Signs Of A Toxic Relationship With The In-Laws

1. They constantly criticize you.

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If your in-laws constantly criticize your choices, behavior, lifestyle, career, and more, that’s extremely unhealthy and toxic of them. Your in-laws should be supportive and encouraging. They shouldn’t bring you down and make you feel bad about yourself.

2. They try to manipulate your emotions.

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If your in-laws use emotional manipulation tactics to control or influence your decisions, that’s very toxic behavior. Maybe they play on your insecurities or use other tactics to establish power and dominance over you. You shouldn’t be treated that way!

3. They don’t respect your boundaries.

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Whenever anyone disrespects your boundaries and crosses them, that’s a huge red flag. Maybe they come over frequently unannounced, make decisions with your spouse without including you in the conversation, or disregard your parenting rules and decisions.

4. They try to control you.

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If your in-laws try to control your decisions, what you do with your life, how you raise your children, where you live, or any other significant life circumstances, that’s a massive red flag and very toxic behavior. Your life is yours to live, not theirs to control.

5. They’re not interested in your opinion.

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Whenever you have family gatherings, you notice that your in-laws act very interested in your spouse’s opinion, but they never ask for yours. You generally feel unsupported and uncared for, and you dread visits with your in-laws because you know they’re going to make you feel bad.

6. They exclude you from plans.

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Being excluded from plans is a terrible feeling, especially when your spouse’s parents are the ones excluding you. This is not healthy or normal in-law behavior. They should be including you and encouraging you to participate, not making you feel like an outsider.

7. They use guilt to make you feel bad.

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Do your in-laws frequently guilt trip you? Maybe they use guilt tactics in order to cross your boundaries and intrude on your personal space and decisions. This is toxic behavior and should not be tolerated by you or your spouse. Your in-laws should be more respectful.

8. They’re overly involved in your life.

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There’s nothing quite as frustrating as over-involved in-laws that demand to be involved in every single decision that you and your spouse make. If they don’t respect your boundaries and allow you to make your own decisions, that’s very toxic behavior.

9. They don’t support you.

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Your in-laws constantly criticize you, question your decision-making, and use guilt to make you feel bad. On top of that, they rarely ever support your decisions or provide a safe space for you and your spouse. The overall environment with your in-laws is always negative.

10. They compare you to other people.

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When you’re around your in-laws, they constantly compare you to your spouse’s ex-girlfriend, who they just so happened to love. They’re constantly talking about how different you both are, and it feels extremely insulting. You deserve better treatment than that.

11. They belittle you.

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Whenever you come to your in-laws with an important decision or choice that you feel confident about, they belittle your decision-making skills. Maybe they even belittle your career, your fashion choices, or the hobbies that you enjoy. Because of this, you don’t enjoy being around them.

12. They invalidate your feelings.

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Have you ever tried to talk to your in-laws about how they make you feel, only to be met with disbelief, judgment, and a sour attitude? If your in-laws invalidate your feelings instead of meeting you with compassion and understanding, that’s toxic behavior.

13. They make unreasonable demands.

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Your in-laws frequently make unreasonable demands, like asking you and your spouse to have dinner with them multiple times each week, run important decisions by them, or make certain life decisions based on their own desires instead of your own. That is not okay!

14. They gossip about you.

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Maybe you caught your in-laws gossiping about you at a family gathering, or maybe one of your relatives let you know that they were talking behind your back. This is immature and childish behavior, especially if they start spreading rumors about you, too.

15. They don’t appreciate you.

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Even though you’ve tried your hardest to win your in-laws’ approval, they never budge on their opinion of you, and they consistently treat you poorly. You’ve gone above and beyond to try to help them out at times, but they never appreciate or show gratitude for your efforts.

16. They try to convince your spouse to leave you.

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Your in-laws constantly disrespect you by asking your spouse to leave you, simply because they don’t like you. You have a positive relationship with your spouse, so you don’t understand the root of their disapproval, but it makes you feel terrible about yourself.

17. They try to influence your financial decisions.

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Money is not a private matter when it comes to your in-laws. They’re super nosey and want to know all of the details of your financial status. They constantly ask about your spending, and they try to influence big financial decisions, like buying a car or house.

18. They have passive aggressive tendencies.

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Your in-laws do not know how to communicate in a healthy manner. When they’re upset or concerned about something, they tend to become passive aggressive and give you the silent treatment or act out in childish ways. This is very immature and toxic behavior.

19. They hold you to unrealistic standards.

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In your in-laws’ eyes, you have to be perfect. You have to be dressed to impress, invest in a blossoming career, be the perfect spouse and parent, all while juggling your own inner needs and desires. Their standards are unrealistic and make you feel stressed out.

20. They try cause conflict between you and your spouse.

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Have you caught your in-laws trying to interfere with your marriage by spreading rumors or making comments that create conflict with your spouse? This is extremely disrespectful behavior. Hopefully your spouse is aware that they do this intentionally and that it’s not okay!

21. They don’t treat you with respect.

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Your in-laws don’t respect you at all. They don’t respect your decisions or boundaries, and they certainly don’t respect you as a person. They bulldoze you at every possible moment, and you feel helpless, like there’s nothing you can do to get your relationship back on track.

22. They interfere with your parenting decisions.

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You hesitate to ask your in-laws to come over and visit with your kids or babysit because you know they don’t respect your parenting decisions. When they’re around your kids, they act in accordance with their own parenting values and preferences, not yours.

23. Their love is conditional.

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Your in-laws only seem to show you love and affection if you make a decision that benefits them in some way. If you do something that they don’t like or approve of, they turn a cold shoulder and ice you out until you somehow step into their good graces again.

24. They don’t trust you.

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Even though you’ve shown yourself as a highly capable person who can make smart decision, your in-laws don’t trust you. They’re skeptical of every decision you’ve ever made, and they constantly question your spouse about your abilities. You feel hurt by this often.

25. They don’t accept you for who you are.

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Maybe you’re not the exact person your in-laws thought their son or daughter would marry. Maybe you have a sleeve of tattoos, and they don’t like that. Or maybe you’re a different religion than they are. At the end of the day, they don’t accept you or love you for who you are.

26. They express disapproval on a regular basis.

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Being around your in-laws for even an hour or two takes a major shot at your self-esteem. They constantly verbalize their disapproval, which makes you feel terrible. For every nice thing they say about you, they save seven or eight mean, insulting things.

27. They try to micromanage your personal affairs.

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When your in-laws are around, they try to micromanage everything from the chores in your household to the plans on your calendar. They act like helicopter parents, even though you’re a grown adult and can take care of yourself and your kids without their interference.

28. They blame you for everything.

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Whenever anything goes wrong, your in-laws are quick to blame you and point fingers in your direction. Your spouse constantly has to defend you because even they’ve noticed that it’s an unfair trend that’s developed. This is toxic behavior that should not be tolerated.

29. They don’t communicate effectively.

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Your in-laws don’t know how to communicate anything effectively, especially when they’re upset or displeased. Instead of talking about the issue rationally and with love, they either shut down and don’t talk at all, or they start to act cold and distant towards you.

30. They have volatile emotions.

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Your in-laws can’t regulate their emotions, and they’re very reactive. They get angry or start crying hysterically at the drop of a hat, and you never know what’s going to set them off. This is toxic behavior, and they should really seek out therapy to improve their mental well-being.