Short-Term Planning
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Engaging in short-term planning can indicate a desire to keep things casual. While this approach allows for flexibility, it may prevent the relationship from progressing toward a deeper commitment. Situationships often thrive in this context, where the emphasis remains on the present rather than future aspirations. It's important to evaluate whether this aligns with your own relationship goals and whether you're content with the transient nature of such an arrangement.
Vague Labels
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Uncertainty surrounding labels can leave both partners in a state of ambiguity. While some people prefer fluid definitions, a lack of clear identification might hint at a reluctance to fully invest emotionally. Partners might fear that assigning a label could lead to higher expectations and responsibilities. However, for those seeking a more profound connection, defining the relationship could provide the reassurance and commitment needed to move beyond the surface level.
Limited Personal Sharing
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Surface-level conversations can keep a relationship comfortably distant. Sharing personal experiences, dreams, and fears promotes intimacy, and their absence could signify a reluctance to establish emotional bonds. In situationships, partners might shy away from vulnerability, as opening up can blur the lines they're trying to maintain. Recognizing the value of deeper conversations can help decide whether you're content with the current level of emotional connection.
No Meet-the-Friends
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Meeting each other's friends bridges the gap between an exclusive duo and integrated social circles. The absence of this step might imply a desire to keep the relationship contained within a certain context. Situationships often thrive by compartmentalizing interactions, avoiding the complexities that arise when introducing partners to close friends. Reflect on whether this aligns with your vision of a fulfilling and open partnership.
Weekend Warriors
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Restricting interactions to specific times can indicate a preference for a more casual involvement. While weekends may offer quality moments, they might not contribute to the holistic growth of a relationship. This pattern could suggest a conscious decision to maintain personal space during the week, preventing the relationship from deepening. Evaluating whether you're content with these temporal dynamics is crucial to determining the compatibility of your long-term aspirations.
Absence of Future Talk
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Conversations about the future serve as compass points for relationship trajectory. Consistent avoidance of such discussions might signal a desire to keep the partnership in a state of suspended animation. In situationships, partners might steer clear of future talks to avoid the expectations and responsibilities that commitment brings. Assess whether this lack of future-oriented dialogue aligns with your own aspirations and whether you're comfortable with the uncertainty it entails.
Solo Netflix Binges
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Relying heavily on binge-watching as the primary way to spend time together may inadvertently signal a hesitancy to engage in more profound shared experiences. While entertainment is enjoyable, neglecting diverse activities could hinder the development of a deeper emotional connection, potentially relegating the relationship to a more superficial level.
No Emotional Support
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True partnerships thrive on mutual emotional support, especially during challenging times. When difficulties evoke silence rather than shared empathy, it may imply an absence of the emotional foundation necessary for a lasting connection. Recognizing the significance of being there for each other emotionally is pivotal to discerning whether the relationship is rooted in genuine care.
Inconsistent Communication
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Communication frequency reflects the level of investment in a relationship. Infrequent contact might signify a lack of motivation to foster a meaningful connection. Meaningful conversations are the lifeblood of emotional intimacy; without them, the relationship might struggle to transcend a surface-level dynamic, possibly pointing toward a situationship.
Keeping Secrets
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Openness is vital in building trust and emotional intimacy. Habitually withholding important life details suggests a reluctance to fully integrate one's life with a partner's. This inclination to keep certain aspects hidden might prevent the relationship from reaching a deeper level of understanding and sharing, potentially relegating it to a more casual arrangement.
No Future Foresight
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Conversations about the future reflect the desire to embark on a shared journey. Dodging or avoiding discussions about future plans might indicate a preference to keep the relationship within its current boundaries. If aspirations and plans remain unaddressed, the relationship's potential for growth and commitment could be limited, resembling more of a situationship.
Just Physical
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Focusing primarily on physical intimacy can obscure the development of emotional intimacy. When emotional connection takes a backseat to physical interactions, the relationship might remain confined to a more shallow realm. Evaluating whether both partners seek a holistic connection encompassing emotional depth is crucial to discerning whether the relationship aligns with long-term goals.
Weekday Strangers
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Consistent communication throughout the week, followed by weekend silence, could imply a selective engagement. This pattern might arise from a desire to maintain a particular image or level of involvement and clearly shows a relationship with no future. Such inconsistency can hinder the natural progression of the relationship, keeping it within the boundaries of a more casual arrangement.
Undefined Boundaries
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Clearly defined boundaries establish the framework for a healthy relationship. Uncertainty about roles, expectations, and commitments might result in a lack of direction. This ambiguity can hinder emotional growth and prevent the establishment of a strong foundation. An undefined relationship often veers towards a situationship, characterized by its amorphous nature.
Minimal 'We' Talk
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A relationship's evolution involves the gradual merging of individual lives into a shared narrative. If discussions predominantly focus on individual aspirations rather than joint plans, the relationship might be rooted in a more solitary dynamic. This limited emphasis on "we" instead of "I" could hinder the progression toward a more committed and intertwined partnership.
Avoiding Family
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The introduction to family bridges the gap between the personal and relational spheres. A reluctance to include each other in family gatherings might indicate a preference for keeping the relationship compartmentalized. This absence of family interaction could prevent the growth of a more profound connection, potentially characterizing the relationship as a situationship.
Hesitation to Prioritize
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Consistently treating the relationship as an afterthought might signify underlying uncertainties. Hesitation to prioritize time together could stem from a desire to avoid emotional investment. Prioritization requires commitment and effort, and a perpetual lack thereof could hinder the relationship's growth. Evaluating each partner's willingness to invest time and energy is vital in determining the relationship's trajectory.
Solo Problem Solving
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Addressing challenges individually might inadvertently create emotional distance. A partnership thrives when both individuals actively collaborate to overcome obstacles. When one partner opts for solo problem-solving, it could indicate a lack of trust or a desire to maintain emotional detachment. Embracing teamwork fosters a sense of togetherness and indicates a more committed and supportive relationship.
Ignoring Milestones
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Disregarding significant relationship milestones like anniversaries or special dates might hint at a reluctance to acknowledge the relationship's importance. It could indicate a preference to keep things casual and avoid the emotional weight that often accompanies milestone celebrations. Reflecting on the significance of these milestones and communicating about their relevance can shed light on the level of commitment each partner is willing to invest.
No Social Media Integration
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Social media has become a platform for showcasing relationships. A deliberate lack of acknowledgment or integration on social media might signify a desire to keep the relationship private. This could be a conscious choice to avoid public scrutiny or maintain personal boundaries. However, it's crucial to ensure that both partners are aligned in their intentions regarding privacy and public representation.
Emotional Distance
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Shying away from deep emotional conversations may indicate an attempt to maintain a surface-level connection. If discomfort arises whenever emotions are broached, it could signal a hesitancy to establish a profound emotional bond. Exploring this discomfort openly can unveil whether both partners are ready to embrace vulnerability and foster a more meaningful relationship.
Flakiness Reigns
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Consistently canceling plans or being frequently unavailable might stem from an unwillingness to fully commit. Flakiness can hinder the establishment of a reliable and consistent partnership, preventing the relationship from progressing beyond sporadic interactions. Addressing this pattern is essential to determine whether both individuals are genuinely interested in nurturing a deeper connection.
Restricted Plus-One
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Exclusion from certain events might suggest a desire to maintain a separate identity outside the relationship. This could indicate a preference to keep the partnership hidden or compartmentalized. Understanding the reasons behind these restrictions can shed light on whether both partners share the same vision for the relationship's level of integration in each other's lives.
Only Late-Night Chats
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If conversations predominantly occur in the late hours, it might point to a relationship focused on physical intimacy and convenience. Late-night chats might limit the potential for deeper emotional connection and shared experiences. Assessing whether the relationship encompasses a broader spectrum of interactions is pivotal to determining its capacity for growth.
Undefined Relationship Roles
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Unclear exclusivity can reflect a deliberate effort to keep the nature of the relationship ambiguous. This lack of definition might signal a desire to avoid the responsibilities and expectations that come with a committed partnership. Clarifying roles and expectations is crucial in gauging both partners' readiness for a more structured and meaningful connection.
No Emotional Depth
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Engaging solely in surface-level conversations may hinder the development of a deeper emotional connection. Without sharing vulnerabilities and exploring each other's inner worlds, the relationship might struggle to transcend a superficial level. Recognizing the value of emotional depth can guide partners toward meaningful conversations that nurture intimacy and understanding.
Absence of 'Love' Talks
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The absence of explicit expressions of love and affection might signal a preference for keeping emotions in check. While not everyone uses the word 'love' liberally, a complete dearth of affectionate dialogue might suggest a conscious effort to avoid the emotional weight that comes with love. Assessing whether this aligns with both partners' emotional expectations is crucial to understanding the nature of the relationship.
Shared Experiences Remain Surface-Level
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Engaging in activities without delving into meaningful conversations or shared interests could suggest a preference for keeping the relationship casual. True connections thrive when experiences foster a deeper understanding of each other's personalities and aspirations. Spending time together without exploring deeper topics might hinder the growth of emotional intimacy, indicating a situationship where partners are content with maintaining a superficial connection.
Solo Future Fantasies
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The absence of shared future plans could point to a lack of commitment to a life together. If conversations solely revolve around individual aspirations, it may suggest a reluctance to integrate those aspirations into a shared future. Evaluating whether both partners are on the same page regarding future goals is essential to determine the relationship's potential for growth.
Stagnant Growth
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Relationships require ongoing personal and mutual development to thrive. If both individuals or the relationship itself appear to be at a standstill, it could indicate resistance to deeper commitment. Stagnant growth might lead to the perpetuation of a situationship, as a lack of investment in personal and shared development can hinder the relationship's evolution.
Your tips for getting out of a situationship: invite them into your life!
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A lot of the time, situationships can happen in the background, when you've taken care of main plans and responsibilities and you have time leftover to meet up last minute and just spend time privately. One step of moving beyond this is to invite the person into the bigger plans in your life - like ask them to meet you and your friends out to dinner - so that they're considered more of a plan.
Plan actual dates instead of hook-ups
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And with the above also comes the idea that you might often just have quick hook-ups rather than anything actually relating to a relationship or proper dating. While there's nothing wrong with hook ups if that's what works for you, if you're looking for the situationship to become more serious, then you'll need to suggest actual dates rather than booty calls!
Make more time for each other
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Another thing people in a situationship are often guilty of, too, is to only make plans with each other when nothing else is going on, or as a 'last resort' after main plans. It's often the case friends, family, job commitments and everything else comes before a casual situationship. So to get past this barrier you, you can make more time for each other - like saying no to other things in order to see them.
And talk more when you're not seeing each other
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It can also often be the case that people in situationships don't message or talk during the time they're not seeing each other, and then just catch up in person when they've the time to meet up. This can lead to a lack of connection, especially on an emotional or conversational level, as check-in messages and asking about how your day is going is key for building more of a relationship.
Talk about feelings more
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With this in mind, you should also move it to the next level in terms of what you talk about, because if it's been more on the physical side up to this point where you're just having fun with no real conversations about feelings or 'where you're headed', this isn't going to progress into anything more serious if you're not talking about how you both feel.
Introduce them to your friends
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Sometimes situationships can also see two people never meeting friends, because it's a casual, background situation where the lack of a real label or relationship means you don't feel like you have to introduce them to anybody. But by introducing them to your friends or asking them to hang out with them, this can be a big move in showing them they're more important in your life.
Introduce them to your family, too!
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The same applies to family, too! Obviously this is a big step - even for people in committed relationships rather than situationships - but it can be the right thing to do as well. You don't need to do a whole 'family dinner' introduction, but it could be as simple as letting your family know who they are or referring to them by name, like 'Oh yeah, I'm just with .....' while on the phone to your mom.
Get to know more about what they want
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One key element of a relationship can be getting to know the person on a deeper level, too, in terms of their goals and dreams - not just about relationships, but about their life, too. A lot of people in situationships don't talk about this, because sometimes it feels like there's no real need to. But if you're serious about them, you should ask and take that next step of conversation.
Show your more serious feelings (love, not lust)
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You might also need to spell it out for them, or draw the line on only having a situationship based on hookups or casual intimacy. You should try to show or tell them your feelings are more in line with commitment and a serious relationship with deeper feelings, rather than only being based on physical attraction. It's the only way you're going to know if they feel the same, too.
Talk it out
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Which leads us on to this: talk about it! If you want to get out a situationship and potentially have a proper relationship with this person, then you need to tell them that. They might say no or they might not be on the same page, but at least now you know for certain. Otherwise, you can talk it out about where you're both at and whether the current situation(ship) is working for you!
Give them an ultimatum
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And then it might come down to an ultimatum. Maybe you've talked about it so many times and they keep giving promises they never deliver on, like 'yeah sure I'm happy to be a bit more serious/meet your friends etc.' but they never follow through. In this case, you might need to give them the ultimate choice of either you get more serious, or you break it off altogether.
If you need to move on instead of moving in... prepare yourself
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If it comes to the point where they don't want anything more serious and you need to move on from them, then there are many key steps you need to take with this as well. The first most important one is just preparing yourself, mentally, emotionally and even physical for this big change. Prepare yourself for letting them go and realize that things are going to change.
Don't think you did anything wrong
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A lot of breakups and ends to situationships can leave you feeling guilty, doubting yourself or lacking in self-confidence, because you might start thinking that you weren't good enough to be in a relationship with, or you did something to put them off. Not true! If they don't want the same things you do, it's just the way it is, and it definitely doesn't mean you did anything wrong.
Remind yourself you deserve better
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If you've decided that you want a real relationship, then you deserve better than a situationship: period. There's nothing wrong with situationships if they work for you, but if they don't, then you deserve the love and commitment that you want instead. Keep reminding yourself of that, and of the reason that the situationship wasn't working for you: because you deserve better.
Make more time for dates and less time for them
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If this person is still going to be in your life, then you need to make sure you're filling your time with your goal of finding a proper relationship, instead of still giving them the same amount of energy you gave before. You can still be friends, but you should make it clear you're not going to be available in the same way you were before, because you might be on dates or meeting new people.
Be clear to them about how you feel
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And the most important thing you can do - for both you and for them - is communicate properly how you feel so there's no doubt or confusion about what's happened. Make it clear to them that you want something more serious, and if you can't have it with them, then you're going to have to look for it with somebody else, because you can't do casual.
You might need to cut them out of your life altogether
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Sometimes it might be that you just can't keep them in your life, because it might be too painful knowing you wanted something more with them, or maybe the relationship was only ever based on the physical and now that's going to be removed from the equation! So you also need to take steps to move on from them in this way, if you need to tell them you won't be messaging them anymore.
Give yourself time to grieve
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And at the end of the day, it's upsetting and painful to move on from someone who was a big part of your life, even if it's the right thing to do. You're allowed to grieve over losing this person and situationship, even if you made the choice to do that. It can be worse if you had deeper feelings for this person that they didn't reciprocate, so you'll need time to heal from that, too.
Get a different perspective from someone
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It can also be really helpful to get out of your own head and get a different perspective from someone. This could be family, friends or even somebody else you know that's in a situationship themselves. It can help to talk it out or better understand that what you did was the right thing - or you could even talk to someone before you make that big decision.
Set boundaries for future relationships
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The most important thing to come out of this is the realization that situationships just aren't for you, and you need a full relationship or nothing. It's important to tell yourself this and realize what you want, so you can go into new relationships with those boundaries in place and tell new people you're dating that you're looking for something serious.