Here’s Why Playing ‘Hard To Get’ Is A No Go

1. You can attract the wrong kind of people

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If you're looking to attract a partner, playing hard to get is classic dating advice. It's designed to be very attractive and drive people crazy, but are you really attracting the right kind of people? If you're putting on an act that you are 'carefree and independent' then you're going to attract that kind of person who maybe isn't that into commitment and wants someone similar. If deep down you're actually looking for a long-term, serious relationship then you are going to end up being burnt down the road.

2. Why would we like someone who doesn't like us?

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Someone who is playing hard to get is deliberately trying to give off the appearance that they are not that interested in you. Why would we like someone who doesn't like us back? Men say they like the chase, but chasing someone who is showing no interest seems like a waste of time. In a social setting, if someone is taking an interest in you and giving you good vibes, then you are more likely to put time and effort into speaking to them. So maybe it's less about the person and more about the competition.

3. They're inexperienced

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Someone who has been around the block a few times has probably learnt by now that playing 'hard to get' doesn't work. It's quite the cliché and a 'classic' dating technique. Someone new and inexperienced may take the advice of friends and the internet and think this technique will win you over. He doesn't want to tell you how he feels as he doesn't want to seem like a loser. He is also scared of rejection so would prefer to keep up the mask than put a foot wrong. You should try and let him know you like him and that he doesn't need to play these games.

4. They are hiding you

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Family members liking your other half can be a HUGE deal. Especially for guys believe it or not! Your family can know you better than you know yourself and be a great judge of character, especially when it comes to potential romantic partners. So if you think it's all going well but he is always avoiding you meeting his parents then it's a red flag. He thinks (or knows) that they won't like you and therefore it will never work out, but he is also enjoying your company at the moment so selfishly wants it to continue as long as possible.

5. It builds the foundations of a deceptive relationship

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The theory of playing hard to get is built on deception and manipulation. If you are dating someone and they are deliberately misleading you or withholding information, then your potential future relationship is being built on lies. The other person is not showing you their true self as they are focussing all their energy on trying not to look that into you. They might even be masking their personality so much that when you finally get to the real person, you find out that you actually don't like them very much!

6. Maybe you're scared

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There are COUNTLESS reasons you might be scared of someone and committing to them, whether you genuinely have feelings for them or not. You could be scared to open up to someone if you've been burnt before. You might be scared of the rejection and the embarrassment you'll feel if it happens. Any of these reasons are still not good enough to be playing games! People seem to think playing hard to get is a way of avoiding getting hurt, as you prevent yourself from getting close to someone. But chances are it's hurting the person on the other end!

7. You know it won't last

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Sometimes it's a gut feeling, and as depressing as it sounds, you just might not see a future with this person. Yes, you enjoy their company and you have fun together, but you don't see it going anywhere serious. This is where it becomes dangerous because you're toying with someone's feelings. People can see it as more of a game and they will enjoy the chase while playing hard to get and then move on to the next when they get bored. That way you reap all the rewards but never have to get too deep.

8. It increases insecurity

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If someone you are dating is playing the classic game of 'hard to get' then this can take a pretty significant toll on your emotions. Some people can take it too far and it even comes across as rejection which will put a massive dent in your self esteem. It might make you start to wonder what is not good enough about you. Am I not pretty enough for him? You might even start to think that you need to try even harder, despite the minimal effort being put in from them. Any of this kind of behaviour would increase feelings of insecurity for anyone.

9. It can waste people's time

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Imagine how it must feel to put time and effort into dating someone when in reality they are playing games with you and deliberately trying to get you to chase them. Some people love the thrill of the chase! But not everyone! The real blow comes later when it doesn't work out and it turns out you wasted your time chasing a relationship that was never going to blossom. If everyone was honest from the beginning then you would have a lot more meaningful time to spend with other people who want it more.

10. It can be used to play the field

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Playing hard to get for some people, specifically men, can be used as a tactic to play the field. Having a few girls on the back burner who you only text occasionally to keep them on their toes not only means its low maintenance for them, but no doubt gives them a huge ego boost having multiple women chasing after them! If he really liked you then he should be so scared of losing you that he makes it VERY clear that he is interested and will leave no room for debate so there's no risk of losing you.

11. Effort over time

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The point of playing 'hard to get' is that if we are forcing our partner into making more effort over time, then it will make them want us more. It's like anything else, the more effort we invest in it, the better it becomes. Plus, we all know men love the chase! But some psychologists say that actually the opposite is true and the higher the stakes, the more effort we will put in! So if someone knows what you want and how you feel, they will act however you need them to so they don't risk losing you.

12. Everything in due course

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So there's playing hard to get and then there's revealing things 'in due course'. Obviously when picking a long term partner, we're entitled to be a little bit picky and put them through their paces a little bit! Taking a little while to warm up is normal, but it doesn't have to become a childish game. The 'in due course' approach involves revealing little bits of yourself and your personality over time as you feel your partner has earned it. It makes it more meaningful as you spend time getting to know someone!

13. It messes with people's emotions

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If someone is playing hard to get with you, it's going to make you start obsessing over what they might be thinking. One day they're texting you the next day it's radio silence, so what's up with that? The rollercoaster of emotions can really take it toll, and if it's you that's doing the game playing then don't be surprised if some people can't handle it and want to walk away. Not everyone wants to play games and think how you would feel if someone was making you feel wanted one day and rejected the next - not nice!

14. It can be very confusing

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Not knowing where you stand with someone can be very confusing. Some harsh reality is that maybe they aren't playing hard to get, but maybe they are just not that into you... If you can't figure out whether they are not interested or playing hard to get then this can be extremely confusing! You might find yourself constantly wondering if they are going to make a move or not and it can even become obsessive. Maybe we should all just agree to be up front and stop playing all these silly mind games.

15. There's nothing wrong with putting your cards on the table

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There is nothing wrong with putting your cards on the table, lets just make that clear! If someone is genuinely attracted to you and is waiting for you to chase him by playing hard to get, then maybe they just need to be honest about how they feel. If they don't care that you haven't texted them back in a week then maybe you need to realise that they are not the person for you, then at least you can both move on. Lay your cards out on the table then if everyone is on the same page you're on track for a much smoother ride.

16. It's misleading

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If someone is not putting in any effort to get to know you or date you or even just spend time with you, then the obvious conclusion is that they are not interested in you. If it turns out that they are in fact just playing hard to get with you, then how ridiculous is that! They have misled you to the point where you are probably ready to walk away altogether! Not ideal. You would be better off with someone who is open and honest so you always know where you stand, otherwise, where will you end up down the line?

17. Maybe they are even dating someone else

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Playing hard to get can even be a cover that you're the other woman. No one wants that. Maybe they're actually in a relationship and the reason they are so absent is because they are busy with their real relationship and are keeping you on the side. This may be a real turn on for someone who loves the chase, but it's only ever going to end in tears. The truth will always come out! So maybe this is your sign that the next time a guy is playing hard to get with you, take it as a red flag and get out!

18. It suggests you're not serious

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Playing games when you're first dating someone is pretty immature and suggests that either you are not ready to be in a relationship or maybe you just don't want to. So if you think that someone might be playing hard to get with you, maybe it's a sign that they just don't want a relationship. Don't say we didn't warn you! You might even act like you're together when you're on a date, but outside of that the communication is minimal and you get the impression that actually he is just not that interested.

19. It can be intimidating

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Have you ever thought about the real reason that someone is playing hard to get with you? Sometimes if people have low self esteem they can put on a front that portrays the complete opposite. Their whole charade may give the impression that they are this boss, independent person and this can be really intimidating to the other person and even scare them off! They may think they would not be able to handle you. On the other hand, coming on too strong can also be intimidating so finding a balance is very important.

20. It's immature

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Many men in particular are immature, no matter what age they get to. It's just he way it is! They always seem to end up acting like a child. Maybe this is why it always seems to be the men that are playing hard to get. If you're dating a younger guy and you get the idea that he might be playing hard to get, then it's very likely to give you the ick. So guys if you're reading this - take the hint! It's immature to play games and especially playing hard to get - it's not cool! It looks like you have no idea what you're doing.

21. It can make it awkward

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If you thought that someone liked you and then they suddenly seem to back off, it's definitely a red flag. Is he playing hard to get or is there someone you don't know? Like did he used to date your friend? It creates quite the awkward situation when no one is communicating! There must be something that has made him change his tune and you need to find out what it is. They might be playing hard to get because they feel too awkward to end it with you and are hoping it will just fizzle out on its own...

22. Their friends won't like you

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Guys can't cope if their friends don't approve of someone - it's true! So if you are becoming a victim of the 'playing hard to get' game then this could be the reason. If his friends don't like you and he does, he is probably having a battle of his loyalties. He really likes spending time with you but knows he won't be able to introduce you to his friends which is a big deal. This might mean he is holding you at arms length as he knows it can't ever work but also is enjoying your company right now.

23. It might mean they have commitment issues

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Being afraid of commitment might not make any sense to you but it is a real thing, and those people do still have feelings believe it or not! If you like a guy, you want to date them and it might be that simple for you. For someone who is clinging on to his single life he will be unwilling to put your needs ahead of his and his lifestyle and this is a definite sign he has commitment issues. This will probably display itself as playing hard to get as he is 'too busy' with other things to see you or text you back.

24. Your attention isn't reciprocated

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Does your relationship ever feel one sided? Like you are the one giving out all of the attention. Girls often are happy to take and enjoy all your attention but are not always quick to return it! You might be making a real effort to get to know her and her likes and dislikes but she won't reciprocate it. We don't like girls like that. Some people just like the attention, but a relationship is a two-way street. She might also think that is she doesn't give you any attention it will keep you coming back to try again.

25. No one will make the first move

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There's being chased and then there's the one doing the chasing. Both can be fun! But in an actual relationship, it needs to be a bit of give and take. If you are ALWAYS making the first move then she's probably holding back. She doesn't want you to think she likes you so she is always waiting for you to suggest something first or text her first, after which she is very enthusiastic. Some women love men who take control or this could be all part of her plan for you to be the one that's doing the chasing.

26. Mentioning other people makes you look bad

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Jealousy is a toxic trait, yet somehow, some girls especially, like to poke the bear to see how you react. She might bring up other guys she is seeing, or exes, or even just people she thinks are cute, trying to get you to act all jealous. It's a kind of test to see if you like her or not, yet a jealous boyfriend is not what most girls would actually want. She is keeping up her image of keeping her options open and playing hard to get, all the while trying to make you think you're in competition with all these other people.

27. It becomes petty

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Social media makes everything petty these days. It has also paved the way for stalking and playing games with people. Before we even go on a date with anyone, we would obviously be looking them up on Facebook or Instagram. But someone who is playing hard to get won't be following you on any of your social media accounts, unless you do it first maybe. They would never want to give the impression that they like you more than you like them! We guarantee behind the scenes they are scrolling through all your pictures though...

28. There's no commitment

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Red Flag Alert

. Someone who will NEVER commit. Maybe you spent some time planning a nice date that you really think she would like, and when you ask her she says she would love to. But when it comes to picking a date - never! She might be all vague and avoid the question, but never actually say no. There's a reason behind all this and you should listen. She does want to see you, and she will definitely show up, but she doesn't want you to know that! So she is playing hard to get and trying to save face.

29. It's a test

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Just like she might try and make you jealous, she might try and test you in other ways. Generally this will consist of pushing your buttons and seeing how far she can take it. Playful banter and teasing is one thing but it should never go so far as to be personal or offensive. These tests are to see what your limits are but if it ever goes too far then you know this person is not the one for you. They might also try and be difficult with you, like when trying to make plans, to see how far you will actually go to see them.

30. They might even show up late

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Showing up late, especially to a date, is rude no matter how you want to spin in. Some people like to believe that making an entrance is the way to go and they should always be the last person to enter the room. If someone new that you're dating is trying to impress you, then they might try this on you. They would love to give you the impression that you're not that important and they are super lucky to have even a little bit of your very busy time. The idea is this will make you intrigued and keep you wanting more.