30 Telltale Signs Someone Has Abandonment Issues

1. Being overly eager to please

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This is probably one of the most common attributes a person with abandonment issues will have. From an outsider's perspective, they may come across as extremely reliable and overly helpful. This overly helpful nature occurs when a person feels as though people will abandon them, if they don't put everyone else's well being before their own.

2. Jealousy in relationships

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Jealousy can happen in any relationship, whether it is platonic or romantic. It is part of human instinct and nature, however it can reach an extreme nature when abandonment issues are involved. Extreme jealousy can occur when a person has low self-esteem/confidence (as a result of abandonment issues).

3. Trouble trusting your partner's intentions

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Trouble trusting your partner usually connects with having strong feelings of jealousy. You may be overly wary of your partner's intentions, and will overthink potential ulterior motives they could have. This overthinking can lead to a complete disruption of trust between you and your partner.

4. Feeling insecure about your relationship

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Feeling insecure about your relationship is another thing that can stem from jealousy and overthinking. Feelings of insecurity, especially within a relationship, may be linked to your relationship's sexual dynamics and the overall intimacy you share with your loved one.

5. Having difficulty with emotional intimacy

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Emotional intimacy is a key element of any functioning relationship. However, when a person has abandonment issue, emotional intimacy can be a very difficult thing to develop and maintain. Despite a person fearing the departure of people from their life, they will often try to avoid being emotionally vulnerable, and forming a strong emotional bond with their romantic partners.

6. Needing to control/be controlled by your partner

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Control within a relationship can quickly become toxic, harmful and above all dangerous. Now the desire to control and/or be controlled by your partner can be a common attribute for someone with abandonment issues, and it links back to a fear of loss and personal insecurity.

7. Settling in unsatisfactory relationships

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If a person has abandonment issues, they may find themselves consistently settling in unhealthy and unsatisfactory relationships. This is due to their belief that it is the standard of relationship they deserve, and that they aren't worthy enough to strive for something much better.

8. You attach too quickly

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Another common behaviour, of someone with abandonment issues, is the ability to attach very quickly to someone. As with many other behavioural responses, this links to their fear of rejection and general loss of people within their lives. This quick attachment is often paired with intense emotions.

9. You move on too quickly

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On the flip-side of the last point, people with abandonment issues also find it extremely easy to move on quickly within relationships. They may be involved in multiple relationships, across a shorter time-frame. Their fear of abandonment causes them to seek out intimate connections, no matter how long they may last.

10. You look for flaws in your partner

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Focusing on certain flaws your partner have is something that happens in most relationships. Whether it's their inability to put down the toilet seat, or clean up after themselves, there is always something that may irritate you. However, you tend to look past these habits, because your love for them outweighs everything. People with abandonment issues will focus on these flaws with extreme scrutiny, which can cause major disputes.

11. You're reluctant to fully invest in relationships

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An issue with commitment is another common trope of someone with abandonment issues. Their abilities to attach and move on quickly, often mean that they find it increasingly difficult to build a deep enough connection (to be able) to fully commit (emotionally) within a relationship.

12. You feel unworthy of love

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Feeling unworthy of love can be a common experience amongst all people, but it is much more likely if you suffer from abandonment issues. The hyper-fixation, and focus on minor changes in a relationship, often cause the person to become hyper-critical of their behaviour, and to reduce a relationship down to any/all negative experiences.

13. You struggle to trust

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Similarly to lacking trust in a partner's intentions, abandonment issues will usually cause a person to have general lack in trust. This lack in trust can affect all aspects of their life, both personally and professionally. It is also a contributing factor to their inability to fully commit within relationships.

14. You get separation anxiety/blues

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Separation anxiety/blues are often a result of a high intensity connection/overall relationship with someone. This anxiety can be heightened when you spend a prolonged period of time with someone, and it is then quickly followed by an even longer period of no physical contact e.g. meeting up with the person/spending time with their in-person.

15. You visualize your partner leaving you

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Visualizing a partner leaving is a major sign that someone has abandonment issues. This type of visualization will manifest itself within a person's dreams, and general subconscious. If they have previous trauma that involves a loved one leaving e.g. a parent or close friend, this kind of visualization can/will be extremely convincing and believable.

16. You overanalyze things

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Over analyzing certain experiences and elements of a relationship is a repetitive, and often damaging, cycle that someone with abandonment issues will suffer from. This behaviour can take the smallest issue or change, and completely blow it out of proportion. Again, this is a very damaging behaviour for both the person and their partner.

17. You're hypersensitive to criticism

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Hypersensitivity to criticism can be a debilitating trope for someone with abandonment issues, as they are in constant fear of failing to impress people, within both their professional and personal lives. It can negatively affect their self-confidence and overall self esteem, as they take any form of criticism extremely personally.

18. You have repressed anger

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Repressed anger, whether a person has abandonment issue or not, often has hugely disruptive consequences. This anger may be a result of unresolved trauma, and can make a person overly wary of opening up, and being vulnerable in general. This often means the person will have a shorter temper when it comes to minor disagreements.

19. You pick unavailable partners

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Similarly to involving themselves in unsatisfactory relationships, people with abandonment issues tend to go after seemingly 'unavailable' partners- whether this is emotionally or physically. These potential partners may show absolutely no interest in the person at all, or just aren't looking for the same style of relationship as them.

20. You sabotage relationships at every opportunity

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Relationship sabotage is very much a self-inflicted form harm. This kind of sabotage can come in many forms, and at times, is not easily identifiable to the person's partner. It may present itself as picking the smallest things to argue over, giving their partner mixed signals when it comes to their feelings and just being overly cold with their partner.

21. You blame yourself for every break-up

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Blaming yourself for a break-up is something everyone has done at least once in their life. However, it is a regular occurrence for people with abandonment issues. When their fear of abandonment comes to fruition, it further depends their primary issues, and causes them to rapidly decline into their cycle of self-sabotage and hate.

22. Low self-esteem and insecurity

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This next tell-tale sign links back to many, if not all, of the signs discussed in this article. Low self-esteem and high insecurity are key side effects of clear abandonment issues. These attributes will often be heightened, and deepened further, when a person is trying to invest within an unsatisfactory relationship.

23. Heightened anxiety

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Anxiety is a horrible mental health condition to suffer from, even more so, when you have underlying issues which are the primary cause of it. This anxiety is often heightened considerably for some people, and it is often paired with their lack of self-esteem and trust in people.

24. You have a short-temper

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As mentioned previously, a short temper is a common attribute for someone with abandonment issues. This short fuse stems from the person's lack of trust, extreme insecurity, need for control and quick attachment to another person. It's no surprise, that this often sabotages the majority of a person's relationships.

25. Fear of conflict

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Despite all the signs pointing to, a person with abandonment issues, having severe anger issues, they have the contradicting fear of conflict as well. This fear is often rooted in past trauma from relationships, via family and past lovers. Conflict will often cause their anger issues to worsen, and will disrupt their ability to overcome them effectively.

26. Constant emotional isolation

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Emotional isolation will often follow a break-up, or any form of disruption within a relationship. This isolation can be pretty extreme when a person has abandonment issues. They may shut themselves off emotionally for days, or even weeks, at a time (so it is important that they have friends that can check up on them, if necessary).

27. Emotional outbursts

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As we've explored, a person's abandonment issues can/will cause the person to have extreme, erratic emotions and reactions. So, it is no surprise that emotional outbursts are fairly common for these people. These outbursts can vary from complete rage, to hysterical crying and complete nervous breakdowns.

28. Feeling the need to apologize constantly

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Apologizing is something that happens everyday, all around the world. However, when abandonment issues are involved, the personal need to apologize, increases ten-fold. Again, their fear of loss and rejection, takes over their rational thinking and hinders their ability to not feel like a victim within their situation.

29. Sudden/constant change in personal style and aesthetic

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Everyone loves a makeover from time-to-time, and it is sometimes necessary for someone's personal growth and development. For someone with abandonment issues, they may use this as a form of coping mechanism. A sudden change in their overall appearance can consist of a variety of things e.g. drastic hair cut/change of colour, a completely different sense of style or general change in habits.

30. Weak boundaries

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Setting clear boundaries within a relationship is a very important element to have for a healthy, fulfilling connection with a partner. A weak, or non-existent ability, to do this is unfortunately very common with abandonment issues. Due to the person's extreme 'people-pleasing' trait, they find it increasingly difficult to set strong boundaries (emotional and physical) within their relationships.