Here’s Why Men Can’t Express Their Feelings To Women

They weren't brought up to be open about their feelings

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While there might be some guys who are quite good at expressing their feelings, it's definitely not something that they were brought up to do at a young age. It's probably due to society being the way it is and the way that boys are brought up in the world. It's important to remember that not all men feel natural in opening up like women may have gotten used to. Although it is something that's raising more awareness, it can be hard to change perception and this is why men can still struggle. It can be helpful to talk about this to help your man open up.

Men can feel overstimulated by feelings

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Following on from the last point, due to men not being educated in how to handle feelings it is common for them to feel overwhelmed when they gain any type of feeling. Because of this, it does mean that they may struggle to voice how they feel and also understand what is going on inside their heads. This is why the best thing to do in this situation is give them time to take in the feelings so that they can feel before expecting them to voice them to you. This creates a lot less stress and a better environment.

They are trying to protect you from their feelings

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Although you may find it very easy to speak to the males in your life about how you feel this is not always reciprocated. As much as you don't feel like you are putting anything on them by telling them how you feel, they may just feel that themselves. For example if a guy feels quite overwhelmed but you are somebody who talks out how they feel, they may believe that it's not something you want to hear. So in order to protect themselves, guys may choose to keep their feelings under wraps just to protect you.

Talking about feelings brings past trauma alive

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This point can be quite universal for men and women but it's simply because both may deal with trauma at some point in their lives. Maybe the male in your life has been through trauma but doesn't feel comfortable speaking about it and that's why you don't hear them speak much about it. Many people deal with trauma in different ways; males are known to block it out and not be open. This is why they can then struggle to explain how they are feeling in certain situations where it would probably be better.

Their feelings change a lot to keep track of how they feel

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When you are dealing with a high amount of different emotions and feelings it can be hard to surface how you actually feel. Many men will choose not to open up simply because they don't know what they'd actually say. While it can be beneficial to take some time and reflect upon the many emotions you're feeling, you should eventually be able to open up and have an adult conversation about these said emotions. However, this can still prove difficult for many males and therefore they keep it in.

There's a big fear of rejection if they are too open

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If a male has never opened up before it can be really difficult to understand that this doesn't always lead to rejection on how they are feeling. There is also always a chance that they have opened up before but felt dismissed and therefore chose to not do it again. It's important that women make themselves aware of the problem that men face and make a nice environment for them to open up in. Even if you feel like the male in your life knows they can open up it is always best to just let them know for peace of mind.

Expressing emotions can feel like a loss of control

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Although you may feel like when you express your feelings a weight is lifted off your chest, this is not always the case for men. By keeping feelings inside it can feel like they are controlling them within. Only they have the key. If a male chooses to open up, they are then allowing the feelings to be out in the public and therefore they have less control on what they can do with them. This is the way that many men think and therefore keep the feelings to themselves, it's bred within them by society. It's important to show you care.

There's a big fear of being judged if they are too open

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If a male comes across as a very strong and independent person they may feel that they will be judged if they open up about how they are feeling. This means that this type of man will choose to keep the feelings inside to ensure that they aren't judged as a person for feeling that way. To combat this it's important to make them aware that the way they feel does not alter how you feel about them and who you believe they are as a person. Besides, ultimately, we are all human and I think we can agree that everyone's feelings matter.

They never get the chance to tell a woman how they feel

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We all live very busy lives and with this it can be hard to make time to listen to how someone really feels. Realistically, just because somebody looks okay on the outside this doesn't reflect how they might be feeling inside. In a healthy relationship it's important to make time to hear about how your partner really feels. They might have spent so long recently listening to you and your problems that they haven't really had the time to be able to express how they feel. When is the right time? It's a pretty common issue in couples.

Societal standards make it hard for them to overcome

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Even though societal standards are constantly changing, it's well known that for years men were not expected to say how they really felt, even though there's lots of hard work being put in to show that men are allowed to say how they feel. Years of time being bought up with what is right and wrong can have a lasting effect on people in society today. That's why many men still feel they have to play a specific part in society, the role they're expected to play, in order for them to be able to fit in and be accepted.

They don't see the benefit of doing so

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If somebody has never opened up they may feel there's really not much need in telling you how they feel. This is especially the case if the male in your life hasn't always had a woman to speak to. This could mean that they are just not used to speaking to a woman and therefore don't know the benefits of letting anybody know exactly how they feel. It's important to let them know that you are there for them and what they should expect if they were to open up to you about how they felt from time to time.

Maybe they don't know how to control their feelings and become angry

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Many people (not just men) have a hard time being able to control the way that they feel and the way their feelings make them act. This can then mean that many people decide to hide the way that they feel to stop any negative reactions. Feelings can make many men feel upset, confused and angry. Ultimately, this is one of the reason's that men find it hard to speak, it's the fear of the unpredictability of their actions once they do. Maybe part of it is their protection for you against themselves.

They might be using other ways to express their feelings

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Although somebody may not outright tell you exactly how they feel, specifically the way they feel about you, this does not mean that they do not express it in other, unspoken ways. After all, you don't have to speak your feelings; there are many different ways that a person can let you know how they feel. For example your boyfriend may buy you bunch of flowers and this could be their way of expressing that they truly love and care about you. It could also be away of expressing their thankfulness for something you may have done.

They don't know how to communicate correctly

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Like the previous points, if a man has never expressed the way they feel the answer might just be that they don't know how to communicate with a woman on these matters. This can then lead to a lot of confusing feelings and in turn makes males keep everything to themselves to ensure they don't do anything wrong. This is not the best way to deal with any situation and can make their feelings a lot more heightened and worse. This is why sometimes it can be helpful to express to them how you feel about a situation to help them open up themselves to you.

They are scared of what might happen if they are too open

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When we express how we feel we put ourselves into a vulnerable state. This is why many men may worry about the fallout effect of saying how they feel about a situation or someone, and this can especially be the case if the guy has never expressed how they feel before and doesn't really know how you will react to them expressing their feelings. They may feel worried that you will react negatively or that their thoughts will upset you. This is why it's so important to make sure they are aware of how you will react and that they can say how they feel.

He doesn't want to look weak in front of you

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Even though we all know that expressing how you feel and having feelings is something that everybody has, it doesn't make it easier for some men to understand that this doesn't signify weakness in any way, shape or form. They may feel as though they will lose some sort of masculinity by being more open and honest about how they feel. This is why reassurance plays a big part in ensuring your man feels like the same person after being vulnerable with you. It can take time to get to this point but communication is beneficial.

To express their feelings they have to look deep within themselves

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You may feel as though it is pretty easy to know exactly how you feel and it might be something you're very emotionally aware of. But it's important to remember that not everybody feels the same way and it can take a lot of work to get to that point. Many men really don't think about how they feel and this therefore means that they never feel the  need to explain the emotions they're experiencing. By expressing the benefits of them being open with you, you'll be able to mend that communication bridge that you've been lacking.

Men prefer to speak to men about their feelings

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You may think that all the men in your life don't speak about the way they feel just because they never tell you. However, in today's society, men are becoming so much more open to each other about what is going on in their lives. This doesn't mean that they don't want to be open with their signicant other, but rather they may have just found an outlet that works for them, which is good. It also could mean that two men speaking to each other have a common ground and therefore get more out of being open and honest.

Men don't want to lose their masculinity

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It has to be said with this point that being open about the way you feel does not affect any masculinity that any man has, the whole belief is some sort of myth that society created. Yet, even in the 21st century, men still believe that being vulnerable will attack how masculine they are. It is so important to ensure you have a strong level of trust with the men in your life in order for them to feel they can be open with you. Without trust there is no framework to build a lasting connection or any feelings to talk about in general.

None of the people they know speak to women about how they feel

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If your man is surrounded by people who also never open up about their feelings it can be so much harder for them to be in a state of mind where they feel like opening up is the right thing to do. It can be helpful for men to be around people, or gain access to resources about being vulnerable, to understand that it is completely okay and can be a very normal and helpful thing to do. It's important to communicate this with your partner so they understand that expressing their feelings is the normal and, often, right thing to do.

Some men just don't know how to be open due to habit

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It might come pretty easy to you to say exactly how you're feeling, but these abilities don't come as easy to everybody else. Lots of men have been through all of their life not opening up so having to then do that can be hard. There's lots of resources on the internet to help men get that one step closer to being completely open with their partner.  Try being more open with the men in your life and listen to what they have to say. If the space doesn't feel safe to them then the likelihood is they won't want to open up.

They don't think you care about how they're feeling

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Even though you may be somebody who speaks exactly how you feel as and when you feel it, your partner might just feel as though you're not bothered about hearing it from them. Perhaps you became pretty used to just yourself speaking and opening up  and  you've neglected to notice until now that they never bother communicating back how they feel. The best way to get past this is by ensuring you make a point of asking them open questions when you express your feelings and this way it gives them the opportunity and reassurance that you want to hear it.

They don't want to ruin a good thing they have

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Being vulnerable and saying how you feel isn't always an easy thing to do and it doesn't always mean that the best thing will come out of it. This is why many men around you will choose to keep their feelings to themselves to ensure the situation they're in doesn't become a negative one. With open communication and creating a safe space feelings are able to be spoken about without creating a negative environment. To be able to do this you must become open to understanding somebody else's point of view and respect that.

Talking about feelings can really, really hurt

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Talking about feelings brings the feelings into the real world and this can create a lot of hurt when the men in your life have kept them within for so long. Many men know how vulnerable it makes them when they become open and this is why they choose to stop any pain that might arise  and hide them away. The best way to combat this is by showing your own pain and show how you're able to overcome it. By being strong you are teaching your man that you do have feelings but speaking about them allows you to process it.

They are worried it won't be taken seriously

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If a man has never been open before then it might come as a shock the first time they begin to open up to you. No mater how little or big the problem is that they've been harvesting, you should always try to receive their feelings in a serious, safe environment. You may need to take some time to process it yourself before coming back to talk about it so you can ensure you are able to give them exactly what they need. Taking any feelings expressed seriously is the number one thing that must be done to ensure open communication lasts for a long time. It just all comes with practice.

It's hard to find the right words to explain how they feel

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Having lots of feelings and never expressing them can become quite confusing and hard to understand. Many men experience this same issue due to their feelings being suppressed in their teenage years. This is why they can often struggle to find the right words to say how they feel and when they do there is a fear it may be misinterpreted. After all, our words can only get us so far; language is limited in every sense. It's important to ask open questions so you can truly understand how your partner feels in a situation.

Honestly, men just don't think about their feelings

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It could be the case that your man just doesn't process how they feel and they just live in the moment. If this is the case with the men around you, they may just not have anything to say when it comes to how they feel. The most important thing to do is try and keep an eye on your partner's behaviors during turbulent times. That way, you can see if there really is something that's bothering them. If there is, sit them down lightly and try to help them articulate it. If not, then good news, nothing to speak about!

They'd rather express their emotions through different outlets rather than using their words

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Many men choose a different way of getting their feelings off their chest and it isn't always talking about them. Some guys may choose to go to the gym and lift weights in order for them to get their feelings out of their head and into exercise, which is often suggested. Others may go for a less physically demanding hobby and use things like gaming to de-stress and process feelings and situations. It's so important to respect this and give the men in your life time to be able to do this and make them happy. We don't all deal with things the same way.

It can just be easier to keep the feelings inside under lock and key

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Speaking about feelings and getting them out into the open can be a really hard thing to do and while mostly it's a productive thing to do, it's not always beneficial. You might feel like they are experiencing a lot of emotions at a given time but forcing them to try and open up will only add pressure and further suppress those feelings you're trying to uncover. If they then speak to a woman about how they feel it can heighten their anxieties and force them to worry about the person they've opened up to. That's why many men opt to keep it within themselves.

Neurology can play a big part in why men can't be open

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Even though society is a big pressure and reason, men don't communicate the way they feel as much as women do, and that's a fact. It's also worth thinking about the way their brains work which isn't necessarily the same as the female brain. It can just be the case that the feelings that they have aren't benefited from being spoken out into the open. There's just no need to process it that way.  Many men just simply prefer to keep it to themselves and work through it day-by-day, which should be respected but not necessarily encouraged. Just make sure you're there for them when they finally need you.

Here are some ways men may actually be trying to express their feelings without words

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Most men will find it very difficult to express their feelings to women for all of the reasons shown above, but it's also important to know the signs of a man actually trying to express feelings that might not be obvious. With men struggling to actually vocalize feelings if they've been brought up thinking 'they shouldn't talk about their feelings', it's worth knowing which gestures can actually be them trying to reach out to the people they care about in their lives. Not everyone can express themselves easily by just saying 'I love you'!

Giving gifts

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Whether your love language is gift giving or not, there's no doubt that this is how a lot of guys show their affection - through actions rather than words, and the action of buying a thoughtful gift at that. If a guy you have only just started dating has been giving you a lot of gifts, it could be his way of saying he's serious about you and he's trying to make his intentions clear if he might struggle to express it with words. You can usually tell how much thought a person has put into a gift, too, so the more thoughtful it is, the more he might care.

Making efforts for close physical contact

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In the early stages of dating, a man might show interest by staying in close proximity to you, such as sitting next to you in a group, standing close to you, or even with body language facing towards you. When you get more serious and if he's having trouble expressing his love in words, he might instead show it through physical gestures, like hugging you and holding you, walking with an arm around you, holding your hand or making sure to stay close to you around the house because he likes to be around you.

Listening to you intently

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Sometimes, you can express affection for someone by listening rather than talking. The gesture of paying attention to someone while they're speaking and actually listening intently can be one that shows the other person they matter. For a guy in a relationship or who is dating, it's him showing you that he cares about what you have to say, and that his attention is solely focused on you. In the modern dating world with many people distracted by their phones, or even having their phones out during a meal, this gesture doesn't go unnoticed as one that expresses care and attention.

Showing investment in your interests

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One way that you can tell whether a person is interested in you, and in being with you, for the long term is how they react to your hobbies and interests, and things you're passionate about. If he cares about you but doesn't really know how to say it, he might ask questions about your interests and try and get involved in your hobbies, like attending classes with you or just watching you do something you're interested in at home. Even if they don't understand why you like something, they'll ask questions rather than dismiss it.

Including you in plans he makes

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It's a big gesture from a guy if he includes you in any or all plans, or puts you as first priority for doing things. It's definitely not the case that you can't have a healthy and happy relationship when you do things separately, but it's more that he will always consider you when he's making plans (whether you're free that day, whether it would be something you would enjoy etc.) because he not only cares about you, but actively wants to do something with you. If he's making plans, it's likely he wants them to be with you.

He deals with conflict respectfully

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You can tell a lot about how a person feels about you based on how they react when things are very bad rather than when they're very good. During an argument or during tough times, if he still respects you, listens to what you have to say, stays calm and is willing to work through it, it's a good sign he cares about you. If, on the other hand, he dismisses your issues, gets angry, walks out or blames you for conflict, it's a red flag that he doesn't have any affection he wants to express - because he likely can't deal with it.

He respects your space when you need it

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One thing that a lot of men can struggle with in relationships is when their partner needs space. Because men can struggle to express their feelings, they might think the worse about their partner seemingly wanting to be on their own rather than with them. But wanting your own space is completely normal. So if he completely respects your boundaries, knows when you need your space and doesn't kick up a fuss, it's a sign he cares about you enough to know that it's not a problem when you need your space.

He's a gentleman

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At the end of the day, it's the simple manners and actions that can show how much a man cares about you, without him having to say it or try to come up with the words. If he cares, he might make it his priority to make you feel loved and cared for, regardless of whether he says 'I love you' or not. He might try his best to be actively chivalrous, or it may come so naturally to him to be that way without even thinking about it, because that's just the way he thinks you should treat someone you love and care about.

He holds eye contact with you

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Just like stopping to listen intently to what you have to say is a sign of affection, so is maintaining eye contact. Guys will use eye contact as a way of showing you that they're interested, that they care and to bond with you by sharing that moment with you. Sometimes, you don't even need to say anything at all, when a certain look between two people can be enough to show affection, and a man might use this as a way to communicate their feelings for you, without saying it. They do say eyes are the window to the soul, after all!

He makes effort for you to meet his friends and family

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One huge indicator that someone is serious about you, without them actually having to say it or trying to express their feelings, is them wanting you to meet their friends and family. They're not going to waste time introducing someone to their friends and family if they're not in it for the long haul - and it means they care about you a great deal if they want you to meet the other important people in their life. It's sort of the next step when they think they're more serious about you. It's also a sign he's already said good things about you to them!

He acts protective with you

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This isn't to say that he's overbearing or stops you from doing things, or acts as though you need protecting. It can be subtle gestures to show that he cares about your wellbeing and that he wants to keep you safe. This could be walking closest to the road on the sidewalk when you're out together, walking in front of you on the staircase or holding your hand in a busy space, or while crossing the street through traffic. It's just a way of him expressing his feelings without speaking, using these acts or signs that he wants to protect you.

He does what he can to meet your needs

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Some men want to display their affection not by speaking or by saying those three words, but by going above and beyond to ensure your every need is met. They just want to do everything they can for you to make sure you have everything you need. It may be the smallest need, like needing a cup of coffee, or something big, like being able to realize your dreams. No matter what, they want to be there to make sure they help you in getting what you want so that you can be happy. A man who who doesn't have feelings to express wouldn't do that.

He smiles a lot!

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Sometimes, you can just tell based on the expression on a person's face what they feel for you, without them having to say a word. They might just look deliriously happy all the time that they're with you, or you catch them non-stop smiling when they're around you. When they think of you they can't help but smile, and smiling at you might be their way of expressing their affection towards you without saying it. It sounds like a simple thing, but oftentimes people can hide smiles or joy on their faces if they're trying to 'play it cool'!

He enjoys quality time alone

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You can also tell how much you mean to a guy based on how much care and attention he gives for spending time alone with you. Someone who cares for you, and loves you, is going to want to prioritize quality alone time with you, because they want to be with you, only you, uninterrupted. Someone who doesn't have many feelings to express for you probably won't show as much willingness to be alone with you, or prefer to do other plans with other people. If a man isn't invested in you, it's likely he'll make excuses to avoid time alone with you.

He makes compromises for you

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Compromises are important in any relationship, as there has to be a little give and take between two people who care about each other. He might find it difficult to express himself through words or by telling you how much you mean to him, so he shows it instead by doing what he can to compromise for you - and be willing to compromise for you - so that he can show he cares about you being happy, and wants to do what he can to make sure you are. He's willing to listen to what you have to say and change his mind about things, because he cares.

He does what he can to make life easier for you

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People who love or care about you want to do what they can to make things easy for you, to alleviate the burden of life or work stresses and help out. Because they don't want to watch you suffer, or go through stress. If he's made it clear that he's willing to do anything he can to make any situation easy for you, especially if it's something important to you, this can be a way of him expressing his feelings for you. He's willing to spend time and energy working as a team with you to move obstacles out of your way to make things run more smoothly.

He makes an effort with messages

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In this modern age of technology, it's got to the point where we can usually tell how much we mean to someone based on their phone habits! Leaving someone on read, ignoring messages completely or not replying for weeks on end is of course a common sign someone is just not interested in speaking with you. But one thing a guy does to show he cares - without saying it - is the simple fact that he replies messages, and even sends them off his own bat (one of the great wonders of the age!) just because he wants to talk to you.

He makes sure to communicate with you

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Communication is so key in a relationship, and while many men struggle to express their feelings and know how to communicate in that way, that doesn't mean they won't try and better communicate in general. Just the fact that he's willing to try and communicate more clearly for you means that he cares, and that he's invested. He might also prioritize staying in touch with you when you're not together, so that you always have communication back and forth going on so that he knows you're okay or how you're feeling.

He wants you to accompany him to things

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If he's into you, he's going to want you with him no matter what. He can't imagine doing things on his own or with other people anymore like he used to, because you're his number one choice for company! So even if he hasn't said much in the form of words about how much he likes you, he'll definitely be showing it if he's constantly asking you to do pretty much everything with him, even if it's as simple as grocery shopping, simply because he wants to be in your company! Even if he's going out with other people, he just wants you there.