time you're meeting someone, you're hesitant to shout about it from the rooftops beforehand, after all, things might not work out. It's okay to be private about these things. In fact, it's probably better. But, sharing your plans with at least one person that you trust is always a good idea. Whether this is a close friend, family member or even a work colleague. Going completely MIA is never wise when you're meeting someone new. If you need to get out of there, you've got somebody to ask for help.3. Do a background check, if possible.
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Have a think about whether it's possible to get some background information on this person before you agree to meet up with them. For example, do you guys have any mutual friends who you can ask about them? We're not saying you should find out the name of their first pet, their deepest secret and where their aunt Joan went on holiday last year. No, just a simple character check will be fine! If you feel able to, you could just ask "hey, what do you think of this guy?" You don't even have to say that you're meeting them.4. Trust your instincts and be aware of any red flags.
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Psst... your instincts are there for a reason - don't ignore them! If somebody is giving you the heebie jeebies, there's probably a very valid reason for this. Even if you can't quite put your finger on it, if something doesn't feel right, chances are it's not. Even more so if there are specific red flags that you've picked up on, it's important to pay attention to these. Be aware of your own personal red flags and deal breakers, this way you can stay true to yourself, not getting involved with people who aren't on your page.5. Meet during daylight hours.
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If you can, try to arrange the first meet up during daylight hours. There's still plenty of fun things you guys could do during the day! If it's summer, you could hit the beach or go to an amusement park. If you're not so lucky with the weather, you could go to the movies or walk round an indoor aquarium. The most important reason for meeting in daylight hours is because there's likely to be more people around. Plus, it's easier to see! You can get a good look at this person, which helps to work them out and decide whether you want to see them again.6. Avoid sharing personal information too soon.
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Until you feel like you've got a good grasp on this person's character, you should definitely hold back from sharing any personal information with them. This is particularly important if they're asking you to share your personal information. There's absolutely no reason somebody you've just met would need to know your phone password, for example. But, even sharing things like your date of birth or email address can land you in trouble if they're given out to wrong person! With this one, trust your instincts.7. Use a messaging app to start with.
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It's a good idea to communicate through a messaging app until you're comfortable with them having your mobile number. If you've met them through a dating app for example, you could keep your communication via this app until things progress between you. Dating apps in particular usually have a safeguarding team, so you can report any harassment or dodgy messages if you were to be unlucky to receive them! Giving out your personal digits should only be done once you can trust them. Plus, it might save you the annoying 2am phone calls.8. Make your own way to and from the meeting.
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There's a few reasons why this is a safe bet. If you've made your own way to the meeting, then it's up to you when you're ready to leave and you'll have left yourself a way of getting home without needing to rely on them. If something starts to feel off, you don't need to endure the awkward journey home alongside them. And, albeit a more extreme outcome, there's no risk of them whisking you off somewhere against your will. You could drive, or purchase a return ticket for public transport. Always have a way of getting back.9. Keep your valuables, such as wallet and phone, safe.
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Let's face it, until you've gotten to know them better, you're meeting up with a stranger. Not to sound like your mom or anything, but would you trust a stranger with your wallet and phone? Probably not. So, it's probably best not to treat this situation any different. The most obvious reason is to protect yourself from theft. But, these things can also be an indication of your financial situation. If you've got a flashy new phone and a wad of cash in your wallet, this puts you at risk of being taken advantage of.10. Avoid sharing your exact address.
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So, we've talked about making your own way to and from the meeting. But, hey, I understand that these things don't always go to plan. Say you've had a great time on your date, lost track of time and missed the last train. If your date offers to give you a lift home, you might accept if you feel as though you can trust them. In this situation, it's wise to have them drop you off nearby your house, rather than right outside. Giving somebody your exact address can put you at risk of stalking or identity theft.11. Do a quick online search to gather information about the person.
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These days, when you think about looking someone up online, it usually means social media. Unless they're a well known public figure, you probably won't find much information on their character through Google. But, whilst of course social media isn't reality, it can still give you an idea on the background of a person. The first thing to look out for is are they even real? Look out for signs of cat fishing, like overly polished photos or the fact that their whole profile has been uploaded in the last 2 weeks. You can also check for the kind of people they follow and interact with, or what they seem to do in their spare time.12. Use video calls before meeting in person.
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Another way to weed out the catfish is by chatting to them through video call before agreeing to meet up with them in person. Today, it's far too easy for people to hide behind profiles and messages. It's a lot harder to fake a personality when you're authentically talking to someone. First off, you can see whether this person is actually who they say they are! Secondly, you can get a feel for their body language, facial expressions and their tone of voice. All of these things can help you assess their character.13. Bring a friend along or arrange a group meeting.
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Where possible, it might be nice to meet up with this person for the first time in a group setting. You could invite them to a party, organise a double date, or even attend a group class together. This can help break down walls, leaving out the intense pressure of relying on the two of you alone to keep the conversation going. Plus, you know what they say - safety in numbers, right? If you're nervous about the meet up, you can suggest one of these group settings in a casual way, they don't need to know that they're on watch.14. Pay attention to your drink and never leave it unattended.
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Okay, this one is super important. Never. Leave. Your. Drink. Unattended. I know it sounds seriously morbid, but there are people out there who will spike your drink given the chance. If this happens, all of these points go out of the window as you're likely to lose control over your surroundings and even your actions. You can take your drink to the bathroom with you and make sure you have an eye on the bar if they're getting you a drink. If you're unsure, some telltale signs of a spiked drink are excess fizziness, a change in taste or color, a foggy or cloudy appearance, and sinking ice. If this happens, you should tell a member of staff at the bar straight away! Don't leave on your own.15. Stay in control of the situation and set boundaries.
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Everybody should have boundaries. Put it this way, being assertive and sticking up for yourself is likely to be an attractive trait to most people. If they don't like this about you, then they're probably exactly the type of person you should be avoiding anyway - they could be out to exploit you. Remember, this person doesn't know you, either. They may not realise that something they are doing is making you uncomfortable. So, unless you lay down the boundary by telling them, it's going to continue.16. Carry a personal safety device, such as a whistle or pepper spray.
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Now, this point of course is only to be used in absolute worst case scenario. But, even having these personal safety devices with you can calm your anxiety and make you feel more safe. If the worst was to happen, you have a way of fighting back or alerting somebody for help. Here's a tip for this one, make sure these items are somewhere only you can find them. I don't want to even imagine the uncomfortable conversation after your date sees your pepper spray tumble out of your bag onto the table...17. Keep emergency contact numbers handy.
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Just in case there is an emergency, it's definitely a good idea to have your emergency contacts readily available for when you need them. Whether this contact is your mom, your friend, or the actual emergency services. You could set up a speed dial for them or at least have them in your favourites on your contacts. This way, you can quickly make a phone call or send them a text if you were to start to feel as though you might be in danger. It helps for subtlety so you don't have to go desperately searching on your phone.18. Familiarize yourself with the area beforehand.
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If you're going to an area that you're unfamiliar with to meet up with this person for the first time, why not take a look around beforehand? For example, if you're meeting at a bar or a park, you could go there alone or with your friend the week before. This will give you an awareness of the nearest taxi ranks and familiarize you with where the exits are, should you need to make a swift get away. This can also help you to decide whether you feel safe in this area, giving you chance to arrange another location if you wish.19. Look for signs of controlling or manipulative behavior.
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Okay, red flags 101. If they're displaying signs of being controlling or manipulative, run for the hills! Your future self will thank you, you seriously don't want to become involved with this type of person, trust me! Some early signs to look out for are jealousy or possessiveness. If they're already giving you a hard time about chatting to the waiter on the first meeting, it's gonna get worse. If they're trying to guilt trip you into doing what they want, or worse, threatening you if you don't, safely lay down some boundaries or leave.20. Let things progress gradually, don't rush into intimacy.
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It's always important to take things at a pace that you feel comfortable with. Nobody should be pressuring you into doing anything that you don't want to do, especially when it comes to dating. If you get a sense that this person is rushing things, whether it's intimacy or the pace of the relationship, you need to gain control. It's possible that their intentions may not be pure and you could either end up hurt, used or exploited. If you try to pull back and they get angry, this isn't the kind of person you want to meet again.21. Avoid secluded or poorly lit areas.
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When you're about to meet someone for the first time, it's best to avoid secluded or poorly lit areas. To start with, you want to be able to see what this person looks like! If the first meeting is poor lighting, you won't be able to see their facial expressions as clearly. This will make it harder to read them and harder for you to determine whether or not you're attracted to them. Plus, if they were to try any funny business, they're far less likely to do this if you're in a well light, populated area.22. Trust your intuition and be assertive if you feel uncomfortable.
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Look, this article is just a guide to give you helpful steps to follow to keep you safe. But, we can't cover everything! You've got to follow your own intuition here. You'll know if they say or do something that rings alarm bells in your head, it's impossible to give all the examples and safeguard yourself from every outcome. But, what you can do is always handle yourself with assertiveness. If they suggest something you don't feel comfortable with, say no. You don't owe this person anything at the expense of your safety.23. Avoid sharing financial details or passwords.
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To be honest, I can't think of any genuine circumstance where you would need to share any of your financial information or passwords with somebody who you are meeting for the very first time. If they were to ask you for this kind of information, you're completely in your rights to tell them that you don't feel comfortable sharing this with them. It doesn't need to be a big deal, you could just say "I'd rather not tell you that". But, this is a red flag, so be sure to watch out for any more weird stuff.24. Verify their identity before meeting them.
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So, you haven't met this person before. Do you know anybody else who has met them? If the answer is no, it's probably a good idea to verify their identity before you agree to meet up with them, especially if you're going alone. We've already talked about a video call beforehand to verify their identity, but if this hasn't been possible, there are other ways. Talking on the phone can help, even if you can't see them, you can hear whether their voice seems to match with the person you've been speaking to. Or, you could subtly ask them to send photographs of specific things. For example, them at their workplace.25. Avoid disclosing specifc information about your daily routine.
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Unfortunately, there are people out there who can become unhealthily obsessed with the person that they're dating, even progressing into stalking. This is especially important if you don't think you plan on seeing this person again, they don't need to know your daily routine. Don't tell this person where you work, live and where you have your morning coffee everyday. If you do, you've given them an easy way to access or watch you, even without you knowing it! If you were to choose to cut this person off in future, it's then very hard to do.26. Have an escape plan ready.
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I know this sounds dramatic. I'm not talking The Great Escape style - there's no need to dig yourself an escape tunnel. I also don't want you climbing out of any bathroom windows. I mean, hey, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. But, realistically, your escape plan can be something as simple as texting your friend a pre-determined code word. They get the text, call you up, explaining they're in need of desperate help and they need you. You can apologise to your date that this emergency has come up, and you're out of there!27. Tell someone when and where you're meeting them.
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If somebody outside of the meeting knows where you're going and when you'll be there, it lets them keep a metaphorical eye on you. Say you're going to the movies at three and at seven they haven't heard from you, they can check on you. Even better, if you were to casually let the person you're meeting know that your friend or family member know where you are, it would deter them from hurting you, if their intentions were to do so. I know it sounds morbid, but you've got to think about these things!28. Keep your phone charged and easily accessible.
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Your phone is your lifeline! Make sure that you turn up to this meeting with your phone fully charged, the last thing you want is your battery dying on you. This will make it very difficult to get home afterwards, especially if you need to make a quick dash for it. Also, if you were to need to call for help, you won't be able to! Make sure you keep your phone with you at all times, and where it's easily accessible to you. If you do need to grab it in a hurry, you can then do this with subtlety.29. Avoid excessive alcohol or drug consumption.
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I understand if you want to have a good time - and that's okay! If you do drink alcohol, then having a drink or two can help to ease your nerves and let down some barriers. You just don't want to take things too far, okay? Aside from it being super embarrassing to throw up on your first date, your safety is compromised when you've drank too much. If you start to feel out of control, then you're putting yourself in a very vulnerable position and it's far too easy for someone to take advantage of you.30. Research local safety regulations
