Gross Things All Doctors Do
By Aaron Love
10 months ago
1. Draining Puss
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Guess who gets the pleasure of playing pus-popper? That's right, your friendly neighbourhood doctor. Armed with a scalpel and a strong stomach, they dive right in, ready to release all that pent-up gooey goodness. It's not pretty, it's not pleasant, but hey, someone's gotta do it. So here's to the brave souls willing to get down and dirty in the name of healing2. Clean Infected Wounds!
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Ah, the glamorous life of a doctor - where one minute you're sipping your coffee, and the next, you're elbow-deep in someone's festering wound. Yep, cleaning infected wounds is just another day in the life of a medical superhero. Imagine a gaping hole filled with all sorts of lovely things - pus, blood, maybe even a stray piece of lint if you're lucky.3. Handle Blood
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Blood. It's the life force that courses through our veins, the crimson river that keeps us ticking. But for doctors, it's also just another bodily fluid to contend with on a daily basis. Whether it's squirting from a gaping wound or pooling on the surgical table, blood is a constant companion in the world of medicine.4. Have To Smell Poo...
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Ah, the unmistakable aroma of fresh... poo. It's the scent that greets doctors like an unwelcome guest every time they step foot in a hospital ward. Whether it's a patient with a particularly nasty case of diarrhea or a stubbornly constipated individual, doctors have to deal with it all. And let's not forget about the joys of fecal impaction - nothing like digging through a mountain of poop to find that elusive swallowed coin.5. And Urine Too!
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Ah, urine - the liquid gold of the medical world. Whether it's being analyzed for signs of trouble or simply being dodged during a wayward stream, doctors deal with it all. From kidney stones to urinary tract infections, they've seen it all, smelled it all, and probably even tasted it all (just kidding... mostly).6. Stitch Up Wounds
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Armed with a needle and thread (okay, maybe it's a bit fancier than that), they get to work like a skilled tailor, weaving those stitches like a pro. Sure, it's not exactly a walk in the park - there's blood, there's pain, and did I mention the occasional screaming? But fear not, because doctors are the masters of their craft, and they'll have you patched up and ready to roll in no time.7. Remove Ingrown Toenails
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Ah, ingrown toenails... the bane of many a foot. Sure, it might not be the most glamorous job in the world - there's blood, there's pus, and did I mention the occasional funky smell? But hey, someone's gotta do it, and doctors are always up to the task. So here's to the brave souls who aren't afraid to get up close and personal with some gnarly toenails.8. Stick Their Fingers In People's Bums
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Alright, let's talk about the not-so-glamorous art of sticking fingers where the sun don't shine. Yep, you heard that right - sometimes, doctors gotta get up close and personal with the nether regions in the name of good health. Whether it's checking for prostate problems or diagnosing digestive issues, they're not afraid to roll up their sleeves (figuratively speaking) and get to work.9. Assisting In Childbirth
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Childbirth - the miracle of life, the joy of... well, let's just say it's not always a walk in the park. Imagine this: you're in the delivery room, surrounded by screaming, sweating, and more bodily fluids than you ever thought possible. But fear not, because your trusty doctor is here to guide you through it all. I suppose this isn't so gross in the end!10. Treating STI's
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Alright, let's talk about the not-so-fun world of sexually transmitted infections. Whether it's funky rashes, suspicious sores, or just a whole lot of awkwardness, doctors have seen it all when it comes to STIs. But fear not, because they're not afraid to tackle these pesky infections head-on, armed with a whole arsenal of treatments and a healthy dose of professionalism.11. Removing Foreign Objects
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Okay, let's discuss the not-so-pleasant task of removing foreign objects from the human body. Yes, sometimes, people manage to lodge all sorts of things where they shouldn't be, and who do they turn to? Their trusty doctor, of course! Armed with precision and maybe a pair of forceps, they carefully extract these intruders, restoring comfort to the patient.12. Popping Cysts
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It's not a glamorous procedure - there's typically fluid, sometimes blood, and occasionally an unpleasant odor. However, doctors approach it with professionalism, focusing on the patient's comfort and well-being. So here's to the doctors who handle these situations - may their techniques be effective and their patients feel better soon.13. Removing Earwax
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Earwax buildup can be uncomfortable and affect hearing, but fear not - your doctor is equipped to address this issue. Using specialized tools and techniques, they carefully remove excess earwax, restoring clarity to your hearing. It's a straightforward procedure, though not always pleasant - there may be discomfort or unusual sensations.14. Treating Bad Burns
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Burn injuries can be painful and require prompt medical attention. Fortunately, your doctor is ready to assist. Employing appropriate treatments and techniques, they alleviate pain and promote healing for burn victims. It's a challenging task, often accompanied by blistering, peeling, and patient distress. Be careful in the sun!15. Conducting Genital Exams
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Your doctor conducts these exams with professionalism and sensitivity, addressing any concerns or issues that arise. It's a procedure that requires delicacy and respect, though it may cause discomfort or embarrassment for the patient. Nevertheless, doctors approach it with empathy and expertise, prioritizing the patient's dignity and comfort.16. Cleaning Dirty Instruments
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Alright, let's dive into the wild world of cleaning dirty instruments - it's like doing dishes, but with scalpels and forceps instead of plates and forks. Working with with gloves and a strong stomach, they tackle that mess like a seasoned pro, scrubbing, rinsing, and sterilizing until those instruments sparkle like new.17. Taking Injections
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Picture this: you're sitting in the doctor's office, minding your own business, when suddenly, BAM! Needle time. But fear not, even though none of us will like sitting through moments of injections they aren't as bad as some people might think. Let them get on with their job and they'll help ypu.18. Post-Partum Examinations
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Ah, post-partum examinations - the joyous task of checking out what's left behind after the miracle of childbirth. Whether it's stitches, tears, or just a whole lot of hormonal chaos, doctors are here to help. I know, it's not gross really, it's all about the natural miracle of childbirth in the end.19. Inserting Catheters
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It's like threading a needle blindfolded, with the added thrill of navigating uncharted territory. And just when you think you've triumphed over biology's tricky terrain, the patient decides to throw in a surprise twist. Oh, the joys of medicine!20. Treating Severe Dermatitis
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Welcome to the wild world of dermatology, where skin conditions can rival the plot twists of a mystery novel! Imagine encountering a case of severe dermatitis so intense it makes you wonder if you've stumbled into a reptile exhibit instead of a medical ward. It's like solving a puzzle where the pieces keep changing shape and texture.21. Removing Nasal Polyps
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Imagine delicately plucking tiny invaders from the depths of someone's nostrils, like a gardener tending to unruly weeds in a flowerbed. Nasal polyps may be small, but their removal requires precision and finesse, not unlike performing a delicate surgery within the confines of a nose.22. Witnessing People Throw Up
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Ah, the not-so-glamorous side of healthcare! Picture this: you're standing bedside, offering comfort and reassurance, when suddenly your patient decides it's time for a spontaneous performance of their stomach's greatest hits. None of us want to watch people throwing up do we?23. Touching People's Feet
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Feet, those unsung heroes of the body! Whether it's conducting a routine exam or addressing a pesky ingrown toenail, doctors often find themselves face-to-face (or rather, hand-to-foot) with these oft-neglected extremities. It's a job that requires both tact and a strong stomach, especially when confronted with less-than-fragrant foot odors.
24. Seeing Colostomy Bags
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Enter the world of gastrointestinal creativity, where a bag becomes both a lifeline and a constant companion for some patients. Witnessing a colostomy bag may initially elicit a mixture of curiosity and apprehension, but for healthcare professionals, it's just another day at the office.25. Telling People About Serious Conditions
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Here comes the tough part—breaking the news. Whether it's delivering a diagnosis of cancer or discussing the implications of a chronic illness, doctors often find themselves in the unenviable position of bearer of bad news. It's a whole different kind of gross we are talking about here.26. Witnessing Limbs Not Being Attached
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Brace yourselves for a sight straight out of a horror movie! From traumatic accidents to surgical procedures, doctors occasionally come face-to-face with the surreal sight of a detached limb. It's a stark reminder of the fragility of the human body and the miracles of modern medicine.27. Money Incentives For Over Treatment
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Ah, the age-old temptation of financial incentives! While most doctors prioritize patient care above all else, the allure of padding one's wallet can sometimes lead down a slippery slope. They should never be putting their own wallets ahead of the hippocratic oath they take during training.28. Padding Your Medical Bill
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In a world where healthcare costs can skyrocket faster than a SpaceX launch, it's no surprise that some providers might be tempted to add a few extra zeroes to the bill. Whether it's an innocent oversight or a deliberate attempt at padding profits, the practice of inflating medical bills can leave patients feeling more than a little queasy.29. Smelling Your Bad Breath
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Ah, the joys of close encounters in the world of medicine! Whether it's a case of halitosis or just a particularly pungent lunch, doctors often find themselves face-to-face with the less-than-pleasant aroma of bad breath. I know it isn't always the patients faults, but it's not going to be great either way.30. Listen To You Talk About Your Bathroom Habits
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From the frequency of your bowel movements to the color of your urine, no topic is off-limits in the world of medicine. Doctors are accustomed to discussing the most intimate details of their patients' bathroom habits. They're going to have to get used to these sorts of things unfortunately though.31. Treating Head Lice
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Welcome to the itchy, scratchy world of head lice! From elementary school classrooms to family gatherings, these tiny pests can wreak havoc on unsuspecting scalps. Not only do they have to deal with them, but they also run the risk of the lice attaching themselves to the hair of the doctors too.32. Cleaning Up People's Bodily Fluids
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Ah, the glamorous side of healthcare! From vomit to blood to other unmentionable substances, doctors and nurses are no strangers to the messy aftermath of the human body's various functions. It's a dirty job, but someone's got to do it. Are you going to volunteer to do it yourself?33. Scraping Dead Skin
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Whether it's exfoliating rough patches or removing calluses, doctors occasionally find themselves welding tools akin to miniature snowplows, clearing away layers of deceased dermis. It's a delicate situation and no one is ever going to want to peel the skin off of another human being.34. Popping Dislocated Joints
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Brace yourselves for the sound of joints popping back into place! From shoulders to knees to fingers, doctors are occasionally called upon to perform the delicate maneuver of relocating a dislocated joint. Having to listen to the popping of these joints and bones has got to be horrible for everyone.35. Setting Broken Bones
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Time to roll up those sleeves and get hands-on with some orthopedic magic! Whether it's a simple fracture or a complex break, doctors are tasked with the vital job of setting bones back into their proper alignment. Like popping joints this might set off some doctors to feel a little bit gross sometimes.36. Ingrown Hair Work
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Say hello to the bane of many a follicle's existence - the dreaded ingrown hair! From irritating bumps to painful cysts, ingrown hairs can wreak havoc on skin and self-esteem alike. But fear not, for doctors are armed with an array of tools and techniques to tackle even the most stubborn ingrowns.37. Sifting Through Poo
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Time to roll up those sleeves and dive into the murky depths of gastrointestinal health! Whether it's analyzing stool samples for signs of infection or simply providing guidance on healthy bowel habits, doctors are no strangers to the wonders of fecal matter. They have to make sure there's nothing dodgy in there!38. Extracting Ticks From The Body
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Welcome to tick territory, where these tiny arachnids can cause big problems! Whether it's Lyme disease or Rocky Mountain spotted fever, ticks are notorious carriers of disease and discomfort. It's got to be a little gross pulling those little critters from burying beneath your layer of skin.39. Squeezing Blackheads
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Ah, the satisfying sensation of popping a pesky blackhead! From noses to backs to ears, blackheads can appear in the most unexpected places, causing frustration and self-consciousness for many. They might not be so bad for some, but having to release the goo from inside can't be good.40. Witnessing Bruised Bodies
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Welcome to the colorful world of contusions and bruises! Whether it's a result of trauma or a side effect of medical treatment, bruised bodies are a common sight in the world of healthcare. Unfortunately, sometimes doctors are made to see some of the darker and more gross sides of humanity, who knows how they got those bruises.41. Trying To Keep Their Own Sick In
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Ah, the irony of healthcare providers falling ill themselves! From exposure to contagious patients to the stresses of the job, doctors and nurses are not immune to the occasional bout of sickness. Besides that, I'm sure most of the things on this list could set them off at some point.42. Finding Tapeworms In Bodies
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Brace yourselves for a parasitic adventure straight out of a horror movie! From contaminated food to unsanitary living conditions, tapeworms can find their way into the human body with unsettling ease. They might hide for years before becoming an issue, or they might exit from the various orifices your body has.43. Wiping People's Sweat
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Ah, the noble task of keeping patients cool and comfortable! Whether it's dabbing a fevered brow or patting down sweaty palms, healthcare providers are no strangers to the art of perspiration management. Fortunately, this is nothing compared to some of the other stuff they have to put up with.44. Getting Farted On
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Brace yourselves for a gas-tastic experience straight out of a comedy sketch! From unexpected toots during examinations to flatulent outbursts in the operating room, healthcare providers occasionally find themselves on the receiving end of some rather odorous emissions. Have you ever farted on your GP.45. Avoiding Infected Piercings
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Welcome to the world of body modification gone wrong! Whether it's a piercing gone awry or an ill-advised DIY tattoo, infected body art can be a source of discomfort and concern for many. This can be one that happens to all of us if we don't look after ourselves the way that we're supposed too.46. They Get Used To It
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From the sight of blood to the smell of antiseptic, healthcare providers gradually become accustomed to the various sights, sounds, and smells of the medical world. It's a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, as doctors and nurses embrace the challenges of their profession with courage and determination.47. They Are Trained For This
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Behind every confident diagnosis and skilled procedure lies hours of rigorous training and education. From medical school to residency to continuing education, healthcare providers undergo extensive preparation to tackle the complexities of their field. It takes a lot so they won't find you too gross!48. Make It A Joke
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49. Teamwork Makes The Dream Work
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Behind every successful medical intervention lies a dedicated team of healthcare professionals working together towards a common goal. From doctors to nurses to allied health professionals, collaboration and communication are key to providing quality care and achieving positive outcomes for patients.50. It's All For A Greater Good
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At the end of the day, the challenges and sacrifices of the medical profession are all worth it for the opportunity to make a difference in people's lives. Whether it's saving a life, alleviating pain, or simply offering comfort and compassion, healthcare providers play a vital role in shaping the health and well-being of individuals and communities.What To Read Next
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