Signs You Are a Control Freak

You're A Micro-Manager!

Image Source / Daily FeedIf you find yourself constantly checking on what your staff are doing, you might be a control freak! Maybe you insist on being CC'd into every email or need to know how your team have spent every minute of their day, likely because you don't trust them. Does this sound like you? 

You have difficulty delegating tasks to others. 

Image Source / redditYou know something must be done, but you've got a list of other priorities above this. The thought of trusting someone else to do this task fills you with dread. So, you'd rather take on more work if it means you get to do this yourself and do it properly! 

You have a need to always be in control of situations. 

Image Source / reddit Do you find yourself feeling anxious, or even stressed, whenever a situation is outside of your control? You are not able to sit back and allow things to play out, instead you feel the need to have some kind of control over what the outcome will be. 

You are a perfectionistic and struggle with less than perfection. 

Image Source / discoverymood.com Perfectionism and controlling behaviour go hand in hand. The need to always be in control might mean you're a perfectionist and concerned over others view of you. The desire for perfection makes life difficult, as it's mostly driven by the fear of the consequences of not doing well. 

You frequently interrupt others when they are speaking. 

Image Source / thehardtimesMore often than not, control freaks believe that they know better than anyone else around them. They feel this way about almost any topic. Therefore, they feel no need to listen to what others have to say and will interrupt them by getting to the point they believe matters. 

You struggle with flexibility and adapting to change. 

Image Source / stock.adobe.com You've got your way of doing things. This may be the way your files are organised on your computer, or where your tools go in the garage. If the slightest change knocks you off balance and you struggle to adapt, this might be because you're feeling out of control. 

You tend to be overly critical of others. 

Image Source / guardian.ng Being overly critical of other people can be seen as controlling behaviour. If you are hyper critical of yourself, then this can sometimes be projected onto others. In some cases, doing this can even be as a defence mechanism against feeling judged yourself. 

You often try to control the behaviour of those around you. 

Image Source / theprivatetherapyclinic.co.uk Control freaks can often attempt to manipulate other people's behaviour, so that they will act in a way that suits their agenda. If you find yourself feeling the need to try and convince others to change their behaviour, have a think about why this is. 

You have a hard time relaxing.  

Image Source / theconversation.com You're on holiday, watching your children's play or on a rare date night with your partner. However, you're struggling to stay present and have a million things flying through your head. Take a look at what's distracting you. Maybe this comes from a feeling of not being able to let go? 

You frequently try to impose your own ideas and solutions on others. 

Image Source / rd.com A key characteristic of a control freak is believing that their opinions, beliefs and ideas are factual. This can make them forceful when sharing their ideas as they believe that other people would be stupid not to take them onboard and are not willing to look at other perspectives. 

You struggle with relinquishing control in personal relationships. 

Image Source / lifeadvancer.com Whether it is a partner, friend or parent relationship, control freaks can have a hard time letting go of the reigns. If you find yourself keeping a close watch or hold on what your loved ones are doing, this should be a major red flag to be aware of! 

You have a hard time compromising and tend to want things your way. 

Image Source / stock.adobe.com Compromise isn't in a control freak's vocabulary. More often than not, it's their way or no way. This is because they simply do not like taking on other people's advice or opinions. They see any compromise as a set back to their perfectly correct way of doing things. 

You often feel anxious when things are not going according to plan. 

Image Source / newsweek.com Control freaks are the type of people who frequently become wound up over any change in their plans. If you are somebody who requires everything to run exactly as you had planned in your head, unable to feel calm otherwise, then you may be a little controlling. 

You struggle to trust the judgment of others. 

Image Source / tjs-selfdrive.co.uk If a decision has been down to another person, without any input from the control freak, they are going to have great difficulty trusting the judgment of this. They will start to pick apart the choices made and question whether things were done the way they would have done it. 

You have a hard time accepting when you are wrong. 

Image Source / bigthink.com Control freaks can't stand being corrected. One reason for this is simply because they often believe that they cannot be wrong. However, another key reason is because they start to worry that their failure will be remembered, maybe even utilised, by other people. 

You frequently try to take charge of group situations. 

Image Source / istockphoto.com If you're the person to always ensure you're leading the group project, maybe this is because you require control over the group. Controlling people like to take charge, making sure the correct decisions are being made and everybody is doing as they should. 

You struggle with letting others make their own decisions. 

Image Source / gomastercoach.com This is often seen with controlling personality types and their children. They can struggle to pull back and let their child explore life for themselves. Instead, they will be helicopter parents, watching and pushing their child in the direction that they see as best. 

You can be grumpy.  

Image Source / betanews.com Control freaks are commonly known to be on edge, this is because they're living life with constant stress and frustration. When things don't go the way they envisioned, their desire for perfection is challenged. This can cause moodiness and irritability. 

You have a hard time allowing others to contribute their own ideas and opinions. 

Image Source / trainerslibrary.org As we mentioned earlier, control freaks can struggle to listen to others. Because of this, they can find it difficult to sit back and allow people to contribute ideas that they deem as incorrect and a waste of time! They don't need others to tell them what they already know. 

You often try to control the outcome of situations. 

Image Source / metro.co.uk If you find yourself constantly pulling strings solely to get the outcome you want, then you're exhibiting controlling behaviour. Need for control can often make it difficult to be left waiting for an unseen outcome. Because of this, control freaks try to choose the outcome so there are no surprises. 

You struggle with relinquishing control in professional settings. 

Image Source / mom.mom Often, control freaks by nature will work their way up to positions of power within the work place. The trouble is, they aren't very nice people to work for! They struggle to trust their staff, so will make sure they are controlling the movements and tasks they complete. 

You have a hard time letting go of control in situations where you are not the expert. 

Image Source / tafensw.edu.au Even in situations where the control freak lacks training and experience, they find it extremely hard to take a step back. The feeling of letting go of control and following someone else makes the control freak feel like a failure. They don't like to admit they are lacking in any area. 

You hold grudges. 

Image Source / guystuffcounseling.com As control freaks like to do things in their own way, if they are challenged by someone, then they will simply begin to develop a grudge against them. If someone behaves in a way that they don't like, they try to regain control by punishing that person. 

You tend to be overly controlling in your personal relationships. 

Image Source / psychologytoday.com Controlling relationships are often turbulent because there's a constant power struggle. The control freak believes they're entitled to have a say in everything the other person does, becoming frustrated or aggressive when challenged. This behaviour can be driven by fear of failure or abandonment. 

You have a hard time relinquishing control in decision-making processes. 

Image Source / pixabay.com When it comes to making decisions, no matter how trivial, control freaks have to have the final say. They cannot sit back and let another person dictate. If they were to allow this, they would feel threatened and weak. They also believe that their way is always the correct way. 

You always want to win the argument. 

Image Source / huffingtonpost.co.uk If you find yourself willing to pull out all the stops regardless of hurting others, just to win an argument, then you need to take a look at the bigger picture. When the fear of losing an argument is worse than the fear of damaging relationships, then the need for control is far too strong. 

You frequently try to control the emotional responses of those around you. 

Image Source / yesmagazine.org Controlling people are often known to be extremely manipulative. They have a desire to control other people's reality as well as their own. Because of this, they may lie or gaslight other people in attempt to control the emotions and reactions of others. 

You struggle to share credit for your success.  

Image Source / istockphoto.com In any sense, controlling people believe success was only possible because they took control over the entire team. They have a hard time seeing the possibility of any other path to success, and often believe their team would have been helpless without them. 

You don’t like working in a team.  

Image Source / istockphoto.com 

Being a team-player doesn't come easily to those who like to have full control over everything. Other people just creates pointless noise and gets in the way of their plans. If you spend your time within a team trying to get others to do things your way, rather than working together, you are likely a controlling person. 

You have a hard time trusting others to complete tasks to your standards. 

Image Source / freepik.com  Control freaks live by the assumption that their way is the correct and only way. If you're driven by this attitude, worried that other's can't complete a task to your high standards, it may be helpful to appreciate everybody has a different way of working. This doesn't necessarily mean it is worse, only different. 

"If you want something done, do it yourself"

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It's a mantra we've all said at least once, and it's usually after you've trusted a bunch of other people to get stuff done and everyone let's you down. While sometimes it's valid if you really have been disappointed a million times, but if this is something you live by just on principle, it's because you think things will only get done with you at the helm!

You feel like only you can make you happy

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It's good not to depend on anyone else for your own happiness, but if you obsessively believe that only you can make yourself happy by only you completing jobs and fulfilling tasks to a standard that makes you happy, it's a sign that you think happiness can only come from you being in control.

You genuinely believe everyone else is incapable

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Sure, some people might have proven themselves to be great big let downs when you asked them to do something, but if you're walking around assuming every single person is incapable - even that stranger that you don't even know - it's because you think everything is better with you in control!

You think you know what's best for your partner

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Being a control freak doesn't just relate to physically completing tasks either, or getting stuff done at work. You could stick your nose in in absolutely everything, including trying to control your partner in your relationship. You think you know what's best for your partner no matter what, even if they're telling you the opposite.

You're always giving your friends and family unwarranted advice

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It's good to help out your loved ones when they need it, but if you're spending all day every day telling them what they should and shouldn't be doing - because you know best, and you're trying to control what they do with their lives - it's sort of a good sign you're... you know, a control freak.

You think that something can only be done perfectly if you're involved

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It's okay to want everything to be done to a very good standard, and taking pride in the things you do when you're striving for perfection! But you may be walking around thinking that you, and only you, can achieve perfection. That if someone else does something, it's always going to be less than perfect.

"I'll believe it when I see it"

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Being a control freak can also mean that you can't place your trust in anyone or anything based on words alone. You need solid proof of something right in front of you to know. If someone tells you they've finished a task they set, you can't rest until you've triple checked they've done it.

You're a really, really bad listener

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Control freaks can also be very bad listeners, not only because they like to control a conversation, but also because they're already convinced that they're completely right, so what the other person is saying - especially during a disagreement - just doesn't matter.

You're a workaholic

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It makes sense why you'd be a workaholic when you're a control freak! Anything but your best isn't good enough, and when you're working for perfection every single time, you're bound to put in the extra work hours or even have to work overtime to re-do something you're not happy with.

So you're a control freak: how to stop being one! Keep yourself grounded

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It's easy to get overwhelmed with your perfectionist nature and get angry at everyone around you for being 'incompetent' if you're overthinking and not being in the moment. Grounding yourself is the first step - quite literally, if you focus on the ground beneath your feet! - to relaxing yourself and assessing the situation in a better way.

Create small acts of control throughout the day

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Relinquishing control altogether can be very difficult for a control freak to do, and the fact is - you don't have to! There's nothing wrong with controlling certain aspects of your day, so if you break it down into little tasks you can fully do yourself - like having complete control over cooking a meal, baking a cake, going grocery shopping etc. - you can satisfy that need to control something.

Accept what you DO and what you DON'T have control over

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Control freaks want to have control over absolutely everything, but it's simply not possible! You need to work to accept the things that are out of your control so you don't become frustrated about having to depend on someone/something else. You can control what you say and do - you can't control other people.

Make lists!

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It may sound like a cliché to say 'yay let's make a to-do list!' but it's so helpful! For a control freak, lists not only help you to understand your tasks for the day, but it's going to help you to work out what you can and can't do. Pinpoint list items that you can do yourself, and others you're going to have to delegate to other people (and that's okay!).

Learn the difference between what you NEED and what you WANT

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Your job is going to be one of the biggest examples of where your controlling nature comes out. So think about the tasks as what you need and what you want. You're a manager and something absolutely needs to be done by the end of the day for a client - that's okay to control that, and to oversee that. If you *want* to control every aspect of it because you feel weird not micromanaging, learn to step back - because you breathing over someone's shoulder isn't needed!

Be open about it and seek support

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It's much better to actually openly admit your controlling nature so you can deal with it better. Tell your partner "I know I'm a control freak and I'm sorry, I'm working on it". Speak to your colleagues about how you know you're bad for micro managing and please can they call you out on it if needed so you can do better.

Get more into the team spirit

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As we said, control freaks hate working as part of a team, but it can be very isolating when you're purposefully working alone because you want control of everything. If you have qualified colleagues very capable at their jobs and willing to help, learn how to better integrate yourself into the team and work together.

Give yourself time limits on every task

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If you're a control freak and perfectionist then you absolutely need cut off points - otherwise you're going to be working 24/7 because there's nothing stopping you from striving for 'just one more minute to make it more perfect'! Set yourself tasks and put a realistic time limit on completing them. Stop and move on when you need to.

Start a new hobby that puts you on the back foot

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If you start a new hobby that you have no experience with, it's going to be impossible to control it. You can't control something you know nothing about, so a hobby like learning a new instrument, learning how to paint, learning a new sport, will all be things you're forced to rely on a teacher for because you won't be able to do it otherwise. Surrender control!

Keep a journal that doesn't focus on 'big wins'

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If you keep a journal as a control freak, it can be a lot about 'gah everyone else is useless, here's a list of 10 amazing things I did today all by myself'. Try to write a journal in a different way. Be proud of your accomplishments but explore general aspects of the day that don't focus on winning or losing.

Get a professional opinion

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There are actually many other reasons you could have a controlling nature. It could be some event from your past, a mental health struggle or personal problems that make you feel like you need to be in control, because negative things happened out of your control in the past. Whatever it may be, a professional opinion - like a therapist - might be able to get to the root cause of why you need to control everything!