12+ Things That Mothers Should Never Do

1. The Joys of Motherhood

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Nobody's saying that motherhood isn't a wonderful thing, but with the rise of social media, there is this pressure to be 'perfect' in every way.  The reality is, though, that it's hard, especially because you are basically learning on the job.  Whether you're on your first child or your fifth, no one can ever prepare you for the realities of motherhood.

2. What Nobody Tells You...

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One of the experiences you can definitely expect as a mother is that you'll no doubt come across so many things that nobody ever told you about.  From the moment you give birth, there's this societal expectation that you just naturally shift into your new role.  But no matter how much preparation and reading you do beforehand, you, like every other mother in the world, undoubtedly feel unprepared for motherhood.

3. Does it get easier?

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So it's a shock to the system right from the get-go, but that's only the start, because as they grow, the challenges you faced in the beginning only shift into new challenges, and so on and so forth.  Heck, many moms will tell you that it never stops; you never stop worrying about your children, even when they grow into fully blown adults with their own jobs, families, houses, and money!

4. Is There Even a Rulebook?

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With this overwhelming responsibility of nurturing and developing another human (or humans!) for the rest of your life, you might not know where to start.  There are, after all, millions of parenting books and guides with conflicting advice, not to mention unsolicited advice from friends, family, and even strangers!

5. Neglect yourself

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However, first and foremost, one of the most important things that you should never ever do as a mom is neglect yourself.  Yes, you have other humans who rely on you for their care and emotional support, but if you can't be kind to yourself and practice some form of self-care, then how do you expect to be able to look after anyone else?

6. Ignore Your Own Mental Health

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Providing emotional support for your children can certainly make you forget about your own mental health, and if you ignore any warning signs without seeking help, then your own emotional well-being could be headed for a downward spiral.  Some moms find it useful to practice mindfulness for not only themselves but also as a way to teach their children and model to them good ways of taking care of their mental health.

7. Fight Their Battles

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From when they are in your womb, that strong maternal instinct kicks in, and you want to protect them with all of your might.  But as they grow, fighting their battles for them, however good your intentions are, is just not going to teach them about asserting themselves, sticking up for themselves, and mental and emotional resilience.

8. Wrap Them in Bubblewrap

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That protective instinct extends to wanting to protect them from everything you see as a threat.  You might not allow them to get filthy making mud pies because you're worried about the germs in the dirt, or not allow them to climb the jungle gym in the playground.  Yes, accidents happen, but you've got to give them the freedom to explore without fear as you may actually pass this on to them.

9. Not Listen Properly

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When you regularly don't listen to your child properly, this can make them feel isolated and like they have to deal with things on their own.  But if you do listen to them, whatever they might want to say, makes them feel heard and supported.  It's also likely to make them feel like they can come to you for support and reassurance when they have problems or worries.

10. "Do as I Say, not as I Do"

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Being a good role model for your kids is important for their development.  As their parent, you're one of the first people that they will look up to, so modeling good and healthy behavior can be really beneficial.  Not relying on sayings to manage their behavior - those cliches are just not going to cut it!

11. Neglect Them

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There are lots of different ways that a child can be neglected by their parents, from physical neglect where their basic care needs are not met right through to emotional neglect where they're not supported or feel loved.  All kinds of neglect can have very negative impacts on a child's well-being and development, including on their physical and mental health as well as their education and social skills.

12. Not Prioritize Quality Time

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So you probably spend most of your time with your kids, especially when they're small, but have you ever stopped to think about the quality of that time?  Spending quality time with your kids is so important for their emotional and social wellbeing and it helps you to build and maintain your bond with them throughout their lives.

13. Only Notice the Mistakes

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When you only notice the mistakes that they make (of which, they're going to make many as they grow and learn), there is a good chance that this is going to hit their resilience and self-confidence hard.  And how you react to their inevitable mistakes (because they're human)  can really affect how you deal with them later in life.

14. Fail to Set Boundaries

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As a mom, it's important that you teach your kids about boundaries, and it's important that you do this by setting your own boundaries.  If you fail to set these, there's a chance that they go through life overstepping these, as well as not having the ability to set their own.

15. Ignore Their Boundaries

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It's super important that you model setting your own boundaries, and when they start to set their own, it's super important that you don't ignore theirs.  Showing that you respect their boundaries makes them feel heard and helps them to grow into self-confident individuals who know their limits and aren't afraid to make them known.

16. Mistake Silence for Peace

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When your kids are little, all you want is silence at times.  And when you finally get it, you might be tempted to leave them to it, so to speak.  Sometimes though, this can be a mistake.  Smaller kids are into everything and sometimes this can be destructive or even dangerous, so it's important that they're supervised.  You certainly don't want to walk in on them covered from head to toe in wall paint!

17. Expect Perfection

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Nobody's perfect. Nobody. It's an impossible feat. So it's important that you don't pile the pressure on your kids expecting them to be perfect because they'll just never ever feel good enough.  This can really impact their self-confidence and perseverance and they might lose heart and give up on things easily if they can't reach this unreachable perfection with it.

18. Minimizing Their Feelings

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Kids are so much better than adults at expressing their emotions. They just really feel them.  But if you go through your parenting journey telling them to 'not be scared' or to 'stop crying', you're essentially teaching them how to suppress their feelings which can have a massive impact on their emotional wellbeing.

19. Overindulging Them

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We get it: you want to give your kids anything they want. It's only natural to want to treat them and that's totally fine as an occasional thing.  However, if this turns into a more than regular thing, you're in the zone of overindulging them, which can impact their self-discipline and ability to actually work hard to get what they want.  This can help them to be successful in the future.

20. Avoiding Uncomfortable Moments

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There are so many times in our lives that we feel uncomfortable, including when you put yourself out there and try something new.  If you avoid moments of discomfort rather than embrace them, like encouraging your child to try something new, then it's going to impact their ability to sit with discomfort in life, perhaps restricting them.

21. Speak for Them

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So you want to advocate for your kids and you'll no doubt want to stick up for them, but you should consider whether you're actually speaking for them when they're perfectly capable of expressing themselves. If you do this, you're taking away that opportunity for them to learn to express themselves effectively because they might learn to rely on you to fight their battles.

22. Fail to Supervise Them

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Kids need supervision, you know this, but as they grow, you might be more inclined to give them more freedom. This is great, but sometimes, giving them too much freedom and not supervising them when they're older can have negative effects. You see, our frontal lobes aren't fully developed until the age of 25, and this is the part of the brain that deals with impulse control. So support, guidance, and age-appropriate supervision should be considered.

23. Force Them into Hobbies...

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As a parent, you might want to share your hobbies with your kids and for them to love doing them as much as you do. But being a pushy parent and forcing them into hobbies too soon might make them lose interest. Supporting them to choose their own hobbies and passions and encouraging curiosity in them can be the key to them sticking to things and finding things that they actually want to be involved in.

24. ...Or a Career

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Just like with hobbies, pushing them into a career can have detrimental effects too.  It's important that they choose their path with only your support and encouragement.  Piling the pressure on rather than talking to them about their interests can really stop you from discovering what they're actually interested in or passionate about.

25. Take Credit for Their Achievements

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Whether or not you've been an active participant in your child's accomplishments, it's important that you don't take the credit for them. You're proud of what they've achieved and you want them to be proud of themselves too, as well as recognize the hard work that they've done (not you) to achieve.

26. Always Saying 'Yes'

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It's important to say 'no' sometimes to your kids so they can actually learn how to sit with the discomfort of disappointment and understand that they can't actually have everything that they want. Always saying 'yes' might make them just expect and expect, leaving them to become spoiled and entitled and would therefore not be in their best interest and fail to establish boundaries.

27. Never saying 'yes'

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Saying 'yes' too much is detrimental to your child's development, but guess what - saying 'yes' too little can also have a negative impact too. Many moms fear the word 'yes', worried about using it too often and causing sheer chaos, but the reality is, that using it a little more often can have its benefits. Your kids might learn about real consequences, allowing them to internalize and develop their decision-making, and improving your relationship.  So never panic about having that YES DAY!

28. Compare

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You know what they say: "Comparison is the killer of joy".  And in motherhood, this couldn't hit harder. You see, all types of comparison, when you're a parent, are sure to bring misery. For example, if you compare your parenting journey or the tidiness of your home to other parents, then you're never going to feel like you're doing a good job.  The same goes for you comparing your kids to other kids, it's just not going to boost their confidence at all.

29. Scroll Through Instagram

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Instagram can be a great source of inspiration, but if you get too sucked in, you're going to be hit with unrealistic expectations from these yummy 'mum-fluencers' that post a highlight real of their life and their faux uber-productivity.  It's hard to remember that it's not the full picture and comparing yourself to them can make you feel inadequate.

30. Give Yourself a Break!

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It's also important that you understand as a mother that you are allowed to find it hard and make mistakes. You've got to have some compassion with yourself, take some time out for self-care, and be sure to not let the guilt and worry take over.  Motherhood is hard - give yourself a break!