We Had Days Where We Couldn’t Cope with Each Other’s Grief’: Inside Sarah Parish’s Story of Losing Her 8-Month-Old Daughter

They have raised nearly £5 million for sick children, been honoured by the King, and built one of Britain's most admired charities from their kitchen table. But long before any of that, Sarah Parish and her husband James Murray were two people barely holding on.

Parish, 57, best known for her roles in "Industry," "W1A," and the ITV sitcom "Piglets," has spoken with rare candour about the passing of their first daughter, Ella-Jayne, in January 2009.

In interviews since, the couple described a grief that nearly broke them and the mission it set in motion.

Ella-Jayne was born in 2008 with Rubinstein-Taybi syndrome, a rare genetic condition. Three days after her birth, she needed her first heart surgery.

Ella-Jane as a toddler | Source: Instagram/sarahparish23

Despite everything, Parish recalled, she and Murray found themselves beginning to look forward to the life ahead of them.

"We got better at it. We were like, 'OK, we can do it. We'll manage. We'll do it.' And you start to look forward to that life: 'This is going to be great. This is a real challenge but we can do it,'" Parish told The Times.

"And then for it to be snatched away so quickly…"

Ella-Jane with her parents Jim Murray and Sarah Parish | Source: Instagram/sarahparish23

"The highs and lows of waiting for operations. Is she going to live?" she continued, recalling how they were rushed to hospital time and again in moments of crisis. "For nine months basically you are living by your fingernails. And then it's over."

Ella-Jayne passed away in January 2009 at only eight months old.

In the immediate aftermath, someone suggested the couple travel somewhere warm to recover. It was not the comfort they needed.

Ella-Jane, with her family | Source: Instagram/sarahparish23

Parish recalled thinking it would have been possibly the worst thing they could ever do, to sit in silence on a beach with nothing to do but think. Instead, for two months, she and Murray volunteered in orphanages in Vietnam and Cambodia. On their return, Murray told The Guardian, they came back in a much stronger frame of mind.

"But the grief was far from settled."

Ella-Jane in her mother's arms | Source: Instagram/sarahparish23

"Sometimes I didn't cope," Parish told The Times. "Sometimes you listen to people who have been through it and they sound like these two incredible stoic people, but we both had terrible days where we fell apart."

"We both had days where we couldn't cope with each other's grief, couldn't cope with our own."

Murray described just how isolating that shared pain could be. He explained that losing a child is something incredibly hard to process, especially unless someone else is going through the exact same pain at the same moment. Because of that, he said, it can be very challenging to truly connect with others.

Not long after returning from Southeast Asia, life changed again: Parish found she was pregnant. At 32 weeks, however, she began losing amniotic fluid, and their daughter Nell was born at just 3lb 10oz by emergency caesarean, placed straight into neonatal care.

After that birth, Parish experienced post-traumatic stress and post-natal depression. Therapy and antidepressants helped, and after five weeks, Nell was home.

She is now 16 and, as Murray cheerfully admitted on "This Morning," almost certainly not watching her parents on breakfast television.

In 2014, five years after Ella-Jayne passed away, Parish and Murray established the Murray Parish Trust in her memory, turning their grief into a mission to support other families facing serious childhood illness.

It has since been relaunched as Imagine This, now the only UK charity solely dedicated to the mental well-being of seriously ill children and their families.

On "This Morning," the pair described the gap they came to understand through their own experience. "There is a huge need for the mental well-being of seriously ill children and their families. Huge. And there is no charity that's solely dedicated to that in the country."

The charity brings drama, art, music therapy, yoga, and meditation directly into paediatric settings, with specialists trained to adapt every session to children who cannot leave their beds. Serious illness, the couple noted, reaches far beyond the ward itself.

"It's like putting a time bomb in a family and setting it off."

They also spoke about the long-term consequences of unaddressed mental health needs, with Murray noting that many children who do not receive early support go on to face serious challenges well into adult life.

Their goal is to reach every seriously ill child in the country by 2035. Together, they have now raised almost £5 million. Last year, the King presented them both with MBEs at a ceremony Parish described as "a real privilege."

Murray even wore a fish-patterned tie that caught His Majesty's eye and sparked a brief exchange about salmon conservation.

Looking back, Parish suggested that even the most painful experiences can shape the path ahead, often guiding people toward where they were meant to be.

Parish and Murray are far from alone. For many who heard their story, it opened a door to grief of their own.

"I totally agree, the loss of a child is something you never really get over, with time you may learn to cope with your grief and learn to manage it," one reader wrote.

Another reader's response, in particular, was quietly devastating, "Loosing [sic] a baby at any age is the most painful thing for parents to go through, i know my baby daughter passed away aged 8 months, it's her Anniversary today. 52 years today but she's still my baby."

Others simply reached out with love, "I can't imagine your pain, so tragic. Sending healing vibes to you and your family. Bless you," and "You never get over losing a child no matter what age! So sorry for your loss xx"

Sarah Parish and husband Jim Murray seen leaving the ITV Studios on June 7, 2016 in London, England | Source: Getty Images

Murray, looking back, offered a quiet reflection on watching his wife through everything the years have brought. "You don't notice a partner changing, day to day," he said. "But when I step back and think of Sarah's evolution, it's amazing."