Signs Someone Has Abandonment Issues

1. Overanalyzing stuff

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When something happens, no matter how minute, it feeds into your obsession and dark thoughts. For instance, when you ask your partner to run some errands, and unfortunately, they forget, which leads you to see it as dwindling love, disrespect, and infidelity.

2. Confusing overprotectiveness for love

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When you have not healed from premature abandonment, it’s common to confuse protectiveness toward you as some form of love. Therefore, you can wind up with a person who protects and stays with you in return for attaining their expectations. All the while thinking what you have is true love.

3. Hanging out with toxic individuals

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There is a high chance that your friend group will consist of toxic individuals because they remind you of the persons who abandoned you. Chances are that you are giving them one more shot at redemption to see if they will stay this time. This thinking prevents you from having true friends.

4. Predisposition to blaming yourself once the relationship ceases

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Who is to blame when a relationship comes to an end? When struggling with abandonment, you probably blame yourself when you experience a relationship’s end. Once you go through a heartbreak, you will be burdened with the thought of blaming yourself, even when it is not your fault.

5. Likelihood to select emotionally unavailable people

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Individuals suffering from abandonment often desire emotionally unavailable people. This happens mostly when the individual who abandoned them was emotionally distant. They choose such people because they think that what they have been through is the only form of love that exists in the world.

6. Controlling tendencies

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When living in fear of being abandoned by persons of importance to you, you may utilize controlling tactics to prevent them from interacting with others. You may resort to spying on them or even stalking them to ensure that they don’t get too friendly with someone else.

7. Intense separation anxiety

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This is observed when abandonment anxiety unfolds after a lengthy separation between your partner and yourself. You get haunted by thoughts of your partner finding someone they like more. To be more precise, that particular someone could be more accessible than you.

8. Struggling to trust others

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You always think that people will leave you. Such thoughts tend to come to you regardless of things going smoothly between you and your partner. You lack faith that what you have will last. In some instances, you can rush things by saying or doing stuff that is hurtful.

9. Suspicion toward your significant other

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When you consider your partner a catch, you often doubt that they could be genuinely happy with you. Thus, you are always looking for signs of reducing interest in you or infidelity. You will likely consider everyone they interact with as a competition.

10. Self-sabotage

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When you finally find that one person whom you like being around and, it seems to be mutual; however, it seems like a dream. You are madly in love with that person. However, you constantly say or do stuff to jeopardize the relationship. You tend to have self-destructive tendencies.

11. Lacking self-confidence

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You are often in doubt about your capability and yourself in general. You consider other people to be more knowledgeable, experienced, competent, and so much more. In your head, you convince yourself that you are just trying to be something you are not.

12. Low self-esteem

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In our subconscious, you don't value or think much of yourself. The thoughts stem from the thought that an individual you trusted to be there for you left you behind like you were unimportant. You end up settling for less than you deserve because you believe you aren't worth it.

13. Experiencing feelings of being unworthy of love

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Deep in your rationale, where your relationship abandonment issues emanate, you have the feeling that you are unworthy of love. You often question why you should lose an abusive or unhealthy relationship because you maintain the thought of not deserving anything better.

14. Steering clear of emotional intimacy

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Given that abandonment issues render it challenging to be vulnerable, you are more inclined to distance yourself from emotional intimacy. You always keep your guard even when surrounded by the people who earned your trust. Emotional intimacy feels like a gateway to being abandoned.

15. Being scared of becoming vulnerable

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Being vulnerable is more horrifying to a person plagued by abandonment issues. You end up distancing yourself from people to protect your wounded inner self because you don’t want to expose yourself. You reason that the abandonment was caused by you being vulnerable in the first place.

16. Being jealous of people in happy relationships

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You honestly want to be happy for them; however, you just cannot be completely happy for them. You are troubled by the reasoning that how come they get that happy ending and you don’t? Every time you spot a couple that appears to be happier than you, feelings of resentment manifest.

17. Disinclination to totally commit to relationships

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Many times, you think long-term things will ruin things. Therefore, you avoid long-term things like marriage. You opt to settle for the safety of continuing with what you have going on. Such a decision leaves them stuck in a loop where they feel empty inside.

18. Requiring constant reassurance

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Feelings of abandonment go jointly with the frequent need to be reassured. You frequently need confirmation that those important to you are happy and care about you, thus meaning that the relationship is getting along well. You constantly look to confirm that they are happy.

19. Becoming a people-pleaser

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You are terrified that the individuals you hold dear will leave you behind. Therefore, you resort to doing everything in your power to ensure that they are always happy. You can even jeopardize your welfare and health to maintain the peace so that you don't get abandoned.

20. Concentrating on your significant other’s imperfections

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You start to consider every flaw as an indication that your relationship is about to end. You begin to prophesy that doom is coming. You end up criticizing even the minimalist flaw and mistake as though your entire relationship hinges on your partner being perfect.

21. Staying in unhealthy relationships

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Your abandonment issues lead you to believe that it is better to be in an unhealthy relationship than to be alone. Regardless of your partner being abusive, critical, or neglectful, you remain in the relationship because you fear the latter. You think being alone is a sign that no one wants you.

22. Moving on too quick

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You just cannot fathom being alone. You resort to getting into another relationship as soon as you have broken up with your former lover. You convince yourself that it is normal to move on that fast without healing first and deny the fact that you are just scared of being by yourself.

23. Becoming attached too quick

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Fear of being abandoned may lead to you settling for the first individual who expresses interest in you. You do so even when you know that they aren't right for you or they are just bad news. Fear of being alone can cause you to formulate attachments too swiftly and more so with the wrong people.

24. Being insecure

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In your head, you reason that there is no possible way that someone could honestly love you, given that you contest with loving yourself. You lack self-esteem. You are not confident in the decisions you make. You constantly have anxiety about a lot of stuff, causing you to be troubled.

25. Envisioning your partner leaving you behind

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You are plagued by dark thoughts, which are constantly looping in your mind. You picture your significant other terminating the relationship. Such kind of thoughts become more prevalent when there is some distance between you two, thus fueling the abandonment issues.

26. Becoming hypersensitive towards criticism

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They are constantly looking for criticism. They are on the lookout for what their significant other does or says. They have such low self-worth that they convince themselves that their lover is unhappy with them. When criticized, they cannot handle it with emotional maturity.

27. Having repressed anger

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It might not always be the case; however, chances are high that they are harboring some anger in you. On occasion, the anger tends to reveal itself. They tend to have random outbursts regarding minute stuff. Alternatively, they can end up resenting their significant other for no apparent reason.

28. Experiencing hardship when it comes to forgiving

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They are clinging to resentment or grudges due to having been abandoned in the past. Such people tend to resort to not forgiving those who have wronged them because they contemplate that it is all they have left and live for. They remain stuck in that state of mind.

29. Being too self-reliant

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Stemming from the fact that they have had their fair share of being abandoned, they often refuse support or help from other individuals. They often view support or help as being vulnerable. Therefore, they tend to steer clear from leaving any room for needing any form of assistance.

30. Having a series of short-lived relationships

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This is observed when a person experiences hardship when it comes to maintaining lengthy relationships because they have abandonment-affiliated issues. They often find it much easier to sever ties with their partner as opposed to totally committing and seeing where the relationship goes.

31. What causes abandonment issues? Family instability

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A lot of abandonment issues in adulthood can stem from childhood issues, especially if your parents had a volatile relationship. If your parents were constantly arguing or if they separated and/or got a messy divorce, this may have impacted how you view failed relationships.

32. The passing of someone who they depended on

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If there was someone in your life who you completely depended on to feel loved and to feel safe - often a parent, or it might be another loved on in your life - then it can cause abandonment issues if you lose that person after they've passed away, or removed themselves from your life.

33. Being surrounded by emotionally unavailable people

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Emotional unavailability can have a negative impact on the people on the receiving end of it, and especially if it's an emotionally unavailable parent being that way with their growing child. If this is all you've ever know, it can skew your own emotions and ability to form relationships.

34. They've been neglected

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Neglect, particularly childhood neglect, can also be a big factor in someone growing up with abandonment issues. With neglect, you end up feeling as though you've done something wrong, that you're not enough, or not knowing what it feels like to have someone care about you properly.

35. How to cope with abandonment issues: try to work out what the cause is

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The very first key step in trying to deal with abandonment issues is to work out what caused it in the first place so you can work through it. It might be that one of the aforementioned points rings true (like having parents who neglected you) so that's where you can start.

36. Set up affirmations to tell yourself

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People with abandonment issues will often tell themselves that they're not enough, that they don't have a lot to offer, or doubt themselves - this is a thought pattern that needs to stop. Affirmations you can tell yourself when you feel abandonment worry coming on will help, like: "I didn't do anything wrong" and "it's okay if they don't reply to my text".

37. Be honest about your behavior in relationships

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In order to improve your behavior and work to healthy relationships, you need to look at your behavior completely objectively and be honest with yourself, in order to work past it. Pinpoint some negative habits, or negative ways of behaving, you have in relationships so you can understand how to stop doing that.

38. Work out your vulnerabilities

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Getting rid of your abandonment issues doesn't mean that you're not allowed to have any vulnerabilities whatsoever. Once you know what makes you feel vulnerable, you can work to tackle that so you know what you need from a partner to feel secure about them - without feeling abandoned.

39. Discuss them openly with a partner for secure attachments

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Once you know what your own vulnerabilities are, it's so important to vocalize them to a partner so that they can better understand what triggers you, or what you need from the relationship. You can then work as a team to make sure you never have to feel vulnerable.

40. Healthy relationships need clear communication

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For the same reason, healthy communication is so important: so that your partner knows what might make you feel vulnerable, or what can trigger abandonment anxiety. In order to start having secure and healthy relationships and get over your fear of abandonment, you need to talk about it.

41. Therapy is a great option

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Professional help might be the best option for you, and there's no shame in getting therapy to work through past experiences (like neglect) to help you get better at forming healthy attachment styles. Sometimes a professional is the only person qualified to help you with that.

42. Relationship counselling together can work, too

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You might also want to try relationship counselling as a couple, if the abandonment issues are affecting the both of you in a partnership. You could get this instead of, or as well as, your own private therapy depending on what you feel like you need. This can further help you to work as a team.

43. Sit with your emotions

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One thing you definitely don't want to do with abandonment anxiety is push down everything you're feeling and ignore it, because you feel like it's 'wrong' or that's the only way of dealing with it. You need to let yourself feel everything - even if it's not pleasant - to know what you're feeling and work through it.

44. Don't let your emotions define you

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Whilst doing so, remember that none of what you're feeling defines you. That your anxiety itself or any other negative feelings don't define you as a person. They're a part of who you are to be worked through, but you have so much more to offer, and any negative emotions will pass.

45. Don't rush into a relationship if you're not ready

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If you're working through some serious abandonment issues, then it's probably not best to rush into a new relationship. The best thing you can do is work on yourself (like with therapy or working through emotions) to be in a healthy place to start up a secure relationship when you're ready.

46. Surround yourself with supportive people

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One of the big ways you can overcome negative emotions and anxiety is to know that the people in your life have your back. You don't want to be doubting yourself even more with toxic or gaslighting friends, even outside of romantic relationships, and your support network is going to make a difference.

47. Work on your self-esteem

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Your abandonment issues are going to be even worse if your self-esteem is on the floor, or it may even be low self-esteem causing the issues in the first place. You're more likely to think you're not good enough or that you did something wrong if you don't feel good about yourself. Building that confidence is number one priority!

48. Develop some hobbies just for you

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Healthy relationships mean enjoying time spent with the person you love, whilst maintaining your independence. It's important to get to know yourself spending time alone and doing something you love - just for you - so that you can comfortably spend alone time without sitting there thinking 'why aren't they texting me back' or thinking you can't function without them there.

49. Give yourself time

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Getting over abandonment issues is going to take time, so it's also important that you don't pressure yourself for an overnight fix. Give yourself the time to work through your emotions, to see a therapist or anything you need to do. Try to do a little bit each and every day.

50. Get to know what healthy attachments look like

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If you've only ever known bad relationships, neglect or unhealthy attachments, you're not expected to know what a healthy version looks like off the top of your head. Spend time learning what a healthy relationship looks like and feels like, so you know what to aim for.