12 Signs Of A Toxic Love Disorder

1. What does a toxic love disorder mean?

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There are many ways toxicity can seep into relationships, whether platonic or romantic, but in love it's more dangerous when you have a very unhealthy relationship. A toxic love disorder is anything that isn't healthy boundaries, happiness and being able to be your own person while sharing your life with your partner.

2. Knowing the signs: it's obsession rather than love

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Knowing what's toxic and what isn't means understanding the line between love and obsession. If there's anything movies like Fatal Attraction have taught us, it's that obsession can be very dangerous, and very different to love! Obsession isn't healthy and it consumes you.

3. You can't think of anything/anyone else

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When you're in love with someone, or first falling in love, of course you're going to be able to think of little else. They're always going to be on your mind. But there's a point where this moves from being in love to obsessive thoughts and hyper-fixation. If you can't do anything else, or think of anything else, all day long.

4. You need updates on what they're doing, every second of the day

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It's okay to check in with your partner throughout the day, and especially if you just want to know they got some place safe - but there's a limit. If you're constantly barraging them with texts, needing them to call you, to send you photos of where they are and what they're doing... it's toxic.

5. The jealousy is real

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It's also no surprise that you're going to have huge amount of jealousy, too. Jealousy is often an ingredient of a lot of toxic love disorders and relationships. You love this person so much that anyone they talk to who isn't you is a cause for jealousy, and then you accuse them of flirting or even cheating.

6. You're always comparing yourself to others in their life

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With jealousy also comes the likelihood of comparing yourself to the other people they're interacting with. If you're jealous over them talking to a co-worker, you might then think about what they have to offer that you don't, or how your looks compare. You then think they're 'better' so that's why they're getting the attention.

7. And constantly putting yourself down/worrying you're not good enough!

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When you compare yourself to other people in your partner's life all the time, your self-esteem is going to be on the floor because you're going to think of ways to put yourself down to justify why you should do better for your partner, or worrying that you're not good enough for them.

8. You're a partner-pleaser to the max

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You don't have to be a people pleaser in general, but you certainly are when it comes to your partner. You will do absolutely anything to make them happy, to the point where you'd sacrifice anything you want in order to give them what they need, and you won't speak up even on the smallest of things, like saying no to the food they want to order even though you really don't want it!

9. You're always afraid you're going to lose them

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You're so in love with them to the point of an unhealthy amount that you just can't bear the thought of losing them - so you worry about this, each and every day. Even if they've given no indication they're going to leave you, you just think they are, and get anxiety from it.

10. They've never given you a reason to doubt - but you don't trust them anyway

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Because you're obsessing and worrying so much over everything they do, you likely don't even trust them anymore - even if they've been the most faithful partner up until now. If they don't text you back immediately, you jump to the worst conclusion and think they're up to no good, with someone 'better' than you.

11. You've convinced yourself they're cheating

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... Which then leads you on to fully convincing yourself that they're cheating, and that must be the reason they haven't called you back, or can't make plans at the weekend. Rather than ask them about it, your mind jumps to the fact they must be cheating because you aren't good enough for them.

12. You're a control freak with them

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Because you're so worried and insecure, you're scrambling for a way to regain control of the situation - which usually means trying to control your partner. You'll likely try to control what they do, who they see and how much time they spend with you. You probably also ask them a ton of questions about where they've been or what they're planning to do with their day.

13. You have negative and intrusive thoughts about them

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It's no surprise when you're worrying so much and thinking they're cheating that intrusive thoughts are going to be the norm, and these will likely pop up a million times a day. It's not a good sign if 99% of the thoughts you have about them are intrusive ones about them doing something bad or not wanting to be with you.

14. And this usually results in anxiety or doubt

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These negative and intrusive thoughts are then likely accompanied by severe bouts of anxiety and doubt, as you convince yourself that they could be true, or you just start to panic about what would happen if they were true. This can then spiral into more and more intrusive thoughts.

15. You make sure never to argue with them

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Every couple argues - it's a healthy thing to do, provided you both love and respect each other enough to work through it. But if they've done something wrong worthy of arguing about, you will never even bring it up because that means falling out with them (which could push them away).

16. You're constantly walking on eggshells

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For this reason, you're likely always walking on eggshells, too, because you don't want to do a single thing wrong that might upset them, annoy them or start an argument with them. For every situation or conversation throughout the day, you'll be very, very careful to only say or do things that won't offend them.

17. You'll lie or twist your own viewpoint just to keep them happy

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You won't willingly talk about any controversial topics that could turn into an argument, or you might even refuse to have healthy debates about things like life or politics. If you have a different viewpoint to them, you'll pretend you agree just so you can keep them sweet!

18. You're very clingy

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People in love are bound to be a little sad about being apart for any period of time, even if they're happy with some alone time. But clinginess is more unhealthy, where you don't want to be away from them for even a second - and even start to get difficult withdrawal symptoms when they're off doing something else.

19. You likely have an anxiety disorder in general

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It can be a common thing to also suffer from anxiety in general, either as a result of a toxic love relationship, or because it was something you always had and has now been exacerbated by the relationship. If you do suffer from anxiety in general, this can make your reactions to things your partner says or does even worse.

20. You won't hesitate to cancel or change plans to be with them

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If you've already made plans with someone else, a friend or a family member or something you got roped into for work, you will cancel those plans at the drop of a hat if your partner asks you to, or if your partner suddenly becomes available when you originally thought they weren't.

21. Or even just to open up your calendar JUST IN CASE

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You might even go so far as to completely cancel plans, or refuse to make any other plans at all, just on the very small off chance that your partner might become free that day. If there's even 1% chance you could then see them, you're going to take it. This means it's unlikely in general you ever make any other plans, just in case.

22. You've sacrificed your own relationships or opportunities to be with them

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Because of how obsessively you feel over this person, they are always top priority, no matter what. Maybe you sacrificed friendships in the past because they didn't approve of your partner, or were taking up too much time that could be spent with your love instead. You may have even turned down big things like promotions because it would mean more time spent away from them.

23. You're likely codependent

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You're incapable of setting any healthy boundaries with your partner, and maybe even them in return, which means it's possible you have a codependent relationship. This is when you can never say no to anything they want or say, and they don't fully understand how to respect any boundaries in return.

24. You have no life outside of them

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It goes without saying that you likely don't have any hobbies, friends or life outside of them, seeing as you're willing to sacrifice it all with a click of the fingers if they become available. And because you're clingy and constantly worrying about what they're doing, you likely can't relax to pursue any hobbies or interests when you're not with them.

25. This relationship is EVERYTHING

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When you love someone, of course your relationship is going to be one of the most important things in your life - but it shouldn't be absolutely everything. You should still be your own person. But you may have got to the point where your partner is all you live and breathe for, and you can't even wrap your head around what your life was like before them.

26. You feel the need to spy or snoop on them

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You may have also got to the point where checking their phone and emails is fair game, because you need to know what they've been up to, and who they've been speaking to. You might even go so far as to follow them at a distance, or visit the place they said they were heading, just to check that they were telling the truth.

27. You make threats to hurt yourself

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In a bid to have them spend more time with you, or even if they've mentioned about leaving the relationship, you might have been threats to them to make them worry. You might have told them you can't function without them, that you'd neglect yourself, hurt yourself, or even hurt other people, if they follow through with what they're saying.

28. You're not above begging or pleading

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You need your partner to love you, stay with you and reassure you, at all times. To make this happen, you're not above getting on your knees and begging them to stay with you, or pleading for them to show you some love and affection. Self-respect goes completely out of the window.

29. You don't think you'd be able to lead a normal life without your partner

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Your relationship and your partner has completely consumed you, and if you've also severed any ties you had to other people, like friends and family, this can also mean you'd be left alone if they did leave you. This can make you think how unlikely it would be for you to even be able to function or lead a normal life without them.

30. You can't make any decisions without your partner

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Even if it's deciding between two different sauces on the grocery store shelf, it's come to the point where you're incapable of making any decision without your partner. You need them to make the decision then you know 100% they'll be happy. You feel completely incapacitated in being able to make any decision without them.