Parenting Sterotypes That Should Be Left In The Past
By Abigail
9 months ago
1. The perfect mom.
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How many of us have suffered because we're trying to live up to the 'perfect mom' stereotype? It's the kind of thing we see on old movies too often - the mom who manages to look good, do everything for her children, and still cook up a two or three course meal at the end of the day. But of course, this mom doesn't exist - and never will. Let's stop idolizing her.2. The mom who has no life outside motherhood.
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Because we all need to devote our lives to our kids, right? As soon as you're a mother, that's it - you sacrifice everything for them. And while this might be true to an extent (of course you would do anything for your kids, that goes without saying), that's no reason to diminish your own personality. A mom needs a life outside of her kids - it makes her a better mom.3. The mom who always complains about her kids.
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There's the perfect mom who never says a bad word about her children, and there's the opposite. Usually seen on a sitcom, they're the matriarch who can't stop complaining about all the crap her kids are pulling. Along with shouting about them behind their back, they probably also can't stop shouting at them, either. Of course, this is another stereotype that should have been consigned to the bin long ago.4. The mom who can do everything.
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Like the perfect mom, the mom who can do everything is another baseless stereotype that too many women feel they still have to live up to. This mom is the person who can get their kids out of bed and to school, do their own work, make lunches and dinners, and clean the house - and most importantly - all without having a breakdown. But let's be real - nobody can do it all.5. The easy parents.
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'Parenting is so easy!' said no-one ever. Unfortunately, our world still believes in the 'easy job' stereotype - that parenting a joyous gift and that to complain at all would be a disservice, and totally untrue. The reality is - parenting is difficult. It's rewarding, sure, but also an incredible drain on your mental and physical health. Nobody should feel pressured to say that it's 'easy'.6. The funny dad.
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How many times have you seen this stereotype on sitcoms? From Modern Family to Full House, dads are known for being the comic relief to the more serious mom - but that's not reality. Stereotypes like this, though it seems inane and silly, actually do harm to families, and mean that children grow up imagining their fathers to be people that, in real life, maybe they're not.7. The absent dad.
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Even worse than the sitcom funny father stereotype is the absent father stereotype. Because fathers are the ones that always leave, right? Or, they're at home, but emotionally distant from their children and their wife. Well, we all know that this is just a stereotype, but the damage from this belief in 'absent fathers' often takes years to undo. Children don't need to grow up thinking their dad is going to leave, because that's what dads do.8. The mom who always cooks.
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If you imagine a parent cooking for their kids and family, it's always a mom, isn't it? Granted, this stereotype arises from historic, traditional gender dynamics where mothers would often stay at home to care for children, taking on household chores. But we don't live in those times anymore - and the stereotype doesn't have to remain. Dads can also cook (and don't just always opt for takeaway on their cooking nights!)9. Or does all the domestic chores.
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If you imagined a mom doing all the cooking for her family, then I bet you also imagine a mom doing all the household chores. Who else would be able to do the cleaning, laundry, and general admin tasks that keep a household together - the dad is working, no? Well, in the 21st century, absolutely not. We know by this point that a modern family split chores evenly, based on who has time and energy to do them.10. The parents who can't take time off.
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Another common parent trope that we've all seen is the 'busy' mom and dad who never really have time for their kids. Maybe they're so focused on their career that they miss out on birthday parties, or they're always taking business calls at the table. Either way, this is another trope that simply punishes parents for having the gall to work - and not to spend their entire life focusing on their kids.11. The parents that consist of one mom and one dad.
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It's going to be many more years before this stereotype is undone. But society is beginning to loosen those traditional images of what a 'family' looks like - and it's not always one mom and one dad. Queer families exist too, as well as single parents (both women and men!), as well as core families who get help from all manner of people to raise their children, including friends, families, and nannies. And all of them are valid.12. The dads who go back to work quickly.
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Dads don't really want to care for a newborn, do they? They want to be up and back to work to take part in an important project. Well, not only does this stereotype harm men, by assuming they don't have the emotional range to care for their own children, but it also harms women. It's not always the dads that go back to work immediately - sometimes the mom wants to. Radical, right?13. The moms care for their kids more.
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Between being funny and working, dads don't really care for their kids a lot - that's what this stereotype assumes. And it's a false one. Of course, there are differences in how moms and dads react to children, especially considering carrying and giving birth to a child is such a formative experience for women. But assuming that moms will do all the heavy lifting of emotionally connecting to kids is wrong.14. The "working mom."
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Although it's very often the dads who get stuck with the stereotype of being worker bees, the 'working mom' stereotype is also still going strong. She's the career woman who doesn't really care for having kids, but got stuck with one anyway. She never wants to harm her career, and needs to prove to everyone that women can have it all. Well, she definitely doesn't exist - there are lots of vibrant, varied ways of being a 'working mom', that no one stereotype can define.15. That parenting is always beautiful.
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You've probably seen this on ads for children's toys, holidays, or even diapers. The image of a happy family, with kids smiling in slow-motion and everyone running around a park together, having fun. Unfortunately, this is only the one side of being a parent - but if ads showed the disasters, tantrums, vomit, and anger, they might not sell any products.16. That fun ends when you have kids.
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Another really popular stereotype is that of the disappointed parents who can't seem to have any fun now that they have kids. And in some respects, this one's true - your life des change when you have children, irrevocably. But it doesn't *have* to be so different. Yes, it takes some organization, but you can still go out for midweek drinks, explore your favourite hobbies, and have time with your friends as a parent.17. That being a stay at home mom is easy.
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This stereotype tends to get repeated a lot online, including by news outlets. There's a strong idea that being a stay-at-home mom is the easier job than going to work - but there's a fundamental flaw in that argument, and that's that kids are never easy. Being a mom is a full-time job in itself (otherwise why would the concept of nannies exist?), and we should give credit to those who do give their all by caring for their kids 24/7.18. Or that stay at home moms are lazy.
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"Just get a job," is a phrase that you hear a lot when the subject of stay-at-home moms comes up. This ignorance arises out of the idea that being a mom isn't a good enough job in itself, which is crazy - what's more important than raising the next generation? Is it because being a mom doesn't 'pay' money that we don't see it as real work? Let's leave this stereotype in the past for now, please.19. That dads don't have empathy.
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Moms get a hard time with parenting stereotypes - but there are just as many about dads, too. And one of the longest-lasting is that dads lack emotional empathy. They don't want to talk about their own feelings, and don't have the empathy available to speak to their family about their feelings, either. But this stereotype only makes this worse for dads who are having a hard time with their mental health, and it can be dangerous.20. That dads never want to talk about their kids' feelings.
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Dads who don't want to talk about their own feelings (because they're men), also don't want to address their kids prickly feelings. Leave that to the moms. They can coax them through a bad crying session or a tough day at school. Dads will run the other way when they see tears. Obviously. Now, in the 21st century, we know that this just isn't true, and it's time to stop repeating the stereotype - for our kids' sake.21. That dads are always doing the 'real work' around the house.
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The real work - that's the important stuff. We don't mean laundry and dishes and cleaning, because that's easy. We mean stuff like filling out tax returns, doing DIY, fixing a broken roof, etc etc. Now that's real work! Unfortunately, in the world of stereotypes, we almost always see a dad doing this kind of work, which only reinforces the idea that women should stay with the kitchen and not attempt 'hard work'.22. The embarrassing dad.
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Dads are meant to be embarrassing, right? That's what years of wedding movies and family sitcoms have taught us. And, let's be honest, this isn't the worst stereotype around, but it does make it harder for the dads who are perhaps a little more serious and lack that funny bone that we assume all dads have. Plus, it's equally likely that your mom is going to embarrass you as a kid, because women are just as capable of being silly and funny.23. That children of single parents are doomed.
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We've grown up our whole lives with the stereotype of a perfect family - the two kids and one mom and one dad. So when one of those parents is taken out of the mix, we don't see that family as 'normal'. And if kids don't grow up in a 'normal' family, they're probably doomed. Not only does this stereotype diminish how hard single parents work for their kids, it also means kids of single parents are growing up with the idea that they can't achieve as much because they only have one parent.24. That all single parents want a partner.
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There's a very strong stereotype that almost everyone is aware of, whether they consciously know it or not, and that's that single parents must actually want a partner. They must be lonely doing all the work on their own, and must need a husband or wife to help them. In fact, some single parents choose to have children because they simply want children - and not every family has to consist of two parents to be right.25. All single parents are women.
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If you picture a single parent, the likelihood is that you've pictured a woman. The single woman looking after her children is a stereotype that continues to survive, largely because it also depends upon other stereotypes (of the stressed-out mother, and the absent father.) But we all know that circumstances can change all the time, and that many single parents are men who've lost their partners.26. And that single parents struggle all the time.
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Now, here's another popular stereotype that should be laid to rest. Because single parents have to do everything on their own, they must be exhausted, right? We know that raising children is hard enough, so it's practically impossible to do it on your own. But that's the stereotypes talking - there are plenty of single parents who do manage it all, and not because they're superhuman, either.27. Breastfeeding your baby is so easy.
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Breastfeeding is a tricky topic for many women. Parent-baby guides love to tell you that it's the most special experience you can have with your child and that it's "natural". But these stereotypes only do harm when certain women don't experience that easy transition to breastfeeding. So, let's get real, and talk about the beautiful and distressing experiences of breastfeeding.28. That birth is the most wonderful experience ever.
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Likewise, birth is often talked about (especially in holistic parenting circles) as a beautiful experience. It's life-changing, you were born to do it, it's natural and beautiful... you've heard all of the buzzwords before, probably. But again, this stereotype does harm when parents encounter traumatic births that they simply weren't prepared for. As a result, this perspective must be balanced with the real experiences of mothers who didn't have a perfect birth.29. You're a bad mom if you spend time away from your kids.
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We pile so much pressure onto moms, and it's not fair. This is another stereotype that many mothers battle against their whole lives - that they can't have time away from their kids, because that's selfish. In reality, every parent needs time away from their children to recharge and find their own interests again. Being a mother doesn't have to be your whole personality - and if it is, that's fine too. These stereotypes only seek to put women (and men!) into boxes.30. The mom who won't let her kids have fun.
