How To Rekindle Love With Your Ex

By Molly 10 months ago

1. Be Intimate

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Rekindling a romance with an ex is always tough…especially if the breakup was because of intimacy issues. This will need addressing immediately for a successful relationship to flourish! Physical contact with your partner will give your body that natural high and help redevelop that closeness and intimacy in your relationship!

2. Get a Make Over

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We can all agree that our confidence takes a knock when we go through a bad break up and whilst it might not seem the time for any drastic changes...it actually might be for the best! Winning your ex back with a new image is just what you need to boost your self-esteem and remind them of what they are missing - Love this! 

3. Try New Things

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Sometimes relationships fail because things become stale or repetitive...so don't make the same mistake twice! Rekindle a romance by trying out new hobbies and experiences together. Studies have found that couples who participate in shared activities release more oxytocin, thus bringing each other closer together...

4. Communication is Key

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Good communication is key to any successful relationship! Now is the time to clarify any misunderstandings, let your partner know how you feel and what you want from your new relationship. This will help strengthen your connection and help rekindle the love and trust between you both!

5. Control Your Emotions

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Break-ups can sometimes feel like the end of the world (It isn't), but the worst thing you can do is add more pressure on your partner by ramping up the intensity of your emotions. It's perfectly natural to feel the way you do but texting your ex at 4 am telling them you can’t live without them is never a good look - it's okay we've all done it!

6. Defuse Conflict

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Trying to fix a broken relationship can be exhausting, and you can never avoid conflict, but couples who handle conflict successfully can go on to have a stronger relationship! It's best when addressing a problem to make it fun by softening the issue with humour instead.

7. Write It Down

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In the early stages of rebuilding a relationship, you might get anxious when discussing your feelings face to face. You could be overly worried about how your words might affect your partner but writing down your thoughts could be a better option…your journaling will help you understand your feelings and help you find the right words to tell your loved one.

8. Happy Memories

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Looking back at old memories can help rekindle your romance. Being nostalgic about the way a relationship developed and the happy moments you've shared can help you both realise why you fell in love in the first place! This can also result in better commitment and satisfaction and encourage closeness.

9. Professional Advice

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Seeking out professional help when trying to rekindle a romance isn't a bad suggestion... sometimes couples reach an impasse and a third party can help support and shed some light on ongoing issues. Relationship therapists will aid couples in navigating through challenging moments and teach them new ways to connect.

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Wanting to have things in common with your partner is always great, but let's not forget opposites attract! When rekindling your romance with an ex-partner, remember the ease and chemistry you both shared...your partner was and is attracted to your personality. Embracing your true self can help fix a relationship and ensure your happiness together!

11. Analyse The Break-Up

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Understanding the reasons behind a breakup is natural and will help shed some light on where things went wrong. Pinpointing these issues early on will help guide you and your ex to make improvements and changes. This is crucial if you want a head start at re-establishing the relationship!

12. Give Your Ex Space

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This next step involves having a lot of willpower! When all you want after a breakup is your ex back, the worst thing you will want to do is leave them alone…but trust me, it is a soundproof way to rekindle the flame! Giving your ex space to reflect or calm down gives them ample time to realise how much they miss you.

13. Make Them Jealous

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Although it is never a good idea to manipulate your ex, there is no harm in letting them know what they are missing…Going on dates after a break-up can sometimes help take your mind off things and give your confidence a much-needed boost! It will also show your ex that people are jumping at the chance to be with you.

14. Date Nights

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Once couples begin to settle down date nights tend to lessen, but this can take away from the excitement of spending time together and can even cause relationships to deteriorate! Arranging date nights or being spontaneous can help build anticipation and excitement and is exactly what you both need to rekindle the passion.

15. Give It Your All

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It's easy when in a long-term relationship to fall into comfortable habits and stop making such an effort but you should remember that continually trying to improve your relationship is one of the cardinal rules of love! Rekindling a relationship becomes very easy once you both start putting in the effort - love this advice!

16. Romantic Gestures

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Want a way to bring you and your ex back together? Then it's time to consider what makes your partner feel loved and appreciated...being loved by your partner is key to rekindling a broken relationship! Everyone's love language is different but receiving compliments, love letters and gifts will always be appreciated – Personally, I love flowers!

17. Go Out With Friends

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Don't let yourself mope around after a breakup! You are still living your best life so get yourself up and surrounded by people who will have a laugh with you and boost your morale. Don't forget the happier you are the more attractive you will be! Plus no ex likes to see you having a great time without them and it will pipe their interest...

18. Ground Rules

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Breakups occur for many reasons, and whilst having ground rules may not sound romantic, they can help rebuild the trust and love between a couple! Setting ground rules can also help you avoid similar issues in the future and ensure that you go on to have a successful relationship.

19. Be Grateful

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You often find couples that have been together for a long time will start to take each other for granted and this can result in a lack of appreciation for each other. Whenever rekindling a romance after a break-up you must take note of the things your partner may do for you and to share this gratitude verbally!

20. Kiss More Often

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Believe it or not but making kissing a common occurrence will reignite those romantic feelings! When you and your partner kiss your brain will release hormones to help relieve stress, and anxiety and bond you both together...According to therapists "It is an important component of a healthy relationship" - So best get practising!

21. Be Curious

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Do you remember what it was like when you first met your partner? Weren't you curious about what they were feeling or thinking?...so what changed? Fixing your relationship will become easier when you bring back that spark of curiosity - best get asking those questions!

22. Take Responsibility

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Taking responsibility is never easy and you may feel like you are not in the wrong, but sometimes it's more about self-reflection. There is no point in rekindling a romance if you both can't fix what caused issues in the first place. You aren't accepting any blame but having a good look at your relationship...don't forget it takes two to tango!

23. Use Humour

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Sharing a sense of humour is the best way to help lighten the mood after a bad breakup and rekindle the feelings you once had for one another! Having a shared humour or private joke is always a good opportunity for you to share with your ex as it will allow time for bonding or extending an olive branch.

24. Don't Air Any Dirty Laundry

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Although we all live for those social media posts of people airing their relationship issues in public (cringe), it is something you will later regret and may even hinder you from getting back with your ex! Sometimes in the heat of the moment, all your anger and sadness will quickly spill out but you must take a step back and only vent to those you trust!

25. Be Honest

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It's time to drop the act and let some of your vulnerability show! Being honest with your ex (within reason) will show them how you are feeling, and this will eventually bring you closer together again. A small "Miss you" or "This sucks" can go a small way to reconciling a broken relationship.

26. Take A Romantic Trip

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A break away from normal life can do wonders for your mental health, and your relationship! The time away will give you both the space to recharge, re-establish and reaffirm your love for one another, especially if the location is romantic - Paris here we come!

27. Be Unavailable

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Absences will make the heart grow fonder...so it's time to make yourself unavailable. Having a no-contact rule after a breakup is the best way that they have the opportunity to miss you! Give yourself some time to heal and truly test out the theory "you don't know what you've got till it's gone".

28. Don't Be Too Intense

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Love is intense and can make you do crazy things but being overly clingy or desperate after a break-up isn't a turn-on - Sorry! Instead, you want your ex to see you in the best light so get some dignity and pull yourself together. This is a critical time and being too intense can ruin your chances of getting back together!

29. Say Sorry

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Swallowing your pride and apologising could be the first steps to re-establishing any lost relationship. A heartfelt apology can go a long way in making amends, and it shows your ex you've had time to grow. Owning up to any mistakes you've made in the past will also make it easier for them to admit to any wrongdoings themselves.

30. Be The Person They Fell For

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We come to the most important point…Do not forget that they fell in love with you once and they can do so again! You are an amazing person, with awesome qualities, so show them what they are missing! Let your best side shine and they will see the person they fell for and it will make rekindling the relationship a smooth process - Good Luck!

31. Let yourself grieve first

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It's really important to let yourself grieve the breakup before you make any attempt to get back with them. You need to grieve what was, so that you can make way for a new beginning - even if it's with the same person! If you don't give yourself that time to let negative emotions out, you're just going to be taking them with you when you go back to them.

32. And definitely have some time to yourself before you rekindle

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This time to yourself is all about processing them emotions and focusing on yourself. A lot of time down the line will be spend getting back with them and reconnecting so this is ample opportunity just to be a little selfish for a while and focus on yourself to feel refreshed!

33. Choose the right person to vent to after the breakup

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We all know how much we need to vent after a breakup, and usually about how much we hate our ex even though we don't mean it! But if you're planning on getting back with them, you might want to be careful about who you rant to. If you choose a mutual friend, they might tell your ex.

34. Fully understand what didn't work

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In order to fully recover from what went wrong last time - and make sure it doesn't happen again - you first need to understand what went wrong. If they broke up with you and you weren't expecting it, take time to process their reasons for why they broke up with you.

35. You need to let go of the blame game

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This counts for either blaming yourself, or blaming them - both aren't going to help if you're looking for a healthy restart! It's okay to acknowledge you - or they - made a mistake, but you then need to move past that so you don't carry blame with you onto the next step.

36. Don't be too proud to apologize!

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It takes a big person to admit a mistake and apologize! So if you feel like it ended on a bad note and you still haven't given them a genuine apology, this is the first step to them trusting you again and creating a more positive foundation to build a new relationship on.

37. Give them the break they need

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You always don't want to do anything too quickly, including the apology! If they asked for a break - maybe they even said a timeframe - then give it to them, completely, and hold off contact. Not only will this give them a chance to rethink, but it'll show that you listen to them and respect their wishes.

38. It's a good idea to have a full no-contact period first

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You yourself may want to initiate a full no-contact period after the breakup - which you should! A good rule of thumb is a month. During this month, don't contact him at all - not even a quick like on his social media posts - don't speak to anyone he knows, and try to avoid any places he'll be.

39. But don't be too drastic with that!

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This no contact period is only supposed to be a temporary thing, though, so you can both have the all-important space you need and heal. So don't take drastic measures where you completely delete or block their number, or delete them off social media. The intention is to speak to them again at some point, so make sure you actually can!

40. If you do meet them accidentally, play it the right way

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Of course, during the no contact period, there's still a risk you could accidentally bump into each other if you live or frequent the same areas. If you do, make sure not to be too dismissive or rude, like telling them you shouldn't be talking to them right now. Be polite and optimistic, but sort of the same way you'd say hello to a casual acquaintance in the street and then move on your merry way!

41. Don't let your emotions show around their friends

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If you also happen to bump into any of their friends during this time, or during the healing time, make sure not to come across as overly negative, critical or an absolute mess (even if you feel it on the inside). This is because they're most definitely going to tell your ex they bumped into you - and how you were acting!

42. Think deeply about why they're the right person

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If you're making plans to get back to an ex, you need to be very sure they're the right person to make sure it's worth the effort. The no-contact period is a great opportunity to think why they're the right one for you. Ask yourself why it has to be him, and why you'd rather get him back than date anyone new.

43. Work out whether you actually want them vs dependency

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It can be difficult to have a clear head after a break up, though. There needs to be a distinction between they're actually the right person versus have you just got used to having them around and grown dependent on them? You shouldn't get back with them if the latter!

44. Make sure it's not an unhealthy relationship you're returning to

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If there were any unhealthy factors of the relationship that led to the break up - or even if they didn't have any part in the breakup - you shouldn't be considering getting back with them. If they had issues like jealousy, knocking your self-esteem, emotional manipulation etc then it isn't a good idea to put yourself through that again. No matter what you tell yourself, they won't have changed!

45. Pinpoint any self-esteem issues you had in the relationship

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Low self-esteem can negatively impact a relationship, even if two people want to be together. Was there anything you had low self-esteem about that could have affected it? Ask yourself how you felt when you were together, or if they directly said something, like they hate how you have a low opinion about the way you look.

46. And then work on them!

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Once you've identified any self-esteem issues, you can work on improving them before you try to get back with your ex. You need to fix the self-esteems issues you have with yourself in order to be the best version of yourself for when you want to rekindle the romance.

47. You definitely need to be patient

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If you're really desperate to get back with your ex because you miss them and you just know you're the right person, it's all too easy to try and push or rush things. But patience is something you're going to have to have (unfortunately). It might take a long time to rekindle, but if they're the right person, it's worth it.

48. Fix any lifestyle issues that pushed them away

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When you were together, was there anything major about your life that drove a wedge between you? Were you working far too much overtime, or spending every single free night at the gym? If they specifically said these were reasons that pushed them away, then think about how you can make sure that doesn't happen again and have a healthier balance.

49. Build whatever you lacked

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Was there anything you didn't have in the relationship that they were really looking for, that led to the breakup? Did they make it clear they wanted someone who wasn't too clingy, who was emotionally available or who had time for his family and friends? Without fundamentally changing who you are, think about how you can do better.

50. Make sure your whole life doesn't revolve around getting back with them!

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While this is going to be a huge focus for you, you should make sure that your every waking moment isn't about trying to get back with them. Make sure you have a healthy routine and life that doesn't depend on them, and that getting back with them is just the icing on the cake!

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