Signs He Is Too Selfish

1. He only talks about himself

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People like to talk about themselves, especially if something good happens in your life, and everyone is entitled to that moment! But selfish people are often obsessed with themselves. So if you notice that your boyfriend can make any conversation about himself but can't seem to bring himself to simply ask how your day way, he sounds like a selfish person.

2. He expects your support but he doesn't give you support in return

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Couples are supposed to support each other. It is how a relationship works. You would probably do anything for your partner and drop everything if he needed you, but would he do the same for you? If you can't count on him to support you then what sort of one way relationship are you living in?

3. He is only nice to you when it suits him

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You should want to be nice to your other half! They are the person you've chosen to be in a relationship with. If you feel like your boyfriend is only nice to you because he wants something in return then RED FLAG ALERT

. He is emotionally manipulating you aka being selfish.

4. He won't change his plans when you need him

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He's a real stickler for his schedule, which is all well and good until he won't change it even in an emergency! Maybe you need to go to the hospital or you have a family member who needs your help. A selfish person won't rearrange his plans to help you not matter how important it is to you.

5. His love is conditional

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Love should be un

conditional. If your boyfriend makes you feel like he will only love you if you do certain things or behave in a certain way, then you need to think carefully about your next move. Love should not come with strings attached and you should question whether he even loves you at all.

6. He doesn't have a lot of friends

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He doesn't seem to have a lot of friends. Probably because a lot of people have noticed his selfish habits and no longer want to spend time with him. How your boyfriend treats his friends is a great indicator to how he might treat his girlfriend. Look for those boys who do nice things for his friends next time!

7. He never asks you any questions

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If someone cares about you, they will be interested in you and ask you questions about how you're doing. Your boyfriend should want to hear about your day or your friends and you probably feel that way about him. But if he does not show any interest in you then he could be selfish and you are probably in a one-sided relationship.

8. It's always 'ME' instead of 'WE'

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When you're in a relationship, you become a partnership. So the 'me' you have been before meeting each other, becomes a 'we'. If your boyfriend has never made this transition then it's a sign he is selfish and cares more about himself than being in a relationship with you.

9. He is never there when you need him the most

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Is your boyfriend truly there for you? When you're going through a tough time or you have a sick family member, is your boyfriend there for you? If he is not, then this should be the only sign you need to check out. He is selfish and only cares about himself and you deserve better.

10. He always asks you to change but would never change himself

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You shouldn't have to change for anyone. If someone truly loves you, they will accept you as you are and would not want to change you. If your boyfriend is trying to mould you into someone new, but is not willing to change for you in the same way, then he is selfish.

11. He uses you as an ATM

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In an emergency your boyfriend might need to borrow some money off you. Totally fine. This is what partners are for, you help each other out. If you find that he is consistently asking you for money for one reason or another, even small things, he is being selfish and probably using you.

12. He doesn't remember your conversations

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Everyone forgets things from time to time. Your boyfriend should be able to remember a conversation you had the day before. If he regularly can't recall what you have talked about, this is a problem. He probably isn't listening because he isn't interested in you and is a selfish boyfriend.

13. He is incredibly defensive

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Someone who is selfish will struggle to accept any criticism, because they only care about themselves. This will often present as getting very defensive when you try to pull him up on something. He will probably get defensive and then try to point our your flaws instead. Look out for this kind of behaviour!

14. He makes note of all the nice things he does for you

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When he does something nice for you, your boyfriend makes a mental note of it. For you, he is just behaving like a nice boyfriend, until the nice thing he's done gets brought up months down the line as a way of getting you to do something for him or throwing it in your face during an argument. This is not how boyfriends should behave.

15. He doesn't remember who your friends are

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You're not expecting him to remember the names of all your friends, maybe you have a lot of them. But your close friends who you regularly speak about should be known to your boyfriend! If he can't remember the names of your friends then it shows he isn't really interested in getting to know you and is a sign of selfish behaviour.

16. He is ungrateful

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Being perpetually ungrateful is one red flag we see in a selfish boyfriend. If he doesn't say thank you when you've cooked tea or maybe is just downright mean sometimes, you don't have to put up with this! Don't stay in a relationship with someone you doesn't add to your life in a positive way!

17. He won't be happy if you don't meet his expectations

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There are certain standards set in a relationship and there's nothing wrong with that. Maybe you work hard to make sure you always meet his expectations, as he would definitely let you know if you fell below. Does he do the same for you? If he doesn't make any effort to meet your expectations in return then he could be being selfish.

18. He is unwilling to compromise

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Relationships are all about compromise. Neither of you should get your own way every time, life is about give and take. If your boyfriend is unwilling to compromise, it is because he believes he is right all the time. This is very selfish behaviour, especially when someone claims to care about you.

19. He is a man child

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A lot of selfish men are this way because they have been spoilt when they were younger. This results in them being a man child when they're older and dependant on others even for the smallest tasks. If this is your boyfriend and you are doing all his laundry and cooking and he is expecting this of you, you should get rid.

20. He doesn't give you breathing room

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It's great to be close to your partner and spend a lot of time with them, but you don't have to become the same person. Time on your own is healthy for both yourself and your relationship. If your boyfriend is unwilling to give you any breathing room then it's a trait of a controlling person and also a selfish person. It shows he is only thinking about himself.

21. He is insecure

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Being insecure is one of the traits of a selfish boyfriend. People are insecure when they see someone as a threat. He is probably constantly worried that he will lose control of his life and always wants to feel like the centre of attention. He will try to make it so your life revolves around him to feed his ego.

22. He is not living in the real world

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If your boyfriend seems to be living in his own world, he is probably preoccupied and too busy to think about you or spend time with you. He might be more interested in the soccer or playing his video games. It all points to him not being interested in you and more bothered about himself. A selfish trait if we ever saw one.

23. He never surprises you

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You are probably a nice girlfriend. You plan fun activities to do together or maybe surprise him with a gift from time to time. So, what does he do for you? If you're racking your brains trying to think of the last time your boyfriend surprised you then take the hint. He probably never thinks about you and doing something nice for you and that means he is selfish.

24. You're not living your own life

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You obviously had your own life before you met your partner. And a relationship should only add to your life, not take over it. If it doesn't feel like you are living your own life anymore then it could be because your boyfriend is controlling it. If he is not letting you live your own life then he is selfish.

25. His family members have similar experiences to you

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If you've finally got to the stage where you are meeting his family, take note of how they feel about him. If family members always have a 'but' when they talk about him, chances are they have noticed his selfish behaviour too. If they have similar experiences to you, it's a red flag.

26. He has ulterior motives

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You should always trust your gut. If you feel like you boyfriend has ulterior motives, you should trust that feeling. You have been subconsciously picking up on something. If he is suddenly doing something nice for you and it's out of character, chances are there are strings attached to his actions.

27. He has always got his own way and continues to do so

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Another sign of being a spoilt child when he was younger is always expecting to get his own way and not being happy when he doesn't. Relationships are all about compromise, but in a selfish person who thinks he is always right, this will be difficult to achieve.

28. He controls what you do

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If he is selfish and insecure, then he will try and control what you do. A selfish person wouldn't want his partner to be more successful than him. That could be professionally or socially. He would hate to not be the most liked person in the room and would happily tear others down to ensure that is not the case.

29. He is selfish in bed

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His selfishness appears in all aspects of his life, including in the bedroom. Sometimes this can even be the most telling! He will just satisfy himself, maybe even falling straight to sleep and leaving you frustrated. Maybe you let it slide the first few times, but you need to take the hint and get out!

30. He is self-centred

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He is the main character in a world of his own. This is a selfish person. Everyone else are seen as 'extras' and are only there to please him. It probably translates in your relationship with him constantly expecting you to cook for him or do all the chores. If you find yourself complaining to your girlfriends about how you seem to do everything, your boyfriend is probably selfish.

31. If you bring up an issue, he won't deal with it

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Selfish people can usually fall into two categories: they're either too wrapped up in their own world that they can't see anything from anyone else's perspective, or they can, and they just choose not to do anything about it. If you bring up an issue - it doesn't matter how big or small it is, whether it's a chore around the house or a huge job promotion problem - he's not going to do anything to help with the situation. Worse, he'll promise that he'll do it or offer advice, but then he won't follow through, leaving you disappointed.

32. He doesn't like it when you stand up for yourself

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Selfish people like control, because in their mind, it's all about them, what they want, and what they need. So if you stand up for yourself when they're trying to control a situation, they're not going to like that - it puts a bump in their smooth road. What they'll then do to try and reassert control is probably give you an ultimatum: "Well if you think that, I'll leave" or "I'm going to stop talking to you until you change your mind about what you just said, because I don't agree with it". Standing up for yourself is likely not going to get the outcome you think.

33. You feel like you need to use tactics to keep him around

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Another thing with this whole 'control' idea is that usually, you're the one either treading on eggshells, performing a balancing act or spinning plates (or any other analogy you can think of) to keep him in the right mood, or to keep him around. If you don't use these carefully thought out tactics, it's likely he's going to threaten to leave, or just full on leave. Instead of feeling like a natural relationship, you feel like the only reason he's still around is because you're being careful about every single decision you make. This is also a sign he's controlling you.

34. If he has loved ones in his life, they're just a means to an end

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It's very likely that a selfish person won't have a lot of friends, like we mentioned before. But if he does have a few friends, or if he has family members he regularly talks to, it's likely that he uses them as another means to get what he wants. To selfish people, those around them are just 'tools' for their own wants and needs, so that can extend to his friends and family, as well as to you. He might have friends who are very well-off, or who can put in a good word for him for a career he's trying to break into. He might depend on his parents for money to buy the things he wants.

35. He likes rules - a lot of them

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As we mentioned, selfish people have a big thing about being in control - and it also comes into the narcissism frame of mind, too. If he's made it clear he has this very weird obsession with rules, and how he likes things to be done, it's a red flag. The only good thing about this is that if he's really selfish, he'll try to lay rules down on the first date or two - so you can get out of there earlier rather than later! This might be stupid comments like "I wait for the fifth date to do this because you need to earn it" or "I don't agree with that until you do *this*" etc.

36. He has money - but he expects you to pay

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Some selfish people can leech of other people around them, especially when it comes to money - like we said, him treating you like an ATM when he's strapped for a cash is a big no-no. But even worse can be when he actually does have money - and a lot of it - but he's not going to spend it. He's still going to expect you to pay for everything. He might complain if you suggest going 50/50. That's because, in his selfish mind, he's single when it comes to his money. His money is for him to do what he wants with, and not to spend with you.

37. Superficial is his first, middle and last name

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A lot of the time, selfishness, narcissism and superficiality are the Holy Trinity of 'people you shouldn't date'. So it's no surprise that if he's a selfish person, he's likely very superficial, too. This could relate to his looks, or his lifestyle - or his viewpoint on anything around him. He doesn't care about the deeper meaning, he cares about how it makes him look to the outside world. This is also why it's likely he'll drop people he's dating if they end up being not what he thought, or if they change the way they look to a way he doesn't agree with.

38. He's actually said pretty blunt things to you

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This one is actually helpful in the grand scheme of things - at least he's saying some pretty harsh and true things so you know you deserve better and can leave! A selfish person might try and hide what they really think, but they may also be brutally honest with you. During an argument about how you've not spent a lot of time together, he might straight up say that his career or his personal time matters more to him than you do. He might say 'I'm not doing that for you, because you don't matter enough for me to do that'.

39. You're constantly second guessing yourself

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Another thing selfish people can do - when you genuinely care about them - is make you doubt yourself. Because they're making everything so difficult, you start to think whether you actually are being too unreasonable (like they've probably told you), whether you're the problem, or whether there's anything you can do to fix it. In these situations, their selfishness is definitely not your fault, and you shouldn't change yourself, or what you want, to fit what they're telling you. Making you second guess yourself can also be a trick narcissists use when they're gaslighting.

40. You make it clear what makes you uncomfortable - and he does it anyway

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In relationships, there has to be boundaries - you both need to be upfront and honest about what you're okay with, and what you're not okay with, and the other person needs to respect that. It doesn't matter if they think it's stupid. If you've made it clear what makes you uncomfortable or what your limits are in certain situations, and they are choosing to ignore that fact, they're completely selfish. They don't care that you've told them you don't like it, and they don't care enough to not make you uncomfortable, because that means they need to change - and they're not going to do that.

41. How to deal with a selfish partner: stop giving them the attention, and give it to yourself instead

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When you're dealing with a selfish partner, they're going to drain you emotionally and mentally all the time, because not only do you have to put in the work for the relationship, but you're also working twice as much because you're trying to make up for what they're not giving you. All your time, love, attention and care is not getting through to them if they're still being selfish, so it's time to put that care and attention into yourself instead. Self-care will keep your mental health and emotional health cared for, so you should try focusing on your own hobbies, your own self-developing and knowing what makes you happy. They won't like that you're not giving them attention and it might be a wake up call for them.

42. Take a step back to think why they're being like this

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Some people are just selfish, through and through, with no rhyme or reason for it. These people will likely not change. But it's important to try to work out whether this is the case with your partner, or whether they are being selfish for another reason that can actually be worked through. Are they being selfish because they've been treated badly in the past, because they're going through something they haven't told you, or because work is being stressful for them right now? Try to pinpoint what the reasons could be so you can make a decision based on that.

43. Explain WHY you want something changed

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A selfish person might need to understand more than you just saying 'you need to stop that' or 'you need to change'. It might help them realize how difficult they're being if you explain why you want something change, rather than just the fact you want it changed. They basically need motivation to do what you're saying. So instead of saying 'you need to change' you could say 'I think it would bring us closer if you did this or that.... I think it would really help me, and our relationship, if you tried this instead of that'. It's then their decision to make that change.

44. Suggest a turn-taking routine

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This depends entirely on if you have a co-operative selfish partner, or if they're just so selfish they won't be interested in trying this (in which case you know it's probably not going to work in the long term!). Suggesting a turn-taking routine basically means you've specifically agreed to 'take turns' in having your needs met. So when it's your turn, you could explain something you have a problem with, why you feel that way, and what you want changed. They then have to listen and carry out what you suggested. Next, it's their turn, and they can do the same right back. This way both of you are speaking out.

45. Remind them of good things in the past

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They might not have always been selfish, or they might have been selfish in the past but then made an effort to change and did something that positively affected your relationship. If you're finding you've hit a big selfish hurdle once again, instead of just saying that there's a problem, it's a good idea to remind them of some good things you worked through in the past, some positive steps they took, and how it actually worked out and benefitted the both of you. This will remind them of an example when it actually worked out for the best, so they'll be more willing to do that again.

46. Remind yourself you don't deserve to be treated this way

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At the end of the day, you don't deserve to be treated like this by a selfish partner, if you're not being listened to, your needs are not being met and your boundaries crossed. A good way to remind yourself how you should be treated is to spend more time with other people, like friends and family, who actually treat you in a respectful way, and show their appreciation of you. This can be a reminder that that's how a person who cares about you is supposed to treat you, as well as a reminder of how it feels to actually be treated kindly!

47. Express yourself in a calm and patient way

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It's really annoying to have to spoon feed a full grown adult partner about how they're being selfish, but sometimes selfish people don't even realize what they're doing, and unfortunately they need to have it spelled out to them. And it'll only make it worse if you're being confrontational or just shouting at them that they need to change. It's completely valid to want to say 'you're so selfish and you never listen to me' but in their mind, that's going to be an attack. A better way can be to stay calm and say 'I have something I need to say. Are you willing to listen or not?'

48. Decide what's a deal-breaker for you

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There are certain things that just aren't going to work for you, no matter how much you want the relationship to work. Knowing what your own deal-breakers are will help you in any relationship in terms of your own needs and boundaries. Even if the partner is attentive in loving in every other way, if they do one of your deal breakers, they're not the right person for you. Often the deal breakers will be big things. Everyday selfish things they do - like hog all the food in the fridge - you might be able to cope with. Ignoring an important event or celebration in your life because they're too selfish to care might be your deal breaker, though.

49. Be clear ahead of time about what you need

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Oftentimes, with selfish people, you realize it after the fact, when you're starting to tally up all the times they let you down and you realize oh wait yes, they're actually very self-involved! This can lead to you telling them later on 'you were really selfish when you did that' and they're probably not going to understand why - and might not even remember the occasion you're talking about! Instead, think ahead of time, and make it clear to them. If you have something important coming up, you could say 'I'm going to have a really stressful day at work on Monday next week and I'm going to be home late. I really need you to go grocery shopping for me instead of me doing it.'

50. It's okay to step away for a while

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Being with a selfish person is going to take a toll on you, and it's also okay to take a break away from it to take time to think. This could either be just to get clarity from a distance, or time to think what you actually want to do about the relationship, and whether you want to stick around. Never feel guilty about having to say to them that you're staying somewhere else for a while, or need a few days away from talking to them. Don't let them coerce you into changing your mind - do whatever you need to do to make a decision.