Signs You’re From A Toxic Family

1. They always put you down

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They never have anything positive to say about you.  In fact, you might always feel like they are not proud of you when you feel like they're supposed to be; spending their days criticizing you, or even insulting you.  This would make anyone feel incredibly insecure.

2. They gossip about you

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And the put-downs aren't just to your face.  Toxic family members may also gossip about you to others behind your back because they don't have the guts to say certain things to your face.  You may find out that they have been gossiping about you in a negative, untruthful, and harmful way, usually to humiliate and embarrass you.

3. You never feel like you're enough

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The constant put-downs and criticism will eventually and inevitably wear you down, and this might seep into other areas of your life.  You may not feel like you are enough for your toxic family members, but it is also true that you could start to have these same feelings in your work life; never feeling like you are doing a good enough job, and you might not feel like you're a good enough friend.

4. You're a real people pleaser

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So, because you don't feel like you're enough for your friends, and for work, you resort to trying too hard and going above and beyond to please those around you.  Whether that's taking on extra tasks outside of your responsibilities, or being there 24/7 for all of your friends.

5. You wear yourself out looking after others

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And with this endless people-pleasing, you're going to definitely run out of time for yourself.  You begin to feel absolutely exhausted because you have neglected yourself, sacrificing your own well-being and health for others.  How can you help anyone else when you are feeling so worn out?  The truth is: You can't!

6. You feel drained after spending time with them

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For lots of people, family gatherings, of course, are part of life.  You get together mostly for special occasions to celebrate and be merry.  But this all feels like a total facade because, in truth, you feel like they're absolutely draining the life out of you.

7. They're controlling

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So, sometimes toxic family members can leave you feeling completely neglected.  However, it is also true that toxic family members can be unbearably overbearing and try to control your entire life, so much so that you feel like you can't do anything without checking with them first!

8. You always feel worse after spending time with them

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They don't make you feel good.  In any

way!  You leave their place feeling emotionally drained, absolutely exhausted, and immensely insecure.  They have spent the whole time you have been together that day putting you down and that confidence you may have developed away from them gets completely crushed, making you feel worse after visiting them.

9. You avoid them

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So, naturally, you avoid them.  You want to put as much distance between yourself and your toxic family members as possible, and the more time you put between each get-together, the better!  This gives you chance to regain some energy and some confidence.  Until the next time.

10. You may develop anticipatory anxiety

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And we say "until the next time" because there is that huge possibility that you will have to see them again.  This becomes a chore and you might find yourself having to build yourself up to seeing them again.  So much so, that you may develop anticipatory anxiety, leaving you feeling wound-up, restless, and on edge.

11. You want to be alone

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All of these feelings may leave you wanting to avoid all human contact.  You're on edge about seeing toxic family members so you avoid them, you bite off more than you can chew at work, so you call in sick, and then cancel plans with friends because you are too exhausted to even contemplate leaving your house.

12. You have trouble making friends

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And with this avoidance of all human contact, you might miss well-needed opportunities to make friends.  Friends that you desperately need.  You might not know what it is like to have a good relationship with another person and your past experiences impact your trust in others.

13. You have intimacy issues

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You might even feel like you have lost the ability (if you ever had the ability in the first place!) to make meaningful and intimate connections with other people.  You may think that other people could treat you the way your toxic family members treated you so you shut down.

14. They're highly critical of you

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Nobody knows you as well as your family thinks they do, and this might be how you feel too.  They have known you throughout your life and therefore have lots to draw upon from your past.  They may make harsh comments about everything from your appearance to your relationship status, and even your choices.

15. You can't make mistakes

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So with this criticism, and your need to please everyone, you might feel like you can't make mistakes in any part of your life.  It is a well-known fact that making mistakes is a natural, and highly important, aspect of our lives.  We learn from them!  But you might feel like mistakes are wrong and so beat yourself up if you make one, however small!

16. They never congratulate you

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They might not celebrate your successes either!  Yep - if you ever made something you were proud of, you won a trophy, bagged an amazing job, or achieved anything.  They wouldn't turn up to your game, or your play, or graduation.  They would never congratulate you, or even acknowledge your success.

17. They always put themselves before you

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So you might feel neglected.  Your well-being, your health, your confidence, and even how secure you felt might not have had a look-in.  They always put their own interests before any of yours, and it showed.  The way they may have talked about their own success and how they fed themselves before even thinking about feeding you.

18. You always felt inferior

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So you might've never felt particularly special.  Being constantly criticized and talked about would never make anyone feel like they're important.  You might've felt like you have always been at the bottom of the pile when it came to your basic needs being met.

19. You've felt unloved

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With basic needs not being met and feeling like nobody ever telling you how proud they've been of you, you have been left feeling unloved by those who are meant to love you the most.  But it doesn't mean you're unlovable and doomed to the same fate.  Friends have the ability to love you too, you just have to let them.

20. You feel like you can't use your voice

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Feeling beaten down, you might feel like this toxicity has completely robbed you of your own voice.  Controlling behaviors and constant criticism can make you feel like giving up trying to be heard, so you retreat.  You may feel like you can't voice your own opinions or even express your emotional and physical needs.

21. They gaslight you

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You may find yourself questioning your own take on events, even your own memory.  This is exactly what they want you to do.  Toxic family members may take on this form of emotional abuse to even have you questioning whether you have lost your sanity!

22. They can be unpredictable

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One thing that can leave you feeling incredibly insecure would be not knowing how those around you are going to behave next.  This can be anything, from never having a routine, to not knowing how they might react to what you might confide in them or if you have made a mistake you want to admit to or need help with.

23. Their moods are difficult to gauge

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And with this unpredictability, comes their moods.  You never really know how people are truly feeling at the best of times, but with toxic family members, you might find yourself walking on eggshells around them, just in case you hit their switch and they react horribly out of the blue.

24. They make threats

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As a consequence of possible mistakes you've owned up to, or even when they've asked you to do something for them, they might make threats that might seem un-called-for.  These threats are, most of the time, just that though, and they don't usually follow through with them.  But they are so unpredictable so you never know!

25. Punishments are unduly harsh

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You might feel a sense of fear when thinking about owning up to a mistake.  And the reason for this could be that you have experienced some unduly harsh punishments in your life.  Punishments that did not fit the crime one bit.  It could've been the tiniest misdemeanor but you found yourself paying for it for a long time.

26. You feel insecure

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So you feel insecure.  You never ever know where you stand, how they might react, or what they'll do next.  What's worse, their criticism makes you feel completely insecure about yourself.  This affects your confidence and your ability to put yourself forward for things you might have once known you were good at.

27. They accuse you of things you didn't do

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And they will make you prove that you are innocent.  They may make false accusations about you, spreading the misfired information to the people around you, making you feel like you have to justify your actions, explain the situation or defend yourself.

28. They don't mind upsetting you

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You may have felt incredibly upset about the things toxic family members may have said to your face or behind your back.  But they don't seem to care in the slightest.  They might not show any remorse for their actions, even when you are visibly upset.  And your tears don't stop them, but may even spur them on.

29. They don't respect your boundaries

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You may have always felt that family members weren't there for you when you needed them the most, but at times, toxic family members have the potential to be completely overbearing and controlling, and you feel you can't tell them that you need space.  You might not even feel like you have the freedom to make your own decisions.  Or even have your own opinions!

30. You find it hard to seek support

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With all of these points to deal with, you might feel like you are isolated in the world and out there on your own.  But this is just not true.  There may be people all around you, whether they are close friends or mere acquaintances, who will be the support you need.  It may be hard but you just have to let them in.

31. They've physically hurt you

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If your family have ever physically hurt you (whether in the past or the present) then this is a sure sign that they are toxic. In this case, it is best that you seek out help and distance yourself from the situation so that you are out of harms way.

32. Or told you they would...

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Even if your family have never actually laid a finger on you...threats of physical violence are completely unacceptable and a huge red flag of a toxic family. Physical violence can never be used as a way for your family or anybody to get you to do what they want.

33. They have completely unrealistic expectations of you

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Expectations in a family are fine...unless these expectation are totally unrealistic and unachievable, in which case your family are setting you up for failure. This can not only damage your own self esteem but it also make you feel like you are not good enough in the eyes of your family.

34. There's no one you can rely on

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Family should be there to rely on, they should be your emotional support and the people you can turn to whether this is when you need a shoulder to cry on, a favour to ask or just to share your general life experiences with. But, in a situation with a toxic family you may feel as though there is absolutely nobody you can rely on!

35. You have no stability

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In a family there should be some kind of stability. Especially when you were groin up as a child. Family are the people who should make you feel stable and secure. Without this, life can feel highly unpredictable which is often the case when you are a part of a toxic family.

36. As a child you had to depend on yourself

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Did you have to rely and depend on yourself as a child? Were you not sure whether somebody would be making your tea, or washing your clothes, or collecting you from school? Children should be looked after by a caring adult figure however in a toxic family you may have felt as though you had to essentially raise yourself.

37. Your health wasn't/isn't priority

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Usually, in a healthy family environment we value the health of all our family members. This is particularly important when you are a child, and unable to express or communicate when something is wrong. This is the job of your carer or family to know when you need help. But perhaps you never experienced this and your health was neglected.

38. You are continually belittled

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Nobody likes to be belittled. It can damage your self esteem and self worth and make you question whether you are good enough which can take a toll on your life and your mental health. In fact if your family are belittling you it may be because you are a a part of a toxic family.

39. Your family have substance abuse issues

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Substance abuse issues can result in unpredictable behaviours, including abusive tendencies. If this is the case in your family, you are a part of a toxic family and it is important that you look after your own well being before trying to help others.

40. You have been abused by them

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Abuse can take place in a variety of forms, it could be physical or mentally. In either case - this is toxic! Whether this has happened in the past or whether it is happening now, it is important to be aware that this is a toxic situation which you need to remove yourself from.

41. They do not respect your boundaries

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Boundaries are super important in any relationship, and it's important to make sure you set your own boundaries to be respected in order to protect your mental happiness. You may feel as though your family completely disregard and step all over your boundaries, despite the fact that they know these are important to you.

42. You fight all the time

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Arguing and disagreements occasionally is of course natural. Nobody can get along all of the time, disagreements will crop up. But fighting and arguing all of the time is a sign that something is not right and you are probably in a toxic situation which may be taking its toll on your happiness.

43. They do not respect your beliefs

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Everybody has different beliefs and it is super important that no matter what beliefs you personally have, you are respectful of other people's differing opinions. Your family should be the people that support this the most. However, you may find that they completely disrespect them and may even belittle them.

44. You feel bullied

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Family dynamics are different in every situation. But, if you are feeling bullied in your own family this is a huge sign that things are toxic! They may laugh at you, criticise you constantly, put you down and do things to purposefully bully you - even if you try and tell them to stop!

45. You feel nervous around them

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The people in the world that you should feel the most comfortable around generally are our family and friends. However, in a toxic family you ay actually find that you feel nervous. Nervous to see them, nervous to be around them for fear of what they will say or do.

46. And you feel like you have to alter your behaviour

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Do you feel like you have to create a persona that's totally not you, just to please your family? You might feel as though you are a disappointment to your family and have to act in a different way for them to accept them. But this should not be the case. Embrace yourself in your truest form.

47. They never appreciate you

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You feel as though no matter how much you do for your family, they never appreciate it. They completely take you for granted and treat you as though you make no effort or sacrificed for them. You might feel as though no matter what you do...you'll never be appreciated.

48. They sabotage your plans

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You've made important work plans or scheduled a meeting which is really important to you. Or, you've had a big day planned that you've been looking forward to for a long time. And...again, your family sabotage it so that you are not able to go. Yes, things crop up now and again that may ruin plans. But, this shouldn't be a frequent thing!

49. You feel like they want you to fail

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In a healthy situation we should want our family to succeed. But perhaps you feel as though your family are literally waiting for you to fail. Maybe they're unhappy when you do well and you feel like they'd rather bad things happened to you and you were actually unhappy.

50. They are making you unhappy!

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Do you feel like they're dragging you down and making you unhappy? It may be worth having some honest and open conversations to stop them making you feel this way. Because, if they are making you feel bad then the likelihood is that you are a part of a toxic family who is draining you rather than uplifting you.

51. How to deal with a toxic family: set your own boundaries

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Boundaries are personal rules that define how you expect to be treated. It's important to communicate these clearly and firmly, stating the consequences if they're crossed. For instance, if a family member consistently belittles you, calmly communicate that you won't engage in conversations.

52. Limit interaction

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Sometimes, reducing contact is necessary for your mental and emotional well-being. This could involve consciously choosing which family gatherings to attend, shortening visits, or even considering a temporary break from communication if the toxicity is severe.

53. Seek support

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Finding someone to confide in can be incredibly therapeutic. Whether it's a close friend, a therapist, or a support group, having someone who listens without judgment can provide validation and help you process your feelings and get the best outcome from the situation.

54. Practice self-care

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Self-care is about intentionally taking time for yourself. It could involve anything from regular exercise and maintaining a healthy diet to engaging in activities that bring you joy, like painting, hiking, or reading.

55. Remember to stay calm

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Remaining calm in the face of toxicity is challenging but important. Take deep breaths, practice grounding techniques, and remind yourself that your reaction can influence the situation's direction, so it's better to control your anger levels.

56. Focus on positivity

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Focusing on positivity involves deliberately creating an environment that fosters happiness and emotional well-being. It's about consciously choosing activities, hobbies, and relationships that contribute to your positive mindset and overall sense of fulfillment.

57. Be assertive

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Being assertive means expressing your thoughts, feelings, and needs while respecting others. Use assertive communication to express yourself clearly, such as saying, "I feel uncomfortable when you speak to me like that."

58. Avoid reactivity

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Pause before responding to toxic behavior. Reflect on how you want to address the situation and choose your response carefully to avoid escalating tensions. And sometimes they might even be trying to prod you for a huge reaction.

59. Forgive, if you can

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Forgiveness is a process that may or may not involve reconciliation. It's about releasing the resentment and anger within yourself, regardless of whether you choose to maintain contact with the person.

60. Find common ground

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Seeking neutral topics or activities can help maintain some level of connection without diving into contentious issues. This might involve discussing shared interests or engaging in activities that both parties enjoy.

61. Create distance

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Creating distance, whether physical or emotional, can be a crucial step toward protecting your mental and emotional health in the face of toxic family dynamics. Sometimes, the toxicity within a family can become overwhelming, leaving you feeling emotionally drained.

62. Focus on yourself

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Invest time in activities that nourish your soul. This could involve learning new skills, setting personal goals, or simply taking time for relaxation and self-reflection. The more you focus and think about yourself, the less you're thinking about them.

63. Practice gratitude

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Cultivating gratitude can shift your perspective. Focus on the positives in your life, however small, to counterbalance the negativity you might experience within your family dynamic. You can think about the positive rather than the negative.

64. Stay objective

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It's important to always try and stay objective, even if it might be difficult. Remind yourself that their behavior is a reflection of their issues and not your worth as a person. It can be helpful to separate their behavior from your self-esteem.

65. Avoid enabling

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Avoid making excuses for or tolerating toxic behavior. It's essential not to reinforce harmful patterns by overlooking or accepting them. It can be easy to try and justify a loved one's behavior but they need to take accountability.

66. Consider therapy

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Therapy provides a safe space to explore your feelings, gain insights, and learn coping mechanisms tailored to your situation. A therapist can help you navigate the complexities of dealing with toxic family dynamics.

67. Stay grounded

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Practices like mindfulness or meditation can help you stay centered amid family turmoil. They provide tools to manage stress and maintain emotional balance. Staying grounded can really help you to be in a better state to deal with toxicity.

68. Know when to walk away

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Recognize when a situation becomes detrimental to your well-being. Prioritize your mental health by removing yourself from toxic environments, even if it's a temporary measure. There is no shame in choosing to walk away.

69. Set realistic expectations

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Understand that you can't control others' behavior. Set realistic expectations for interactions and be prepared to disengage if the situation becomes unhealthy. A realistic expectation can even be that they're never going to stop being toxic.

70. Build a support network

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Cultivate relationships outside your family circle. Having a network of supportive friends or joining communities with shared interests can provide a sense of belonging and emotional support during challenging times.