Vintage Inventions We Are Glad Failed

1. Hanging Baby cages

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Hanging baby cages is an invention that we couldn't be more relieved phased out very quickly. Hanging a baby outside a window in a cage? It sounds like a totally terrible idea. So how did they even come about you're probably thinking? The thought behind it was that families living in urban areas could give their baby access to fresh air. The hanging cage actually was popular in the 1930s, especially in London. Thankfully, people soon realized how unsafe this was and they phased out very quickly, never to be used again!

2. Detachable dog sacks for cars

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So the idea here was that a sack would be attached to the window and your dog would be placed inside with its head sticking out to breathe. Again, the concept is very basic and seems to overlook every kind of element of health and safety. Having your dog hanging outside the car in a bag sounds like a truly awful invention and thankfully, this invention too did not last for long once people realized actually how unethical this was. Here's another invention we're very glad we'll ever NEVER see again.

3. Wooden bathing suits

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Think of a material that would not be suitable for bathing...wood is definitely up there with the least appropriate. But in the early 20th century wooden swimming suits became all the rage, despite the fact that it was completely rigid to move in. The real reason for this was that society wanted women to cover up, never mind the fact that they had to walk around in such uncomfy and impractical garments. Thankfully, the invention failed and now we do NOT have to go swimming in a wooden bathing suit...

4. The fire alarm arm trap

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Another completely bizarre vintage invention was the fire alarm trap box. Essentially, it was a firebox alarm that rang when you pulled the bell. But, the box would trap your hand inside when you pulled the bell. You see the issue - if there was a fire the person who sounded the alarm couldn't get out. So this added to the list of failed vintage inventions and we're more than happy about it. The purpose behind the booby trap was to stop the fire alarm from being pulled for a prank. Yet it was a very unsafe solution...

5. The Mizar Flying Car

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The Mizar Flying Car was a prototype flying car that really was made. You can see the vision, we've all wanted flying cars for many years, even before we were all introduced to the flying Ford Anglia in Harry Potter. And a vintage solution was made. Yet it totally failed. It was an attachable frame that could clip onto the car and could be realized. But did it actually work? Of course not. It was a failure and it's probably for the best because the technology was definitely not advanced enough to sustain a flying car safely.

6. The anti-eating mask

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This has to be one of the WORST inventions (along with the hanging baby cage) in the entirety of history. This was a contraption that the user would place onto their head and over their mouth and it would lock so that they could not eat. Only somebody else could release it to allow that person to eat. It was essentially placing your head into a cage that you couldn't get out of even if you wanted to unless someone else allowed you out. It was hugely unsafe and massively problematic and thankfully it failed and has never been seen since...

7. Mind reading helmet

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Now if we think about the fact that mind-reading technology is not nearly readily available in the year 2023, a mind-reading helmet around 80 years ago was certainly not going to be reliable or even remotely effective. So while the mind-reading helmet sparked a lot of interest among people, I mean why wouldn't it, when it was apparent that it actually had no use the invention quickly failed and so did any kind of demand for it. Perhaps in another 80 years, they'll create a contraption that will truly work.

8. Parachute jacket

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This parachute jacket was a vintage invention. The aim of the jacket is obvious, it was intended to turn into a parachute when it was needed. Yet despite the simple nature of the intention, the reality of creating such an object is a lot more difficult. At least, creating a reliable and effective parachute jacket is. The inventor of this jacket actually tragically died when testing it out. And so the invention had well and truly failed, and there have been no attempts to bring back any kind of similar object since.

9. Gliders

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Even today, gliders are very unsafe and they have caused a lot of tragedies and death. They are used for hobby purposes but because they are so small they have very little protection and there are so many things that can go wrong. There were gliders invented in the past which were even more crude. So much so that with these gliders the person didn't even get inside the plane, they sat on top with absolutely zero external protection at all. It was a recipe for disaster and they were soon scrapped.

10. Led pencils

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I think we all know why this invention failed, and why were are super relieved that they are no longer in existence. Led pencils did work effectively and they were the first kinds of pencils to be created for mass use. But, when it was found out that lead was toxic they were banned across the world. To think that children were using these pencils and no doubt chewing the ends as all children do is a horrifying realization in hindsight! So thankfully led pencils were also added to the list of huge fails...

11. Spray on hair

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Spray on hair...this concept sounds genius. If you have a patch of thinning or balding hair it sounds like a great solution to be able to grab a can of spray on hair and fill in the patch. The concept is wonderful - you can imagine sold on the shelves right next to root spray and dry shampoo. Yet in reality, if you were someone who unfortunately used it or you ever saw the results you'd know that this invention was bound to fail...and it's better for us all that it did. Because you ended up looking much worse AFTER using it than you did before.

12. Crinoline, skirt structures

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Crinoline were skirt structures that were commonly used in the mid-19th century. They were created from a metal frame and they were attached to a woman. They gave the iconic vintage dress look which we can't help but admire. Huge, puffy skirts which added to the beauty of the time period. Yet, when you imagine wearing a metal frame attached to your body it sounds like a horrible idea and you cannot imagine having had to do this day in and day out. Thankfully, life started to improve for women and they were no longer expected to wear a metal cage just to look impressive.

13. Rocket-propelled bicycles

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This sounds like something we all tried to create as a child, or at least imagined doing. Trying to put a rocket on the back of our bike to propel us forward. But, in the past, this actually happened. It was extremely crudely done and highly unsafe, hence why it joined the extensive list of inventions that we are glad to have failed. And when the rocket-propelled bicycles were introduced they caused a lot of interest...and as you can imagine they also caused a lot of injury and harm which is why they ended up failing.

14. Asbestos fire suits

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Asbestos has been banned in all different forms since 1999. Before that, it was seen as a material that could be used in lots of different ways because it seemed to be effective. And so asbestos suits were created for firefighters because in certain forms it was fire resistant. However, it then became known that it was highly toxic and exposure could be fatal, it can cause several different kinds of problems and diseases. And so as soon as this was discovered it was banned and lots of products were discarded of forever!

15. Ab belts

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People have been wanting abs since way before our time. And, people have been wanting to get abs with minimal work - don't we all? A few years back this invention actually came back and failed for the second time. There was a vintage ab belt that was sold on the premise that the vibration would give you abs and help you to lose excess fat. This is actually what it was sold as a few years ago too when they tried to bring back the failed invention. It quickly failed AGAIN because there is absolutely no scientific backing to this claim. It will NOT give you abs.

16. Infrared Turkey cooker

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There was a vintage invention of an infrared turkey cooker. You can imagine the appeal, of an easy turkey cooker that cooked it to perfection without having to guess if it was underdone and without serving up charcoaled turkey. It was a dream concept for Thanksgiving dinner. But in reality (despite its initial popularity) it just didn't work and, that is the top and bottom of the matter. All of the people in charge of cooking the turkey were very disappointed when they realized that the infrared turkey cooker was a huge fail.

17. Shutter shades

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They were shades before shades had properly been invented with UV screens. So at this point in time shutter shaed worked like our blinds work in our houses. They provided some shade to our eyes by the shutters facing down at angles, shielding the sun from our eyes. For a while, before proper sunglasses, it helped to solve a problem, and people didn't have to squint. Yet for practical AND fashion purposes these quickly failed when better options were available. Until Kanye West features a pair in a music video and they took off again...and very fizzled out again.

18. New Coke

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New Coke came about in 1985. Coca-Cola introduced New Coke to draw more custom and appeal through the excitement of a new product because they had been losing out on sales due to the expanding market of fizzy pop. So in order to compete, they tried to revamp the original Coke and create New Coke. Only, nobody (at least, the majority of people) didn't like the state, in fact, they really didn't. So of course Coke didn't generate more sales, sales dropped off even more and it was discontinued and deemed an unfortunate fail.

19. The pocket calculator

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The pocket calculator was actually a calculator that was a fixed part of clothing. It came in different forms, it could be attached to your pocket, or it could even be sewn in as a part of the collar on a suit. It's a gimmicky idea and you can already see the impracticality despite how cool it may sound. Washing the clothing was difficult without breaking it. And, using the calculator was totally impractical as it was super hard to maneuver it so it was a very fast fail, and picket calculators went out and never came back in.

20. X-Ray Shoe Fitting Machines

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X-rays send radiation through our body and so when we have an X-ray it is due to absolute necessity, for our own health and well-being. They cannot be performed frequently otherwise it will have a very harmful effect on the individual. But, in the past, there was a shoe x-ray machine that was built with the intention of finding the perfect fitting shoe for the wearer. It was an attempt to be ahead of the times, but all it really did was cause extreme harm. When it was realized how dangerous this way, they were, of course, banned for good!

21. Exploding cigarette loads

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Exploding cigarette loads sound like an invention that we never needed. The reason they were invented was really for a prank so that the person smoking a cigarette would get a nasty surprise. Yet these surprises could turn out particularly nasty because the mini-explosion could cause serious damage to the person who was totally unaware! So when these began to be bought and were in circulation, they soon failed and people started to experience mishaps and maladies all because of the exploding cigarette prank.

22. Barber chairs with fitted blades

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Welcome to the barbers, put your head right back and relax, and an automatic blade will shoot out from the chair...hopefully in the correct place to shave your hair rather than your skin. Blades built into chairs are something we no longer see around anymore for a very good reason. Not only were they gimmicky, but they were also very dangerous because the blade could come out at the wrong, height, and angle and the customer would be getting a lot more than he bargained for! Thankfully...they failed and NEVER came back again.

23. The Beehive Coal-Fitted hat

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You're cold in the winter? Don't worry we've invented a hat to keep you warm. Just light the coal burner on top of your head and you'll soon be warm. You may think that this is a joke. But it was indeed a real vintage invention and it was exactly as absurd as it sounds. Why you would knowingly light a fire on top of your head is beyond us. Of course, this invention failed when things were badly wrong. And we're very happy that it failed and that people aren't trying to sell us burning hats anymore.

24. Lead-based cosmetics

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As we said before with lead pencils, lead is a toxic substance and so these were banned. But what's worse than writing with a utensil containing lead? Putting lead all over your face as part of your nightly skincare regime! Lead was a part of many vintage cosmetic products and skin care products. So it was actually poisoning the person wearing it when they thought that they were using something that was actually good for them. Of course, when the truth was discovered, these products were immediately banned everywhere.

25. The Isolator Helmet

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The Iolater helmet was created in 1925 by a guy called Hugo Gernsback. The purpose of the strange and terrifying-looking helmet was to minimize the surrounding distractions. So the helmet was supposed to reduce the sound outside of the helmet by 95% and it was also supposed to limit the majority of your sight so that you could only focus on what was exactly in front of you. You can see why this didn't take off. You had to breathe through a tube to get oxygen and the whole thing was horribly claustrophobic feeling.

26. Smell-O-Vision

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Smell-O-Vision is a concept we've all been wanting. When you see a cake on the TV and wish you could smell it. It is an amazing concept to be able to not only see and hear but also smell certain smells from the TV. And a vintage invention made this reality and the cinema. Yet the technology wasn't good enough. It cost the movie theatre a LOT of money, and the smells would linger leaving the customers sat with unpleasant aromas for the entire time and nothing about the invention went smoothly at all in hindsight.

27. The rejuvenator machine

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The vintage rejuvenator machine just shows us that we've always been as fixated on health and beauty. This machine was thought to give a kind of all-over rejuvenation, helping the user to look and feel much better. What in fact happened was absolutely nothing. The machine was a total dud. And if it did do something, it was probably causing a slightly harmful reaction due to the fact that this was the machine invented for a false use. It may have looked and sounded like it was doing anything but it certainly wasn't rejuvenating.

28. The Penny Farthing Bicycle

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The penny farthings were in existence during the very first bicycles. The mechanism hadn't quite yet been perfected as to what we know it today. They were super impressive t see riding because they took a certain amount of skill and bravery to dare to use one. They weren't practical and aside from entertainment purposes now, they are entirely redundant. Just imagine trying to travel around on a penny farthing...perhaps it's a good job that they failed after all. Being perched precariously up high on one wheel doesn't sound appealing.

29. Flying tanks

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Tanks sound dangerous enough when they are ON the ground, never mind in the air. And to have flying tanks sounds like a truly terrifying image and something that we do not even want to succeed as an invention. There was also the question...how could something SO heavy remain airborne? Well, the answer is that it could not. The entire thing was a huge failure and for this reason, they were left and never brought back. A flying tank was never going to work...surely we didn't even need hindsight for this one.

30. The family bicycles

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Family bicycles were a vintage invention that sound much better than they really are. They were intended to have the whole family...on one bike. It was sold on the idea that it was the perfect family day out, or perhaps NOT. The whole concept was completely precarious because you had various family members perched on top of the bicycle at various angles and heights. In principle, it sounds ideal. In reality, it sounds like a health and safety nightmare and it was no wonder that the whole thing failed spectacularly.