The Effects of Betrayal on the Brain

1. Trust issues

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It’s no huge surprise that those who have experienced betrayal find it hard to trust people. It’s triggered by a fear of being hurt again, which a lot of us have probably experienced at some point in our lives. Try to write down your feelings in a journal to help you process your emotions surrounding the betrayal – this will help make space for your emotions instead of suppressing them.

2. Hypervigilance

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Hypervigilance is the elevated state of constantly assessing potential threats. It’s like being in a continuous state of fight or flight, which can play havoc on your nervous system. Those who experience betrayal trauma can spend weeks or even months in this state.

3. Anxiety

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Betrayal is a type of trauma that refers to the pain and emotional distress that happens when a trusted loved one, intimate partner or institution (like a workplace) betrays our trust. This can often lead to anxiety, which is one of the most common reactions to betrayal.

4. Depression

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Just like anxiety, depression is one of the most common symptoms of being betrayed. Once we slip into a depression that’s triggered by betrayal, it can be really difficult to pull ourselves out of it again, so it can be helpful to reach out to your doctor or a therapist for some support.

5. Difficulty concentrating

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Betrayal can really mess up our brains – and our concentration. If you’ve recently been betrayed, especially by someone you care about a lot, you might find that you’re struggling to concentrate on your work or studies. Even simply chores and tasks might be more difficult than usual.

6. Relationship issues

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If someone’s betrayed you, this can cause major relationship problems further down the line. While you might find it hard to strengthen relationships with the people around you, it can be especially difficult maintaining a relationship with the person who brought about the betrayal. If it’s your partner and they cheated on you, ghosted you, or hasn’t prioritized you, it can take time to heal.

7. Shock

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One of the first stages of betrayal trauma is shock. This is when a person first learns about the betrayal, and may express their disbelief that someone could do something like this. This stage can last for a few days or even a few weeks, depending on the severity of the betrayal and who has done it.

8. Grief

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It’s completely normal to experience feelings of grief after you’ve been betrayed. This is particularly common if it’s your partner has betrayed you, as you’re grieving for the loss of that person,  the life that you shared together, and the dreams and plans that you had. It can take time to work through this.

9. Self esteem issues

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A lot of people experience self-esteem issues when they’ve been betrayed. It can make us feel like there’s something wrong with us, which affects confidence levels. It’s really important to remember it’s not your fault, and that you should get some support on boosting your confidence if you need it.

10. Dissociation

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Dissociation is described as a break in how our mind processes information. It’s a mental disconnection from our thoughts, feelings, memories or sense of identity. Some people can also feel disconnected from the world around them. If you think this is happening, consult your doctor or a therapist immediately.

11. Alcohol abuse

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When some people find it hard to come to terms with their betrayal, they seek out coping mechanisms. This leads some people to fall into alcohol abuse, as they find it’s the only way they can keep going. It’s important to seek out help for alcohol addiction if this happens, or ask someone you trust for help with this.

12. Eating disorders

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In extreme cases, some people develop eating disorders as a result of betrayal. This isn’t something that happens straight away – it’s a gradual process that takes place over a long period of time. Someone may develop anorexia, while others can end up with bulimia.

13. PTSD

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While post-traumatic stress disorder is most commonly associated with soldiers and veterans of war, a surprising amount of people end up dealing with this after they’ve experienced a traumatic event. This can involve frequent nightmares and flashbacks.

14. Dr*g abuse

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To make it clear – not everyone who experiences a betrayal will fall into dr*g abuse. But it seems to act as a trigger for some people who are struggling to come to terms with what’s happened to them. If this is something you’re experiencing, seek help straight away, as you’ll need some support.

15. Emotional dysregulation

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Emotional dysregulation refers to a person’s inability to control or regulate their emotional responses. And this can happen a lot when someone’s been hurt by a betrayal. People can cry more easily, get angry, and generally overreact to things. They can also have trouble making decisions, and will avoid situations that might be emotionally difficult.

16. Stress

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We’re all suffering from stress to some extent, but this becomes particularly intense after someone has betrayed you. The very fact that someone has decided to do that to you is really stressful and painful, so it takes a lot of time to come to terms with this. Your stress might prevent you from doing normal things, and affect your concentration.

17. Denial

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The denial stage happens when a person tries to reject what has happened and pretend it didn’t happen. This stage can last for a few weeks or months, and can be frustrating for friends and family members who are trying to support them. A person may try and rationalize or justify the betrayal, or they might just ignore it altogether.

18. Lack of sleep/ insomnia

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A common side effect of a betrayal is problems with sleep. A person may find it hard to get rest, and may even develop insomnia as a result. If you’ve recently been betrayed and you’re struggling with your sleep, it’s helpful to speak to your doctor or a psychologist if you can.

19. Brain fog

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We’ve probably all experienced brain fog at some point. But those dealing with betrayal trauma can experience this much more often. It can be hard to carry out basic tasks and chores, or understand and process information. You can also end up thinking more slowly than usual, or have ‘fuzzy’ thoughts.

20. Obsession

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When dealing with betrayal, some people go through an ‘obsession’ phase. This is when a person gets fixated on the betrayal and can’t stop thinking about it. It’s a stage that can last for a few weeks or months, and can be super disruptive to day-to-day life. They might spend a lot of time obsessing over the tiny details of the betrayal in an effort to figure out what went wrong.

21. Anger

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It’s natural for someone to feel angry about being betrayed. A person is finally coming to terms with the rage and hurt they are feeling, which can become destructive. This can last for a few weeks to a few months depending on who’s betrayed them. They might lash out at family, friends, and even strangers.

22. Headaches

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Trauma that arises from betrayal can manifest in tons of different ways. One common side effect is intense headaches, which can also develop into migraines in some cases. If you’re experiencing them a lot, be sure to check in with your doctor about this, as you might need some medication to curb the intensity.

23. Bargaining

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Not everyone will go through this phase, but some people go through a ‘bargaining’ stage. They might plead with the person who betrayed them, or offer to do anything in order to make things right again. This can get really self-destructive, so make sure you reach out to loved ones for support.

24. Pre-occupation

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This tends to be a more subtle sign than an obsession. A betrayal can weigh heavily on someone’s mind; they can think about the person who caused them the pain, and question why it happened. If this is something you’re experiencing, try to do small things you enjoy to distract you, as they will help you take a mental step back.

25. Self-doubt

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Many of us will have had times when we’ve doubted ourselves. But those who are experiencing betrayal trauma can get stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, which is really harmful to their mental wellbeing. They can question their decisions and emotions, and feel confused about how to move forward.

26. Panic attacks

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If a person is experiencing anxiety, they can sometimes have panic attacks. This happens when your brain sees something as a threat. It can cause panic within your body, and  occur in a super short space of time. People often feel a tightness in their chest and experience difficulties in breathing, along with sweats and palpitations.

27. Numbness

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Feeling emotionally numb (or feeling no emotions at all) is a response to trauma – including betrayal trauma. This can create a sense of emptiness, isolation, or emotional disconnect from other people, and can become difficult to deal with for those who experience it.

28. Suspicion

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People who have experienced betrayal trauma will naturally be more suspicious of the people they interact with. This is especially true if a partner has betrayed them in the past. This suspicion can manifest in unhealthy behaviors like checking someone’s phone, emails or social media channels.

29. Shame

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Sometimes people can feel a sense of shame after being betrayed. People can often blame themselves, or become embarrassed that someone has chosen to behave like that towards them. It’s a complicated emotion that takes time to process, so it can be helpful to reach out to a therapist if you’re struggling.

30. Guilt

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It’s important to remember that if someone has chosen to betray you, it isn’t your fault. And you shouldn’t feel any sense of guilt about what happened. Guilt is a similar emotion to shame, so be sure to get some support from friends, family and loved ones to remind you how great you are.

31. A feeling of helplessness

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When you've been betrayed, it can really make you feel like you don't have any power at all. How could you possibly have stopped that person from betraying you, and how are you supposed to know whether you're going to be betrayed again? This can leave you feeling helpless.

32. Reliving the event over and over

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It's normal to relive that moment or experience of betrayal over and over. Your brain might like to remind you of it because it was such a huge impact on your emotional, physical and psychological state. Especially in the early days after it happens, you're likely to relive it again and again.

33. You might have nightmares

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This can be a key symptom of stress and traumatic incidents, including betrayal. The horror of the experience could seep into your subconscious and make you have nightmares about the event, because your brain is trying to deal with all these negative emotions.

34. Or experience intrusive images

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You might not have full nightmares at all, or you might not relive the event in full - you might instead just get flashes of really intrusive images, whether directly from the event where you were betrayed, or just images related to these negative feelings that pop into your head unexpectedly.

35. It's normal to want to withdraw

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Because betrayed is such a personal thing, it can leave you wanting to close yourself off from other people. You might think this is the only way to stop yourself from getting hurt again, or if you're feeling shame about trusting someone, you might feel inclined to lock yourself away.

36. Avoiding things

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After being betrayed, there might be certain places, people or tasks that you now avoid. This could be because they remind you of what happened, but they could also be because your brain associates them with a situation where you might be betrayed again - so it's better to just avoid them.

37. You might have mood swings

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Because betrayal leaves you feeling so hurt and so stressed, it's likely to have your emotions all over the place and your moods swinging! You might go from upset one minute to really angry at the person who did it, or maybe even deliriously happy because you're trying to force yourself to move on and acting like you're 'over it'.

38. You might have new phobias

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Betrayal can unlock new fears and new worries in a person. While this can be general anxiety, it might even be you develop a new full phobia as a result. Say a person betrayed your trust in something to do with water, the dark or a tall building. You might then have a phobia of these places or conditions.

39. Flashbacks

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Flashbacks to the traumatic event can be completely normal - but that doesn't mean they're pleasant! Flashbacks can happen completely unexpectedly, even when you're not consciously thinking about the betrayal. You could be out and about and some small reminder comes from nowhere and takes you back.

40. Change in appetite

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People who go through a stressful experience are likely to have their eating patterns change, too. People handle stress in different ways - some people eat more and put on weight when they're stressed, other people stop eating altogether because they lose appetite and can't stomach it.

41. More serious health problems

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More serious health problems could arise after betrayal because of all the other issues listed which could eventually build up and build up into lack of care. If you're not sleeping right, eating right, feeling constantly anxious etc. this could all lead to lack of a healthy lifestyle.

42. Chronic fatigue

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Chronic fatigue could also come as a result of not being able to sleep if you have serious insomnia, coupled with the amount of psychological and emotional stress you're under. Rather than just feeling tired, the situation might get so serious that you're constantly worn out.

43. Immune system issues

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This in turn could result in a pretty beat up immune system. Your immune system needs sleep to stay healthy, and it also needs a good diet and lifestyle to keep it in its best shape. If betrayal has made you not get any of these things, you could end up getting ill as a result and not able to fight off simple things like flu.

44. Giving up on goals or dreams

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When you've been betrayed, it can make you seriously question yourself, your situation and any plans you had before you knew the truth. It could make you think 'what's the point' or that you don't want to risk continuing with what you had planned because now you're too hurt or upset.

45. Not letting yourself be happy

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If you're giving up on goals and dreams, you're not letting yourself be happy. You might feel like you'll never be happy again if the betrayal was huge, and it might even feel like you don't have the energy to take the steps to let yourself be happy. A lot of the time feeling happy can make you think you've forgiven the person, too, so you hold onto that grudge instead.

46. Struggling to commit

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Betrayal seriously knocks your confidence and can have you questioning everything. If it was a betrayal from a friend or a partner, it can make you struggle with making new connections or to commit to new friendships or relationships. You may start being scared of commitment that way.

47. Being scared to 'get out there' again

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You might even have had your confidence knocked so badly that you're scared to even put yourself back out there at all. You might be permanently avoiding getting back out into the dating world, or doing anything that could expose you to new friends or to new people.

48. Serious self-blame

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Betrayal is not your fault, but it can turn into a very serious case of self blame after the event if you dwell on it 24/7. You could start to really hate and doubt yourself for everything that happened, calling yourself stupid for not seeing the truth, and this in turn can make you want to punish yourself by withdrawing and being unhealthy.

49. Lack of self-care

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Lack of self-care can come from many different feelings following betrayal. It could be that you're anxious or depressed, so you don't have the energy to take care of yourself. It could be that you're lacking sleep so don't have the energy for self-care. Or it could be that you blame yourself so much you don't think you deserve a bit of TLC.

50. Sleeping more

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It's likely that you'll get less sleep or insomnia after a serious betrayal, but the opposite can also happen. You may find you're never wanting to get out of bed, because you're too worn out or ashamed at what happened. Depression could have you sleeping more, and you may also sleep more just because you don't want to think.