Mistakes We All Make When Starting A New Relationship

Rushing in

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Dating can be tricky business, especially with the presence of dating apps and social media. This doesn't mean that you won't be able to find your perfect partner. Starting a new relationship is exciting, but the majority of people make at least one of these mistakes. The first being, rushing into the relationship. Eagerness is good, but it should occur in rational measures.

Ignoring red flags

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Another major mistake that people make, is ignoring any red flags. Red flags refer to any actions/behavior that you wouldn't tolerate, when interacting with people day-to-day. Red flags can differ in severity, and what one person considers a red flag, another person may not.

Comparing to past relationships

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Comparing your new relationship to past relationships, is often a common occurrence within dating, but it can be extremely damaging to the development of your current connection. It will often be a comparison that happens within your sub-conscious, and it can hinder any strengthening within your new relationship.

Neglecting self-care

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Self-care is an important part of looking after your physical and mental well-being, and it takes on many forms for different people. It can be surprisingly easy for you to begin neglecting your self-care rituals, when you enter a new relationship, as you're spending more of your free-time with your new beau.

Idealizing your partner

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Idealizing your partner, refers to any images you have created, within your mind that place your partner on an unrealistic pedestal. This idealization can be damaging to the image you have of your partner, compared to their actual character and personality.

Neglecting friendships

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Friendships are important to maintain, whether you're single or in a relationship, and they will often be incorporated into your relationship (you and your partner meeting each other's friendship groups). Neglecting your friendships can cause animosity between yourself, your friends and your partner.

Not communicating

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Communication is a key part of any successful relationship, and it is the healthiest way to resolve any differences/potential conflict. A failure to communicate with your (new) significant other, is one of the biggest mistakes you can make in a new relationship. You should always aim to keep communication clear and honest.

Overlooking boundaries

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Boundaries are important to establish within any relationship, whether it's platonic or romantic. Boundaries refer to anything that affects you mentally or physically/behavior you don't find appealing. It is important that you don't overlook your own boundaries, as well as your partner's, because it can be damaging for the relationship's foundation of trust.

Neglecting independence

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Your independence is an important thing to maintain when entering a new relationship, as neglecting it can lead to the development of co-dependency. Co-dependency is when you and your partner are completely dependent on each other for everything, which can be detrimental in the long-term.

Being overly available

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When entering a new relationship it is completely normal to want to spend as much time with your partner as possible, but you shouldn't make yourself overly available. By doing this, you may come across as desperate/clingy to your partner, and you're more likely to be disappointed if they aren't able to make plans with you.

Assuming similarities

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At the start of establishing a new relationship, you will often try to find shared interests, and similar personality traits. However, assuming similarities is another big mistake that people make, as it can provide you with a warped sense of compatibility with your partner.

Avoiding difficult conversations

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As your relationship progresses, you're bound to come across obstacles and disagreements along the way, and this is completely normal. If you're avoiding difficult conversations, regarding these difficulties, you're going to stunt the growth of your romance.

Neglecting family dynamics

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Family dynamics differ from person-to-person, and the strength of these dynamics can sometimes be a sensitive subject for people. It is almost a societal rite of passage to meet your partner's parents/guardians, and it shouldn't be ignored or avoided, as this can be seen as a lack of commitment within the relationship.

Ignoring feedback

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Throughout your relationship, you will turn to your partner for opinions and feedback regarding a range of topics; from clothing to career disputes etc. Of course you're not always going to agree with the feedback they may give you, but if you point-blank ignore it, they may see this as disrespectful.

Putting on a persona

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Within the early stages of a relationship, it is completely normal to want to do everything in your power to impress your partner. This will often involve your physical appearance, as well as adapting your behavior slightly. However, you shouldn't feel as though you have to change your whole persona for your other half.

Losing yourself

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Linking back to the previous point, and the importance of maintaining your independence, you should avoid losing yourself in a relationship. This can be quite a difficult thing to identify, as you won't be able to view your relationship from an outsider's perspective. If you find that your friends/family are commenting on (negative) changes within your personality etc., then it may be time to exit your relationship.

Expecting perfection

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Expecting perfection in is one of the leading causes of arguments, disagreements and break-ups in relationships, as it can make yourself or your partner feel undervalued. Nobody is perfect, and you shouldn't expect this from your partner, as it can be a source of stress/upset for them.

Sacrificing career goals

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Discussions regarding career are extremely important within a relationship, and there should be mutual respect and encouragement, for goals you have set in place. You should never feel as though you're sacrificing your career goals/plans, to make your partner happy.

Neglecting communication skills

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Going back to the topic of communication, it is important that you're not neglecting key communication skills within your relationship, as this can become a source of tension. Having mature, clear and honest communication skills will allow you to deal with any difficulties in a healthy, less destructive manner.

Assuming shared intentions

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Another assumption you should avoid making, is the fact that you have shared intentions with your partner. These intentions can range from long-term goals (marriage/children), to short-term plans (attending parties/planning a date). It is important to discuss these things within a suitable time-frame, to avoid any conflict in interests.

Being overly jealous

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Jealousy within a relationship can be an extremely toxic thing, especially if it is a common occurrence. Of course, it is completely normal to be inquisitive about your partner's friends/connections, but you shouldn't interrogate them about who they're speaking to, and/or where they're going.

Ignoring financial discussions

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As a relationship progresses, and becomes more serious, it is not uncommon for you to begin discussing financial situations with your partner. These type of discussions will usually include plans for the future, and any savings/debt you may have. Avoiding these type of conversations, may lead to your partner believing there is a lack of trust/commitment.

Not addressing conflict

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As mentioned previously, you're bound to experience some conflict within your relationship, and it is important to handle these in a healthy way. If you fail to address conflict after it has happened, then your relationship probably won't last very long.

Forgetting individual growth

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Forgetting about your individual growth can be detrimental to your physical and mental well-being, especially if you're in a relationship. You should feel supported by your partner when it comes to your individual growth, and you should reciprocate this, as this will allow you to develop (as individuals, as well as a couple).

Not learning from past mistakes

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Not learning from past mistakes, whether they occurred in a past or current relationship, will severely stunt the development of your connection. If you're unwilling to learn from your mistakes, then you're more likely to repeat them until your relationship breaks down entirely.

Not establishing mutual goals

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If you're looking for long-term success and commitment within your relationship, then it is important to establish mutual goals with your partner. Failure to do this, can lead to your initial attraction diminishing, and you or your partner losing any interest in making the relationship work.

Overanalyzing

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Overanalyzing can lead to an increase in anxiety and jealousy within your relationship, and it can be quite difficult to regulate, especially if you or your partner suffer from anxiety. It is something you may not even realize you're doing, until your partner confronts you about it.

Neglecting physical health

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Neglecting your physical health is something that should never happen in a relationship, especially if you're doing it in an attempt to make your partner happy. Your physical health should be a priority, and if you're failing to prioritize it, you're going to feel the negative impact.

Ignoring cultural differences

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Mixed culture relationships are not uncommon within modern-day dating, and they can open up individuals to all kinds of new experiences. If you and your partner have cultural differences, it is important to have a mutual respect/understanding for them. Ignoring them can lead to a feeling of disrespect between you.

Lacking trust

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Trust is one of the most important aspects of any relationship, and it can make or break the foundations of a relationship. If you share a strong sense of trust with your partner, you're more likely to have a long-lasting relationship. However, if you have a lack of trust (from the start), it is highly unlikely that your partnership is going to last.

Playing hard to get

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If you do this in the early stages of dating, then it only runs the risk of the other person thinking you're not interested, or not making the effort to 'chase you'. It's a little exhausting and it's much better to just be honest and open about your interest in the other person.

Forgetting to make a counter proposal

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There's a lot of 'finding your footing' in a new relationship when you're trying to find things to do and work around each other's schedules. So a very unhelpful thing can be never to make a counter proposal, like them asking if you're free for dinner on Friday and you saying no, sorry instead of 'No, sorry, but I can do Saturday'!

Always assuming the worst

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Assuming is just bad all round in any situation because you can easily get the wrong end of the stick - and in a new relationship, it's not good practice to assume the worst from something your partner has said or done without explicitly asking them what they actually meant!

Not having a life at all outside of your partner

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Being in a new relationship is exciting and it's understandable why you'd want to spend as much time with them as possible. But letting your partner know that they're your entire world and that you literally having nothing to do that doesn't revolve around them can be off-putting.

Giving ultimatums about petty things

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Giving ultimatums very early on a relationship, about the smallest things, can cause big issues in the long run. It's not a good look! Sure, people who are married for 30 years might give an ultimatum for very serious things, but if you've only just started dating and you're asking them to sacrifice their one day a week off to spend time with you or you'll break up with them, it's not a good thing!

Asking for advice without explaining the full situation

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When you're new to a relationship, you're likely going to ask friends and family for advice on things. It's important to give the overview of the whole situation, though - including things you've done wrong - because if you're only ever telling them the bad about your partner and not the good, they're going to give advice that you deserve better or to dump them!

Acting stupid to be cute

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When you're dating someone new, you want to do everything you can to make them like you, it's understandable - and a lot of people think acting clueless is cute so they'll feel happy to help you or guide you. But a lot of the time, doing this too much can be off-putting and might make them thing you're actually not that intelligent...

Thinking that certain behaviors will change when you get serious

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You might have noticed a few small things, or maybe even red flags, in the early days that you're choosing to ignore because you think they'll change once you settle down and get more serious. But 99.9% of the time, people aren't going to change - so if there's something you don't like about them now, address it.

Expecting each other to be mind readers

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As we said before, communication is key in relationships, but especially in the early days when you're still learning about each other. Expecting the other to be a mind reader is one of the worst things you can do, especially if you say, 'Well, if you don't know what's wrong, I'm not going to tell you'!

Choosing to stay for the wrong reasons

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If you've noticed that there are many things that actually make you incompatible, it's a bad thing if you're trying to make it work for all the wrong reasons, like if you think you've put too much effort and time into it already that you don't want that to all be a 'waste' so you just stick around.

Trying to fix each other

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You shouldn't ever be with another person because you feel responsible for fixing them, or think they need to be fixed. If there's something that's really affecting their personality or their ability to be in a relationship, it's not your job to fix it and you shouldn't have a partnership built on those rocky foundations!

The silent treatment

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Remember what we said about communication and mind reading? The silent treatment is one of the worst things you can do in early relationships and arguments, because you both need to learn and grow through it. If you're both giving the silent treatment, it makes for a problematic future!

Comparing them to your ex

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If you're still hung up on an ex or if they gave you issues to deal with, it's probably not the best time to get into a new relationship. You don't want to be constantly comparing your new partner to your ex, whether in your mind or saying it out loud, because it doesn't bode well for starting a fresh!

Having to act like a parent instead of a partner (and being okay with it)

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You should never be with someone who you need to 'look after' in a way a parent would a child, instead of an equal partner. So if you're already noticing that happening now in the very early days, then you should definitely consider whether this is the kind of partner you want (having to do their laundry, pick up after them, nag them...).

Putting things on social media instead of talking to them

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This applies to both the good and the bad - you might think it's okay to gush about something about them on social media, but they may not actually be comfortable about any aspect of your relationship being spoken about in public just yet. Talk to them before you put anything public!

Keeping things from each other (with good intentions)

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You might decide not to bring something up with them because you don't want to make them feel bad, or decide not to tell them about your bad day because you don't want to worry them. Even if your heart is in the right place, your partner will want to hear the truth about everything.

Leaving things to stew

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You should never leave things to stew in a relationship if you have an issue because all that's going to happen is it will fester and then boil over until one day it explodes into a worse argument than it ever would have been if you'd just calmly mentioned it in the first place!

Not trying new situations or environments

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Even if you've decided to commit to a relationship, you still need to test the waters about a lot of things. They say a true test of a relationship can be that first vacation together, and it can be important to put yourselves in new environments to learn more about them (and whether you could live with them down the line).

Not contributing to the conversation

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If a lot of your communication is over messaging then it's important to keep the conversation flowing while you're apart from each other, and this is a team effort! If you're making it very hard to continue the conversation like giving one word responses and not asking questions in return, it's going to be off-putting for them.

Telling your friends absolutely everything

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We know why you want to immediately gossip to your friends about how much you're crazy about the new person you're dating, but whether it's telling them EVERY intimate detail or telling them every time your partner does something that irritates you, some things should be kept between you and your bae!