30 Signs Of A Dysfunctional Family

Lack of communication

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Dysfunctional families can exhibit a wide range of signs and behaviors, that indicate they are not functioning in a healthy and supportive way. The severity of dysfunction can vary from family-to-family. Family members that don't talk openly/honestly with each other, are often showing signs of dysfunction.

Poor/ineffective communication

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Staying on the topic of communication, when a dysfunctional family does communicate, it often leads to misunderstandings and/or conflicts. This typically means that their overall communication with one another, is completely ineffective and negative.

Emotional neglect

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Emotional neglect is another key sign of a dysfunctional family. This kind of neglect consists of family members not expressing any kind of love, support or affection to one another. Over long periods of time, this can cause the complete breakdown of a family unit.

Frequent arguments/conflicts

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Arguments are common within a dysfunctional family, and will typically be left unresolved. These arguments can vary in severity, and can be caused by a range of topics (no matter the size). Unresolved arguments just add to the increasing tension, and overall conflict within a family.

Avoidance of conflict

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Addressing conflict will typically be avoided within a dysfunctional family, and any mention of past conflict will be swept under the rug. By avoiding conflict, these families are dealing with their emotions in an unhealthy way, which can be detrimental to vulnerable members of said family.

Disproportionate anger/emotional outbursts

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Family members can react with excessive anger, and/or emotional intensity, which can be extremely upsetting and overwhelming. This disproportionate anger, paired with emotional outbursts, are key signifiers of a dysfunctional family. This kind of behavior can occur within the home, and out in public.

Blaming/scapegoating

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Blaming and scapegoating, refers to one or more family members being blamed, (consistently) for problems within the family. This is extremely damaging for the relationship between siblings, parents and other family relations, as it alienates certain members of the family 'unit'.

Favoritism

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Favoritism is yet another strong signal that a family is dysfunctional. One or more family members are favored over others, which leads to resentment between siblings etc. Favoritism can often be subtle, but will only worsen over time e.g. listening to some members more, treating them differently to others and rewarding them more.

Lack of boundaries

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Boundaries are important to establish in professional and personal settings, but this is often not the case for dysfunctional families. There will often be a lack of personal space, and general boundaries between family members, which leads to an increase in unnecessary conflicts.

Enmeshment

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Enmeshment refers to family members being overly involved in each other's lives, and a huge lack of autonomy. It is often caused by a lack in trust, and the inability to have some kind of separation from one another. It is extremely damaging, and leads to an increase in deceitful behavior.

Substance abuse

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Alcohol and/or drug abuse is often prevalent within dysfunctional families, and is passed down from parents. This kind of abuse is one of the most damaging, and affects the bond between parents and children, especially if the authorities get involved (to help improve the children's well-being).

Emotional manipulation

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Family members will typically use guilt, shame or manipulation to control each other. Emotional manipulation can be used in attempt to resolve potential conflict, and to turn family members against one another. Like many of the other behaviors on this list, this kind of manipulation is extremely damaging.

Codependency

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Codependency can be one of the more subtle signs to look out for, and can take on several forms. Codependency refers to family members, excessively relying on each other for emotional support. This can be as simple as spending a lot of their free time with each other, or constantly trying to contact one another in times of personal crisis.

Lack of empathy

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Family members won't understand or acknowledge each other's feelings, which shows a huge lack in empathy. By not even attempting to understand each other's feelings, family members will become increasingly hostile towards one another, as well as other people.

Neglect/abuse

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Physical, emotional and/or psychological abuse may be present within a dysfunctional family, and it can be difficult to pick up on the signs of certain types of abuse. The abuse may be at the hands of a specific family member, or it can be at the hands of multiple family members, against one or more relations.

Inconsistent parenting

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Parents may be unpredictable with their rules and expectations, which is a sign of inconsistent parenting. This inconsistency can have extremely negative effects on the well-being of other family members, especially young/vulnerable children. They are left with a warped sense of discipline and expectation.

Role confusion

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Family members will have unclear roles and responsibilities within the family, which leads to complete chaos (in and outside of the home). Without clear roles and responsibilities, family members are left in the dark when it comes to what may be expected of them, and what they might be capable of doing.

Lack of support

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Family members will refuse to support each other's goals and aspirations, which shows a complete lack of affection and understanding. This is extremely damaging for young children who are unsure about their career choices, or want to pursue a non-traditional career.

Isolation

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The family will consistently discourage or prevent contact with friends, and/or extended family. This lack of communication is detrimental to the healthy development of family relationships and friendships, especially for young/vulnerable family members.

Secrecy

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Family members will keep important information hidden from one another, usually relating to financial issues. This level of secrecy can have negative impacts on the entire family e.g. repossession, eviction and estrangement, and adds to the complete lack of trust between family members.

Financial instability

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Financial instability is common within dysfunctional families, especially if substance abuse is present within the home. The primary caregivers will typically struggle with financial problems, and will have very little skill/knowledge, when it comes to managing money.

Lack of trust

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As mentioned previously, there is often a complete lack of trust within dysfunctional families, due to past betrayals, secrets and certain behaviors. This lack of trust is damaging for every family member, as they are left with uncertainty about the presence of ulterior motives.

Perfectionism

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Unrealistic expectations are put on some or all family members, which creates the illusion of perfection. This level of perfectionism is so severe, that family members are taught that anything less than 'perfect', is completely unacceptable and worthy of punishment.

Low self-esteem

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Low self-esteem is common within dysfunctional families, and is something that one or more family members struggle with. They will have poor self-image and self-worth, which leads to them developing serious mental health issues e.g. eating disorders, depression and anxiety.

Lack of accountability

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Within a dysfunctional family, there is typically a lack of accountability, which means family members don't take responsibility for their actions. This lack of accountability isn't restricted to life at home, and will often affect their education and career.

Inconsistent discipline

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Linking back to inconsistent parenting, we come to inconsistent discipline, which consists of rules and regulations that aren't clear. When discipline is inconsistent, it leaves children with a sense of uncertainty, regarding their actions and general behavior.

Denial of problems

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Denial is a common behavioral trait within dysfunctional families, and leads to family members ignoring/denying the existence of problems. This consistent denial leads to arguments, conflict and tension, which are left unresolved 99% of the time. It is a tough habit to break.

Resistance to change

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Dysfunctional families are typically resistant to change, and will be reluctant to attend therapy and/or seek outside help. Any attempts to do this, will often be met with severe punishment; instilling the idea that seeking help is wrong, shameful and unacceptable.

Triangulation

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Triangulation refers to a family's involvement of a third party within their conflicts, rather than addressing them directly. It is a method of pushing blame onto a completely unrelated third party, so no one has to take proper responsibility of their actions/behavior.

Emotional distancing

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Coping with emotions within a dysfunctional family, looks very different in comparison to 'typical' families. Family members will typically withdraw emotionally from one another, in an attempt to cope with their individual emotions. This is an extremely unhealthy coping mechanism, which depends the divide within the family 'unit'.