Here Is Why It Takes Men Longer To Fall In Love

1. Social Science Research

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Social and human sciences have carried out gender-based research for a long time, and although there was a time when we thought men and women have completely different brain biology (among others that perpetuate sexist attitudes). there has been some research done to suggest that men take longer to fall in love.  However, it is important to remember that we are all different and so many factors contribute to how fast or slow we all fall in love!

2. Evolutionary Psychology

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Evolutionary psychology research suggests that individuals of the male biological sex tend to be a lot more cautious than the female sex in choosing a mate.  And this is purely to do with ensuring reproductive success.  So in real life, the research suggests that it might take men much longer than women to choose a long-term mate and invest fully in a relationship.

3. Attachment Theory

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The research that surrounds the Attachment Theory has found that men seem to be more likely to have an avoidant attachment style, where they may fear intimacy and this is likely to make them a lot more hesitant to fully invest emotionally in a relationship.

4. Societal Gender Expectations & 'Norms'

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Like many people, regardless of their gender, men might also be influenced by societal expectations and gender norms.  In the heteronormative society that we live in, men are expected to adopt a more independent and self-reliant stance.  So, therefore, they might feel the pressure from society to fulfill this role before fully committing to a romantic relationship.

5. Risk-Aversion

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There have been some studies that have explored why men might take longer to fall in love and many of them have found that men are more likely to have greater risk aversion.  So, love is an abstract concept that requires a person to become emotionally vulnerable, so it may take longer for men to establish trust and evaluate the potential risks associated with fully opening up.

6. Emotional Expressiveness

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There has been so much gender-based research into the behavior of and the language used by men and women and many studies have found that women do tend to be more emotionally expressive than men.  This might suggest that men may take longer to fall in love due to social and cultural conditioning.

7. Prior Experiences

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Previous negative experiences, such as heartbreak, failed relationships, or any kind of loss can really influence anyone's approach to falling in love.  But because men have been found to have greater risk aversion, previous bad experiences might influence them to take longer to fully commit and open up in a relationship.

8. Brain Differences

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Some neuroscientific studies have suggested that the brain activity of men and women differs slightly in the regions associated with emotional processing.  In these studies, men were shown to have less activation in the regions of the brain that are associated with emotions.  So could this be a reason why it takes men longer to fall in love?

9. Cognitive Processing Differences

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So these neuroscientific studies not only found that there was less activation in the regions of the brains of men that are involved with emotional responses but also found that because of these differences, men may need a longer time to process and make sense of their feelings before falling head over heels in love.

10. Emotional Self-Disclosure

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Gender-based research also suggests that men not only take longer to process their feelings, but once they have, they are more likely to take longer to actually disclose their intimate thoughts and their feelings to others too.  So it's no wonder that if this is the case, the pace at which men develop romantic attachments can be affected too.

11. Commitment Phobia

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Men might also have a harder time actually committing to any kind of romantic relationship too.  In fact, research has suggested that men don't only have greater risk aversion than women, but they're also more likely to have higher levels of commitment phobia too.  It's the idea that they're more likely to have that niggling fear that they'll lose their freedom if they commit to a relationship with another person.

12. Emotional Intimacy Threshold

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There has been more research into men's emotional responses too, in comparison to women.  And this research suggests that men often have a much higher threshold for emotional intimacy compared to women.  This means that they might need a greater connection and level of trust before falling in love.

13. Prioritization

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Some research suggests that men may also have different priorities and they might be more likely to prioritize other elements of their life, such as their career or personal goals, before fully investing in love and romantic relationships.  So this could be a reason why men take longer to fully fall in love.

14. Masculinity

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Cultural and societal expectations of masculinity can certainly influence men's behavior and put a lot of pressure on them to behave, speak, and live a certain way.  And this can definitely affect their behavior and attitudes toward love, and might also pressure them to hide their vulnerabilities in order to act 'tough'.

15. Relationship Insecurity

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Men may also have a more difficult time feeling secure within a relationship.  In fact, there have been studies that suggest that there are higher levels of relationship insecurity among men than among women.  And this can certainly affect the pace at which they fall in love.

16. Hesitancy

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Attachment Theory suggests that men may be more likely to be more hesitant in to fully invest themselves emotionally in romantic relationships.  Furthermore, with men potentially having different priorities in life, they might be hesitant to fully give themselves to love before they have achieved their own personal goals.

17. A more cautious approach

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Studies have also found that men are much more likely to be more cautious to invest in any romantic relationships for a number of reasons.  There's the Evolutionary Psychology Theory where men take caution in choosing a mate for reproductive success, and then there's the idea that men tend to be more cautious taking their time to assess the situation before fully opening up emotionally.

18. Fear of vulnerability

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Men might also be likely to have a larger fear of vulnerability due to societal pressure and expectations of masculinity.  And these societal and cultural attitudes have the potential to give men a harder time opening up and expressing their emotions.

19. Establishing a strong foundation

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It is quite likely that men might also wish to establish a strong foundation of trust before they fully invest and open up to a romantic relationship.  Being potentially more averse to risk, studies suggest that men might want to test the waters first in friendship before committing.

20. Stability and practicality

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There is also the suggestion that men are more likely to value stability and practicality in relationships.  But the truth is, these two areas generally take time to establish as the relationship grows.  So because of this, men may take longer to fall in love while they work to ensure they have compatibility in these areas.

21. Societal pressure

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Throughout history, men have often experienced societal pressure to make sure that they appear physically strong and emotionally resilient.  But these traits conflict with opening your heart to love and showing your vulnerabilities.  There's still a lot of work to be done in this area to ensure that men and boys understand that vulnerability is OK!

22. Slower emotional processing speed

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Studies have also shown that men might be likely to have a slower emotional processing speed, which means that they probably need a lot longer in order to be allowed to process their feelings.  And perhaps gain the confidence to actually express their emotions too.

23. Trust issues

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With men possibly having higher levels of risk aversion and the potential to be much more cautious than women when it comes to matters of the heart if they've experienced trust issues in the past, it is likely that they'll be even more cautious when it comes to falling in love.

24. More time to assess

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With the possible slower emotional processing men are said to have, they might actually need much more time to assess their new partner's qualities, values, and how compatible they are before they are able to fully invest and commit emotionally to the relationship.

25. A focus on providing and protecting

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Due to societal expectations or pressure, men might be more focused on protecting and providing for their families, partners, and so on, so it is likely that they probably prioritize these tasks before committing themselves to a romantic and loving relationship.

26. Certainty

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With their perceived greater aversion to taking risks, men may be more likely to want to be certain that their partner, or potential partner, also feels the same way about him as he does about them.  They want to know that their partner reciprocates their feelings before diving into the relationship

27. Conflicting priorities

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With societal pressures and expectations on men, they might need a little more time to sort out conflicting priorities before adding another layer to their lives, in this case, a romantic relationship.  They might need to reconcile existing obligations before falling in love.

28. A clear understanding of their own emotions

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Now because men have been found to have slower emotional processing, it's probably likely that they're going to be slower to be able to understand their own emotions and really unpack their feelings.  And until this has happened, they're probably unlikely to be able to commit to love.

29. Living up to the stereotypes

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Society and many different cultures have expected men to live up to certain ideals throughout history and the same goes for today too.  And these put pressure on men to live up to these different elements including providing and being a breadwinner, as well as being emotionally and physically strong.  So with all of this on their plate, it's no wonder that falling in love is more of a challenge.

30. They're still trying to decipher the hidden meaning behind their emojis

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On a more lighthearted note, there are so many things we joke about that concern the conflicts and differences between men and women in heterosexual relationships.  And one of these is communication.  Perhaps he's just still working out what that egg emoji meant that you sent him...  And that's why he's not committed yet!

31. They're wondering whether their love for cats will interfere with the relationship

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Or maybe you're weirdly obsessive about your beloved feline friend and he's worried about what strain that would put on your relationship.  Perhaps he's not ready to commit to a relationship with you AND your cat Sprouty McPickles.  Let's face it though, Sprouty McPickles has probably warned him off in some way...

32. They're busy calculating the perfect amount of personal space

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What amount of personal space is enough?  And is it different for everyone?  And is a cuddle endearing or is it invading your personal space?  Or what if he decides to respect your personal space and never cuddle you and this breaks your relationship up?  See, so many considerations - that's why he's not invested in the relationship yet.

33. They don't want to appear too 'mushy'

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Living up to the tough guy stereotype is hard, especially when there are all of these unknown and intense feelings of love bubbling like soda to the surface.  But to fit into society's stereotype that men aren't full of feelings, they try to hold it in because they fear being ridiculed by their male friends for being too, shall we say, mushy, with you.

34. They're worried that their favorite hoody won't fit them both

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Perhaps they have a favorite hoody that they're just not at all prepared to share with you just yet.  Or maybe they're terrified that it won't fit both of you comfortably and this is the sign of a doomed relationship, bound to end miserably before it began!

35. Perhaps they're worried that their taped-together TV remotes are too much for her

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They've taped together their TV remotes, and they're absolutely living for the ease of having them all in one place.  They've even named it the COLOSSATRON.  But perhaps they're worried they've created a monster and they're just not ready to share this with you just yet...

36. They're trying to figure out how to incorporate their hobbies into the relationship

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But the thing is, it might even take them a long time to fall in love because they've just got far too many hobbies that they put all of their time into and have spent an insane amount of money accessorizing for them...  Like collecting vintage pogs or mud larking for trash...

37. They're not sure they want to fully commit to her obsession with a particular TV series

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Now binge-watching television series, or even movie series, is a lot of couples' favorite pass time, and the truth is, perhaps he's just not ready to commit to watching your choice of a television program.  He's already halfway through The Brady Bunch and he's just not ready to give it up just yet.

38. They're worried because they can't commit to a single flavor of ice cream in their cone

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Now this is probably not only exclusive to men, but perhaps the reason for him not committing to falling in love just yet is that he currently cannot even commit to one flavor of ice cream in his cone let alone to one partner for the rest of his life).

39. They're waiting for the perfect full moon to serenade her with a song

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Maybe his idea of a romantic gesture is to serenade his partner with his acoustic guitar under the light of the full moon.  But every time the full moon reared its beautiful face, there have been too many clouds for him to fulfill this gesture properly.  It just HAS to be perfect!

40. They've been pretty busy analyzing their compatibility based on their Netflix watch history

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If you've caught him on your Netflix profile, he might be taking longer to commit or fall in love because he's carefully analyzing all of your watch histories to check that you're both compatible.  He needs to make sure his companion likes binge-watching Gotham, doesn't he?

41. They're still trying to come up with a witty way to announce the relationship

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Announcing everything on your socials is all the rage these days so maybe he's struggling to commit and tell you he loves you because he's got writer's block.  In fact, he cannot think of a single witty sentence to announce your relationship and profess his love, so he'd better put falling in love on hold...

42. They're still trying to work out how much room to take up in bed

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Sleeping arrangements are a big thing in any relationship.  And every relationship has some sort of system, even if that means one partner taking up the whole bed and covers and the other curling up on the floor next to the bed or both partners slotting perfectly together like spoons.  Either way, he's still trying to work that one out.

43. The lack of a reliable wingman

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If you're not familiar with the concept of a 'wingman', this role is usually taken up by a friend who can assist in a man's romantic endeavors.  But if he is struggling to find a wingman who is reliable enough, the path to finding love is going to be much harder to navigate.

44. Lost in translation

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The 'lost in translation' conundrum could be a reason why it takes men longer to fall in love.  The truth is, they might be struggling to decode any hidden meanings behind the subtle hints and gestures related to matters of the heart.  This might leave them forever confused about the things related to love.

45. An obsession with fixing things

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One stereotype related to men is that they're always wanting to fix things.  So perhaps they're too busy doing this to have any time for romance.  Or maybe they're obsessed with fixing all of the romantic problems in the world, and until this is done, there's no way they can even think about falling in love.

46. The YouTube rabbit hole

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There might be another reason why it is taking him such a long time to fall in love and this could be because he's just stuck in a YouTube rabbit hole, unable to escape, even for love!  And he's been stuck there for a long time which means that you had better go and check on him!

47. Emotional guardedness

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Joking aside, due to social conditioning and expectations, perhaps men are just more guarded when it comes to expressing their emotions and they might be worried about allowing themselves to be vulnerable.  This can make it way more challenging for them to develop emotional connections and therefore take them longer to fall in love.

48. They're worried that love will distract them from becoming a professional synchronized swimmer

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They have career dreams and personal goals, like a lot of people no matter what gender they are or identify with.  So perhaps he's putting his love on hold for now whilst he works hard to fulfill his dream of becoming a professional synchronized swimmer on his way to the Olympics!

49. A fear of rejection

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And perhaps men also experience a fear of rejection which can certainly lead to a much more cautious approach that finds them wanting to ensure compatibility and that you feel the same ways as them about the relationship before they can fully commit to love.

50. In all seriousness...

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It is so important to remember that despite some of these points being lighthearted and some being backed up by social science and gender-based research, everybody is different and the ways they fall in love are completely unique to them and their relationship.  Human behavior is complex and obviously influenced by elements such as personal history, cultural context, and even individual differences.