Signs a Child Might Be Hiding Something From Us

1. Avoiding eye contact

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Lots of kids go through a shy phase- their voice gets a bit smaller, they might even try to hide behind you a bit when introduced to new people. Avoiding eye contact could just be a part of this shy behaviour, but if it's a sudden development or completely new habit, it could mean they're trying to hide something.

2. Defensive behavior

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What's the first thing you do when you start to suspect your child is hiding something? It's truly a case where the simplest course of action is the best: just ask them. Even if they don't tell you, the way they react could be telling in and of itself. If they get defensive and agitated, you know there's something up.

3. Unusual quietness

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You know that famous stock phrase, "It's quiet, too quiet"? Well this is one parents have to wheel out all the time- if you're getting some peace, you immediately know that something might be amiss! If your kid shifts from their usual chatterbox self to a monosyllabic mumbler, there might be a secret afoot.

4. Changes in their sleep

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Maybe you notice their sleeping patterns have changed- suddenly they can't fall asleep at night when normally they're out like a light and sleeping like a log straight away. Changes in these routines can hint at something being wrong that they haven't fully expressed.

5. Secretive phone or computer use

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For the tech-tastic generations growing up nowadays, this is a crucial area to consider. If they're becoming secretive about their devices- their phones, Ipads, laptops, etc.- it worth considering what it is they feel they need to hide from you. A lot of parents set up strict rules about checking through devices regularly- it may seem invasive, but it can help keep them safe.

6. Running away from certain topics

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Normally children are more than happy to witter on about any topic under the sun (and we mean that in a good way!) They're world experts on free wheeling chats- from why the sky is blue, to what the world around them means. If your curious little one suddenly wants to avoid certain topics, it could be a good idea to gently enquire why.

7. Liar liar, pants on fire

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Ok, we've all told a few fibs in our time, haven't we? An exaggeration on a resume here, a white lie to a friend there- it's a natural part of life in many ways. Kids often tell tall tales, but if it turns from fibbing to evasive mistruths, you have to wonder what they're concealing.

8. Overreacting

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Again, don't get us wrong: we know children can be the ultimate drama queens, so overreacting isn't necessarily a cause for concern! But if they react with extreme anger, fear, or defensiveness when questioned about their actions, it could mean they're feeling very anxious about something they haven't been honest about.

9. They might get physically sick

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Sometimes unexplained physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or nausea could be stress-related. Potentially, the stress of keeping something hidden could make a child feel physically unwell. It almost goes without saying, of course, that there are myriad causes of these symptoms, and it never hurts to see a doctor if your little one is feeling ill.

10. Things start going missing mysteriously

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Sometimes I feel like things are going missing from my house- but because Id don't have kids, I've had to chalk this up to me being insanely disorganised and having the memory of a goldfish. But if you've got some sprogs in the house and suspect they are squirrelling them away it could be a sign they're up to something!

11. You notice changes in their friendships

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We love kids, but is it fair to say they can be a bit fickle at times? When it comes to the playground, friends tend to come and go with the seasons. But a sudden change in who a child is hanging out with or, even more so, an unexpected secrecy around who they're palling about with could have a hidden meaning.

12. Defensive body language

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This one is a classic part of the spotters' guide for secrecy which, incidentally, applies to adults just as much as kids! You can tell a lot from the way someone's body reacts when you ask them about something you feel they might be hiding. Look out for crossing arms, shifting away, or shifty darting eyes.

13. Unexplained gifts or money

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You're likely to know exactly how much cash your kid has- especially if you're in charge of the pocket money. Ditto, most of their possessions will have been bought by you- the leading partners of the Bank of Mom and Dad. So if cash or swanky new things start showing up, that they can't explain the source of, it could be a cause for concern.

14. Unusual secrecy

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You know your kid best. Some children have a naturally mischievous energy and are prone to the odd secret, some are just introverted. But if you sense a change, veering to unusual levels of secrecy, you can start to suspect that they might be covering something up.

15. Emotional changes and mood swings

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Ah, mood swings- one of life's little trials, no mater which side of them you're on! Yes, whether you're the one navigating some big ups and downs in your feelings, or you're the person having to deal with the impact of some big emotions, they're exhausting! Sudden changes in mood can come from the stress of hiding something, or be evidence that you've accidentally hit a nerve...

16. Changes in appearance

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The best of us go through some fashion phases that might be best left in the past. (Low rise jeans, we're looking at you). But if your sporty kid is suddenly going seriously gothic with their look, with no explanation, there might be something afoot. The secret might be as simple as trying to impress a new crush at school!

17. Losing interests in hobbies

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If a child is preoccupied by secrecy, with all the stresses and strains that come from keeping something hidden, they might tend to lose interest in hobbies that they used to love. Of course, lots of activities just lose appeal with age (I, for instance, haven't roller-skated in years), but if this sign is combined with lots of others from this list, it could be a red flag.

18. Increased isolation

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Who doesn't love some alone time? Being comfortable in your own company is an important life skill, after all. But it's a muscle that we train gradually, often over many years. If a child is suddenly wanting to be alone all the time, trying to isolate themselves, it might mean they're hiding something that is weighing heavily on them.

19. Signs of substance use

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Sadly, as kids get older and grow into teenagers, there can be issues around drinking, drugs, or smoking. You'll know a teenager is trying to hide this kind of behaviour from you if you find hidden paraphernalia in their room or pockets- lighters, bottles etc.

20. Skipping school

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Skipping school, whilst not to be encouraged, isn't always a sign of something sinister. Some kids are just testing boundaries, or trying to indulge their rebellious side (for reference, see: Ferris Bueller's Day Off). But for others it might mean there's something at school they're trying to avoid, and haven't felt able to tell anyone about.

21. Guilt or shame

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Often the reason for keeping a secret isn't an ulterior motive, or anything nearly so similar, but rather feelings of shame or embarrassment. These feelings make it harder and harder to open up about whatever you're concealing. If a child seems guilty or ashamed, they might need help opening up about their 'secret'.

22. Changes in their eating habits

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Given all these complicated and difficult feelings that come with deception, a child hiding something might suddenly go off their food: you might notice a drastic loss in appetite. But there are lots of causes for changes in appetite, and keeping a secret is only one of many: if you're concerned about your child's eating patterns, it's always best to talk to your paediatrician who can point you in the right direction for support and help.

23. Evasiveness

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Sometimes you can just tell when someone is being evasive. They might seem to be answering questions, but you know there's something they're holding back, or shying away from. This is a classic sign that someone is hiding something- in both the young and the old alike.

24. Their stories aren't quite adding up

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If you're worried they're hiding something from you, it's good to start making a mental note of answers they give you. That way, if you ask them again and they tell you a completely different story, you have a bit of evidence that they've been caught in a lie. It could be a way to open up the conversation of what's really going on.

25. Fear of consequences

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If a child is hiding something because they're worried about how you'd react to it, they might start expressing a strong fear of punishment or consequences if they were to reveal something, even if they won't tell you what that might be. This is a great opportunity to offer reassurance that they can tell you anything, and you will still love them just as much- and a cuddle for good measure!

26. Sudden insistence on privacy

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When they're squirrelling something away, they might get obsessive about the idea of privacy- or even ask for measures to be taken like installing locks on bedroom doors. Becoming overly defensive when asked about their personal space or privacy is a classic sign of evasion and secrecy.

27. A sibling hints at a secret

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If there are other kids in the house, they might get wind of a secret even faster than you. If a sibling notices a brother or sister hiding something, they may come right out a tell you- or they may end up dropping hints. Who hasn't had a bro or a sis rat them out to parents, after all!

28. Gut feeling

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We've listed lots of possible signs a child might be hiding something, but one key factor in determining whether something is up will be your gut. You'll probably get a sense if they are, and you might have an instinct on whether it's something you need to be concerned about or not. After all, some things children hide away are actually harmless enough!

29. They eventually tell you about it

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Your hunch may well be proven right, if the child eventually decided to tell you all about it. This is not uncommon- often secrecy is just a method of coping whilst they deal with their own feelings, and build up to being ready to talk it all out. Sometimes a little time is all it takes.

30. If you're worried- ask for support

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Remember, if you're really concerned your child is hiding something and you feel it's a cause for concern, there are lots of ways to get support. Talking it out to a partner or other family can really help, and if you feel the need schools, doctors, and lots of different charities can be there to advise you.