30 Signs of a Jealous Grandparent

Showering the children with gifts

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It can be nice for grandparents to buy gifts and look after the children, but there comes a point where it can become unhealthy. Constantly buying gifts is a sign the grandparent is trying to win the child over. This is a big sign of a jealous grandparent, and one to look out for.

They show up uninvited

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Your grandparents have a right to see the children, but when they continuously show up uninvited, this is when it becomes unhealthy. You have a life too with your children, and this should be respected. Try scheduling time to see them to avoid the surprise of them showing up.

They can be emotionally abusive

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If you didn’t know, emotional abuse is when a grandparent uses your emotions against you to make you feel like you are in the wrong. They may say things to play on your heartstrings and get their own way. Of course, this naturally shows that they have a jealous streak.

They don’t see their own parenting flaws

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Following on from the last point, they may call out your parenting but also not be able to see flaws in themselves. Everyone is different, and there is no perfect parent. Non-jealous parents can see this and be able to learn from the ways that they did it wrong.

Being angry at the other grandparents

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The grandparents may become angry with the other set of grandparents, and this is a clear sign of jealousy. If this happens, be clear that all grandparents will be in your child's life, and don't let them win. Your grandparents are just trying their best, and this can look different for everyone.

The victim card can be used a lot

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When you begin to establish clear boundaries, the grandparent who is jealous can become a victim. They may say things like “we are the only mother and father you have” but you must be strong and ignore this. Whatever you choose to do will be in the best interest for your child.

Expecting holiday events to be with them

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If the grandparent is not aware of the life you live and the other people in it, they may expect the holidays to be spent with them. This cannot always be the case, and some years you may choose to spend them with other people. You have the right to do this and should not feel bad.

Manipulation can be an issue

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A jealous grandparent may try to manipulate you to get their own way. This is so unhealthy and can be hard for you as a parent to go through. They do this to gain power and get their own way. Stay strong through it all and always do what you want to do.

Using their parenting techniques on the children

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Everyone has different parenting techniques, and what you choose to do is going to be different from what your parents did. A good grandparent should respect this and not use their own parenting styles. If they begin to use their own styles, this can be unhealthy and you have every right to be mad.

Your grandparents become verbally abusive

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The grandparent may start to become verbally abusive to you as the parent, judging you for your actions and choices. This can be them putting your parenting down or slating you for not letting them see them enough. Stand firm with this and do not let it affect you.

They see being a grandparent as a competition

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It's nice for a grandparent to care and want to do the best for your child, but it comes to the point that this is not healthy. They should not want to fight to be the best grandparents. To be healthy, they should be able to accept that the child has different people in their life.

They expect a lot of time with the children

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It's also nice for your children to spend time with their grandparents, but this should be a healthy amount. If the grandparents expect a strict schedule, then this can become very unhealthy. It's important to have barriers for this and look at the right amount of time.

They get jealous of other people who have close relationships

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Your child will hopefully have a lot of people in their life who love them and want to spend time with them. Some grandparents can become jealous of this, and this can affect their relationship with them. They may become angry at the relationships they have.

The grandparent has a lot of critical things to say to the child

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As a way for the grandparent to gain a sense of control, they may decide to say bad things to the child about other people. This is a technique to make the child dislike other people and like them more. This is not healthy at all and can be very toxic for them.

They create a family divide issue

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When the grandparent decides to say bad things to the child, this can cause a divide between family members. The child may tell the person they love about the things they have said, which will cause friction. It's not healthy and can be very damaging.

You try to cut down the contact with them

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If you are finding it hard to have the grandparents in your life, this is a sign they have been too jealous and caused an issue. You may be cutting contact to make it better and have more space. Some grandparents will realize the mistakes they have made, or some may get angry.

They don’t believe in your parenting

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You may have a really good parenting technique that you use and think works perfectly for your child. Although some grandparents do not help with this and can be against your parenting technique, If this is the case, then they can show jealous traits and not support it.

Judgment is a big issue

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Following on from the last point, if they do not respect your parenting, they can become very judgmental of you. This judgment is a jealous thing that is not good for the child at all. You should be able to do your own parenting technique yourself and not face this.

They have a favorite grandchild

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Grandparents should be able to love all of their children equally, but if they are jealous, then they will pick a favorite. If they pick a favorite, then they do this to be able to put their jealousy on one person. This is a big sign of jealousy and is not healthy.

The grandparent doesn’t actually care about the child

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Even though the grandparent may shower the child with gifts and have a favorite one, they probably aren't interested in the child at all. When the jealousy becomes too much, they may not even care about the child. All they want is to be seen as the best.

There’s no boundaries

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Boundaries are important to have with grandparents because they make the relationship you have with them healthy. If you don't have these boundaries, it can become very unhealthy and not good for the child at all. Try to keep boundaries, especially with a jealous grandparent.

You feel better when they leave

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It's great to spend time with the grandparents you have in your child's life, but when it becomes better when they leave, it could be a sign they are jealous. You might try to limit the time with your grandparents to make it better for yourself, which is not healthy.

You have to speak about setting boundaries with the grandparent

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If you have to get to the point that you're setting boundaries with the grandparents in your life, then it has gotten too far with them. This is not something you should have to do, and it is a big sign that they are jealous grandparents. It's not good to have to do it.

Your grandparents are selfish

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If the grandparent only cares about themselves and what they want, they may be really unhealthy. They could be selfish in terms of letting other people see the child or only see the child when it is on their own terms. It's important to see this and be aware.

They have two personalities

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The grandparent may come across as a really nice person at times, and you might feel bad for ever thinking they are a bad person. Although, on other occasions, they might be really selfish and not nice to be around. This is all to do with the jealousy that they harbor.

Mistakes are something they believe they don’t make

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Everyone makes mistakes, especially in parenting, because nobody is an expert at doing everything the right way. If the grandparent does not see this, this could be their pride getting in the way. If they are jealous of the parent, then they will probably act like they never made one.

The whole family can see the grandparents are jealous

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It's easy to spot when a grandparent is jealous, and over time, more and more people will notice it. This is a big sign that jealousy is getting out of control and affecting more than just your life as a parent. It's important to speak to them if it gets this far.

They try to turn people against you as a parent

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If you do put boundaries in place, this can make a jealous grandparent even worse. If this does happen, they might make it their mission to turn the rest of the family against you. It's important in this situation to stand for your truth and make sure that people know it.

When the child gets older, they aren’t as interested

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Babies are cute and are great to be around, and some grandparents may love this stage. But if your grandparent is toxic, then they may only like the child when it is younger. In these years this is when you will see that jealous trait come to life through trying to see the child all the time.

They talk awfully about the other grandparents

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If your child is lucky enough to have multiple grandparents in their life, then this is great for them to have a bond with many people. A jealous grandparent won't see it like this, though and could say bad things about the other parent. It's important to spot this as jealousy and ignore it.