How To Detect a Social Chameleon

1. Social mirroring is an ancient method of building connections

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Social mirroring is the act of subtly mimicking others to build rapport and establish a connection in social interactions. It helps create a sense of familiarity and comfort between new acquaintances. And it goes way, way back. Imagine our distant ancestors around a campfire. They survived by copying each other's behaviors, like hunting techniques or communication.

2. People can get suspicious of a social chameleon

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Excessive social mirroring can come off as insincere- if it’s not balanced with authentic self-expression, or it’s not done subtly, people might think you have an ulterior motive. So, while it may be a great way to bond on some occasions, it can backfire. Just imagine you're talking to someone and you actively notice them becoming more and more like you over the course of the conversation- creepy!

3. Social chameleons are eagle-eyed when it comes to observing a room

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If you walk into a party with a social chameleon, you might notice them scan the room, making sure to get a read on who's there and assessing the atmosphere. They need this information if they're going to blend in with as many people as possible. You can spot them doing this throughout an evening as well, making sure they're keeping in step with the vibe of the event.

4. They feel a deep need to be accepted

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Almost all of us feel a need to be accepted by someone: our loved ones, friends, and family. But for a social chameleon this need is more pronounced- it's as if they need to feel accepted by everyone they meet, or at least as many people as possible. If someone take this need to a level of obsession, it can lead them to adopt the patterns we've been exploring like social mirroring.

5. Sometimes they have a history of social rejection

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You might be wondering where this need for acceptance comes from in these social shape shifters. It can originate in a lot of things, but one possible explanation can be a history of social rejection. It sounds sad, but it makes sense that someone with a previous experience of being shunned or feeling like an outside- perhaps at school- would want to avoid that feeling again at all costs.

6. Their style can change drastically from day to day

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One more concrete method on this spotters' guide is to keep an eye on their fashions. When social mirroring, some people will actively try to dress like the people they're trying to impress. Some style gurus have a signature aesthetic- whether it's preppy or chic, skater or punk- that they stick to no matter what, and prize as a key piece of their identity. Social chameleons are far more flexible though, and will probably switch up their style to suit whoever they're trying to blend in with.

7. Maybe they pick up new slang all time- or even a new accent

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Yet another social mirroring tactic is adapting the way you speak to match your conversation partner. We've all seen some instances of slang gone wrong- an awkward 'yolo' here, a misplaced 'rofl' there- and it can be a major cringe factor! There are some cases that seem to show people who have high levels of empathy, or who have social chameleon tendencies, sometimes take this even further and end up accidentally copying people's accents!!

8. They might wait to see how others react before they give their opinion

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Sometimes at social gatherings there are tense moments: maybe someone has said something controversial, or maybe the class clown has just hit the punch line on their riskiest joke. Someone has to break the silence first, and it certainly won't be the social chameleon. They will wait and see how the first person reacts, as that will often set the tone of the reaction from the whole group. They don't want to risk being at odds with the majority!

9. They go through friendship groups at lightning quick speed, kind of like social butterflies

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How long have you known your bestie or besties? Some people hang onto friends from school their whole lives, but lots of others meet new friendship groups throughout life- whether that's through bonding with colleagues, hanging out with friendly neighbours, or even bumping into like minded souls by chance at the grocery store or park! Whilst all this is normal, you might notice to social chameleon going through friendship groups at an accelerated rate- hopping from crew to crew at speed.

10. They're drawn to professions that require psychological juggling

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I know what you're thinking, psychological juggling sounds like a scary circus act. But no, some careers require you to get into other peoples' heads in order to succeed. Think about an actor, getting into the head of their character and copying their mannerisms. Or even a lawyer or a politician- many would argue that in these jobs, it's more important to win people over than to be yourself. It's natural that someone adept at social adaptation would choose one of these careers.

11. They ooze charisma and magnetism

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Charisma can be an intoxicating thing, and hard to define. It's that magic X factor that attracts people to you and can even make them yearn for your presence. Social chameleons are so good at winning people over, by forging these social connections, that they're often considered very charismatic, or even magnetic! Next time you feel this around a new acquaintance, it could be down to the adaptability, empathy, and versatility of a social chameleon.

12. They're more likely to be single- or even a bit of a player

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From commitment issues to cheating, bad breath to plain old bad luck, there are a million reasons someone ends up perpetually single. But anyone who's a social chameleon could be more likely to avoid a long term, committed relationship. Having a significant other requires you to really know who you are, and to be really known by them- making it more difficult to adapt your personality on the go as it suits you!

13. They might have a feud with a 'social zebra'

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Time to meet a new sort of social animal: the 'social zebra'. This person stands out from the crowd, wearing their personality with pride and never feeling a need to change to impress anyone! Exuding self knowledge, these confident characters are the opposite of the chameleons- they don't feel a need to mimic others. That's why they might stir up some resentment in chameleons, who are working far harder to make connections.

14. They could be suffering from imposter syndrome

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Have you ever experienced imposter syndrome? The feeling that you're a fraud, or that you don't deserve good things that happen to you despite having worked for them? It's a common, but painful, phenomenon and it can push people to feel like they have to wear a (metaphorical) mask in life. Social chameleons might be experiencing imposter syndrome in their interpersonal life, making them feel they need to blend in to be worthy of friends.

15. They're often massive gossips

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Ok, no judgement here- who doesn't love the occasional gossip? Whether it's over a cup of tea in the staffroom, with the other mums at the school gates, or the morning after the night before, sometimes you just can't beat catching up on all the juicy details of the latest drama. The social chameleon knows this! They might use information like this to build alliances and gain favor over others- sneaky!

16. They might not have a strong sense of identity

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Sometimes a bit of small talk can be a super relaxing way to while away a conversation, but others it can be interesting to get into the big questions of life. What do you believe in? What do you think is your defining characteristic? What do you think is most important in life? But chameleons may struggle to answer these kinds of questions about their personal preferences, beliefs, or values because they change depending on the situation.

17. They avoid conflict like the plague

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Some people you meet are clearly angling for a fight at all times, stirring up trouble at every turn. Of course this is a huge turn off, but some people can take it too far the other way. The chameleons might be prone to bending over backwards or turning a blind eye to avoid a confrontation: they're often empathetic so might hate to see people in an argument, or it might be due to a fear of having to choose a side!

18. You'll notice them contradict themselves

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Sometimes when you pick a side, you just have to stick to your guns! A lot of people respect someone who makes up their mind, and commits to their own point of view. You might notice a social shape-shifter being inconsistent in the opinions they express: one thing one moment to one person, and a different story the next to someone else! It can be hard to tell what they really think.

19. They are absolutely OBSESSED with social status

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Social status can be fascinating: the ins and outs of group politics, the rise and fall of the popular, and the way all this changes how we think and feel about one another. This fascination is why reality shows like The Real Housewives or Selling Sunset are such smash hits. It's easy to get obsessed, and it's something the social chameleon is prone to. They care so much about how they're perceived in the social hierarchy, they might be consistently focused on where everyone else falls in it too.

20. They can end up changing their stories- they wouldn't do well in court!

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You might notice their stories changing each time you hear them. Lots of us are prone to exaggerate a bit over time, of course, but some people change important details of anecdotes from one telling to the next. If a chameleon is picking up different traits from day to day, it can help for them to back it up with stories that are consistent with whatever image they're trying to project at the time.

21. They love a bit of post match analysis the morning after

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For a social chameleon,  an important part of any outing is the debrief afterwards. "Did you hear so and so say that?" "What did you think of blah blahs outfit?" and "Do you think people like X's new boyfriend?" This post match analysis is all part of their obsession with social status and likability, which leads them to pick over details any party or gathering.

22. They can end up agreeing with everything you say

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The 'Yes Man' is a recognisable feature in any group or office- whatever you say, they agree. Everyone loves a bit of support and affirmation, but if someone agrees with you 24/7 you start to doubt their sincerity. Chameleons go around always ready to agree to appear on side.

23. They can be seriously conflicted- doing one thing and saying another

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Just imagine feeling the need to agree with things you don't really agree with, or laugh at jokes you don't actually find funny: it's an exhausting prospect. It isn't as if social chameleons don't have their own beliefs, so sometimes they're Yes-Man tendencies can get them feeling a bit conflicted.

24. They might end up the topic of gossip

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Despite being big gossipers themselves, a social chameleon might find themself the topic of some whispers themselves. If they get caught out contradicting themselves or changing their stances on topics to fit the mood of the moment, tongues might begin to wag.

25. Cringing comes easy to a social chameleon

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When you're spending so much energy- consciously or subconsciously- on trying to blend in, any moment you accidentally stand out is a painful memory! SCs can probably be heard agonising over something they said or did the night before that didn't fit in with the crowd.

26. Smoothing over conflict is a skill they possess

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It can be handy to have someone around to help soothe hurt feelings, and even broker apologies, when things get ugly between friends. Someone who hates conflict, like a social chameleon, can be committed to helping build these bridges when people have fallen out!

27. Their body language might start to look very familiar

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They won't know they're doing it, but a chameleon might find themselves accidentally copying your mannerisms and body language as you chat. Keep an eye out for it, as it's another way their body is instinctively trying to bond with you- which is kind of cute when you think about it!

28. They could get offended if you actually call them a social chameleon to their face

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Given their struggles with needing to feel accepted and possible histories of being rejected (plus some of the negative connotations of being considered a social shape shifter) it's no wonder this term might be a touchy subject for someone with this personality type!

29. They might be seen as a try hard...

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Trying too hard socially can come off as a bit desperate, and if a chameleon pushes too hard people might start to pick up on their strategies. It might be a cliche, but sometimes it really is just better to be yourself! If people like you for you, that's what matters.

30. ...or they might be adored!

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On the other hand, after all, they do have some very appealing habits, and can be very empathetic, charismatic, and engaging. The social circle they choose might be a decider on how their tactics turn out. A successful social chameleon can end up one of the most popular people around!