Things Everyone Should Do Before They Go To A Funeral

Reflect

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Funerals are used to celebrate a person's life after they die, and they can often be highly emotional ceremonies, which can lead to people being unsure of how to prepare themselves. A great way of starting this preparation, is through reflection. This can be via groups or individually, and it just allows you to really begin the grieving process.

Process emotions

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It is likely that your emotions are going to be hard to regulate during this time, but it is important that you attempt to process whatever emotions you may experience. By doing this, you will be able to mentally prepare yourself for the funeral, as well as beginning the grieving process in a healthy way.

Reach out

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Reaching out to others is another important part of the preparation process. If the person that has passed away has family, you should make an effort to reach out to them, so you can provide some support. You should also reach out to the people around you, especially if you're struggling with processing your emotions.

Write a letter

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One of the ways you may find helps you, with processing your emotions, is by writing a letter. This letter doesn't have to be addressed to anyone, as it can be a way for you to put your emotions etc. down on paper. However, you can always write a letter to the deceased's family/friends.

Practice self-care

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During this time, it can be easy for to neglect normal routine/activities. One of the most important things to continue, is self-care routines. Whatever you do for self-care, you should continue to do throughout your grieving process. Self-care can allow you to feel some kind of 'normality', despite the upsetting situation.

Plan travel

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For the majority of funerals, you are required to travel to a cemetery or crematorium, so you should plan your travel accordingly. Some ceremonies require more travel than others, and this should be considered when thinking about the cost of your overall travel.

Dress appropriately

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It is traditional for people to wear all black at funerals, as this is a symbol of mourning. However, many modern funerals have different themes, and will often incorporate color into the dress code. It is important to clarify the dress code with someone, so you can dress appropriately for the proceedings.

Know the details

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Probably the most important part of preparation, will be knowing the details about the ceremony e.g. date, location, time. These details will usually be provided via an invite, or through word-of-mouth, and you should keep a note of this somewhere e.g. on your phone and/or calendar.

Bring essential items

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It can be difficult to know what you should take to a funeral, especially items that could be essential. Some key items to take to funeral, can include: sunglasses, hat, black fascinator/veil, tissues and a eulogy (only if necessary). Tissues are the most common item to have with you, and it is like they are going to be needed.

Prepare transportation

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Similarly to planning travel, you should arrange your transportation. For some funerals, you may be part of the funeral procession (this is normally reserved for family members or close friends), but you should always have a back-up arranged. You may find it cost-effective to arrange a coach for multiple attendees.

Offer support

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Support is something that should be given and received before, during and after a funeral, and it will be considered as a sign of respect by the deceased's family/friends. By offering support, you're allowing yourself and others to grieve in an effective manner.

Co-ordinate with others

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If you're attending a funeral with other people, it is a good idea to co-ordinate with them. You can always plan to co-ordinate with other people that are attending, as it will provide the ceremony with synchronicity, especially if there is a set theme/dress code.

Reconnect

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Funerals provide people with a great opportunity to reconnect with friends, family and loved ones. This reconnection is an important part of the grieving process, and allows you to share memories/stories with people, about the deceased. It can also provide you with a much wider network of support.

Respect boundaries

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Respecting boundaries is an important part of everyday life, and this importance increases when it comes to funerals. Everyone deals with grief and loss in different ways, and they may overcome it via a range of methods. You should clarify what these are, and try your best to be as respectful as possible.

Be present

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Being 'present' refers to you actively listening, supporting and being aware of your actions before, during and after a funeral. By being 'present', it showcases respect to the deceased and their family, and signifies to people that they can share their grief with you.

Research rituals

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Some funerals may have certain rituals that must be abided by, and you should make an effort to research these, so you can prepare accordingly. These rituals may have a basis in religion or culture, and you must remain respectful of them (even if you don't necessarily understand them).

Respect traditions

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Similarly to the last point, you should be aware of any traditions, educate on them (if necessary) and respect them. These traditions may be exclusive to family, and could require you to take a step away from the proceedings, however you shouldn't be offended by this.

Learn cultural etiquette

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As mentioned previously, culture can play a big part in someone's funeral, and you should educate yourself on any rituals, as well as the culture's etiquette surrounding funerals. By educating yourself about certain etiquette, you will be displaying deep respect for the deceased, their family and their culture.

Create a eulogy

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Eulogies are common parts of funeral proceedings, and they are often personal retellings of a person's life, from their closest friends and family. If you have been chosen to read a eulogy, you should take ample time to prepare yourself with light-hearted anecdotes, stories and general information about the deceased (from your personal experience knowing them).

Compile photos

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You may find that having sentimental items in your possession, help aid your grieving process, and they can take on many forms. One of the most common to compile, is photographs, as they can be carried anywhere and serve as reminders of amazing memories. You may find it helpful to bring several photos of the deceased to the funeral, as this can make you feel closer to them.

Write down memories

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Another activity that may be helpful to your grieving process, is: writing down memories you have of the deceased. These memories can also help you write a eulogy, if that's something you have been asked to do, as well as being able to share stories with other attendees.

Create a playlist

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Music is a powerful way of portraying a message to people, and creating the right atmosphere for certain events. For funerals, music is often used during and after the ceremony e.g. entrance music, certain hymns/songs being played throughout, and music played at the wake. You may find it healing to create a playlist that is reminiscent of the person's life/experiences.

Bring a memento

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Bringing a memento to a funeral is a common practice across cultures, and is a great way to connect with other people attending. Mementos can come in many forms, and will sometimes be buried/cremated with the deceased, as a way of giving them a more personal send-off.

Stay attentive

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Similarly to being 'present', it is equally as important to stay attentive. Attentiveness is essential for a funeral, as it allows you to really focus on the memories and experiences that are being shared. It also shows a decent level of respect for the deceased, as well as the other attendee's grieving processes.

Support others

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Going back to the topic of support, you should make a conscious effort to provide support for others. By being a source of support for someone, you will find that the grieving process becomes slightly easier, as you can help one another with processing your emotions.

Participate respectfully

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As you've probably picked up on, respect is a key part of funerals, and it should be kept in mind when participating in this kind of ceremony. Participating respectfully can take on many forms, including: remaining quiet during the ceremony, dressing appropriately, respecting any wishes for the ceremony e.g. no children present and expressing your sympathy to those most affected.

Focus on positives

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Although it can be difficult, you should try your best to focus on the positives, such as: the deceased having a fulfilling life, finally being at rest and being able to connect with the most important people from their life. Focusing on the positives, will also lighten the overall grieving process.

Express gratitude

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Funerals are one of the best ways to express your gratitude for being in the deceased's life, and having the opportunity to share memories and experiences with them. Gratitude will shine through at a funeral, especially if you are sharing a eulogy/when you are connecting with other people at the wake.

Reflect again

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Reflection is something that should occur throughout the grieving process, and it is important to reflect before and after a funeral. Reflecting beforehand, will allow you to mentally prepare for the deceased's final departure, and reflection following the funeral, will allow you to process your thoughts and emotions.

Continue support

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Providing and receiving support is something that shouldn't just end, because the funeral has already happened. Support is something that is going to be needed continually, and will make it much easier to progress through the grief and emotions you, and others are going to be experiencing.