Signs Of A Love / Hate Relationship

1. A love/hate relationship defined

Image Source / Reddit.com

The perpetual tug of war between two hearts, swinging from one moment of absolute adoration to the next with serious exasperation quicker than you can blink is a game that is absolutely characteristic of a tempestuous, love/hate relationship.  Passionate and stormy, the captivating chaos of a love/hate relationship can light a few furious and scorching fires.  Love and hate are two extreme emotions that are certainly closely intertwined, and those individuals that are engaged in passionate love/hate relationships have extreme and switching feelings.  They're destructive, but they're irresistible!

2. Emotional rollercoaster

Image Source / Reddit.com

With love and hate being perhaps the most extreme ends of the emotional spectrum, there's absolutely no wonder that life when you're engaged in a relationship like this you experience some pretty intense ups and downs, and it's like you're on a neverending emotional rollercoaster.  And just like a rollercoaster, you probably don't spend much time in between amongst the calmer and less extreme emotions.  That's just not how you roll, it's fiery, it's passionate, and it sometimes makes you feel more than a little nauseated.

3. Frequent arguments

Image Source / Reddit.com

When you're engaged in a tempestuous love/hate relationship with someone, the intense extremity of the emotions that might be thrust upon you both can be likened to a devastating and destructive hurricane, ripping through your partnership and leaving a trail of crossed words and broken hearts in its wake.  In fact, these cataclysmic conflicts are probably pretty frequent when emotions are so heightened, and they are no doubt stormy and wild with passion, intense anger, and genuine hatred in that moment.

4. Intense attraction

Image Source / 12tomatoes.com

Despite the turbulence and the intense fury of those eristic arguments, there are also moments when the relationship pendulum swings furiously back to the intense passionate attraction that is both physical and emotional and that thrust you both together in the first place.  But it doesn't last long.  It swings back so fast that before you know it, you're probably back to that intense anger and fury at one another before you make up again in a passionate embrace.  And this goes on and on as the pendulum swings and feels like it's never going to stop.

5. Push-pull dynamics

Image Source / DoctorJeal.com

In any love/hate relationship, as well as the contrast between the extreme emotions; the intense attraction, and the hurricane-like fury, it's no wonder why the relationship feels like a competitive and brutal tug of war.  There are huge push-pull dynamics in the relationship where each partner pushes the other away in one breath, and then pulls them towards themselves in the next.  And like a ferocious game of tug of war, the strongest claims victory whilst the loser inevitably gets a face full of sloppy mud.

6. Codependency

Image Source / Reddit.com

But no matter how many fiery arguments explode into chaos, and how fast and furious the tide of tears gets after each devastating fall-out, both partners see the other as their crutch.  They rely on each other and lean on each other so much that they crumble into a husk when they're apart.  In fact, functioning independently is an absolute impossibility as one needs the other to pick up their pieces and put them back together again.  One without the other feels torturous, in spite of how unhealthy and devastating the arguments can get.

7. Emotional manipulation

Image Source / Reddit.com

Gaining ultimate power in the relationship is exactly what an emotional manipulator desires, and they'll stop at nothing to get it.  In fact, when one or both parties involved in the relationship start to play sinister mind games, twist and contort the facts, and subtly and slyly employ bullying tactics, love/hate is definitely the order of the day.  And to be honest, this doesn't even only apply to romantic relationships!  No, professional relationships can end up as unbearable and as toxic as this too!

8. Stormy breakups and passionate reconciliations

Image Source / Reddit.com

If your arguments are as explosive as we think, then there's probably a high chance that you've experienced more than a few breakups as a couple.  And these breakups are far from civil, in fact, they're furiously stormy, complete with thunder and electricity that sparks as you hurl your fury at one another.  But as fast as these arguments develop, they seem to ignite something in you both that leads to fiery and passionate reconciliations where you just cannot keep your hands off one another at all.

9. Fear of abandonment

Image Source / Reddit.com

Now if you've never experienced a love/hate relationship before, you'll probably be wondering why on earth these passionate reconciliations always occur after such a stormy argument!  And to be honest, even if you are in an ever-changeable and intense love/hate relationship, you're probably wondering the same! Well, there are probably many reasons for this, but one we've found is that each partner might have a complete fear of abandonment.  It's as if each member of the relationship has gotten used to the company and fears that if it ends, they'll be doomed to an eternity of solitude.

10. Sabotage

Image Source / Reddit.com

In a love/hate relationship, it might seem that one or the other, or even both parties just love to sabotage the relationship.  Even when things are going well, it doesn't seem like it's enough as one or the other seems to get bored of the relationship and ignite fires, destroying the peace and harmony and undermining the success of the other partner.  Tranquility and calmness just aren't on the horizon for you, and instead of enjoying the quiet, you both prefer to break the loving unity into agitated shards of hate and turbulence.

11. Possessiveness

Image Source / Reddit.com

Participants in a love/hate relationship will push each other away so often, but the thing is, they don't want anyone else sniffing around.  And no matter how many times you've pushed away, you're still never allowed to assert your independence.  And you probably don't allow them to either!  In fact, the whole idea of a love/hate relationship invites both partners to exhibit extreme possessiveness towards one another and would be absolutely desperate to control the other person's actions and even their own choices!

12. Mixed signals

Image Source / Reddit.com

With a love/hate relationship, communication is fuzzy and information is completely blurred, and to be honest, you might walk around on eggshells around your partner because you have absolutely no idea how they're feeling.  This is because mixed signals are the norm in the relationship and communication is failing.  In a love/hate relationship, it's difficult to read the other person as the dynamics of the relationship are so changeable and it's extremely hard to know where you stand.  One moment you're laughing together about something funny that happened yesterday... well you thought it was funny, because the next moment, they're crying about it.  It's seriously a full-time job.

13. Love-hate language

Image Source / Reddit.com

When trying to battle with the confusing and fuzzy communication that gives out impossible-to-interpret mixed signals, you're probably also faced with love-hate language in your relationship too.  And it's probably almost always hand in hand in exactly the same sentence.  So one moment you're probably welcoming warm affirmations like 'I love you', and physical affection, and then in the same moment, you're also experiencing unwanted and confidence squashing words of criticism and even a complete withdrawal of physical affection.  And as welcome as the 'love language' might be in certain moments, most of the time, you're probably just anxious about the hate that is inevitably to come!

14. Competitiveness

Image Source / Reddit.com

Your relationship resembles that of a fierce competition and not one of you has any remorse.  You will shamelessly compete with one another until the end of time it seems because it is clear that there is never ever going to be an ultimate champion.  In fact, none of you will ever let that happen, you'd rather fight and compete until the end of  days, and even when that comes, you will still find ways to try and win.  This makes it impossible for you to be supportive of the other because any achievement you or your partner seems to manage is seen as a challenge to your power, or an invitation to try to top it!

15. Resentment

Image Source / Reddit.com

There are no winners in this love/hate relationship and you absolutely resent the fact that you're never ever going to win at whatever mind games you play to torment and confuse one another.  And the truth is, most of the time, additionally to the extremes of love and hate, there is this underlying air of resentment.  And to be honest, you both resent every last bit of your partner's routine, behavior, movements...  You both just cannot stand the other to actually partake in some well-needed self-care rather than being at your every beck and call!  How dare they not think of you 24/7!

16. Fear of intimacy

Image Source / Reddit.com

So with this ever-changing relationship that dies a fiery death as fast as it's reborn into a passionate embrace, it makes it particularly difficult to engage in any real and genuine intimacy whatsoever.  We mean, yes, there's the physical stuff that could be mistaken as intimacy, but the true meaning of that concept isn't just physical.  In fact, it's allowing yourself to be completely yourself with the other person; to open up fully and embrace their wholeness.  But there's no chance of that when you're both terrified of this kind of intimacy because you just know that it's going to end in devastating tears!

17. Cycle of apologies and forgiveness

Image Source / Reddit.com

Now we're probably getting the gist of how a love/hate relationship works and we could probably liken it to a wheel that spins and spins and spins; never stopping; never slowing down.  And just as quickly as the love returns after a short period of hate, the cycle of apologies and forgiveness begins.  And this is classic emotional manipulation as you both show your remorse for your behavior when you were in the 'hate' phase.  But can it really be true and genuine remorse if you're just going to repeat the process?  There seems to be no getting off that merry-go-round once your board it.

18. Blurred boundaries

Image Source / Reddit.com

In love/hate relationships with anyone in your life, whether it's a partner, a family member, a friend, or even a colleague, can really blur your vision.  In fact, you a sign that it is a true love/hate relationship is if you are becoming incapable of seeing boundaries as if they are becoming more and more blurred.  You struggle to say no to things but then resent that other person for asking you.  Those boundaries that once kept you and your well-being safe and protected might be falling down and you might be suffering for it.  Learning to say no without shame or guilt is the best way to rebuild these, and perhaps rebuild the trust and love in your relationships without resorting to hate and resentment again and again.

19. Emotional exhaustion

Image Source / Vogue.co.uk

So you're on this perpetual merry-go-round of drama, upset, passion, fury, fire, apologies, forgiveness, and intensity, and every day is exactly the same.  You tear through the extremes of emotion and passion like a pair of torpedos and your explosive relationship knows no bounds.  Sounds dramatic, right?  Well, this is the reality when you're in such a turbulent relationship and there's absolutely no wonder that it takes a toll on your wellbeing.  In fact, you're completely emotionally exhausted by the end of each day and questioning whether this is right for you... And then there's that cycle of forgiveness and passionate reconciliations once again...

20. Inability to let go

Image Source / Reddit.com

A lot of these signs might be making you wonder why on earth anybody would choose to stay in such a turbulent love/hate relationship.  And the thing is, there are actually so many reasons why people are just completely incapable of letting go of the relationship.  First and foremost, there are so many strong and overwhelming emotions at play, and when love and hate are added to the mix, it can be a recipe for disaster, but the love is so intense and overpowering, and the physical attraction is so strong that it makes it impossible to let go of that.  And with the passion forever cycling back at speed, it makes it easy to momentarily forget about the hate part with its turbulence and stormy arguments.

21. Volatile Emotions

Image Source / Reddit.com

With the fireworks of your relationship fizzing, popping, and exploding across the sky, they're astonishingly beautiful, amazingly dazzling, and, you guessed it: completely unpredictable.  Like the momentous shift from happiness to fury; from laughter to tears, your whirlwind of emotions needs to be handled gently.  Because if they're not handled with delicate care, they might be ignited and spark passionate explosions of rage and fury.  And this means that the relationship is constantly on edge.

22. Overwhelming Intensity

Image Source / Reddit.com

The overwhelming intensity of a relationship that keeps partners constantly on the edge can have minds spinning out of control and hearts racing.  This wild, wondrous, and at times unbearably intense dance sees love merging with hate, passion intertwined with absolute rage, and intense laughter transitioning into devastating tears.  There's inevitably emotional exhaustion and perhaps absolutely no peace or harmony in a relationship as intense, as explosive, and as volatile as a love/hate relationship.

23. Secretive Behavior

Image Source / Reddit.com

Partners may weave webs of deceit where they become entangled in woven secrets and lies as they sneak around in the shadows, whispering hidden intentions, and hiding them from the others' prying eyes.  The darkest crevices of a love/hate relationship might be shrouded in a heavy cloak of secrecy where lies linger and revelation awaits, ready to rip the partnership apart.  And the heaviness is ever present in the relationship, where unspoken truths weigh down the atmosphere as both partners carry the burdens of their hidden skeletons.

24. Fear of Rejection

Image Source / Reddit.com

The constant ghost of rejection lurking in the back of vulnerable hearts and minds tightens its grip and injects the constant reminder that abandonment is on the horizon.  So partners feel unsafe, and terrified of the possibility that if the other person in the love/hate relationship rejects them, then they are doomed to a life of solitude and desertion.  And they clearly cannot see the light beyond this turbulent relationship as it is now, and working on it or walking away seems like an uphill struggle that will end in disaster... But if you really think about it, are these not options the relationship is clearly calling out for?

25. Deep Bonds

Image Source / Reddit.com

Forged in the scorching fires of deep emotion, exists an unbreakable connection that transcends the realm of understanding in love/hate relationships such as this.  Even in the stormiest seas, there's nothing that is able to sever the ties or rip the bond apart.  Partners are irresistibly drawn to one another, even after the most devastating clashes that could rival a large-scale hurricane.  They're like strong magnets that come together; intricate tapestries that are woven tightly; defying all of the logic of conventional love.

26. Extreme Highs and Lows

Image Source / Reddit.com

The tumultuous journey through the emotional peaks and valleys of a love/hate relationship sees absolute euphoria colliding explosively with deep despair.  One moment hearts soar high into the sky with love, laughter, affection, joy, and happiness, but it doesn't last long because the next moment, they're plummeting into the abyss of hatred, turbulent arguments, and seething fury.  It really is a rollercoaster ride of emotions, leaving them dizzy and overwhelmed, and they're completely captivated and consumed by it, constantly on the edge of their emotions.

27. Mixed Emotions

Image Source / Reddit.com

In a love/hate relationship, love and hate intertwine in a breathtaking and delicate dance, teetering on the edges of each emotion and oscillating with all the fervor of desire and passion between conflicting feelings.  Partners push and pull in a perpetual tug of war as they quiver and sway from one extreme to the next, feeling intense and warm love and affection before they are thrust into a scorching rage and fury; never feeling neutral and never finding any solid ground to lay any secure foundations on.

28. Inability to Stay Away

Image Source / Reddit.com

In such a turbulent situation, the simple answer is to walk away, but in a love/hate relationship, despite the chaos and turmoil, the gravitational force that pulls them back into each other's orbit is extremely strong and defies all logic and reason.  And even when they attempt to create some distance and space between them, they find themselves drawn back into the passionate embrace.  Trapped in an infuriating cycle; in the push-pull dynamic; finding it impossible to resist their intoxicating love.

29. Emotional Entanglement

Image Source / Reddit.com

Woven together in an intricate tapestry of emotion, enmeshed in each other's lives; they find it completely impossible to draw boundaries with one another and clearly see where one life ends and the other one begins.  And this fusion can be a comfort but can also be completely chaotic, as identities merge together, forever connected in a perpetual whirlwind of love and hate.  It's as if they're trapped in a labyrinth, unable to solve the puzzle and escape their turmoil.

30. Repeating Patterns

Image Source / Reddit.com

Repeating patterns in a love/hate relationship feels like you're trapped inside a broken record that is stuck on a loop, unable to escape the scenes that play out again and again.  This relentless cycle of conflicts, arguments, and reconciliations has turned into a predictable routine.  And despite the perpetual promises of change, it never happens, and they're unable to break from their rhythm where history repeats itself and wounds are reopened, frustratingly and infuriatingly, time and time and again.

31. You view your partner as an ego boost

image source: reddit.com

Despite all your ups and downs, the main reason that you still keep your partner around is because you see them as something to validate you or boost your ego. You know that the relationship is maybe a little too superficial, and that's why it's a constant love/hate, but you're okay with it, because for whatever reason personal to you, they make you feel better about yourself - and make you look better to other people. Maybe you like the illusion of being in a successful relationship because they're a 'catch'. It can also work both ways, with them seeing you as an ego boost, too!

32. You don't really have a long-term plan

image source: reddit.com

All relationships that are serious will be looking to the next step in terms of commitment and future together. If you have a love-hate relationship where you know you fall out way too much to see it working out long term, it means that you don't actively make plans for the future together - because you know it's just too rocky to have a sensible future. That doesn't mean you can't be happy together, it just means you both sort of know that you don't love each other that fully - or without the 'hate' part - to really make this work long-term.

33. You're willing to put up with a lot

image source: reddit.com

When you're in a love hate relationship, you usually know that you are, or have a feeling that you are, as well as knowing deep down that it probably isn't going to work out with this person. That can actually make it a lot easier to put up with a lot of stuff that would otherwise upset people in committed relationships. That's because there's less pressure in a love hate relationship to make each other happy all of the time, because you both know what to expect from each other (namely, the part where you annoy each other!).

34. You accept that fallouts are always going to be a part of it

image source: reddit.com

With this in mind, you've also accepted that arguments and fallouts are definitely part of the deal. While arguments can happen in even the happiest and healthiest relationships, they're pretty much guaranteed in a love-hate relationship where most of the things your partner does are going to annoy the heck out of you. The reason fallouts are also more common is because less serious commitment means you don't worry as much about letting your views or annoyances be known in case they take offence - because it's sort of the deal you're going to offend each other!

35. You don't really have a deep connection

image source: reddit.com

People in love hate relationships are going to find it very difficult to form a deep connection. That doesn't necessarily mean that your relationship is wholly superficial because you can still have serious feelings for each other, it just means that it might always feel like there's a brick wall in your way when you try to bond a little more deeply. This could be because you know just when you're getting a little closer or liking each other a lot, something is going to happen to irritate you or you're going to argue, causing you take a step back!

36. And neither of you can be bothered to make one

image source: reddit.com

It also comes down to the fact that neither of you are willing to put the time and effort into making a deeper connection, either, and working to get past these obstacles. This again could be because you know deep down you don't have that long-term commitment, and it would just be energy wasted. For a love hate relationship, sometimes it's enough that you have those good times as well as the fallouts so you don't feel like you need to put the work in to making an extremely deep connection, because you're just not compatible that way.

37. You often feel disconnected from each other

image source: reddit.com

It makes complete sense why you'd have times of disconnect from each other, as these are usually the times you're feeling the 'hate' more than the 'love'. You could have moments of really positive quality time spent together, but when something happens to remind you both why the other one annoys you so much, it gives off a feeling of disconnect. During this time, it could also be when you decide to have a break from seeing each other or tune out of the relationship for a bit until you're ready to connect again.

38. You act differently when you're out in public

image source: reddit.com

To anyone looking from the outside, you seem like a perfect couple - and you like people thinking that you're a perfect couple. This can be why you're both likely to act completely differently when you're out in public. This might nag at you deep down when you know that you're really putting on an act, and maybe deep down you wish that the relationship was really like how you're showing it to be in public. You're the only person who sees the different side to your partner behind closed doors, a face they never show to anyone else!

39. You can happily go long periods without speaking

image source: from1girlto1world.com

This is when the 'hate' aspect comes into play a little bit more, and these are the times when you're happy to just get some space from each other. It's almost like when you've been doing so well and getting along, it's too good to be true, and that's when the annoyance can start to come out and you start to feel smothered. You might then get busy with other stuff - concentrating on yourself, extra work, going on a vacation - and be happy that you don't seem them pop up on your notifications for a while until you're ready!

40. You might spend a lot of time in separate rooms

image source: reddit.com

While you might be the picture perfect couple out in public, behind closed doors you might spend a lot of time in separate rooms. When you start to bug each other a little too much you might find that you need space, which can be hard to do if you live together or if you're sharing accommodation. You might even sleep in separate rooms sometimes if you feel like you need a break from each other. Love hate relationships can often see you spending a lot of quality time together, but then recognizing when you both need your space.

41. You never really resolve your issues

image source: reddit.com

All couples will have things they fight about, but what matters more is working to resolve them to stop them from happening again. But with the two of you, you never really resolve your issues, you just bring them up, fight about them and then probably sulk about them separately. A lot of the 'hate' from the love-hate relationship can come from the fact that you just hate the issues that you're always fighting about, again and again. You also don't put the effort in to resolve them because you might know deep down you don't really have a future.

42. There are certain things you can't stand about them

image source: reddit.com

Most people will have little things that irritate them about their partners, but it's all part of it - you still love them, no matter what, and you don't use these things as excuses against them. But with a love hate relationship, those little annoyances can easily turn into HUGE things - less a small annoyance and more something that makes your blood boil. These things might annoy you so much that you can't even stand to look at them, talk to them or be around them when they're doing whatever they're doing that you hate so much!

43. And they're not willing to change the things you hate

image source: abcnews.com

Nobody wants their partner to seriously hate something about them, or get so annoyed they have to leave the room. That's why, if it comes up that you're doing something to annoy them, it's something you'd usually try to work on or change. With the two of you, they're definitely not willing to change a single thing they're doing even when they know it annoys you. It's probably even likely that they'll keep doing it on purpose, getting satisfaction out of the fact that they know you hate it so much! That's just a volatile factor of your relationship.

44. You often talk about them behind their back

image source: reddit.com

Every healthy couple needs to have a vent every once in a while, and a few things said to a best friend or a loved one isn't a big deal. People need to talk about their relationships, especially when they're upset about something. But there's a difference between talking something out, and completely abusing your partner behind their back, telling everyone you know how much you hate them, what they've done wrong, some embarrassing thing they did... This can often stem from a love hate relationship because the things they do that annoy you so much, you just need to tell someone else.

45. You're definitely keeping your options open

image source: reddit.com

This can come from the fact that deep down, you know the relationship doesn't have a future, and you're not willing to put in the work for that future. And because you know it's probably not going to last long-term because of all the negatives about it, you're definitely keeping your options open - and they are too, probably. That's also why you won't take a step to commit. You know that it's inevitable that when the 'hate' side of the love hate relationship becomes a little too much, you're going to want to find someone else who doesn't annoy you half as much.

46. You actually kind of enjoy the drama

image source: reddit.com

Some people just don't know how to have a calm relationship. It might actually make you feel anxious when it's going too smoothly and too well, as you might start to doubt it and think it's too good to be true. With this person, you actually enjoy the drama of the constant falling out and making up, and you might actually get pleasure from arguing with each other, or being brutally honest. Some people look for more dramatic relationships because they like the passion of the fallouts and anger as much as they like the passion of the love side of things!

47. You hit them where it hurts!

image source: reddit.com

When you're in a love hate relationship, and when you've fallen out so many times that you know exactly how to push their buttons and what bugs them the must, you know exactly where to hit them when you really, really want to hurt them. If you're mad at them about something, you know just what to say to hurt them the most, whether it's one of their insecurities, a topic they don't like to talk about or anything else you can get satisfaction from bringing up! In that moment, you hate them so much you want to say it, and they're going to hate you for saying it!

48. You always feel bad later

image source: reddit.com

That being said, the cycle of a love hate relationship is often that you're going to feel guilt for what you've said or done later on - especially something that really hurt them - because you do love them, too. When you argue, you might get satisfaction from the fiery shouting match in the moment, but later you both feel pretty bad about it and are going to take the key steps to try and makeup and apologize for what happened. That definitely doesn't mean it's not going to happen again, though - it most definitely will happen again!

49. You show your love the most through physical touch

image source: reddit.com

If you're ever going through the 'making up' stage after you've argued and you're feeling bad, your relationship is very much based on s*x and physical touch. This can highlight the lack of a deeper connection and an emotional understanding, as the both of you only really know how to show your love through the physical side of things - because it's all you've ever really been willing to do. Plus, during s*x you don't have to talk through things or try to connect on a deeper level through getting to know each other, so you both prefer this as a way of showing your affection.

50. If they suggest ending it, you actually feel relief

image source: reddit.com

Often in love hate relationships, you have one person who realizes how toxic it is but they're really struggling to make the move to officially end it because they love the other person at the same time. It can be a hard road, because you know it's not working and you hate a ton of things about them, but you also know that you love them deep down, too. That's why, if the other person makes the suggestion to end the relationship, you actually feel relief - because you know it needs to end, but you find comfort in knowing you weren't the one to make that decision.