Signs Of A Manipulative Daughter In Law

1. You've seen her try to control your child

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A controlling nature and manipulative ways often go hand in hand, so when spending time as a family, you might have noticed your daughter-in-law trying to control certain aspects of your son or daughter, even if it's the smallest thing, like controlling what they eat or portion sizes at family meals.

2. You've noticed very selfish behavior

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Manipulators can be very selfish, because they often manipulate to get what they want without a thought for others. If your daughter in law is displaying selfish behavior in general, it's likely she'll also try and get her spouse to do what she wants them to do to benefit herself.

3. She's tried to make you feel bad

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Manipulation tactics can also include trying to make you feel bad about things, because that means she has the upper hand. She might directly make you feel bad for things you've done, or try to get her spouse on side to make you feel guilty about things that have affected them.

4. Or even tried to gaslight you

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She might even take it one step further by completely trying to gaslight you. She not only makes you feel bad, but twists reality and tries to make you doubt yourself to the point where you feel responsible for any misunderstandings - which can make her look better in the eyes of your child who now might think you're the one in the wrong.

5. She doesn't make any extra effort with you or the family

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Manipulators are often focused on what they want - and if she doesn't want to spend time making an effort for other people, it's likely she's trying to influence your son or daughter to spend less time with you. She's not going to go out of her way to make an effort just for the extended family.

6. You get whiplash from her changing moods

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Manipulators often switch up their moods because it's another way to control a situation, or when they need to be nice to benefit themselves. So you might have noticed she can be happy, angry, sad or relaxed all within the span of ten minutes. It's likely she's changing her mood to suit how she wants to be perceived.

7. You've noticed she can be spiteful

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One of her ever-changing traits might also be spite, which is another way she'll try and control a situation and make other people feel small. She might make spiteful comments directly to you about your life, home or routine, or she might make spiteful comments to your child.

8. She likes to put people on guilt trips

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Making people feel guilty is another tool manipulators like to use, because it's all about controlling people's emotions. You might have noticed she makes comments or does things that make people feel sorry for her, or make you feel bad for certain things when you don't really have anything you should feel guilty about.

9. She tries to force your child to take sides

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And by that, we mean hers! She's going to make it clear she wants your child to choose a side in an argument or discussion, but what she really means by that is she's going to sulk if your son or daughter takes your side instead. Making them choose is just another tactic to have them always take her side.

10. She'll drag your child into any topic of conversation

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It doesn't matter what you're talking about, or whether your son and daughter are even the room, she'll bring them up in conversation to use as a bargaining chip, or to make you feel a certain way. She might bring up their name to make you feel bad, to assert control or to remind you how much influence she has over them.

11. She's said negative things about you behind your back

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You might have overheard a conversation from the next room, or had someone else in the family - or even your child - tell you what she's been saying. If she's saying negative things about you behind your back, it's likely because she wants your child to think less of you.

12. She'll likely make your child choose between the two of you

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In big situations, like family events or whose house to go to at Christmas, she'll likely make your child choose between you or her - and she'll make it clear there's only one right answer. Rather than work as a happy family unit that compromises, it'll be her way or the highway.

13. She tries to make others think you're to blame for a bad relationship

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If her manipulative or toxic behavior has driven a wedge between you and her - understandably - it's also likely she'll make it seem like it's your fault, to anyone that will listen. If anyone brings it up, she'll likely bad mouth you and act like the innocent victim, as though she's tried to have a good relationship with you.

14. And she's always bending the truth

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Manipulators will also likely always bend the truth to suit their whims, or to suit what they need people to think about them - so you might have also noticed her constantly twisting the truth to try and get her own way, or get a certain reaction out of people - whether you or her spouse.

15. You've noticed how much your child has changed

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People who are victims to manipulators are likely to change very much as people, because they're trying to satisfy the person's needs, or they've been coerced into becoming the person the manipulator wants them to be. As a parent, you know your child better than anyone - so have you noticed they've become a completely different person after getting married?

16. Even with their core values!

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Small changes might not be a big deal - as most people will change to benefit their partner in some way - but if the changes pertain to huge core values or core personality traits, it could be a sign of manipulation. This could be things like whether your son/daughter wants children or even wanted to get married in the first place - as your daughter in law could have manipulating them to wanting what she wants.

17. She shames people publicly

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One way that a manipulator can get the upper hand is in a group situation, when people might not readily say something back to her in front of others. So she might make a habit of putting people to shame, or saying embarrassing personal things, in a family meetup that makes people uncomfortable.

18. Passive-aggression is a main part of her personality

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If a manipulator is openly angry or unreasonable, then they lose their edge and risk people turning against them - so passive aggression is much more their forte because they can act like they're not really angry or deny any feelings of aggression if someone calls them out on it.

19. She is restrictive about time spent

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It's likely she's also going to be very controlling over family time spent, and with who. When it comes to her spouse, she probably sets rules up about how much time they can spend as a couple with you, and how much time with her side of the family - and chances are, she restricts time with you!

20. She seems to have a million rules about things

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Speaking of rules - one of the best ways a manipulator can keep control is by forcing a bunch of rules on your child about how they live, their household and even extending to their interactions with you. So has your son or daughter - or even daughter in law herself - brought up all these crazy rules they live by?

21. She might try to turn grandkids against you

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If there are grandkids in the equation with your daughter in law's children, she may have also tried to turn them against you by manipulating the way they think about you, too. She might say negative things to them about you when you're not there, or restrict the time spent together and then make it out as if you don't want to see them.

22. She never accepts blame or acknowledges her mistakes

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To acknowledge mistakes and apologize is to have good intentions and want to make peace with people - which a manipulative daughter in law isn't going to want to do! In her eyes, she hasn't done anything wrong - because that's what she's trying to manipulate people into believing. So why apologize?

23. She's too charming for her own good

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It may also be the opposite, in that she isn't openly aggressive or bad mannered, and is actually the life of the party and charming enough for everyone to like her. Manipulating through being a very charming and likeable person is another strategy, because people are more likely to want to keep her happy.

24. She uses her looks to her advantage

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It may even be that she uses her good looks to her advantage, too. If your daughter in law is very attractive to those around her, then she might pair this with her charms to try and win people over and get them to do what she wants. It may be the key thing she uses for her spouse to listen to her, too.

25. She cuts certain things out of social media posts

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Have you noticed that when she posts group family photos on her social media, she's cropped you out of the photo so it only shows her and her husband/wife? Have you noticed she tailors social media photos and captions to make herself sound better, or give it a certain emotional angle?

26. She decides when communication happens

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If you try to contact her or arrange a family meet up, it might be likely that she's in complete control of saying yes or no to that. You might never have any hope of family contact if she doesn't say it's okay first, because as part of her manipulation she might be controlling when any communication happens.

27. She uses gifts as a tactic

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Gifts can be one of the best ways to manipulate someone - such as when emotionally manipulative partners use love bombing - and the same might go for your daughter in law. Does she buy ridiculously expensive gifts to then make you feel bad about it later on? Or does she try and buy gifts to enforce certain behavior (like buying an instrument for her spouse because she wants them to play, when they don't actually want to?).

28. You've noticed she behaves differently in front of certain people

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Manipulators will always be changing their behavior to suit the person they're talking to, so it's no surprise if you've noticed her at gatherings and family parties flitting from person to person and acting completely different. You may have also noticed she behaves completely different with you, than with others.

29. She rejects help

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When you accept help, you feel indebted to someone, or it shows a vulnerability - both of which a manipulative daughter in law is not going to be on board with! She doesn't want to feel like she owes you anything because that puts her on the back foot, so she's going to reject any offer of help.

30. Your child likely spends holidays with her family

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It's likely if there's bad blood between you, too, she's going to manipulate your son/daughter into spending most holidays with her side of the family, instead of visiting you. You may also have it where your child visits without your daughter in law. Family holidays are key times you can notice whether you have a manipulative daughter in law or not!