30 Things That Are Never The Same After Getting Divorced

By Lauren Mccluskey 8 months ago

1. Divorce: A Life-Altering Event

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When you get divorced, no matter how long you've been with your ex-spouse, it's a totally life-altering event.  Along the way, you've got to deal with the split, and division of belongings and property, as well as working out what to do with the kids and pets!  It can be a stressful and emotional time and there are certain aspects of life that just are never the same again.

2. You're not the same...

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First of all, going through a divorce not only alters your whole life but the emotional strain and grief, as well as your newfound independence, changes you as a person too.  Sometime after the divorce and separation, you might look at yourself and not even recognize the person that you were when you were married.

3. ...Neither is the way you deal with your grief

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There is a real grieving process for a period after a divorce, as you come to terms with the loss of your relationship and life before.  But perhaps it's taught you a lot about how you actually deal with the grief.  You know that you've got through it now, and perhaps you've got a whole toolkit of healthy coping mechanisms.

4. You don't even see yourself in the same way

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You probably don't even recognize the person in the mirror.  Your whole life has gone through this enormous change and upheaval, so it's only natural that you change too.  Your identity no longer has your ex-spouse in it (in a romantic way at least), so you feel different as you begin to find yourself as an individual again.

5. There's guilt in relief

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Getting divorced is such an emotional journey, and it looks different for everyone.  Some might be angry, sad, pleased, relieved... There might also be a huge mixture of emotions that come and go.  But when these positive emotions arise, which are usually welcomed, they're tinged with a shade of guilt that slowly fades away as time passes.

6. Your physical health might change...

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Studies have found that getting divorced can have a negative impact on your health, and these health issues can be lasting.  There's no surprise that it is a stressful time, and stress is linked to a higher risk of developing cardiovascular disease.  This risk is higher in divorcees than in married people of the same age.

7. ...Your mental health might shift

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Along with those physical health issues that have been found to be caused by divorce, your mental health might also take a hit.  The stress of divorce, including the emotional strain and getting your head around all of the legal stuff can really take its toll on your well-being and mental health.  This might be temporary as this experience might even make you even more resilient.

8. It might even lead to a better relationship with your ex

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You've definitely divorced for a reason, and that reason probably put a strain on your relationship.  This might've caused arguments and conflicts at the time, but now you're apart, it might only be a good thing.  If it was an amicable divorce, you might even have a better relationship with them than you did when you were romantically involved.

9. Moving on isn't as simple as it first sounded

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If you've built a life together, it might be quite difficult to just move on from the divorce.  This is especially true if you've had kids and whatnot.  If this is the case, you're probably thinking about how you can work together in a civil and unstrained way whilst you work out how to divide your property and how to parent your kids.

10. Your social circles change

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Your friendship groups and social circles might never be the same again.  Shared friends might disappear, especially if they were originally your ex's pals.  But it's not all loss because as you lose those shared friends, you're no doubt going to make more and begin to build up new social circles independently.

11. You might even have more time for yourself

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When you're in a relationship, there is always someone else to consider when you're making plans for yourself.  And being married and cohabiting means that they're probably going to be in the house or the room when you are.  This means that you probably don't get as much time to yourself as you want.  Afterward, though, you see that this changes, especially if you have kids, and you might even have more of your own time than ever.

12. Parenthood changes significantly

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Your parenting experiences will also no doubt be unrecognisable after a divorce, as you navigate sharing the parental responsibility between you.  You might decide that you wish to co-parent, share the week, or even try your hand at 'birdnesting'.  Whatever you choose though is going to be a huge adjustment for your family.

13. You both become better parents

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Divorce is hard on the kids, that's a fact. So knowing this might mean that you're both more doting parents, gaining greater intuition and awareness of their mental health and well-being.  You might even research ways to help them to cope and adjust to the divorce.

14. You might see a change in your kids

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Just as you feel a change in you, and see a change in your ex, if you've got kids, you'll probably see a change in them too as they learn to cope with the separation. They might have a new lifestyle and be split between homes depending on your choices, so they've got a lot of adjusting to do.  You might see that their resilience grows too.

15. You're more exhausted, though

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Dealing with the new lifestyle, parenting strategies, and the aftermath of the divorce, might make you feel incredibly exhausted to begin with. Changing up your whole routine is never easy, and it's made even bigger when you're whole life that you've built with your ex has changed too.

16. Material things don't matter

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With the division of possessions, you might find that you are less attached to material things than you once thought. They might even hold too many painful memories that you do not want to be reminded of so you leave them behind or get rid of them in some way.

17. People are what matter

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When you realize that you couldn't care less about many of your material possessions, you come to realize who your friends are and who is most likely to support you during this difficult time.  This might mean your social circles change, but it also means that you gain stronger relationships as a result.

18. You learn to forgive...

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If your divorce was hostile and filled with anger and frustration, it might be difficult at the start to see that eventually, you'll probably be able to forgive (obviously depending on the situation). Being away from the relationship might help you to see more clearly and have a better perspective of what happened.

19. ...But you'll never forget

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Even though you forgive, though, there are certain things that you will never forget.  For example, visiting the bar you met at, or the beach you took your kids on their first holiday to. These kinds of places will be filled with memories, both good and bad, that will always remind you of the relationship and separation.

20 Mealtimes are quiet

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When you first divorce, you might notice that your mealtimes are particularly quiet, especially if you were the type of couple to always eat dinner together. With no conversation, you might spend mealtimes feeling quite lonely at first, or you might find some relief in the silence.

21. Dating will never be the same again

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When you're ready to date, you might find that it's not the same as it was before your marriage.  You might be less forthcoming, slower to make the first move, or even uncomfortable and filled with memories of the past.  Perhaps taking it slowly is a good thing though.

22. You're a lot more cautious

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When entering new relationships, you might be way more cautious than you were before. You might be conscious of the patterns that lead to the end of your marriage and hopeful that you won't make the same mistakes again. If you have kids, you might be cautious of moving too fast for their sake too.

23. Your self-confidence is different

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Depending on how your mental health has changed and your experiences of divorce, you might find that your sense of self-confidence completely changed. You might have more confidence in yourself with your newfound independence. However, there is a chance that the divorce has hit your self-confidence hard.

24. Hobbies & interests are yours

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When you were married, you might have lost a few of your hobbies and interests as you made more time for shared ones. However, now, you can embrace them and rediscover them because they are yours, and yours only. This might feel empowering as you take some of your identity back.

25. Your living space too

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Your divorce might have ended with you staying in the family home, or you might have moved to a new place. Either way though, you're home feels different because of everything that's changed. Even if you are in the same physical place, the feelings and memories there make it feel like an unfamiliar place. At least to start with.

26. You're a lot better at collaboration

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When you're divorced and need to work together for the kids, you might find that you're a lot better at this kind of collaboration than you were before. And this is probably because you just have to be. The way you've chosen to share those parental responsibilities wouldn't work otherwise.

27. Independence suits you

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As you move forward, you navigate your independence away from your old marriage.  And perhaps that independence suits you and you thrive with it. It allows you to make your own decisions, manage your own time, and even rediscover old passions and your identity.

28. Your ability to adapt

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You might see a shift in your ability to adapt to new situations because of your experience with divorce. It might make you more resilient and able to bring this into other aspects of your life, such as your parenting and how you pass these skills on to your children, as well as into your professional life.

29. Your control

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Divorce is a tough and bumpy ride, and when you're going through it, you learn to accept that you just cannot control everything. It can be hard to accept this if you're used to meticulously planning your life, but you can find comfort in the fact that there are some small things you can control to help you cope.

30. Your whole life changes

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So there you have it, going through a divorce is filled with challenges, battles, and emotional turmoil, not to mention the legal processes that you have to learn about and get your head around.  It can be filled with uncertainty and financial strain and things are never the same again.  But you can use this to your advantage.

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