How To Set Boundaries In A New Relationship

1. Start open communication from the offset

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When you're starting out in a new relationship the best way to set boundaries is by starting out with a very open communication between the two of you. If you immediately start by being honest with each other, it will set the tone for how the relationship continues and you'll both feel as though you can open up to each other about how you feel and what you want.

2. Use 'I need' rather than 'You shouldn't'

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When it comes to actually having the conversation where you both express your boundaries it's important to do it in the right way for both of you. Talk about what you need and want in a relationship with the emphasis on 'I need', rather than saying 'you should' or 'you shouldn't' because the latter can sound accusatory which can make your new partner feel uncomfortable.

3. Reflect on your needs

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When it comes to setting out your boundaries in your new relationship it's important to actually know what yours are. This takes time and reflection to understand yourself, and to truly know what you want and don't want from your partner. Reflect on your needs and how things make you feel to properly come to terms with what your boundaries are so that you can express them.

4. Assess how their actions make you feel

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Sometimes we don't fully know our boundaries in a relationship until we come across a situation where we don't feel comfortable. When this happens, think about what actions or words were said so that you can let your partner know in a gentle way at the right time what this was and how it made you feel. To establish boundaries it takes a lot of self-reflection to understand yourself.

5. Be direct, don't beat around the bush

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During the conversation between the two of you, be direct about what your boundaries are. This doesn't mean being blunt or rude, but be very clear about what it is you are saying/ Don't beat around the bush because you don't want to offend or upset your partner, because this can leave them feeling confused about what your boundary is and they may not be able to understand it properly.

6. Listen actively to them

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Setting boundaries in a  new relationship is a two-way street. It's about yours AND theirs and so as important as it is to express our own, it's equally as important to let them express theirs, and to do this you have to actively listen to them. That means listening and taking mental notes as to what they; 're saying so that you can ensure to respect their boundaries going forward as they can with you.

7. Think about emotional needs

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Emotional boundaries and needs are such an important element of a relationship. You want to feel emotionally safe in your relationship and to do this you both need to consider your needs and what you don't want to make you feel uncomfortable. For example, it could be that you don't want to be over-committed in terms of time spent doing things you don't want to do.

8. And physical boundaries

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There are also physical boundaries in a relationship which are another element to consider and discuss when it comes to setting the boundaries in a new relationship. Physical boundaries may include things such as physical touch or having privacy and personal space. So it's important to consider both of your physical boundaries along with your emotional needs too.

9. Discuss your alone time

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Alone time is super important in a relationship. Some people need and want more alone time than others as their time to truly relax and recharge in their own personal space. So alone time is an element to figure out in a relationship so that you both feel like the relationship isn't overbearing and weighing you down. Aloe time is a great way to have some physical and emotional time out.

10. Share your goals

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Share your goals and dreams with your partner. Because an element of the relationship is that you both feel that you can achieve your own personal goals and dreams as well as those you share together. Your partner should be supportive of these as you should with this so this is another hugely important element of establishing your boundaries in the new relationship.

11. Talk about what you want for your future

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Although this relationship is new, be very open and clear about what you want from the future as soon as you embark on this relationship. While it may feel too soon, it is one way to ensure that you can both go alone respecting one another's boundaries because you understand one another's long-term goals and plans and you can work towards building a future together.

12. Set out your boundaries on family involvement

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People have very different limits when it comes to family involvement in a relationship. Some people love to be submerged in the family life and others may want to keep a healthy distance between their relationship and family. It all depends on the person but this is something to set out early on in case your boundaries are too different or in case you don't understand each other to find a healthy balance.

13. Set out how you want to resolve conflicts

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Resolving conflicts is an important part of a healthy relationship. When conflicts arise, which they will, the main thing is that you have conflict in a healthy way and understand how to come to a resolution together. This is a crucial element of establishing and maintaining boundaries in your relationship because resolving conflict well stands your relationship in good stead.

14. Come to an agreement on socializing outside of the relationship

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Another boundary that has to be discussed early on is socializing outside of the relationship. For example, one person may love to socialize with their friends all of the time and the other person may expect more quality time as a couple. While neither is right or wrong if the couple can find a compromise in which both of their boundaries are adhered to then they can move forward happily.

15. Discuss your areas of no compromise

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So everyone will have their no compromise areas or their non-negotiables which may apply to something that is very important to you. A no-compromise area isn't just about being unwilling to compromise, it may be that their absolute must is to allow space for regular family time for example. This for one person may be so important that if they do not have this, the relationship could not work for them.

16. Set time for routine check-ins

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Once you've set out your boundaries in your new relationship, the work is not done. It's about maintaining these. Have regular checkups with each other to see how you're both feeling on a regular basis so that you can stay tuned to one another. It stops you both from drifting apart and keeps you feeling supported and heard. And you can let each other know how they made you feel good and bad.

17. Maintain both of your personal spaces

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Allow your partner to have their own personal space as they should also allow you to have yours. Establishing personal space in a relationship is a vital step in the process of establishing boundaries. Personal space is vital to our mental health as it's the time we can feel fully relaxed and have that time to just recuperate and recharge in the presence of nobody but ourselves.

18. Continue with all of your hobbies

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Just because you begin a relationship, don't suddenly drop all of your hobbies and put all of your time and attention into the relationship. You should maintain who you were before the relationship and what you loved doing as well as putting time and effort into the relationship. It shouldn't become your sole focus, just as you should encourage your partner to keep their hobbies too.

19. Maintaining your relationships outside of the relationship

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I know that this new relationship is super exciting and it may consume your thoughts for a little while as you're caught up in the excitement and feelings of it all. But, right from the very beginning, you should work on keeping up your relationships outside of your new couple. This is a key boundary to establish, respecting that both of you have external lives too!

20. Establish a foundation of respect

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Respect is one of the most important things in a relationship. And boundaries boil down to respecting one another. If you and your partner establish a strong understanding of one another and each other's boundaries properly. If there is no respect, then the relationship will not stay in line with the boundaries you have established. So this is the key to everything!

21. Choose the right time for discussing boundaries

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These kinds of conversations are so important and they should be had at the right time and the right place. Don't try and start discussing it with your partner when they've just woke up, or you're feeling emotional or angry. Wait for a good time for the both of you when you're relaxed and comfortable so that the conversation isn't negatively or emotionally charged.

22. Acknowledge that it's okay for boundaries to change

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Your boundaries may not stay the same throughout your relationship. Just because you established certain boundaries, in the beginning, does not mean they cannot change or that you are obliged to stick to them. As time goes on people change and that's okay, you both have to adapt to one another and express that your boundaries are changing so that your partner can respect them.

23. Encourage them to tell you how they feel

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Encourage your partner to tell you how they feel. If they feel open with you it will also open up the conversation for you to feel more able to communicate how you are feeling too. And, establishing boundaries is as much about them as it is about you. If you both have the ability to be open it builds a very promising and strong beginning for the relationships.

24. Start as you mean to go on

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You are starting out in the journey of your new relationship, so you have a clean slate. How you begin will set the tone for the entire relationship. Beginning with clear boundaries means that this will be ingrained into your relationship and it's the because to start. It's harder to change that later down the line - but of course, by no means impossible to do so!

25. Respect your differences

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It's completely okay to be different from your partner. You are not the same person and in fact, one of the beautiful things about a relationship is that you are people with differences coming together. It's important to respect these differences and be happy with the fact that in some elements you two have entirely different views, hobbies, etc and that is okay as long as you both feel respected.

26. Learn to compromise

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Compromise is at the heart of a relationship. Without it, a relationship cannot work because it cannot be up to one person to make all the changes, otherwise, they will feel taken advantage of and unimportant within your relationship. You are two people coming together with different views and wishes, and so without coming to a healthy compromise on situations it cannot work.

27. Establish a strong level of trust

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Establishing trust is a crucial step in establishing boundaries in a new relationship because to share your boundaries and respect one another's boundaries there has to be a solid foundation of trust. If you do not trust your partner, then you will not trust them to listen and respect your boundaries which sets the whole relationship off on a very negative start.

28. Talk about your communication styles

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Everyone has a communication style and when you begin a new relationship it's a good idea to realize how you both communicate and what your style is. Only then can you find a way that works for you both and try and come to a positive communication. Some people communicate passively and others have an aggressive style - these need to be worked on to maintain your boundaries.

29. Discuss what you expect from a relationship

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Expectations are important in a relationship because we all have them so first off we have to understand what ours are, to then tell our partner. Expectations aren't things such as 'I expect you to make your bed every day'. It may be that you expect honesty from your partner, you expect openness, and for them not to shut you out and you expect loyalty from your partner.

30. Talk about what you need short-term and long term

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So when you're starting out on this new and exciting chapter together there are lots of elements to consider. For example, thinking about what you both want long-term is clearly important to ensure you are not on the same page. But it's also important to set out what you both want short terms so that you are both on a united front and can make each other happy!